


Crack of Sunlight -Part II-

by PorcelainRose



Series: Crack of Sunlight [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eventual Fluff, Flashbacks, Heroin, M/M, Minor Character Death, Recreational Drug Use, Relapsing, Self-Harm, drug rehabilitation, ereri, riren - Freeform, rivaere - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-07-24 09:18:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 128,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7502793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcelainRose/pseuds/PorcelainRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's made the decision to take the next step in recovery, but that won't be the end of the journey. Harboring haunting memories and mental illnesses, the struggles in life aren't over. But with the stubborn, bright-eyed one who's proved to be more persistent than the monster itself, Levi becomes stronger than ever, even if at times his weakness comes forth to test that strength.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. •~Chapter One~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This is part two! If you haven't already read part one, I advise going back and doing so if you're interested in this fic, or you'll likely be quite confused. Thanks, loves! ;* ♥

The muffled sound of Eren's voice traveled down the hall to Levi's ears as he sat in the center of his bed, arms wrapped around his torso. His nerve endings were live wires as his mind blew up with scenarios of what was about to happen...where he was about to go and what kinds of things he'd have to experience once there. Flashes of people in white coats with all too friendly smiles coming at him with different kinds of things. They were women, mostly, with features much too similar to that of his aunt...

He shivered and tightened his arms around himself. He fought with everything in him to keep his cool, to remember why he'd made this decision in the first place.

That very reason stepped back into the room, saying, "Alex is on her way." His demeanor changed in an instant upon laying eyes on the raven, filled with anxiety. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing. I'm just...cold..." he mumbled as an excuse he realized to be true as soon as he said it.

"Here," Eren murmured, reaching back and beginning to pull his hoodie over his head.

"No, Eren, it's f-" Levi attempted to protest, but before he was able to finish his sentence, Eren was pressing the warm sweatshirt into his arms.

"Don't worry about it. Unlike you, I have meat on my bones to keep me warm and I've already heated it up for you." His smile was almost painful to look at.

Levi admittedly couldn't resist the warmth (or, honestly, the smell) of the fabric and fumbled to pull it over his head. The thing practically engulfed him due to a combination of being immensely thin and smaller than Eren anyway. It was comforting, though, almost as if Eren himself were engulfing him.

"Can I check your bandages?" murmured the teen, taking a seat on the bed.

Wordlessly, Levi worked on pulling the sleeve of the hoodie up to reveal his forearm. Blood was already visible at the surface of the gauze covering his self-inflicted wound.

"Pain?" asked Eren.

"Not really."

Nodding slightly, Eren said, "Should probably change it before we leave..."

Levi let the brunet lead him to the bathroom by the hand. He sunk down onto the closed toilet lid and let Eren do his thing - peel the bandages off as gently as possible, discard them in the trash, clean up his arm and apply peroxide, wipe it again and apply new bandages, this time wrapping several layers around it rather than cutting and taping it.

Levi was so focused on Eren himself that he was startled a bit when the teen asked, "That feel okay?"

"What? Oh, yeah..."

Eren's gaze met Levi's head on and the raven realized borderline grim look he'd bore for the past several weeks had been replaced with something brighter - relief.

"It's gonna be okay, Levi," he murmured.

"Yeah," breathed the artist as he dropped his arm and let the sleeve of Eren's hoodie slide back down to conceal his hand.

"Come on," the teen coaxed. "You should probably get ready before Alex gets here."

Levi stood and followed the brunet back across into his room. His body was entirely too fatigued and his mind was filled with the thoughts of the decision he'd made only twenty minutes earlier.

"Do you have a suitcase or something?" Eren asked, eyes scouring the room for something of the sort.

"Closet," murmured the raven, sitting once more.

Eren wandered to the closet that probably hadn't been opened in months. When he twisted the knob and pulled it open, he was greeted by a cloud of dust and the smell of must. Waving his hand in front of his face, he reached in and pulled out the only thing inside - a small navy blue duffel bag. Shutting the closet once more, he moved in front of the dresser and sat, looking back at Levi who seemed to be staring off into space, face twisted up into an anxious expression.

"You probably don't want me packing your whole bag on my own..." Eren murmured to break him out of it.

"Right..."

Levi slid onto the floor and began pulling clothes at random from the drawers. He didn't mind much what he ended up grabbing, or what Eren saw as he shakily shuffled through everything, such as his underwear, old shreds of paper with phone numbers or other kinds of notes on them, a box of tattoo needles, old packages of condoms and a half empty bottle of expired lubricant, a shredded pair of headphones that brought back a vivid memory, among other things, all he'd long since forgotten about. He didn't pay much mind of the organization of the bag, either, but focused on fitting in everything he'd grabbed. His thoughts were much too preoccupied to care as another part of him would have.

"I'll go grab stuff from the bathroom," Eren offered as he stood. The raven didn't stop him as he exited the room. He could hear as Eren shuffled through the cabinets before coming back with his arms full of items such as deodorant, toothpaste, his toothbrush, et cetera. Without sparing Levi another glance, he knelt back down and worked on putting the items into one of the smaller front pockets of the duffel bag.

Levi didn't really think as he reached up and gently brushed that clump of hair from in front of Eren's left eye away, murmuring his name. The teen's head snapped up in surprise.

"Eren...I'm sorry...for putting you through all of this." Levi's serene eyes reflected his words as they gazed directly into Eren's.

"It's okay, Levi," Eren murmured, lacing his fingers through Levi's as a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, sending Levi's heart flying. "You can't imagine how relieved I am now that you've finally made this decision." Eren crossed his legs. His gaze, genuinely personifying his spoken words, never broke from Levi's, who found it wasn't that he couldn't be the one to break the gaze, but had no desire to. "I've been scared...no, terrified actually, since I got here. I've been watching you deteriorate day after day, losing so much weight and getting paler and paler...and losing blood." The grimness was back. "I was scared every time you closed your eyes to sleep because I thought maybe I'd never see them open again. I was scared every time you would cough or throw up or didn't eat because I don't know what it might be doing to your insides. Scared when you had those flashbacks or nightmares because I know they hurt you emotionally and I never know how to help..." He blinked back tears. "I was terrified every time you went in that bathroom...'cause I thought maybe you'd fill the syringe just a little too much...or something..." He brushed his free hand across his face as if to compose himself. "I was afraid...that you wouldn't make the decision before it was too late. Although I had faith you would, or you would somehow miraculously get better on your own...I had my doubts, too." Eren internally shook himself and gradually, his smile returned. "I don't know what made you change your mind, but you did and I'm so, so glad. Now I'm certain you're gonna be okay. I was right about the fight in you. I'm happy that you can see it now, too."

"It's only because you've given me something to fight _for_..." Levi found himself murmuring, pressing his palm closer to Eren's, whose absolutely dazzling smile spread wider.

"I guess that was my purpose this whole time," he said. "And finally..."

Second time that night that word passed his lips, Levi noticed, and for the same reason. The minute he uttered those words, 'I'm ready, Eren', his eyes had brightened up and he'd breathed that word, _'Finally...'_ before his lips, cool in comparison to Levi's still feverish skin, pressed to his forehead in a relieved, subtly affectionate kiss. It made Levi feel very small, yet somehow loved, something that was very, very foreign to him. And he'd loved it, reveled in it for a short minute before Eren announced that he was going to call Alex.

Levi had no idea what he'd done to deserve the love of someone like Eren Jaeger - the purest, most tenacious and ambitious soul he'd ever come across, nor did he understand how his own tattered soul was still capable of loving Eren in return. Ever so slowly, he was learning not to question it. Learning that maybe he didn't really need a reason, that maybe he really was supposed to survive the shitstorm that was his life.

Eren was more than just a bratty teenager who'd walked into the shop on a whim several months ago. More than a college student who still had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. More than a kid who cared for his mom more than anyone. More than someone who dealt with depression or drug abuse in his family. He was becoming Levi's entire world, sitting just a few feet away with a dopey grin on that beautiful face of his. He was the sole reason Levi had an inkling that perhaps life was worth it, that perhaps things could get better. The sole reason that one tiny part of him that went against everything else he knew and felt he stood for won the battle; the reason he decided to get the professional help he needed, terrified as he may be.

The sharp sound of a zipper broke the raven from his thoughts and a sudden shiver went down his spine just as Eren's ears picked up the faint clicking of a lock from down the hall. Gently rubbing Levi's quivering hands between his, he murmured, "Alex is here."

Levi's flinch was visible and his eyes widened as they darted toward the bedroom door. That information alone had his anxiety level shooting up and his fingers involuntarily clamped around Eren's hand.

The raven hadn't seen his sister since she was informed of his condition nearly a month ago, and that hadn't ended well. It was no surprise he was nervous to face her, no surprise that he thought she resented him with the way his mind worked.

"Let's get this over with," he mumbled, letting Eren help him to his feet.

"It's fine," Eren promised. "She doesn't hate you."

"Whatever you say..."

Eren wrapped his warm fingers securely around Levi's and led him into the hallway just as Alex stepped into the apartment and shut the door behind her. Even from down the hall, she appeared incredibly un-Alex-like. She wasn't wearing makeup, her hair was flat, and she wore nothing but sweatpants and a gray hoodie. She had been asleep when Eren called her; her appearance only proved her fatigue.

"Hey, Alex," Eren greeted with a semi-forced smile.

"Hey," she greeted tiredly, starting toward them.

It was at that moment when Levi pulled his hand from Eren's grip and stumbled into the bathroom.

"Wha...?" Eren mumbled, turning to see what was happening. He gripped at his stomach and fell to his knees in front of the toilet, fumbling to open it before he puked all over the floor.

Alex stopped dead in her tracks as she watched this go down, Eren disappearing beyond the threshold in an instant behind her younger brother. She was frozen in place, that god-awful retching and puking all too auditory in the otherwise silent apartment. Just _hearing_ that terrible sound had her own stomach churning and heart racing.

He was in _so_ much pain...pain unimaginable to her. She remembered, vividly, the last time she saw him - curled comfortably up against Eren's side and sound asleep - and how much he'd deteriorated between the night Eren showed up with him and then. That alone had been a substantial degeneration. She knew he'd worsened between then and now. She could practically feel the near death in the air, and she had yet to lay even an eye on him. Judging by the sounds haunting her ears from down the hall, she could tell he'd made this decision just in time.

"Alex?" Eren asked, poking his head out.

"Y-yes?"

"Do me a favor and grab a water bottle from the bottom shelf of the fridge?"

"Sure..." She glided into the kitchen and retrieved the item before tossing it down the hall to the waiting brunet, who thanked her and disappeared back inside the bathroom.

Part of her wanted to go down there, wanted to see what the scene in there looked like, how bad it really was or if her imagination was blowing it out of proportion. Her better sense kept her where she stood, at the end of the hallway near her own bedroom door, hands hidden away in her pockets, fingers absently fidgeting with her car keys. That sense said showing her face to her unstable brother before he was ready would only serve to make things worse for him. She had a strong inkling that he thought she resented him. She could still clearly remember their last conversation before he'd slammed his door, not allowing for further debate.

_"It's heroin, Alex. I'm addicted to heroin, alright? I know. I'm fucked up. You don't have to tell me. And you have every right to hate me for...whatever reason."_

_"I don't hate you."_

_"Why? You should."_

He'd proceeded to tell her he hasn't been fine in a long, long time and to fuck off. Looking back and reflecting over the past several weeks, the signs became much clearer to her. She should've noticed them. Should've acted on it. Should've done something sooner...before he deteriorated so much. The regret and guilt in her soul ran deep, and no matter how many times Reiner told her it wasn't her fault, wasn't her fault, wasn't her fault, she still believed it partially was.

_"I should've seen it, Reiner. I should've opened my fucking eyes and_ looked _at him. Maybe I could've helped him. I don't know what the hell I was thinking all those years. Maybe I saw it and just denied it...or was too distracted...but now he's..." She wasn't able to finish her sentence, but the warm, loving hands of her fiance rubbing her shoulders helped calm her._

_"It isn't your fault, baby," he told her. "He's damn smart and hid it really well. Even I didn't see this coming."_

_"But he's my_ little brother. _I've tried so hard to protect him...but I realize now I've just abandoned him. I could've prevented this...but I was blind."_

_"I don't mean to sound like a dick, but he had to choose this path by his own free will. If he was dead set on it, there's no way you could've talked him out of it, like it or not. Don't blame yourself."_

Reiner had been right, of course. Levi had chosen his fate, and now he was dealing with the consequences of that decision. As true as Alex knew this was, she couldn't bring herself to stop feeling at least a little guilty. She wanted to help him, because even if he chose to become a junkie, it wasn't because he thought it was cool or to follow the crowd - that wasn't something he ever cared about. It was because he was trying to escape something. She knew he had plenty of painful memories and experiences he wanted to run away from...and _those_ were by no means his fault.

She was there to prove to her brother that she held no resentment for him. She was worried, wanted to help, not to give him a lecture or blame him or make him feel worse than he surely already did. She would just have to take it a step at a time in trying to regain his trust.

At that point, Eren reemerged from the bathroom, the sickly looking raven following with the back of one hand pressed to his mouth, the other still resting on his now completely hollow stomach. His eyes remained downcast; Alex didn't miss how terribly close he stayed to Eren, nor how much he shook.

"Sorry about that," said Eren with a rueful grin.

The woman merely shook her head. She couldn't take her eyes off of her brother...or, rather, what was left of him. He'd somehow lost even more weight than the last time she laid eyes on him. His eyes remained rimmed in grayish red, the rest of his skin bearing a much lighter version of that gray, clinging to his bones. His breathing was audible - raspy and clearly labored. He wore a hoodie that totally engulfed him, reaching halfway down his thighs, which were also so skinny Alex was sure she could wrap her hands around one and have her fingers overlap.

There was no fathoming in her mind how he was still alive.

"I'm gonna grab your stuff real quick," Eren murmured to the raven, who shot him a glance only he really understood and replied with a look of his own before stepping into Levi's room.

"Hey, baby bro," Alex said quietly with a forced smirk as he shuffled down the hall.

That familiar scowl took over his features as he lowered his hand. "Don't call me that," he muttered. His voice was as raspy as his breathing, but he still held his familiar Levi demeanor. Hope lit up Alex's heart and she chuckled.

"You're delightful as ever."

"Tch."

He went for his shoes next to the door, not so carefully stuffing his feet into them.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Do you really have to ask me that?"

"I want to know."

He huffed and leaned against the arm of the couch, lifting his shaking fingers to run through his stringy hair. He still hadn't met her eyes.

"Like the epitome of hell," he said finally. "And I'm sure you're peachy as ever..."

"I'm alright," she answered, mildly surprised.

He was still her brother. Still the semi-monotonous, anti-social, tattoo artist she knew and loved. Still, she could feel the uneasiness radiating from his demeanor; whether it was because of her or because of the choice he made, she didn't know.

Soon after Eren reemerged with Levi's things and readied his own belongings, they departed. The raven's heart was a relentlessly thudding thing in his chest with his nerves standing on end, the only means of calm being the bright eyed teenager he so adored by his side.


	2. •~Chapter Two~•

This is one of my favorite chapters. Enjoy~

\---

The car ride was virtually silent, and _long_. Alex knew exactly where she was going. Having anticipated this, she'd done her research and found a rehabilitation center that would fully accept her insurance.

To Levi, the ride wasn't long enough, despite it being a good forty miles from his apartment. He clutched Eren's hand the entire way, staring blankly out the window at the passing night. He wasn't really _seeing_ it, though. His mind was more preoccupied and clouded with haunting thoughts of where they were heading, of what waited for him there. His mind flitted back and forth between made up scenarios of people in white coats coming at him with simply their gloved hands and memories of his aunt...touching him, violating him. He could almost still feel her cold, rough fingers on his skin - his ribs, his hips, his thighs, his mouth, even his throat, and other, more unspeakable places.

He could imagine these strangers shoving strange pills down his throat or sticking needles in various places to inject him with something maybe even worse than his monster. He imagined himself in the same position he was in now - throwing up, shaking, sweating and in pain - in a sterile, white, enclosed room with no way out, and no warm, soft, tan hands to comfort him or chase away the darkness in his mind. He could see himself going absolutely insane, alone and dying, forgotten about even by people who were supposed to be helping him. His brain even toyed with the idea of him in a straightjacket.

He shivered at the thought. Eren rubbed his shoulder.

"Cold?" he whispered.

"Hardly," the raven muttered back, involuntarily moving himself closer to the teen.

Alex's eyes flickered up to see them in the rearview mirror, illuminated only by the neon clock on the dashboard.

"Then what are you thinking?"

Levi only shook his head. There was no way he was going to articulate any of his thoughts while his sister was around to hear it. On top of nerves and withdrawal symptoms, his uneasy feeling about her showed no signs of subsiding or even growing weaker.

Not too much longer later, Alex was pulling up to a brick building, smack dab in the middle of a small town to the north. She cut the engine and swiveled in her seat to look directly at Levi.

"Are you ready?" she asked softly.

Levi didn't meet her gaze. Instead, he peered out the windshield at the sign that marked the rehab center as what it was, gnawing absently on his lip. No, he wasn't ready. He had half the mind to call the whole thing off, to tell her to turn around and take him home where he could pass away in familiar surroundings, in mild comfort.

"Take a deep breath, Levi," Eren was saying. "Everything's gonna be fine."

"Easy for you to say," mumbled the raven, shifting his focus on Eren's bright orbs. That simple gaze gave him a sense of calm, though, as it always did, and he remembered seeing those eyes in pain more times than not and found himself saying, "Let's just go..."

Eren was the first to hop out of the car and leaned down to help Levi from it as Alex slid out. The closing of the doors echoed against the surrounding buildings and had the males flinching. No brainer that a town was mostly asleep at almost 3 AM, and nearly dead silent.

Inside the building they headed for was a dark complected woman. Her smooth skin reminded Eren of dark chocolate and her hair sat upon her head in a messy, curly bun. Typically, she wore a nurse's uniform. The most striking thing about her was her eyes - bright blue against her dark skin. She flashed a pleasant smile at the three of them, her teeth dazzling as well.

"You must be Alex," she said in a calm alto.

"Hello," replied Alex in her equally as calm soprano.

The woman's gaze took in the two males behind her, particularly the smaller of the two, and he immediately stiffened under her gaze as Alex stepped to the side.

"And you must be Levi," she said, flashing him a friendly grin.

He said nothing, tried to focus on keeping his cool and the warmth of Eren's hand in his.

"Sorry to bother you at such an ungodly hour," Alex said, her grin turning a bit regretful and apologetic.

"No worries, darling. These things happen at this hour all the time. It's better this time of night than never."

They learned that the lady's name was Rose, and that she only let anyone call her by that name, no fancy titles or abbreviations. She continually smiled at the three of them, particularly Levi. She wasn't surprised or remotely repulsed or appalled by his appearance; her seemingly unnatural eyes showed nothing but concern for him. She put things together, typing information into a computer and stacking together a packet of papers on a clipboard, already equipped with a pen, which she pushed toward the raven, asking a little too politely for him to fill it out and to see his ID. He fumbled for his wallet in the pocket of Eren's hoodie and located the only valid form of identification he had - his tattoo license. Once she scanned it and handed it back, she told him she understood, that he wasn't alone, and that she was proud of him for making the decision to get better. As soon as she disappeared down a long hallway to the left of the desk, announcing that she had to go make preparations for his check-up, he mumbled something intelligible under his breath. Eren suspected he had an idea of what it was.

The teen also made it a point to keep in physical contact with the raven at all times. He felt it was one of the only things that kept him calm among the endless white and the scent that reminded Eren of a doctor's office - not one he himself particularly cared for. That said, he couldn't possibly imagine how Levi was feeling as they took seats in the small 'waiting' area near the door so he could fill out the paperwork.

"I'm...gonna go find a bathroom," Alex mumbled, pivoting around and wandering down an empty hallway. She was almost desperate to get out of the heavy awkwardness that hung in the air and, more so, her instincts told her that her brother needed time alone with Eren.

Almost as soon as she was out of sight, the pacing began. Levi went back and forth from the wall to the door, scratching at himself, running his fingers repeatedly through his stringy black mohawk, muttering things under his breath, eyes darting around nervously. Eren could only watch with the clipboard in his lap, feeling helpless. He wanted to tell Levi it was okay, he was safe, he would feel better soon, et cetera, but he felt words would be useless. Watching with concerned eyes, he wracked his brain for some way to calm Levi down.

The raven's muttering was unintelligible aside from a few words. He picked up "Eren", "Alex", "hopeless", "mistake", "crazy", "death", "monster", and, strangely, "love". It pained the brunet to see him this way.

"Levi," he murmured, holding his hand out like an offering.

Levi's pacing faltered if only for a second and he glanced at the hand. His eyebrows were pulled tightly together and the internal battle taking place within him showed right in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Eren," he murmured. "I'm...I'm trying..."

Eren waited, thinking he wanted to say more, but he shook his head just slightly and continued his pacing on shaky legs.

"I know you are," the teen said softly.

Levi shook his head again and trapped his thumbnail between his teeth, his other arm wrapped securely around his torso in a protective stance. His eyes went from shifting in every direction to being fixed on the floor. Truthfully, pacing was making him dizzy, but that was nothing compared to the hurricane of emotions raging inside him - fear being the most prominent.

And suddenly Eren couldn't take it anymore. He knew his next actions would be risky - but hadn't the past several weeks been risky in different ways, anyway? He rose to his feet and took a step forward, intercepting Levi's path. In one fluid movement, he removed Levi's hand from his mouth and wrapped his own around it, placing the other to Levi's jaw. Surprise was evident in Levi's features; Eren didn't give himself time to hesitate before he dipped his head and ever so softly pressed his smooth lips to Levi's slightly parted chapped ones. He expected the raven to tense, gasp, and jerk away, but miraculously it had the desired affect - his body seemed to relax and his eyes even slid shut.

Heart fluttering, Eren lifted his head just slightly and opened his mouth to apologize when Levi tilted his chin up just enough for their lips to meet once more. His empty hand came up to grip the front of Eren's shirt. When they came together mutually a third time - both of their nerves alive with electricity, their hearts pounding and stomachs fluttering - a silent tear escaped down Levi's left cheek. Eren drew back just enough to see his face clearly and caught the tear with the pad of his thumb. Levi's long, dark lashes fluttered open and he swallowed hard. Part of him felt he should let go of Eren, step back, apologize...but a stronger part kept him there, clinging to this teenager like a lifeline.

No longer did the brunet feel the need to apologize. Levi's head descended to rest in the crook of Eren's neck, concealing his face. The teen pressed his cheek to the side of his still burning head. He rubbed small circles between Levi's shoulder blades, allowing him to relax further, providing the comfort he so desperately needed.

"Eren?" Levi murmured after a minute of silence.

"Hmm?"

"Th-thank you."

Eren chuckled breathily. "It was the only way I could think to calm you down."

"No...I don't just mean for that. I mean for everything."

Levi resented the way his voice wavered. He wanted his gratitude expressed strongly, even if it was quiet. Being so shaky, it didn't feel nearly sincere enough despite him meaning it from the very depths of his soul. If there was anyone in the world he owed anything to, it was Eren Jaeger. He owed this kid his life...owed him his breath and his heartbeat...owed him absolutely everything he had. Eren was his hope. His faith. His love. His freedom. There wasn't a single thing he had or could obtain that would come close to repaying his debt - not even his very life.

From the moment their lips touched he was absolutely sure he was in love with this stubborn kid. Somehow this emotion, so unknown to him, had pulled its way forward from the hopeless tangle of other dark, tainted things in his soul and took hold, clinging fast to lustrous blue-green orbs, a smooth voice, purity and gentleness.

"There's no need to thank me," Eren murmured. "I just wanna see you get better."

"I know," Levi mumbled in response. "I just...wanted to tell you that...in case I don't make it out of here."

Eren immediately tensed. His hand halted on Levi's back. "Don't say that. You will. You're stronger than this. You will," he repeated.

"I'll try."

The following few minutes were silent. Levi soaked up as much of Eren as he could before who knew how long. In truth he didn't know how well he'd hold up without this calming, reassuring presence despite what advanced medical equipment and methods they had that could supposedly fix him. Eren seemed like the only true antidote to this disease. Mentally, anyway. He didn't know if they would let Eren visit him in this little piece of hell on earth, so he had to immerse himself as much and for as long as possible, had to remember this feeling as best he could, just in case.

That was when Alex reappeared around the corner. She had only a second to take in the scene in the lobby before Levi's legs gave out and he started to crumple toward the floor. A tiny whimper only audible to Eren's ears sounded from his throat as the teen's capable arms seized his waist, holding him up before he collapsed completely. Chest tightening in concern, Eren eased Levi's limp body into the chair he recently inhabited, keeping a steady hand on his shoulder just in case.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

Alex made herself known, gently padding across the floor and taking a seat a chair away from her brother, watching him cautiously. Both of the males' heads turned in her direction. She couldn't help but notice how close Eren remained to Levi, how he kept hold of his shoulder or how easily Levi allowed it. Forever Levi had been weary of physical contact with others, and after what he was put through by their aunt - something she still didn't know many details to - it only served to get worse. If almost anyone at all had tried to reach out to him or even offer him something as simple as a high five, he'd either flinch away or reject the offer; or in extreme cases - on the rare occasion one would offer to embrace him or go for his waist, his back, or any part of his thighs - he might back or run away, perhaps yell for them to get away from him.

But Eren...already she knew he was the exception to a lot of things in her little brother's life. She'd seen Levi willingly cuddled up to this teenager, seen him practically embrace him. And now there he stood, hand easily on Levi's shoulder. Not only did the raven not protest, but with Eren in physical contact, he seemed more at ease than she'd seen him in...dare she say, years?

"What?" Levi practically spat at her, bringing her to the realization that she'd been staring at them for a good half a minute without saying a thing.

"Nothing," she murmured, cracking a light smile. "You've just changed a lot...that's all."

"Tch..."

Eren tossed her a smile before taking the seat between them, picking up the clipboard in the process and holding it toward the raven, who ran his hand through his hair for the umpteenth time that evening. With his trembling fingers, he took the clipboard and fumbled to slide the pen from its slot in the top. As he started to print his name on the first line in a handwriting that was considerably messier than his normal almost elegant script, his fingers were shaky, timid, personifying his demeanor.

"Here," offered Eren softly, holding his hands out for the items, which Levi promptly shoved them into before placing his curling fingers on his stomach.

Rose came back then, and called Alex up to the desk to give her paperwork of her own, something having to do with the insurance. She stayed at the desk to fill it out, giving Levi an opportunity.

"Eren," he whispered.

"Hmm?" Eren mumbled, still busy filling out the address field.

Levi stretched a hand out and placed it over the teen's, stopping the choppy writing movement of his hand. He looked up in puzzlement.

"C-can you do me a favor?" Levi asked, eyes earnest.

"What is it?"

The raven swallowed visibly and forced himself to keep his eyes locked on Eren's.

"When you get a chance...sometime before I get out of here..." He reached onto the pocket and retrieved his keys. "...go back to the apartment..." He singled out the one painted key. "...and get rid of everything under the sink in the bathroom."

A flicker of bewilderment went across the teen's expression before he suddenly understood and the situation at hand hit him.

Levi was serious about this. Serious about getting better. Serious about wanting to live. This wasn't for shits and giggles. He was fighting against everything he knew, body and mind alike, to grow beyond his addiction. This way he would have no kind of substance to turn and escape within once he got back and he had a bad day. He was serious about Eren.

"It's...it's something I can only trust you with," Levi went on, "and if you can't...I'm not sure this can ever work..."

The brunet, at first, wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that. Nonetheless, he took it seriously and wrapped his hand around the swaying set of keys.

"Consider it done," he said.

"Thank you. And I'm sorry..."

Eren's cool hand came up to Levi's cheek. "Would you stop apologizing?"

"I'll work on it." He took Eren's hand from his face and held it in his lap while he finished giving him all the information needed on the paperwork.

They finished about the same time as Alex and handed it back to Rose. She cast them another all-too friendly smile before filing it away somewhere behind the desk. She then informed Levi his things would have to go through a security check.

"You'd be surprised some of the things people smuggle away to harm themselves or others with. I think I've seen about a million different ways to dismantle something to turn it into a harmful object. You'll also need to leave things like keys and your cell phone and wallet behind, darling," she told Levi. "And lovely as those are, you'll need to remove all of your piercings, even the ones in private areas if you have any."

Levi stared at her like she'd asked him to strip naked and stand on a stage in front of fifty thousand people. She nodded regretfully at him and he sighed. Shakily, he began to remove his piercings, starting with his ears. Six different studs came out alongside a long, black bar that had gone through his cartilage. He dropped them into Eren's palm and worked on his eyebrow, twisting the spike of which, as he pulled the bar out, ended up slipping from his fingers. Alex located it and handed it to Eren. Next were the two in the center of his lip. Then he had to reach into his shirt and struggle to remove the ones in his collarbones, which took a good five minutes with the way he shook. Last was his tongue, which he sighed about once the bar had slid out.

"This feels fucking weird," he muttered.

Eren couldn't help but think it was strange how different he looked without the metal in his face. The only word he could come up with to describe it was "naked". He looked naked.

He curled Eren's fingers around the jewelry. "Don't lose these," he practically ordered. "Or I'll shave your head."

Eren's hand flew to his hair and his eyes widened in mock fear.

"Looks like you're good to go," Rose announced. The eye-widening fear of Levi's was totally real. His anxiety level shot through the roof. As he turned to face the woman, he felt almost like a little kid in a doctor's office having to get a shot. Evidently, he wasn't afraid of needles, but the fear felt almost the same.

"I'll give you an extra minute," said Rose with that same smile before disappearing down the hallway again.

"I'm a fucking coward," Levi muttered. His face fell into his hands.

"It's okay," Eren murmured, gently rubbing Levi's back once more. It seemed like such a stupid thing to say and he wished he was better with words, wished he was better at reassurances. Better yet, wished he could somehow suck the fear from Levi altogether.

"Look..." Alex spoke up, coming around Eren with her hands hidden away in the pocket of her hoodie. Levi's own hands dropped and he turned to face his sister, fighting dizziness. "I'll...leave you guys alone for a minute, too...but first, Levi, I want you to know I'm sorry for abandoning you and being so blind to the fact that you needed someone. If I had known..." She shook her head, seemingly at a loss for words, an unusual thing for her. "I don't hate you, baby bro, and I'll understand if you can't forgive me. So...yeah..." With that, she popped her lips in obvious discomfort and turned on her heel to stride out of the building before either of the males in the room could say a word.

Levi stared blankly after her. His mind whirled, trying to comprehend her words. Alex was never one to say mushy, sentimental things, and perhaps this wasn't so sentimental, but it still held more emotion than he was used to.

"I told you she doesn't hate you," Eren murmured.

"She should," said Levi, meeting Eren's gaze. "As should you."

The teen shook his head. "No matter how you try and justify it, that's never going to happen."

Levi rubbed his face, mumbling, "You're _such_ a brat..."

And suddenly the raven found himself enveloped in the brunet's warm, comforting embrace. His gasp was slight, but he couldn't help but press his face into Eren's warmth and stretch his arms out, despite their achy protests, to return the embrace. Compared to his small stature, Eren felt like a _mountain_. Nonetheless, he'd never felt safer, more secure in his life. Not even the monster assured his mind of safety as much as the castle of Eren's arms.

Levi felt very small and timid to Eren. He shook almost violently and Eren could practically feel the fear radiating off of him. He could think of no words to reassure him, knew that words alone wouldn't be enough to ease his fear enough to get him through this. So he held him, attempting to send reassurances through touch alone.

"Levi, will you do something for me?"

"What?"

"When one of these doctors asks if you're in pain or if you need something...don't lie. Don't tell them you're fine when you're not. Okay?"

Levi hesitated for a minute before nodding once. He wasn't good at the whole promising thing, but if it was for Eren, he'd do his best.

Eren pressed a gentle kiss to Levi's feverish forehead and whispered, "I'll be waiting for you."

The artist drew himself back to reach up and pull Eren down by his chin before stretching up just enough to place his own gentle kiss on Eren's lips, sharing an abundance of different emotions through the simple contact, emotions that Eren felt to his very core.

Rose appeared as if on cue and, as he followed her away, Levi could still feel Eren's lingering warmth, the phantom pressure of his hand wrapped around his own, and the tingle of his lips on both his forehead and mouth like a thousand silent promises.


	3. •~Chapter Three~•

Eren didn't realize how tired he was until he slipped into the passenger seat of Alex's car and breathed a brief apology.

"Don't worry about it," she said coolly, shifting it into reverse and sliding smoothly out of the parking lot. "So...how much does my little brother resent me?"

Eren frowned. "What? He doesn't."

"Hmm..."

"Really, Alex."

"Maybe so. But I bet he still thinks I hate him. Or should, anyway. No?"

"Well..." Eren mumbled. He didn't want to say yes, but he didn't want to lie to her either. It didn't matter, though. She knew, and she sighed heavily as she sped up once they got to the highway.

"Well thank you, Eren. If it weren't for you, I don't think he'd be around anymore. I mean, whether it's mentally or physically."

"You really don't have to thank me."

"Yes. I do."

The teen looked at her straight despite her inability to look back as she watched the nearly deserted highway go by.

"What if it was Reiner?" he asked quietly.

"Um...care to elaborate?"

"What if Reiner was the one who's been addicted to drugs for eight years, and you were the one to help him recover? Would you want all these people thanking you?"

That seemed to baffle the woman for a minute. "Well...I'm not really sure. I just know that I'd be more concerned about him getting better so he could come home and start living his life again...so I could be close and help him stay clean. That is...if he wanted me around."

"Exactly," Eren murmured, looking once more out the window.

Alex's voice was just as soft. "You feel that strongly for Levi, do you?"

Immediately Eren felt mildly embarrassed, even shy. He hadn't really thought of how strongly he felt for Levi. All he knew was that he cared for him, loved him, and wanted to see the life return to his eyes more than anything. He'd been too wrapped up in trying to make that happen that he never considered how strong his feelings really were. But now that Levi was in better care, professional care, he realized he had a lot more time to sort things like that out.

"Well...yeah, I do," he mumbled, angling his face so Alex would be unable to see it, even out of the corner of her eye. He felt the truth in his words despite the embarrassment.

"I'm glad," Alex articulated smoothly. "He needs someone like you. But I guess I shouldn't be pretending to know what he needs. You've been more present in his life in the past several months than I have in probably five years..."

Eren could feel the guilt radiating off of her. If there was anything the Ackermans seemed to be good at, it was feeling guilty and practically drowning themselves in it, thinking of more and more ways to blame themselves.

"You're making up for it," Eren assured her.

"Hmm..."

He could tell she didn't believe him. "Really, Alex. Even if it's little by little...and let me tell you, it's no small thing to be the one with the insurance so he can get this treatment."

"I suppose..."

"Better late than never," the teen murmured, resting his head back and fighting to keep his eyes open.

To that, Alex didn't reply, leaving a good ten miles of silence. Inevitably, Eren started dozing off with the smooth movement of the car easily lulling him toward a state of slumber. When he was pulled back to consciousness, it was by Alex's voice.

"What do you plan to do now?" she asked.

"Uhm," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair while the question processed in his sleepy brain. "I guess I'll call Reiner...make sure he still wants me to work for him..."

"You don't have to worry about that, Eren," she said. "There's a reason he didn't fire you when you talked to him a few weeks ago."

"Because of something you said, I take it."

"I might've...vouched for you two a bit. Mostly my brother, I'll admit. But I don't think he would've fired _you_ , anyway. He likes you too much."

Eren's brows shot up. "Really?"

She merely turned slightly to wink at him. "Plus, if he fired you after doing everything you have for his soon-to-be brother in law, I'd kick his ass."

Eren's eyes widened and he tried to imagine tiny little Alex (though still not quite tiny as Levi) trying to kick _Reiner's_ ass. Reiner, who was a good 6'4" at _least_ , making him near a foot taller than her, with all his brawn. He snorted at the image.

"Well, um, thank you," he said with a lighthearted smile.

"Don't mention it."

"So...I guess I'll call him tomorrow, then..." His sentence petered out into a wide yawn. Alex clicked her tongue.

"Take a few days and relax, Eren. You don't need to go back to work right away."

"But I've already slacked off so much...and my mom needs the money..."

"Call it paid vacation," she said. "You haven't been doing any damn slacking. Levi is getting the treatment he needs because of you."

"Yeah, but-"

"I don't know if you've noticed, Eren, but you yourself have lost some weight, and you're not such a big person to begin with. And look-" she gestured to him as he yawned _again_ "-you're exhausted. Call Reiner, but then take a few days for yourself to recoup. You need it. Catch up with your family...your friends...your _sleep_. The shop is fine."

Eren blinked, dumbfounded. "A-are you sure he'll be okay with that? I mean..."

"Eren, seriously," she half muttered, and in those two words she sounded eerily like her younger brother. "It's _fine_. Trust me."

"O-okay..." Eren felt he couldn't really argue. Admittedly, a few days of recuperation sounded pretty damn good. He missed his mother and sister, too.

"Where do you live?" she asked when they got back into town.

"Uh...you can just take me back to the apartment. I can grab my car..."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Fat fucking chance," she muttered. "If you think I'm gonna let you drive home as tired as you are, you better think again. We'll get your car another day. Where do you live?" she repeated.

Again she sounded so much like Levi that he found himself blurting directions to his house. Once there, she eased the car to a smooth stop - honestly, everything about that car was smooth - and cast him a smile as he reached back and grabbed his bag.

"Get some rest, Eren. And thank you. Really."

The teen was too tired to do more than nod as he pushed his fatigued body out of the car and fished for his keys - among Levi's keys, wallet, phone, and jewelry - in his pocket.

"Thanks for the ride," he mumbled tiredly before bumping the door shut and shuffling his way up the walk. It was illuminated only by the street light in the corner of his yard, but that was enough for him to single his house key out, shove it in the lock, and twist the knob. As soon as he had the door open, he heard the gravelly sound of Alex's tires roll away.

Unsurprisingly, the interior of the house was silent and pitch dark. Solely from memory, he kicked his shoes off and stumbled his way to the couch under the window, hoping his mother and Mikasa hadn't decided to rearrange while he'd been gone. Fortunately, the couch was still in the same spot and he let his overtired body collapse into the cushions, falling asleep almost immediately, fully dressed with his pockets still full of Levi's belongings.

*~Levi~*

His nerves stood on end, alert and alive with anxiety as he followed Rose back into the facility. He expected the environment of a hospital - sterile white and the beeping of machinery. His mind whirred with different scenarios, but he forced himself to remain calm as possible. His legs shook incessantly beneath him as he was led into a much warmer, homier part of the building. The environment wasn't white, nor did it carry the smell of antiseptic. Rather, the walls were painted a soft, light, earthy green and the carpet was an even earthier beige. It smelled more of sweet pea and violet with the subtle hint of fresh printer ink. The lights, instead of long fluorescents were easy yellowish bulbs shielded by decorative shades.

These things did well to calm Levi's nerves a bit, but he still knew where he was and who surrounded him. His mind screamed it at him, still conjuring up even the unlikeliest of scenarios. He found himself holding his breath as Rose stopped in front of an unmarked door and pushed it open. She cast him that same smile - he was beginning to think she was a freaking robot or something - and gestured inside the small room.

"Go ahead and take a seat in here, darlin'. The doctor will be here shortly for your check up."

Levi made his way into the small room. There were only two chairs - none of the paper-covered beds he remembered from the doctor's office from his childhood - a scale, and a counter with an abundance of medical supplies he didn't recognize. He perched himself gingerly in one of the chairs, secretly grateful to be able to take the strain off of his weak legs.

He was alone maybe half a minute before a man entered the room. He looked like a normal doctor, wearing glasses and a tie complete with the stethoscope around his neck. He smiled warmly at Levi and offered his hand to shake, introducing himself with a name Levi didn't bother to remember. He flinched away from the hand and stared at it, saying nothing.

"I apologize for not having a chance to look at your paperwork, Mr. Ackerman, but-"

"Levi," interrupted the raven.

The doctor nodded. "Levi. My apologies. As I was saying, Rose informed me that your case is looking a little urgent so I got here as quickly as I could, so I hadn't the time to look over your paperwork. Before we begin, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

Levi gulped and nodded wearily. The doctor adjusted his glasses and poised his pen over his clipboard. His questions were simple and easy to answer - nothing like Levi expected, though he was already starting to get used to his mind blowing this entire situation out of proportion.

Once the questions were over, the check up began. The doctor explained everything he was going to do before he did it; he noticed the weary, timid manner of Levi's actions, giving him the sense that this kid had been through more trauma than someone ever needed to go through. It took Levi everything he had to sit there and let the doctor do his thing - listening to his breathing and heartbeat, checking his pulse, his temperature (which was a good 102°, something that had the doctor's unkempt brows furrowing in concern), and lastly his blood pressure. The feeling of foreign hands on him, although male, had his fight or flight reflex trying to trigger. He forced himself to remember why he was there, to remember the soothing, melodic sound of Eren's voice as he sang...

"Can I ask you to pull your left sleeve up to your shoulder?" asked the doctor, readying the blood pressure cuff as he spoke.

Chomping down on his cheek, he shakily pushed his sleeve up as far as it would go. He suddenly realized he still wore Eren's hoodie, and although he'd meant to give it back before the teenager left, he was silently grateful he'd forgotten.

"What's this?" asked the doctor, gesturing at the bandage wrapped around Levi's forearm.

The raven could feel perspiration collecting on his forehead and the palms of his hands. He swallowed again, trying to rid his throat of the growing lump.

"I...uh..."

The doctor nodded in understanding. "Yes, my apologies for asking. I understand."

It was clear to Levi that this wasn't the first time this guy had seen something like that. In fact, he was sure he had likely seen worse. Nonetheless, he was grateful he didn't have to explain himself.

"I can see your withdrawals have taken quite a toll on your body," he commented, jotting one last thing on his clipboard before removing the cuff from Levi's upper arm, careful not to make contact with his skin. "But I'm glad you're here now and we're going to do everything we can for you." Levi said nothing, so the doctor continued, "As for right now, I...think your case is too extreme for us to assign you a room in the residential section of our facility. Your blood pressure is worryingly low, you have abnormal heartbeat and breathing, your fever is a definite concern, and your weight...for a man of your age and height, you're at least 30 pounds underweight. It would be in your best interest to stay in the hospital section of the building where we can keep a closer eye on these things...particularly your vitals."

Levi's eyes widened just slightly at the mention of the word 'hospital'. This wasn't something the doctor missed.

"I understand your uneasiness," he went on in a soft tone as if he was trying to comfort the raven, but Levi was the opposite of comforted - part of him wanted to sock this guy in the face. "I can assure you there isn't anything to be worried about. We're truly only concerned about having your best interests at hand. I'm afraid your body is already struggling to survive on its own. I don't mean to scare you...but if you want to survive..."

Levi wiped his hand across his face. Behind his lids, he had the fleeting memory of Eren's face. "Yeah, okay," he mumbled.

The doctor smiled once more. He then spoke into a small black circle clipped to his collar and almost immediately, Rose appeared in the doorway. She was pushing a wheelchair which he eyed with even more uneasiness. Still, he found himself cooperating and let himself be pushed, not even trusting his legs himself.

It was a ways to the hospital end of the building. Again he expected sterile white, but the environment didn't really change as they started passing rooms that instead had larger windows in the doors and more hospital appearing equipment within. There seemed to be only a few occupied rooms with people he couldn't get a look at. They were asleep, too. He didn't blame them. He'd give anything to be able to sleep himself, though he preferred Eren's warm arms than the bed he was introduced to.

"This alright for you, darlin'?" asked Rose.

"Sure..." Could he really say no?

He did refuse her offer to help him into the bed. He had enough touching of strange hands for one day. Once he managed to settle himself in well enough while she told him where she put his things, et cetera. She then hooked him up to an IV.

"This should help you regain some of your energy," she explained, "And ease some of your pain."

He stared and stared at the little needle, dripping foreign liquid into his bloodstream. Part of him half expected to start feeling that rush, invading his mind and jumbling his thoughts, temporarily messing up his perception and numbing him from reality for a while. But nothing changed.

"I can only imagine how scared you must be," she was saying, making her seem like less of a robot. He averted his eyes from the needle to her face. Her smile was more genuine now. "You're gonna be fine, hon. I know because you have that green-eyed boy waiting for you back home."

"H-how did you...?"

"I know these things," she said with a wink. "Nah, most of our patients have the same motivation - loved ones waiting for them to get better, to see them healthy again. It was plain as day to me that he's your reason for being here. And that's completely okay. As long as you're loved. That's what matters."

Levi was speechless - partially from her words and partially from exhaustion. He could do no more than blink stupidly at her. She chuckled and told him to get some rest before shutting off the main light on the way out, leaving nothing more than a soft glow from a bulb in the corner and the sun's first rays filtering in through the curtains. Levi turned on his side and curled up, pressing his nose into Eren's hoodie and allowing himself that scent. His fatigued mind swam with thoughts, mostly consisting of that 'green-eyed boy', and finally, finally he fell into a much-needed slumber.

*~Eren~*

When Eren awoke, he found himself more comfortable than he'd slept in weeks. His lashes fluttered as he took in his surroundings, and it only took his mildly disoriented mind to snap back to reality from such a long slumber.

He was home.

He was in his room.

Levi was in rehab. He was going to get better.

_Finally._

He sat up and stretched, realizing his room was virtually the same as it had been when he'd left to stay with Levi weeks ago. The only difference was his bag hanging from his desk chair and the jeans he'd been wearing the previous day strewn across the floor. He looked down to find he'd changed into a pair of pajama pants and the vague memory of his mother waking him up from the couch and coaxing him up the stairs resurfaced. Apparently he'd had half the mind to change into more suitable sleepwear...

In turning to his night table in search of his phone (which, of course, wasn't there) he found Carla had left him a glass of water as well. He took a couple swigs to relieve his mouth of the flavor of morning breath.

That was when his eyes caught sight of the time on his digital clock.

3:23.

PM.

As in the afternoon PM.

He nearly spit out his water.

"How long did I sleep?" he mumbled to himself in disbelief.

He wasn't exactly a morning person, but he never slept past noon. He'd always hated sleeping too long, feeling it ate up too much of his daylight.

Sighing and deciding there was nothing he could do about it, he replaced the glass of water and moved to his feet, where he stretched once more, and ventured across the hallway for a much needed bathroom break. While washing his hands, he caught sight of himself in the mirror and studied his own face. He hadn't really changed much, of course. His hair still stuck out in every possible direction as it always did when he got a good night's rest. The dark circles that had been making themselves known beneath his eyes in Levi's mirror had faded considerably...

And that was when it dawned on him. He'd only slept nine hours or so, not fifteen or more as he originally thought. It was the first actual _good_ night's sleep he'd had in weeks. He knew he hadn't been sleeping sufficiently while at Levi's, but he didn't think it was _that_ bad...

Of course, every missed hour of sleep was more than worth it. Soon Levi would be healthy again. He could live. And that was all Eren ever wanted.

With a light smile playing in his features, he left the bathroom with the intention of grabbing some clothes from his room to take a shower, but the smell of his mom's cooking and the sound of extra voices - _lots_ of extra voices - compelled him to wander down the stairs. Once down, he found the living room to be full of his friends.

"What the...?" he mumbled.

"He's awake!" exclaimed Sasha, jumping from her place to run over to him and throw her arms around his neck. Six other heads turned in his direction.

"Um, hey..." he mumbled, awkwardly patting her back.

"Afternoon, sleepyhead," Marco piped up as Eren followed Sasha the rest of the way into the room as the rest of them greeted him.

"'Bout time you showed that babyface of yours around here," teased Ymir. She and Christa were cuddled up in the recliner.

"But...this is my house?"

She cocked a brow. "Your point?"

Eren merely blinked at her, slightly dumbfounded.

"So um, no offense guys, but what are you all doing here?"

"Oh, y'know, we could smell your mom's cooking from miles away and all decided to crash at once," joked Connie, earning a roll of sky blue eyes from Armin.

"He means we're your welcome home party," said the blond with a smile at his best friend.

"But how did you guys know...?"

"Your mom called me this morning and we decided to surprise you," Armin explained. "With her permission, of course."

"But why-"

"Would you stop asking questions and be grateful?" Sasha huffed, crossing her arms.

Eren couldn't help but smile. He hadn't realized how much he missed his friends until then, or how much he missed the smell of his own mother's cooking, the very thing that drew him toward the kitchen door. Past it, of course, was Carla leaning over a large pot of her signature chili. She seemed oblivious to his entry, so he soundlessly entered and started pulling out dishes and silverware. Carla didn't glance behind her as she was busy adding seasoning to the pot and having only heard the sound.

"Thank you, Armin," she said. "It's almost ready. I guess Eren will just have to heat some up once he wakes - Eren!!" She turned around mid sentence to see her son standing behind her with an amused grin plastered to his features.

"Some intuition you have," he joked, smile widening.

Two steps it took her to cross over to him and smack him on the shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me it was you?!" she half laughed before enveloping him in a hug. He chuckled and hugged her back tightly, soaking up her presence and the sweet smell of her lavender shampoo like he was trying to make up for her absence in the past few weeks.

"Welcome home," she said with a wide smile, pulling back and placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Thanks," he said.

She looked him over. "You've lost weight," she commented, smile faltering. "And you're pale..."

"I'm okay, Mom. Promise," he assured her, squeezing her hand for good measure.

She nodded but continued to look him over closely. Eventually her smile faded completely and she looked into his eyes. "How's Levi?" she half whispered.

"He's gonna be okay. He decided last night to go to rehab. He's gonna be fine."

Carla's smile returned, though only slightly. "How long will he be there?" she asked, turning back to the bubbling chili.

Eren blinked, feeling pretty stupid. He hadn't even thought of how long Levi would be there.

"Um, well, truthfully I don't know..." he mumbled.

"How was he when you dropped him off?"

"He was...bad." Eren swallowed hard. "I think he made the decision just in time. He'll probably have to be there for a couple of months...but I'm gonna visit him as often as I can."

Carla nodded. "I'm proud of you, son. I hope you know that. It was dangerous, what you did...but I'm proud of you for not giving up on something you believe in."

Eren scratched the back of his neck. "Well, thanks..."

Carla chuckled as a shrill voice sounded from the living room. "Eren! Get your big butt in here!" It was Sasha. The brunet rolled his eyes.

"Go ahead," Carla said. "Catch up with them. They've all been worried about you."

"Sure you don't need any help?"

It was Carla's turn to roll her eyes. "Just go."

"Okay..." As he was exiting the kitchen he turned, asking, "Where's Mikasa?"

"She and her friend Annie joined an after school club. She should be home in an hour or so."

Raising his brows, Eren ventured back into the living room as Sasha shouted his name again.

"Okay, okay, I'm here," he said, moving to take a seat between Armin and Connie. "And for the record, my butt isn't _that_ big."

"I dunno, Eren," said Marco thoughtfully, rubbing his chin for good measure. "It's a pretty nice size..."

Eren stared at him. "Aren't you supposed to be checking out Jean's butt?" He nodded in the direction of the silver-haired horse-face not a hair's distance from the freckle-face. Immediately, Marco's cheeks flamed and he scooted away from Jean the slightest bit while said horse-face winked at him.

"Marco's right," Ymir piped up. "You got a nice pair of bongos back there."

"Ymir!" Christa half-shrieked.

"Ah, don't worry, baby, your ass is the only one for me."

"Okay!" Eren held up his hands. "Did you guys come here to talk about asses or what?"

"Not that butts aren't a good topic of conversation, but we wanna know where the hell you've been for the past several weeks, Jaeger," Jean articulated.

Eren blew out a long breath and pulled his legs up on the couch to cross them. "It's...complicated," he began, changing the mood in the room by those two simple words. "But uh, someone I really care about needed my help. Desperately. There was no way I could abandon him...even if it meant sacrificing some big things."

"What...kind of help?" asked Connie, a bit cautiously.

Eren chose his words carefully. "Help getting past addiction. Can we just leave it at that?" Eren's mind was flitting with images of Levi's pallid features in pain as he deteriorated toward oblivion. He swallowed hard.

"Is he okay?" asked Sasha, voice thick with concern.

"He will be," replied Eren with a semi-forced smile. He suddenly remembered the sensation of Levi's hot skin and shivered a bit, wondering if his fever had broken yet. He glanced at the clock over the fireplace. It'd been over twelve hours. He was surely being treated for it. Still, he worried. Wondered if his bandages had been changed and the doctors' reactions to what was underneath it...

"Eren?" It was Armin, gently nudging his thigh.

"What? Oh, sorry."

From the right, Christa innocently raised her hand. When eyes pointed to her, she said, "Can I ask a question?" Her eyes were solely for Eren. He nodded. "Is it that Levi person you told us about before?" Her voice was small and gentle, as she could sense Eren's distress.

"Yeah," he said and smiled a bit. The simple sound of the raven's name had his stomach fluttering.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" Marco was the one to ask.

"Heh, well, yeah. I do, actually." Eren was back to scratching his neck and avoiding gazes. He wasn't embarrassed, but a little sheepish.

"And?" Sasha pressed.

"And what?"

"Is it mutual?" she asked, rolling her eyes as if it were obvious what she was getting at.

"I mean, I think so..."

" _You think_?"

"Sasha, girl, calm down," said Ymir.

"The main thing on my mind hasn't been if he loves me back," Eren explained. "I've just been trying to help him get better. That was my priority."

He knew he was bending the truth a bit. He was 99% sure Levi felt about him the way he felt about Levi. However, he wanted to know for sure, wanted to figure things out with the raven himself before he went spewing things to his friends. He'd have to satisfy Sasha's gushing mind and the rest of their curiosity as best he could before he figured that out, something that wouldn't happen for a while yet. The priority was still Levi's health.

"You must love him a lot if you sacrificed so much for him," said Christa, a sparkle of wonder in her eyes.

"Well, I mean, I guess..."

"Damn, Jaeger. Didn't know you had it in you," said Jean.

"Thanks?"

Marco elbowed him. "What?! That was a compliment!" Freckles just shook his head.

Eren remembered when he first told his friends about Levi - how they teased him about blushing, how Connie made comments that made it seem like they were high schoolers rather than college students, how he was flustered and unable to hide his embarrassment. He remembered telling them when he couldn't see Levi anymore, when he thought the separation would be best for them. Strangely, that all felt like eons ago despite it only having been a few months. He'd been through so much lately that those days seemed like years ago. They were easier days, but much more bland as well. Then, their teasing was lighthearted and more on the joking end. This was much heavier. His feelings for Levi had grown so much that he would no longer be so embarrassed to be teased like that. In fact, he wouldn't feel shameful in any way, shape, or form to admit that he was in love. Sure, they might judge him for loving a junkie, but he didn't much mind it. He loved Levi, and if they couldn't accept that, they weren't his true friends.

They, too, could feel the seriousness of the situation simply from talking about it. They knew almost nothing, but they weren't so oblivious to Eren's changed demeanor that they would continue with their childish teasing. Not in a situation like this. Not until things lightened up.

"So," said Eren. "What about you guys? What have you been doing?"

"School," said Armin.

"Work," sighed Jean.

"Work and school," shrugged Marco.

Eren blinked at them. "That's all I get?"

The next couple of hours were spent catching up. The lives of his friends hadn't changed too drastically in Eren's absence, and he wasn't surprised to find out that Jean and Marco were finally in the early stages of dating. Christa and Ymir were clearly stronger than ever, but of course it was left to Jean to blurt that Christa was still a virgin, causing a wild bush to break out over her delicate features and to explain, flustered, that she wasn't ready and that Ymir respected it. Sasha and Connie had gotten into a huge fight a few nights ago, which explained to Eren why they were on polar opposite sides of the living room from the other. He knew they'd make up sooner or later. They all did. They cared too much for each other to stay mad for too long. Armin and Eren made a bet in the kitchen while they helped Carla serve the chili on who would apologize first. Eren bet on Connie while Armin bet on Sasha.

"Loser pays winner twenty bucks," Eren said with a confident grin.

"You're on," challenged Armin. They shook on it, earning a snicker from Carla.

Aside from their love lives, Marco gushed about how proud he was of his little brother for graduating elementary school with his class. His brother had pretty severe dyslexia, but he managed to make it, though of course not without tons of help and support from his siblings. Jean had gotten a new job as a mechanic assistant that he was apparently loving every second of. Sasha gushed over her new baby cousin while Christa and Ymir reported they'd volunteered at a local animal shelter part time.

" _She_ volunteered," said Ymir. "I was dragged against my will." This earned her a half-hearted smack to the arm from her girlfriend. She only laughed and kissed Christa's rosy cheek.

Connie had finally found his major after aimlessly attending college for a semester. Turned out he was super into astronomy and aspired to work for NASA.

Armin remained the same - straight As as always and even deeper into philosophy than he was before, if that was even possible.

Mikasa showed up somewhere in the middle of the conversation while Eren and Armin were in the kitchen helping Carla clean up. The second she laid eyes on him, her eyes widened the tiniest bit and she all but rushed over to him to throw her arms around his torso. She'd quickly peeled herself off of him, though, with a sheepish blush coloring her face as she mumbled a small 'I missed you' without meeting his - or anyone's - eyes. Despite her quickly built façade, it admittedly made Eren smile to know she missed him.

~*~

"Heyy, Eren! Haven't heard from you in a while!"

Even over the phone, Reiner was too loud for Eren's poor sensitive ears. He had to hold the phone away from his ear when the man picked up.

"Hey, Reiner. Yeah, sorry about that."

"Don't sweat it. Anyway, Alex told me you'd be calling."

Eren forced a chuckle. "She probably told you everything, huh?"

"Yep."

"Well, that saves me the explanation. I just wanted to call and make sure you still wanted me to come back..."

"I don't go back on my word, Eren. Of course I do. Levi, too, when he's ready. Shop's not the same without you two."

The tiniest blush pricked at Eren's cheeks. "I see. Well, thank you. I can be there tomorrow if-"

"Nope. You take a few days off and rest up a bit. You can start back up on Monday."

Eren snorted. "Alex got to you about that too, huh?"

Reiner laughed, too. "Yeah. And it'd be better for both of us just to listen to her."

"I'll take your word for it," Eren replied.

"Good. So, Monday, then?"

"Monday," he agreed.

"Cool. See you then, Eren. Have a good one."

"You, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is 99.9% Ereri and .1% make-Jean-not-an-asshole xD But ah, thank you all for reading, & let me know what you think! ;*


	4. •~Chapter Four~•

That Monday when Eren stepped foot into the shop, he was greeted by the familiar scent of green soap, the sharp sound of tattoo machines, idle chatter, a new face, and of course Reiner's booming voice.

"Hey, Eren! Haven't seen your face in a while. How goes it?"

"Pretty good," said Eren with a small smile. It was his general answer for anyone he hadn't seen in the past few weeks, and it was only really a half truth. "You?"

"Same old, same old. Hey, this is my cousin, Bertolt." He gestured to the tall guy in the corner nearest the door, the source of the buzzing. He was hard at work on some guy's shoulder, who nodded a 'sup' at Eren. He was concentrating so hard there was a sheen of sweat on his wrinkled forehead and he didn't seem to hear Reiner.

"Yo, Bert!"

The buzzing ceased and Bertholdt's head snapped up. "What?" he fumbled, earning a chuckle out of the three others in the room.

"This is Eren," Reiner said. "The one I told you about."

"Oh, hey," said Bert before he got back to work. Reiner rolled his eyes.

"He's a workaholic," he muttered. "But he's a nice guy. Talented, too." Reiner gestured at a new frame leaning against his desk with a colorful piece of artwork inside it. "And a nerd."

"You said he's your cousin?" Eren asked, glancing back at the guy. Eren saw no resemblance between Reiner - blond-haired and blue-eyed with fair skin and strong bone structure - and Bertholdt - dark-haired, skinned, and eyed with more delicate features and a subtly curved nose. The only mild similarity was the size - they were both at least six feet tall.

Reiner snickered. "Yeah, but he was adopted. Didn't even know he was into tattooing until about six months ago. I told him I'd hire him when business picked up, and then when you and Levi went AWOL, I needed more help so I contacted him and he took the job right away."

Eren scratched the back of his head in mild guilt. "Well...what about Petra?"

As if on cue, the front door swung open and Eren swiveled around to see said redhead stride through the door. She'd shaved the side of her head to reveal a new tattoo on her scalp - intricate lettering of something in a language Eren didn't have time to recognize because he was being enveloped in her gentle arms.

"Hi, Eren," she said with a smile. "It's great to see you again."

He patted her back and laughed a bit. "Yeah, you too."

They got to work after that. Petra busied herself setting up her station for her first customer and Reiner started Eren on a new project.

"How good would you say your interior design skills are?" he asked, leading the teen to the back room he'd already spent so much time in. On the opposite wall of all the boxes were stacks of frames, some containing art, others pictures, most empty.

"I dunno...on a scale of one to ten, maybe a...five?"

"Then I guess we'll have to put our heads together," Reiner said. "I'd say I'm about a five too, so between us we should make a tentative ten." He chuckled. "I wanna redesign the walls," he explained. "I've had all of this artwork sitting at home forever. When I hire an artist, I request art they wouldn't mind me putting on display. Last time I pretty much chose everything at random 'cause I was in a hurry to get it done so I could open the place up. I figure a change of scenery might be kinda nice, y'know?"

Eren nodded and studied the stacks of frames, absently wondering how much of it was Levi's.

"I think we have quite a lot to work with, including what's already hung up. And Alex...if she wasn't already busy with work, I'd ask her to come in and help you. Her eye is impeccable when it comes to stuff like this. Unfortunately..."

Eren nodded once more in understanding and they got to work, picking out what they thought would go well where, etc. In simply going through it, Eren could tell what was Levi's and what wasn't. From what little of the raven's work he'd been exposed to, he was familiar with the art style. He noticed there to be a dark theme throughout all of them, all the while detecting hidden messages in many. Messages that only he and the artist himself would understand. His heart ached looking at them, and he found himself picking out the lightest of the bunch. He didn't want those reminders hung up around the shop, didn't want Levi to have to look at them when he came back to work and trigger his bad memories. Despite wanting to pick the easier ones, he found it difficult. So many of them had representations of Levi's state of mind, the state of his life. He noticed syringes in more than one, or sinister faces that could only bring the word 'monster' and every time Levi said it to mind.

Another thing the brunet didn't miss was the abundance of roses. They had different colors and shapes and held different meanings for each piece they were in, but there were numerous nonetheless.

"Do you wanna, like, organize them by artist?" Eren asked. "Or make it random?"

Reiner scratched his chin, looking over the frames they'd spread out in front of them, filling every inch of the floor excluding where they sat.

"I never thought of organizing them by artist," the blond admitted. "Maybe that's a good idea, so people can get kind of a preview of the work they're looking into. Feel me?"

Eren nodded. "I think we should let Petra and Bertolt organize their own work, too, if they want. And you can do yours."

Reiner hummed in agreement but proceeded to do raise a brow at his employee. "So you're sayin' you'll do Levi's?" A not so subtle smirk played on his full lips and Eren shifted his eyes away, his own sheepish grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Well...since he's not here...and I mean, i-if he wants, he can redo it when he comes back..."

Reiner laughed, causing Eren to flinch. "I'm just giving you shit, man. Of course you can organize his work. But _organize_ is the key word. You know how he is." The blond winked and Eren forced a chuckle. The embarrassment felt like it was eating him alive. Just _talking_ about Levi had his stomach doing a strange dance. It seemed silly, after everything they'd gone through.

They got to work after that, removing the art already hung and taking what they didn't want to the back. Both Petra and Bertholdt, busy as they were, agreed to decorate their own space on their free time.

When Eren came across Levi's drawing of the heart and the syringe - the one that caught his attention his very first day there - he stopped and stared at it once more. After everything, it only held that much more metaphor to him. He remembered what Levi said when he'd asked about it...

_"It's kind of a metaphor, I guess. My life has been shit, to say it simply and bluntly."_

_"A metaphor for...for your heart?"_

_"If that's the way you interpret it, then sure. I didn't have a great childhood, and life proved to get worse in my teen years and hasn't gotten any better since. At least, until--"_

Eren found himself with the same question he verbalized between Levi's jaw snapping shut and being told to forget he said anything.

_'Until what, Levi?'_

Until he was introduced to the drug? No, he said it hadn't gotten better since. That meant it hadn't gotten better until whatever it was Eren was unsure made it better.

As Eren stared at the drawing, chewing his lip, there was only one thing Levi could've meant.

He meant that his life hadn't gotten better until Eren walked into it. It meant that even then, Eren was already having an effect on the tattoo artist. That even when they were mostly strangers, Levi's feelings, too, were building. Reiner and Alex had told him they'd seen a change in the raven...his mother and Armin believed they had a connection.

At that moment, with Levi finally in recovery and after the events of the past weeks - small, affectionate gestures and words of need among the horrible symptoms of withdrawal all the way up to soft kisses of promises in the lobby of the rehab center - Eren realized they couldn't have been more right.

It seemed cheesy, too cliché, almost right out of a chick-flick, but it was clear that fate intended for this to happen. Whether they ended up spending the rest of their lives together or Levi decided he was done the minute he got out of rehab, or anything in between, they were supposed to find each other for one reason for another.

Eren found he didn't so much care about the reason. What he cared about was Levi himself. He wanted to love Levi. He wanted to stay a part of his life for as long as the raven allowed, in whatever way he needed. The rest was irrelevant.

"The day Alex told me what happened, I walked by this drawing and suddenly everything made sense," came Reiner's cool tone from behind Eren. Said teen jumped and turned, startled. Reiner kept his eyes on the art. "Levi's a good guy," he went on. "Insanely talented. And from Alex, I knew he had a dark past. I thought this was just his way of letting out his emotions. But man, was it so much more than that. Guess not everything's how it seems, huh?"

Eren took the frame off the nail. "I hope you don't mind...but I'm gonna take this one with me."

"Not at all."

~*~

The following Friday, Alex called Eren to let him know she had Sunday off. The shop was closed that day, so they ventured the forty miles to visit Levi. Eren was restless, anxious the entire car ride. His entire week had been spent thinking about his raven-haired artist, between worrying and remembering, studying his artwork as he decorated the shop's walls with it and even dreaming about him. Because of this, he felt the need to stuff his fist into something, _hard_ , when Rose broke the news that only blood relatives were allowed to visit the patients. She gave him her plastic smile, this time with regret, and said she could deliver a message if he needed. He shook his head. There was nothing he wanted to say to Levi if he couldn't say it directly to him.

Alex held out her keys, an apology apparent in her eyes. "Go for a drive. Go shopping...whatever. I'll call you when I'm done."

Eren stared at her keys for a moment before deciding that doing just that would be better than sitting around waiting. Without saying a word, he headed out the door, grumbling things to himself. A small part of him deep down was excited to drive Alex's sleek red and black car, but his frustration and disappointment trumped that almost completely.

He drove around the small town, silently fuming. _He_ had been the reason Levi made the decision to get help. It was _him_ who stayed by Levi's side in the countless times he would vomit or needed to be warmed up. He couldn't help but be a little pissed off if he wasn't allowed to see him. Not only that, but he was almost sure Levi would rather see him than his sister, anyway. It was totally unfair.

As he drove, though, getting used to the feel of Alex's car, his anger slowly dissipated and the disappointment took over. He'd looked forward to seeing Levi, to being able to watch his improvement just as he watched his deterioration. And admittedly...he missed the raven.

After maybe twenty minutes he stopped in a small town center and visited a Starbucks. While he was waiting for his coffee, he studied the baked goods behind the glass and broke down to buy a chocolate chip muffin, too. The flavor kind of reminded him of his mother, though her chocolate muffins were _divine_. This was mediocre compared to hers.

And slowly, as he nibbled on the edge of the muffin and sipped idly at his coffee, his thoughts wandered to his little sister. He'd only seen her a few times since he got home, and he would never forget how happy she seemed to be to see him when she first walked in the kitchen, even if she had denied it right away. She'd grown an inch and was nearly catching up to his 5'9" despite her only being thirteen.

No, fourteen.

It dawned on him that he'd totally missed her birthday. It had been almost two weeks since she turned fourteen, and he hadn't noticed until then.

"Dammit," he mumbled. He slid his phone out to check the time. He figured he'd have at least another twenty minutes before Alex called, so he collected his coffee and muffin, asked for a to go bag, and headed out.

He had no idea where to look. This town was still mostly foreign to him, but he knew Mikasa was fond of books and there _had_ to be a Barnes and Noble around somewhere.

To his luck, there happened to be one in the same shopping center. He searched around for a while and finding nothing, decided he needed to put more thought into it before he just settled.

As he was walking back out the door, his phone started buzzing. Sure enough, it was Alex, and he found his way back to the rehabilitation center with ease.

Alex's expression was unreadable as she slid into the passenger's seat. It took Eren everything he had not to demand information out of her.

"You wanna drive?" he asked instead. She shook her head. Eren's heartbeat picked up. "What's wrong?"

"Park," she said, and pointed to the corner of the lot. Eren did as told, maneuvering the car into the shade of a large ash tree. His anxiety was kicking up and by Alex's attitude, he had the feeling that something was very wrong.

"H-how is he?" Eren couldn't help but ask. He even turned in his seat to face her, searching her face for any clues.

"He's...much the same," she said. "I think it looks worse than it is."

Eren frowned. "Why? What do you mean?"

She finally met his gaze. "He's constantly on oxygen," she said quietly. "He has to drag a tank of it around. His lungs aren't exactly..." Her hands came up as if she wanted to say with them what she had trouble expressing through words. "...they're not exactly working the way they should. The doctor I talked to explained it in this scientific biological way, but I don't really know. And not only that, but he's on an IV, too. His body refuses nourishment in any other way. They try to get him to eat, and he tries. He really does. But he throws up once he gets to a certain point in the digestive process. He even told me that nothing has stayed in his body long enough to go all the way through in over a month."

None of this was really news to Eren. He knew Levi had problems breathing, and he'd seen him throw up enough times to know his stomach was sensitive, too. He tried to picture Levi wearing a nasal cannula, knew he'd put up a fight when a doctor tried to make him wear it, and found himself smiling the slightest bit.

"Because of the IV," Alex went on, "He does look a little healthier, but not by much. They have him on painkillers, too. He's extensively weak, so they require him to be carted around by wheelchair when they're not trying a bit of physical therapy to build his muscle back up."

"Bet he loves that," Eren joked softly, remembering all the times Levi scowled when he offered to carry him, knowing damn well that he was barely able to walk too much on his own.

Alex didn't laugh with him. Her eyes narrowed. "You don't seem surprised by any of this," she said. Before Eren could answer, she did so herself. "You knew," she murmured. "You already knew he'd need all that, didn't you?"

Eren half-shrugged. "I spent several weeks with him...constantly. I didn't know the full details, of course, but..." He felt no need to finish.

Alex nodded, casting her gaze back out the windshield. "I guess maybe in a way I knew, too. But I didn't want it to be that bad. I guess I denied that it probably was..." She let out a long breath. Eren let her have a minute. Imagining it was one thing, but having seen it was even harder. He knew that. He let her collect herself.

"He misses you," she said after a while.

_That_ came as a surprise. "He said that?"

She chuckled. "No, of course not. But I saw it in his eyes when he asked, 'How's Eren?' And then he called the staff a few names I won't repeat for not letting you visit him."

The teen snorted. "He's not the only one."

"I'm sure. He can call you, though. They're allowed to make one outgoing phone call a week. So I wrote your number down for him. I think you're the only one he cares about contacting, which doesn't surprise me. So if you get a call from a restricted phone number, I'd advise you not to ignore it unless you want an earful later for it."

Eren grinned, imagining the profanities that would surely spew from Levi's lips if he ignored his phone call. As if Eren would do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well yeah. Not the best chapter, but I hope you liked it anyway? Heh.


	5. •~Chapter Five~•

The following morning, Eren lounged on his bed before work, a sly smirk playing on his lips as he held his phone lazily against his ear.

"Hello?"

"I believe you owe me twenty dollars."

"Huh?"

Eren chuckled. "I just got off the phone with Connie asking me for ways he can apologize to Sasha. I believe you owe me twenty bucks," he repeated with a smirk growing.

Armin huffed into the receiver. "Prove it."

"Call Connie yourself if you need proof." Eren studied his nails.

"Alright, alright, I believe you. Take a rain check and I'll pay you when I get the money, okay?"

Eren's smugness suddenly vanished. He remembered Armin was unemployed at the moment due to focusing on his studies and, much like Eren's own, his family wasn't exactly in the best place financially.

"Nah, it's okay. Keep your money. I'll just take the bragging rights."

The brunet could detect the smile in his blond friend's voice when he said, "Thanks, Eren."

"No problem."

"Hey, how's Levi?"

Eren's chest tightened. "I wasn't able to see him," he said a bit glumly. "They have this stupid rule that only blood relatives are allowed to visit their patients." He rolled his eyes. "But his sister said he's alright. I'll just have to take her word for it..."

Armin hummed. "Do you know when he'll be out?"

"Probably not 'til the end of May," sighed Eren, eyes rolling up to the ceiling where his brain automatically began picking out odd shapes in the popcorn. "But if that's what it takes for him to get better..."

"You'd wait an eternity, wouldn't you?" remarked Armin knowingly.

"Er...well...I wouldn't say an _eternity..._ "

"Please, Eren. I've never seen you care so much about someone, even your mom."

Eren chewed on his lip thoughtfully. He really had no response for that. While he absolutely adored his mother - loved who she was and how strong she was, admired her and would go to the ends of the earth for her - there was something inside of him solely reserved for the tattoo artist. It was unconditional. Irrevocable. Irreversible. Armin, knowing Eren as well as he did, saw right through him.

"Yeah, yeah. So how's everything in Arlert land?"

"Same old, same old. School, studying my butt off, more school. It's a vicious cycle." Eren chuckled, having no particular response. "But my grandpa got out of the hospital yesterday," Armin continued.

"Hey, that's awesome."

"Mm-hmm. They say he's doing a lot better, of course, and he's still on constant medication. But he's happy to be home."

"That's good, Armin. I'm glad. Tell him I say hi."

"Will do. Anyway, Eren, thanks for the call but I should really get back to studying."

"Don't work too hard."

Armin chuckled breathily. "Later, Eren."

"Adios."

With a light sigh, Eren tapped the 'end call' key. The screen faded back to his lock screen - a picture of his mom and sister in the backyard - that he stared at until it faded to black. He let the device fall among the haphazard of blankets and limbs of his bed and shut his eyes.

Life had been fairly dull since Levi's decision. Beforehand, it seemed he'd been plenty busy - going to school, working, studying and sleeping. Now that all he had to fill up his time was work, he didn't know what to do with himself during the other hours of the day. He helped his mom as much as she could, but with it being winter there wasn't much yard work and the house was always tidy anyway. That left cooking, something he'd never been too great at. Since dropping out of college, he had what felt like eons of time on his hands. It wasn't a decision he regretted, nor would he ever. He'd been almost miserable there; having no set major had the process of going to classes to listen to teachers drone on about things he didn't care about and studying those exact things night after night and losing sleep had the whole thing feeling pointless. That, and the obvious reason.

He worked. He waited.

Work. Wait. Wait. Work. Wait some more. Work. Wait.

_A vicious cycle._

Leave it to Armin's words to sum up his life, if only for the moment.

The muffled shutting of the front door downstairs snapped him out of his thoughts. He sat up and, fumbling for his phone to shove it into his pocket, slid an envelope from his night table. Mikasa was home and, having had the day off, he ran some errands for his mother and ended up finding her a birthday present.

Eren bounded down the stairs. Sure enough, Mikasa was in the living room setting her things down looking more than a little tired.

"How was school?" Carla asked, casting aside her book.

"Okay," answered Mikasa as usual. "First day in forever I don't have any homework."

"Glad to hear that," said Eren, making his presence known. Both heads turned in his direction and he joined his sister on the couch. She raised a brow.

"Why?"

"I have something for you." He held out the envelope with her name scrawled across it in his messy handwriting. Her eyes narrowed in mild suspicion as she took it tentatively between her thumb and forefinger.

"What's this for?"

"I missed your birthday," he explained. "I wanted to make up for it."

Mikasa's capable fingers tore the envelope open and slid out the card. When it opened, the small rectangular piece of cardboard fell in her lap and once her eyes finished skimming over the words, she plucked it up and studied it.

"A...gym membership? Seriously?" She glared at him. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

He rolled his eyes. "Please, Mikasa. You're not even close to fat." He slid something else from his back pocket and handed it to her, saying, "Third page."

The girl flipped to said page in the information booklet for the gym. Upon seeing it, her eyes widened in delightful surprise. "Archery?"

Eren grinned. "Yup. They have lessons and Sasha's mom is the instructor, so if you want to sign up, I can get a discount."

Mikasa mirrored his smile. "Thank you, Eren."

"No problem."

~*~

Later that evening, Eren sat at his computer, aimlessly surfing the internet for lack of a better thing to do when the familiar sound of The Killers' _When You Were Young_ rang from the speaker of his phone. He picked it up to check the caller ID; his stomach lurched and his heart sped up when he saw the word 'RESTRICTED' across the screen. He fumbled to answer it.

"H-hello?"

"Hey, brat," came the familiar rasp from the speaker. A flood of emotions burst through Eren, his stomach filling with butterflies. He smiled.

"Levi..." he breathed.

"Tch."

"Wh-what?" Eren stammered, mentally cursing himself for being so clumsy in speech.

"Hn. You sound like you're talking to your favorite person in the world," remarked the raven gently, though Eren could just imagine the roll of his eyes, the half-hearted scowl in his features.

"...I am," he said softly, honestly. A long silence followed. "What?"

"Hm...nothing. So how are you?"

"I'm alright," the teen replied automatically. Another pause.

"That's it?" muttered Levi.

"I think the better question would be how are _you_?"

"Lemme see...I'm in this shithole facility with dozens of other junkies surrounded by probing doctors. Guess I fit right in."

Eren was the one to roll his eyes this time. "Seriously, Levi."

"Sorry." Levi cleared his throat, stalling, considering his words. "I'm...better. Not by much, but I am."

"You _sound_ better." And he did. He sounded livelier. Less defeated. It was a subtle difference - it had only been a week and a half - but Eren of all people could detect it.

"Well, it's nice to hear your voice. I'll say that much."

"Yours, too."

"Tch. I sound like the freaking Grudge, are you kidding?"

Eren chuckled. "No. I'm not."

"Brat."

"How are things over there? I mean, honestly."

"Being surrounded by a bunch of crazies is bringing back...not so sweet memories." Levi's voice dropped to nearly a whisper. Eren could imagine him sitting with his knees up, the phone cradled between his shoulder and head, eyes closed and brows furrowed in discomfort. This had Eren's own eyebrows knitting together as his fingers traced absently over the keys of his laptop. "But I guess that makes me a crazy, too." He snorted.

Eren ignored that. "What kinds of memories?"

Levi hesitated to answer. "There's this one girl here...her name's Ilse...and she's addicted to pretty much every drug on the planet. She's here against her will, too. In a way she reminds me of..." His jaw snapped shut, audible even through the phone. Eren found himself wanting to be there next to him, to rub his shoulders or take his hand and reassure him. Instead he was forced to use only words.

"It's alright, Levi. You don't have to-"

"She reminds me of a...friend-" he used the word tentatively "-I used to have," he cut in. "They were fucking crazy. I won't go into it...but long story short, they died of accidental overdose."

Eren's breath caught in his throat and his hand halted on the keyboard. It wasn't so much that he was surprised by Levi's words, but rather how calmly he articulated them. It was only further proof that he'd been through hell; that he'd lost a multitude of people in his life and how used to it he was.

"I-I'm sorry, Levi..." They felt like such weak, overused and almost meaningless words that Eren half regretted saying as soon as he let them out.

"It's whatever. How's your mom?" Typical Levi, changing the subject away from himself when the conversation took a difficult turn. It was getting better. He was starting to open up more. Nevertheless, he still bottled so much up, and Eren knew that was doing more harm than anything.

"She's well. Mikasa, too," he tacked on, knowing Levi would ask. "I got Mikasa a late birthday present and I think she likes it..."

Levi hummed. "And your friends?"

Eren chewed on his lip. Levi didn't really care how his friends were doing, that much he knew. He wanted to know if Eren had regained touch with them after his absence, if having been away helping Levi screwed up that part of his life, too. He cared about _Eren_ and what was important to him. Friends were among those things. The teen's heart squeezed.

"They're good, too. Finding new ways to defy society all the time. The usual."

"Care to elaborate?" Levi's tone suggested his brow was raised in question, as well. Or at least, allowed Eren to imagine it was.

"Hm, let's see. They're all college students, but none of them party...two of them can't stand sleeping in until noon, and out of seven, only one of them is straight," Eren explained, half-grinning and thinking of Connie, a small gray mouse surrounded by a bunch of rainbow mice. Not that gray was a bad thing at all.

A hint of amusement swam its way into Levi's question. "Does that seven include you?"

"No..."

Levi let out a breathy chuckle. Eren was desperate to know if it was genuine, to see if he was smiling even the slightest bit.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Nothing. Your friends seem...interesting."

Eren scratched the back of his neck. "They're...yeah, definitely interesting."

A small, comfortable silence followed. Eren broke it by asking, "How are your withdrawals? Have they changed at all?"

"No," Levi said quietly. "They haven't hit their peak yet, either...even though I've been sober for over a week." He sighed. "They say it's because I've been so dependent for so long..." The disappointment Levi held for himself was evident.

"What happens at the peak?" Eren couldn't help but ask.

"That's not something you need to worry about," Levi said.

"Levi-"

"Really, Eren."

"You know I'll worry anyway," Eren muttered.

"Exactly. So I'm sparing you from worrying any more."

Eren grumbled something under his breath. The only word Levi caught was 'matter'.

"Don't be such a brat," said the raven. "Anyway, the line's about to cut me off."

"What? Already?" Eren glanced at the clock. It had already been a good fifteen minutes, but it felt so much shorter than that.

"This place has shitty rules," he muttered. "But I can call you again in a week."

"Same time?"

"Mhm."

"Okay..."

"Bye, Eren..."

"Bye..."


	6. •~Chapter Six~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might've gone a bit overboard with this...heh.
> 
> & you guys are getting an update a couple days early 'cause I'm going on 'vacation' and I don't think I'll have access to a computer, and it's difficult to use ao3 on my phone, so, yeah~

*~Levi~*

This was bad.

And that was the understatement of the century.

He'd been sound asleep when the peak of withdrawals hit, violently tearing him from his slumber. If he thought they were bad before, if he thought they couldn't get any worse, he had another thing coming. This was absolutely _excruciating_.

Everything came at once this time - not one or two at a time, and they weren't in waves. It was constant. His entire body was in total agony.

His muscles twitched and spasmed. His entire frame shook. He was alternately hot and cold. His stomach heaved despite being empty and his head spun. Breathing was next to impossible; the only thing allowing oxygen into his searing lungs was the cannula. Every tiny movement amplified the pain. With coughing came blood.

He unintentionally ripped the IV from the back of his hand several times, and there was always someone around to replace it. He was hooked up to a heart monitor, the irregular beeping of it something he was vaguely aware of. There were voices, too...some he could only just make out past the whirling of his mind as he tried to will the pain away or beg for death. He knew he was never alone, but who was with him he had no idea.

Eventually, the screaming started, coming from an unknown source. Aside from wishing for death or relief, his only coherent thoughts were to shut that damn noise up; it only served to make his head pound ruthlessly. It took at least six hours for him to realize his own throat was the source of the agonized wailing.

"Add more morphine to his IV!" barked a female voice.

"It won't help," responded a male. "The vast majority of his pain only exists in his mind. There's no physical trauma that morphine will help."

"Then we'll have to sedate him!"

"No." The sound of the voice was deep, firm, and authoritative. "That will only delay the symptoms and they'll start back up as soon as he wakes again, perhaps ten times worse."

"We can't just leave him like this, Smith. And his screaming is disturbing the other patients. If we don't-"

"Add this to his IV," said the male. "It won't stop his pain, but it should calm his mind. And this..." A pause. "...will help his lungs. He's losing his voice, so the screaming should cease soon. And I need someone in this room at all times until this ends. Do _not_ leave him alone."

That conversation was all Levi's mind made out in thirty-six hours. During that time he didn't sleep or eat. His only movement was the involuntary spasms of his muscles as his body begged for release - the monster. When his voice ran out of stamina, someone coaxed a straw past his lips and he drank thirstily. The cool water did well to soothe his throat, and whatever had been put into the drip did help his lungs.

Eventually, the rest of the pain slowly began to ebb as well. The world came back as it faded away, and he heard the deep male voice say, "Go ahead and put him under. It's over now. His body needs rest."

That was the last thing he heard before the world faded out once more, this time by unconsciousness rather than pain.

When he came to once more, he felt lighter than ever. Breathing seemed so immensely easy, and his head was so much clearer. He was still sore, his lungs still ached and he was almost sure his voice was still shot. Still, this was better than he'd felt in _eons_. He let his eyes flutter open.

*~Eren~*

Levi's next phone calls came at exactly the same time as the first. By the third call, it had been over a month since Levi entered rehab. Thanks to Alex's reports and the calls themselves, he knew his raven-haired artist was doing so much better.

Which is why the demeanor of his next call came as a total shock to the teenager.

"Levi," he answered, an involuntary smile gracing his features.

"Hey, Eren." Said smile faltered and went out like a dead lightbulb. Immediately, he knew something was wrong. Levi sounded...almost dead.

"What's wrong?" he asked, tone serious, stomach churning in worry.

"Hm? Oh, nothing. I'm...I'm alright."

"Levi."

"Really, Eren. I'm really...fine..."

Eren shook his head, causing his hair to fly as he gripped his phone tighter. He stood from the couch and disappeared upstairs, away from the watching eyes and listening ears of his mother and sister.

"Talk to me, Levi, please," he practically begged. His heart was racing and the way Levi sounded made him very, very afraid.

The raven didn't answer right away. When he did, he said, "I just...wanted to hear your voice...one more time..."

"Levi, what-"

"...and to tell you I'm sorry."

Eren could feel his heart starting to crack. "What do you mean? Sorry for what?"

"For...for being a burden. For being human. I don't know."

Eren paced the hallway, running his hand through his hair repeatedly. "Stop," he said. "You have nothing to apologize for. You're not a burden."

"If...if you're sure..."

"I am. Completely." He went into his room and shut the door. He sat at his desk and fidgeted with a pencil in the prolonged silence between them.

"Am I hurting you, Eren?"

"N-no."

"Please don't lie."

"No, Levi. You're not hurting me. You're just...scaring me."

"I'm so-" Eren could hear the snap of Levi's teeth.

"It's okay," he said softly. "I just need to know you're okay."

To that Levi didn't respond and another small silence fell between them, and again Levi was the one to break it.

"Eren?"

He sounded so weak, so vulnerable. Eren forced away the thickness in his throat. "Yeah?"

"Will..." The raven seemed to be struggling with his words. "Will you sing?"

The pencil slipped from Eren's fingers and tumbled to the floor. It took a second for Levi's words to sink in. When they did, he fumbled to open his laptop and said, "Yeah, of course..."

Hastily, he worked on waking his computer up and selected a playlist he'd put together years ago filled with songs that'd helped him stay calm when his mental disorders started getting the better of him. He knew every song in it forwards and backwards, so he tapped shuffle and stuck with the first thing that played, knowing he was a little pressed for time.

On the other end of the line, Levi could hear the first notes of the song as it began. A soft piano, distorted a bit by the speaker of the phone. He shut his eyes and hugged his knees to his chest, pressing his nose down into Eren's hoodie as the first words began, Eren's voice accompanying the recording and completely upstaging the original to his own ears.

_"Six on the second hand to New Year's resolutions, and there's just no question what this man should do."_

The raven could feel himself shaking. Eren's melodic voice, even though the distorted sound of a phone receiver, captivated him, drew him in and hanging off every last lyric rolling smoothly off the teen's tongue.

_"You say I'm lucky to love something that loves me, but I'm torn as I could be wherever I roam."_

Eren's pipes were like a light, chasing the darkness from Levi's soul and helping him remember what his purpose was. It wasn't completely the same as the first time Levi's ears were graced with this sound. He wasn't being torn apart and pulled back together, wasn't being pierced by the words.

_"I would travel so far, I would travel so far to get back where you are..."_

This time it was nothing but an antidote, mending his scars but never having to inflict them in order to heal them just to open his eyes. It came as an absolute blessing.

_"We got all this love, can't waste it on another. So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you."_

The song came to a close and Eren tapped the spacebar, pausing the playlist. He held his breath, waiting for Levi to say something, _anything_. He even checked to make sure they hadn't been cut off.

"Thank you," the raven finally murmured. He sounded a little better.

"S-sure..."

"And Eren?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't suck."

Eren bit back his idiotic smile. Just as he opened his mouth to thank Levi, as much as he didn't really believe it, the three beeps indicating the call had ended sounded in his ear.

_*~Recovery Journal Entry #1~*_

_Eren Jaeger._

_The simple sound of this brat's voice has so much power over me. It keeps me sane. Reminds me why I'm here...hooked to too many tubes with probing eyes watching me, surrounded by other people who in my mind's eye are fucking lunatics, but who likely see me the same way. His voice is enough, just barely enough to get me by. But hell, I can't deny that I miss his presence and his touch, too. Every night I curl up with what little I have of him - that hoodie, and drag his scent into my lungs, pretending he's here and trying to pull forward the memory of his calming presence. My memories of him are not so strong, not like those of white-blond hair or crazed eyes behind thick lenses, or worse (better?) yet, of the uplifting laughter of a child who meant so much to me..._

_My memories of him are either through the eyes of intoxication or accompanied by the agonies of withdrawal. I remember him. But not the way he should be remembered...not the way I want to remember him._

_Having talked to him...he seems happy. Finally, he's happy. However...something in the back of my mind nags that it's because I'm not around him at the moment to inflict more pain._

_He says I'm his favorite person in the world. He's the biggest goddamn idiot I've ever met if that's the case. But he's mine, too. I adore him. Maybe that's not allowed, maybe that's fucked up, but I'm starting to not care. Words fail in trying to describe how I felt when he said it...that I'm his favorite person. So human. Still so addictive. It's hard, being away from him. I find myself willing time to speed up, to close that distance. I want to see him again. Need to._

_After all, he is my reason for breathing._


	7. •~Chapter Seven~•

"Happy Birthday, Eren!" chorused Carla and Mikasa together the minute Eren set foot in the living room.

He smiled sleepily at them. "Thanks, guys," he yawned.

"We made French Toast," said Carla.

Eren's eyes immediately lit up and the scent of cinnamon, vanilla, maple syrup, and frying oil greeted his nose as he wandered toward the kitchen.

"And stayed up late wrapping presents," said Mikasa pointedly, gesturing to two neatly wrapped gifts waiting for him on the table. He raised his brows.

"You guys didn't have to get me anything..."

Mikasa sighed. "I knew you'd say that. But it's too late, so you'll have to open them and enjoy them."

"Can't argue with that..."

Eren got down plates for Carla to serve the absolutely _heavenly_ smelling pieces of French toast on and they sat down to eat. Eren practically drowned his in syrup while Mikasa glowered at him in disgust, barely using any on hers and Carla _tsk_ ed him for using so much, scolding him and telling him how bad all that sugar was for him.

"Shush, it's my birthday," he mumbled in excuse before shoving half a piece of toast in his mouth.

"Boys are so gross," mumbled Mikasa.

"Come on, 'Kasa, you're fourteen. You're too old to be thinking that."

The faintest of blushes rose to Mikasa's cheeks and she averted her eyes to her food. Eren saw right through her and nudged her under the table with his foot, a grin spreading across his face. "Someone has a cruuush," he sang teasingly.

"Shush up, Eren," she mumbled. "You're not even close."

"Uh huh, sure."

She rolled her eyes. Carla chuckled, shaking her head. "You two are hopeless."

They finished their breakfast and Mikasa insisted Eren open his presents before she had to leave for the bus stop. One of them was the latest season of _Supernatural_ , completing his collection thus far. The other was a book and a gift card to buy music with.

"Sorry it's not much," said Carla.

"No, it's great. Thank you both."

Mikasa was on her way out the door when Eren's ringtone sounded from the kitchen table. The caller ID showed Sasha, and he braced himself as he muttered a hello into the receiver. A very tone-deaf chorus of 'Happy Birthday to You' erupted so loudly into his ear that he had to hold the phone several inches away from his ear until it was over.

"Has anyone ever told you guys how tone deaf you are?" he joked half-heartedly.

"Damn, Eren! Just 'cause it's your birthday doesn't give you the right to be rude," muttered Jean.

"Take a joke, Kirstein!" Connie shot back.

"Thanks, guys," Eren went on.

"So how does the big two-oh feel?" Ymir asked.

"I've been twenty for like two minutes, how should I know?"

"Aw c'mon, Eren, don't tell me you're one of _those_ people."

"What? One of what people?"

"One of those people who's all stickler about the exact _time_ you were born. Seriously. Who. Cares." It was clear Ymir was rolling her eyes.

"What's wrong with that?" came Armin's innocent tenor.

That initiated lighthearted arguing between them on their, of course, very strong opinions on whether or not it was cool to know and care about the exact time you were born. Only being over the phone, Eren was unable to detect who had what opinion.

"Guys, guys!" he cut in. When their chattering stopped, he said, "I appreciate the call, but I have to start getting ready for work."

"Doesn't the shop open at like 11? It's only 8:30," said Armin.

"I know, but I have something I need to finish up there. Don't you guys have class, anyway?"

"He's right," sighed Marco.

"But hey, Eren," Sasha piped up. "I hope you're free tonight 'cause we have big plans for the birthday boy."

Eren raised his brows. "Uh oh. That can't be good."

"Jesus, dude, it's not like we're gonna take you to a strip club or anything-" said Marco.

"-and you're too young to drink!" added Connie.

"So are we, buzz cut," muttered Jean, likely smacking Connie across the head.

" _Anyway_ ," Sasha continued. "Be ready to go by seven 'cause we're picking you up."

"To do...?"

"It's a _surprise_ , dummy. Jeesh, don't you know how birthdays work? Anyway, gotta go! Love ya!"

Eren chuckled. "Later, guys."

They chorused their goodbyes before the call ended.

"What was that all about?" asked Carla from her place at the sink washing dishes.

Eren jumped in to help. "Apparently they're taking me on a surprise adventure tonight," he said.

"That should be fun. Isn't Levi supposed to call you tonight?"

Eren nodded, joyful demeanor faltering a bit in remembering the last conversation he had with the raven. He'd been worrying about it all week, wondering if he was doing any better with his depression. Eren knew how it could be, being crushed by terrible thoughts and low self-esteem for days on end. Hopefully...

"Eren?"

"Uhm, yeah, but that's at 6. Sasha said this is at 7."

Carla nodded in understanding. They worked on the dishes in silence for a minute.

"Does he know it's your birthday?"

"Levi? No. He doesn't."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Mmm...no, I don't think so. He has more important things to worry about."

"You don't think he'd like to know?"

"I dunno...I mean, I didn't know when his birthday was...and I screwed that up royally..."

Carla turned her frown on him. "What do you mean, hon?"

"Levi's birthday...is the same day as Christmas..."

His mother immediately understood and she squeezed his shoulder. "That wasn't your fault, darling. You didn't know. And things are better now. I'm sure he isn't mad at you."

"I-I know." Eren blinked rapidly, trying to shove aside the memory of that night. He still all too clearly remembered Levi's pained face under the light of the streetlamp, the way he begged Eren to say something and tell him to leave, the way he said he didn't deserve kindness. All of it weighed heavily on Eren's heart and he wanted nothing more than to rid himself of that guilty feeling.

"It's your decision," she said, ending the conversation.

Eren walked in the tattoo shop about an hour later. Unsurprisingly, he was the first there and he took the opportunity of no distractions to get right to work. He'd finished organizing Levi's art on the wall a few weeks ago and went onto other things - like making spreadsheets and putting all of the records of paperwork into the computer, freeing Reiner up to finally get back to doing what he did best - giving tattoos.

As he sat at the computer he played music over the Bluetooth speaker with his phone. Every song that played _somehow_ managed to remind him of Levi...

"Hey, Eren, happy birthday!" came the voice of the ever enthusiastic Reiner Braun, breaking Eren from spacing completely out. He jumped and mumbled a thanks.

"I see your mind is elsewhere," commented the large blond, leaning over and studying the computer screen, which hadn't much changed since Eren began that morning.

"Shit, yeah, I guess it has been. Sorry." He leaned back toward the screen and fumbled for a place to start back up.

"Thinkin' about Levi?" Reiner teased.

Eren smiled guiltily. "Am I that easy to read?"

Reiner chuckled and hung his coat up. "Can't blame ya," he said. "I'd be worrying just as much if it were my girl in that situation."

"That girl of yours tells you a lot more than she lets on, doesn't she?"

"Not any more than she needs to. You don't needa worry, Eren. I don't care who you love. That's all your business. If you're happy, that's cool. And yeah, we've both told you this, but the guy's changed drastically since you walked in here." He gestured in the direction of Levi's untouched work area. "You're good for him."

"I mean, I guess so..." Eren habitually rubbed the back of his neck, a bit sheepish.

Reiner chuckled. "Humble as ever, I see. Anyway, we both have work to do. I'll ease up on the heavy." He winked up and turned to ready his own work area for his first customer.

Eren went back to work, too, though not without thinking about Reiner's words over and over. The more he thought about it, the more he selfishly couldn't wait for Levi to finish rehab, to see him again...

That night at six sharp, his phone rang.

He bit his lip and answered.

"Hello, Eren," came a voice he almost didn't recognize. His eyes widened in awe.

"Levi...you...you sound so much better."

"I should hope so, seeing as the withdrawals ended a few days ago."

Eren's eyes widened further and the air was beginning to bite at them. Ignoring that, he let Levi's words sink in. Pure joy and relief flooded through him. Every hint of doubt he might've bore was washed away to swirl down the drain, forgotten.

"That's fantastic," he breathed.

"Yeah, but they still have me on this godforsaken oxygen tank." Levi's scowl was evident in his voice and Eren found he couldn't stop smiling.

"Have you eaten?" he asked. Levi hesitated to answer and that smile faltered. "Levi?"

"Yes..." He didn't sound sure.

"But?" Eren prompted nervously.

"It's like my organs forgot how to completely digest food," he said quietly. "Even though the withdrawals are over, my body isn't functioning totally properly."

Eren felt he'd been relieved too soon, and felt stupid as soon as Levi said those words for having been. Of course the combination of the withdrawals and the drug itself had taken a mighty toll on Levi's body. He was still fragile...still weak. As much faith and hope Eren had in him making a full recovery, he still feared the worst. It was idiotic to think Levi would be totally okay once his withdrawals subsided. Eren supposed he just hoped too much...if that were even possible.

"So then...what?" he mumbled.

"Not sure yet. They're still running tests."

"Hmm...so how do you feel?"

"Sobriety without withdrawal is a lot better than I remembered."

Eren's smile returned a bit. Levi definitely sounded much better. His voice lacked the scratchiness he'd been so used to. He tried to remember this was what it sounded like back in the days of cleaning the back room. Even then it had been a lot rougher. This was smooth and deeper than he'd expected. Deeper than his own. It was...almost sexy, dare he say. His stomach flopped at the thought.

They talked aimlessly for a while, the conversation taking no particular direction. Too soon, Levi was warning him that he was about to cut off, which he learned gave them about thirty seconds until it actually happened. If he could, he would've sat there talking to Levi all night, but he figured that was asking too much and was grateful for the time they did get.

"I guess I'll talk to you next week, then," he sighed, voice heavy with disappointment.

"Eren?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

Eren's phone nearly slipped through his fingers. He felt like butterflies were fluttering throughout his entire being and his very soul seemed to warm up from those three simple words he never could've expected.

"I love you, too, Levi," he found himself murmuring.

"I may not be worthy, but-"

"Shh. Don't say that. I'll talk to you in a week."

"Y-yeah..."

"Bye, Levi."

"Eren..."

They both let the line cut them off and Eren set his phone soundlessly on the desk where he sat. For a long moment, his mind was blank.

And then it exploded.

Levi loved him. And he said it, just like that. He was loved...by Levi. By the person he himself loved most in the world. In some ways he felt like he'd known it, but was afraid to admit it in case he was wrong. But now...now he could feel it down to his very bones, rushing through his veins by the pounding of his heart, resonating in his soul.

He was so happy he could scream. He had to bury his face in his hands to bury his laughter. He felt so light, so free, so _loved_. He felt like he could float atop his joy and purity around him...like he wanted to run through a field of roses and write cheesy things in the sky with the exhaust from a jet, like he wanted to hug absolutely everyone he could and laugh forever. And most of all, he wanted Levi to be there with him as he did it all.

'Jesus Christ, what am I turning into?' he thought, dropping his hands and shaking his head. His cheeks were beginning to ache from smiling so much, but he _loved_ it.

Eren was just about to jump up and run downstairs to give his mother an update - she always asked how Levi was doing after his phone calls - when he spotted the pile of keys on the corner of his desk. Levi's keys. Particularly the intricately designed one...painted by Levi's own artistic hand of a deep blue rose. Images of blood-caked melted wax, dirty spoons and needles flashed fleetingly through his mind and suddenly carrying out his promise to clean that cabinet was more important than anything else.

In all honesty, he'd been putting it off out of fear. Of what, he wasn't sure...but he'd been afraid to go over there and do it. But things suddenly changed and he remembered Levi's words.

_"It's...it's something I can only trust you with, and if you can't...I'm not sure this can ever work..."_

Eren was suddenly fumbling with his phone to call Sasha. She picked up with a cheery, "Hey, birthday boy!"

"Hey, Sash...I hate to do this, but-"

" _Do not_ tell me you're canceling."

"No, no, nothing like that. I was just hoping you could give me some extra time. Say, half an hour?"

"Why?"

"There's something I really need to take care of."

"Can't it wait?" The girl was clearly frowning.

Eren was still staring at the keys. "No, I don't think it can."

"Well..."

"It's really important, Sasha. I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't." Eren could hear the desperateness seeping into his tone.

"I understand. But 7:30, no later. Got it?"

"Yes. Thank you, Sasha."

"No prob. See you then."

"Bye."

Eren hung up and seized Levi's keys off his desk in one swift motion. He then found some shoes to stuff his feet into and pulled a jacket on over his shoulders. With that, he headed downstairs to let his mom know he was leaving.

"Where are you going? Don't you have plans with your friends soon?"

"Yeah, but I pushed it back to 7:30. I have something I have to take care of." Carla frowned in confusion. "For Levi," he clarified.

"Okay, hon, but be careful. It's supposed to start snowing soon."

"I will. Love you." He pecked her cheek and hurried out the door.

The air outside was nippy and the clouds hanging overhead as the sun went down definitely threatened snow. He hurried down the walk to his car, practically throwing the door open and jumping inside. He was halfway down the street before he had his seat belt on.

He wasn't sure why he was in such a haste. It wasn't even 6:30 yet and even at a leisurely pace he would have plenty of time before his friends were supposed to pick him up. Part of him must've felt guilty for holding this off for so long. Another part was pushing him to get it done before he could chicken out again. The last part felt like this was an apology to the raven, or perhaps a test.

_"And if you can't...I'm not sure this can ever work..."_

Eren wanted this to work, _needed_ it to. Levi might have changed since Eren walked into his life, but so had Eren himself. Before Levi, his life seemed bleak. Aimless. Despite it only having been a mere six months since their worlds collided, he couldn't imagine himself without some form of Levi with him...without the raven by his side in one way or another. He knew it was bad to be so attached. He knew things could end badly. He could get so hurt. Weak and feeble as he was at the moment, the artist had immense power over him.

_"I'm just...trying to get used to you."_

_"That's dangerous."_

Didn't matter. Eren knew. And he enjoyed it. He liked the feeling of the unknown. Liked not playing it so safe. It was what he'd needed.

And now he was flying up the stairs to the door marked 36 on his twentieth birthday, waiting more anxiously than he had for anything in his life for the tenant of that particular apartment to get better so he could come home.

Eren stuck the key in the lock and twisted. His heart was flying, his hands shaking. Inside was nearly pitch dark. The curtains were still drawn, seeing as the last time they left, it had been 2 AM. He reached over and flicked the light on to find that everything was eerily the same. He knew it was dumb to expect it to be any different, but it was eerie nonetheless.

It smelled virtually the same, slightly floral with the tiniest hint of cigarettes. One of the blankets was still in a pile on the couch where Levi had sat most of the time. There was still a plate dusted with a few toast crumbs adjacent to an empty tea cup on the coffee table. The lampshade remained slightly tilted.

Holding his breath for no real reason, Eren stepped further in and shut the door, habitually locking it. The place seemed so empty without Levi, so quiet. Not that Levi was particularly loud...

Eren wandered further into the apartment, flipping on every light he knew of as if that would make it seem less empty, less abandoned. The feeling of need for haste was long gone and his nerves suddenly stood on end.

Eren pulled his phone from his pocket and shuffled his music. The sound of something else comforted him as he grabbed a few things from the kitchen before heading to the bathroom. It, too, remained unchanged. The mirror behind the door was still broken. Bandages still sat out on the sink from when Eren dressed the wounds on Levi's arm.

A phantom image of the raven sitting on the toilet as he treated the cuts flashed across Eren's vision. It felt so real he actually backed up a few steps, shaking his head.

"Jesus, Eren, could you get any more paranoid?" he muttered to himself.

He stepped back into the bathroom and took a tentative seat on the floor, setting the things from the kitchen down as well.

With a deep breath, he opened one side of the cabinet. Sure enough, the pinkish wax remained stuck to the wood inside. Just that had him remembering Levi's bloodshot eyes, both sober and intoxicated, almost always in pain.

He got to work, then. He scooped up all of the spoons, candles, lighters, box of needles and such and threw them into a plastic bag. He used a damp towel to collect the shards of glass from the broken syringe. He practically had to force himself to pinch the rest of it - the plastic plunger and the needle - between his fingers and discard it into the bag. By then, his arms were shaking and he was fighting back the sting of tears in his eyes, unsure if it was due to a swirling vortex of emotions or some other cause.

Then he began scraping up the dried on wax. It ranged from dusty white to dark brown where it was mixed with dried blood.

He lost track of time as he sat there scraping. He was determined to get rid of every last bit of evidence in that cabinet. Half the contents of the plastic bag consisted of pieces of the wax. Once he got the last of it, he knotted the handles of the bag three times for good measure.

The relief he felt in having done this was almost unreal. It made a point.

Eren gave himself a minute to breathe and checked the clock. It was only just after seven. He'd have time to find somewhere to dispose of this stuff and get back home before his friends showed up. He was sure that if he was a second late, he'd take an earful from Sasha.

He stood up and stretched. He took a minute to tidy the apartment a little - rinsing the dishes, folding the blanket and straightening the lampshade. He wanted there to be more evidence of his presence.

That done, he shut the lights off and gave the place one last glance before departing, feeling much lighter than he had upon showing up.

_*~Recovery Journal Entry #2~*_

_I can't wait to get the hell out of this place. I'm so immensely tired of being probed by doctors (aliens?) day after day. It's test after test, therapy session after therapy session with a man whose eyebrows are the most ridiculous things I've ever had the displeasure of laying my eyes on. He knows what he's doing and I can't deny that he helps, but having to stare at those caterpillars for an hour every day is doing a damn number on my eyes and I'm starting to have nightmares about them..._

_I haven't gone as far as to tell him the deepest parts of my being like he seems to want me to. I couldn't care less about telling him; there's only one set of ears I will allow hear the stories I have swarming around in my head._

_I've remembered so much since becoming sober. The monster...it blocked those memories and then, that was my intention. I wanted nothing more to forget...wanted nothing more than to be released from those bonds and feelings. The monster seemed to block me from part of who I am by doing that. I can feel again in such stronger ways, more intense and real ways than I had with my drug..._

_...so much so that I told Eren that I love him..._

_..._

_I do. So much. He'll never understand how much, or know how grateful I am for him and everything he's done for me. I owe him an enormous debt I will never be able to repay. He's part of the reason I'm so damn anxious to get the hell out of here. I've never been so desperate to see someone again. The teenager himself is almost like a drug in his own way...I always seem to want more of him and these feeble phone calls aren't nearly enough._

_Soon, Eren. Soon. I promise._


	8. •~Chapter Eight~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm _soooooooo_ incredibly sorry this is late; I went to a convention this weekend and didn't have the chance to update. Yes, there will be a new chapter this coming Saturday as well. Again, I sincerely apologize Dx

Sasha's surprise turned out to be dinner for a party of eight at probably the loudest restaurant Eren had ever been to (bless his poor ears for enduring it) where they had an even louder chorus of employees sing to him and more than half the restaurant chimed in (supposedly normal procedure, so he'd heard) and totally butchered the part where they sang his name because the majority of them didn't hear it initially. He shared subtle looks of sympathy with Armin, who wasn't all that fond of loud, crowded places. After the singing, he was showered with presents ranging from gag gifts (a roll of toilet paper, the center stuffed with lip gloss, courtesy of Connie who ended up covered in both things by the end of the meal) to gift cards (some for music, some for other things, courtesy mostly of Armin because it was all he could afford) to a rubber duck with an IOU attached to the bottom (from Ymir) all the way up to a portable Bluetooth speaker (courtesy of Christa, whose family was practically rich).

After that, they went paintballing, where they learned Jean had very poor aim, not so surprisingly earning him teasing about how Marco would always be top. To those he appropriately fired insults back to whomever said it before making googly eyes at his very blushing boyfriend and then, on more than one occasion, earning a paintball right in the chest or forehead.

At its conclusion, it turned out to be a fantastic night - one that Eren would surely remember for a long time. He kept his cool through the entirety of it about Levi and the three special words he was told by the man earlier that night, though inwardly he couldn't stop thinking about it. The only one who could tell something was up was, of course, Armin, who insisted he be told once they got a minute away from the others.

Between paintball fights, they escaped to the bathroom which turned out to be empty and he spilled the news to his blond friend.

"I talked to Levi earlier, and..."

"And what?" Armin pressed. He wasn't normally one to pry, but he knew it was something big.

Eren kept his eyes on himself in the mirror. "He told me he loves me."

Armin's mouth literally popped open and he stared, wide-eyed at his best friend for a good half a minute before composing himself and smiling. It was Armin's classic _I knew it_ smile and Eren rolled his eyes to try and hide his blush.

Presently, a few weeks subsequent to that night, Eren sat out on his front porch with his mother while Mikasa was at school. They waited for Alex, who'd called him saying she bore news and had something for him. Naturally, she refused to tell him any details, causing him to sit with his leg bouncing anxiously. Carla placed her hand on said knee, stopping it, and squeezed gently.

"I'm sure whatever news she has isn't bad," she assured him.

"But she never says she needs to tell me in person...and I just have a feeling..."

"Eren, darling, do you believe Levi can beat his addiction?"

The brunet looked down at his mother, mildly startled. "Well...yeah, of course I do. He kind of already has."

"And do you believe he has the will to get better?"

He blinked at her. "Yes..."

A soft smile graced Carla's features. "And you've given him a reason to want to."

It wasn't formed as a question, but Eren nodded anyway.

"Then you should have faith that whatever Alex has to tell you is good news. And if it isn't, you should have faith that it's just another obstacle you both can get over, even if you can't directly be there for him. That's how it works."

Eren merely nodded. He knew she was right, but that was nothing new. It wasn't like him and Levi were officially together or anything - that was among the least of his worries - but they did have a connection. They loved each other, and that was what she meant.

A few minutes later, Alex's sleek vehicle pulled up to the curb with a smooth stop. The pink-headed woman was impossible to see past the heavily tinted windows, but when she got out Eren was surprised to see her sporting a deep purple dress and leggings that made her legs look even paler than they already were. Alex was fashionable, but she didn't seem the type to wear a knee-length dress or matching flats. Her hair still hung in its usual style around her shoulders and, of course, her lipstick matched her outfit as well.

Carla's brows lifted as she watched the girl retrieve something from inside the car and Eren suddenly realized she'd never met Alex.

"Guess I shouldn't be surprised, after seeing her brother," murmured Carla with a slight laugh.

"They're a lot different than you'd think," responded Eren.

"But the hair...? I just don't understand the styles these days," she said with the shake of her head.

Normally Eren would've nudged her and chuckled, but his mind was already too preoccupied with the news Alex bore. She retrieved a rolled up piece of poster board from her car and headed toward them. She greeted them smoothly and introduced herself to Carla. With that she wasted no time in holding the rolled up poster out to Eren.

"This is for you."

He raised a brow and took it. As soon as it was in his hand, another smaller piece of lined paper slid out. Curiously, he picked it up and unrolled it to read,

_Eren,_

_They've finally put a pen in my hand. As soon as I finished this, I knew I wanted you to have it. I'll let you figure out the symbolism...that is, if you see it the way I do. Maybe I went too deep with it. You decide._

_I miss you and I'll see you soon...if you're still waiting for me..._

_-Levi_

Eren balanced that on his leg while he unrolled the poster itself.

The contents of the paper was...breathtaking, to say the least.

It was of a bird. A phoenix, to be exact, rising from the ashes as phoenix do. Its feathers were a brilliant fiery red as it held its tattered wings unfurled. Each and every feather had been drawn intricately, carefully with a mix of oranges, reds, even a hint of yellow, giving the brilliant illusion of flames. Grayish clouds billowed out around it, blotting out the sun with the exception of a few rays peeking between the dust and shining down onto the bird. Its head was turned to the right, beak pointed upward toward the ray of sunlight as if it were its own. Still, the most striking feature was the one visible eye. It contrasted the burning feathers greatly yet seemed to fit in like the piece of a puzzle, with its lustrous bluish-green hue that Eren knew immediately. He'd seen it in the pages of Levi's sketchbook, seen it in the mirror countless times...

Eren stared and stared at it, taking in the full detail of it. He understood the symbolism and it needn't an explanation. They'd evidently given him more than just a pen...and if Eren thought what he'd seen of Levi's work before - scattered in the shop and in that sketchbook - he hadn't known his true ability. It was exquisite. Breathtaking. Indescribably unique.

Wordlessly, he angled it better so his mother could take a look. Her eyes, too, widened upon laying them on the artwork.

"Incredible," she breathed.

Alex lifted her sunglasses and peered down at it. Though upside down, she too could fathom the absolute beauty of it.

"My brother's always been an insanely talented artist...I feel like I shouldn't be surprised that he's _this_ good."

"It was the drugs," Eren said quietly, earning puzzled looks from the females. He didn't take his eyes from the phoenix as he explained. "The drugs tainted his art, too, on top of everything else. They didn't let his full potential out. He'd been getting better...but something tells me not even he knew he was capable of this. Now that he's sober..." His sentence trailed off.

"Because of you," said both Alex and Carla simultaneously.

Eren half-grinned. "I just gave him a push in the right direction. Ultimately it was his decision."

"Humble as ever," murmured Alex. "Anyway, Eren, how 'bout I buy you lunch so we can catch up?"

Eren frowned up at her as he rolled the poster carefully back up. "You don't have to do that..."

"Please," she scoffed, sounding more like Levi than usual. "Just let me do it. That is, if it's okay with you." She pointed her gaze at Carla, who held her hands up.

"You don't need my permission." She smiled warmly. "Have fun."

"Okay. Lemme go put this away real quick." Eren jumped up and ran inside to find a safe place to keep the incredible piece of artwork before joining Alex outside once more. As normal, he kissed his mother on the cheek and promised to be careful before hopping in the front seat of Alex's car. He was all too anxious to hear her news, knowing she'd seen the person he loved so dearly only an hour before...

They set out and ended up at a small diner Alex knew about. Almost every employee there greeted her like they were longtime friends, asked about Reiner, asked who it was she was with. She replied with the same answers to each of them, said she was fine, Reiner was fine, this was her friend Eren.

"You make friends everywhere you go, don't you?" asked the teen.

She shrugged, nonchalant. "I'm a people person."

"Sometimes it is hard to believe you and Levi are related," he half-joked.

Alex chuckled. "You're not the first person to point that out."

A waitress (who, of course, Alex knew as well) came over to take their drink order. Eren, being sidetracked as he was, blurted out the first thing he thought of, which happened to be lemonade. He didn't even like lemonade, but he figured he'd deal. He wasn't much in the mood for consuming anything, anyway, except for Alex's news about Levi.

"How is he?" he asked as soon as the waitress set the drinks in front of them and walked away.

"He's better. Different...but better."

"What do you mean by different?"

"He's still Levi, of course. Bitter toward most people and indifferent to the rest." She chuckled, but Eren could tell it was forced. "But he's...brighter, somehow. I don't know if that's the right word. More lively? He's not the little kid I used to know before...our mother died. And he's not the shelled-in person I've known since then. I think you'll have to see what I mean for yourself."

Eren nodded, not knowing what to say. Alex went on.

"As for everything else...jeez, where do I begin? They've taken him off the oxygen."

"Bet he was more than a little thrilled about that," Eren said.

A smile flickered across Alex's face. "His lungs will never be completely healed, but he doesn't require that help anymore. Turns out heroin is extensively detrimental to the respiratory system...and on top of the cigarettes..." She half-shrugged. "He's still on the IV, but they're slowly retraining his body how to digest food and from the looks of it, it's working, seeing as he was nibbling on crackers the entire time I was there."

"D-does he still throw up?" Eren half-whispered.

"Not sure, but probably."

Both of their minds flitted back to the night Levi decided to go to rehab, when he puked violently right after Alex showed up. It was the only time she'd witnessed it, and although it was by no means the first time for Eren, it was still difficult for him.

"He stopped losing weight, though," she said. "And hopefully soon he'll start gaining some. He's so tiny..."

Eren nodded, remembering that too. Remembered Levi's naked, malnourished body where all of his ribs were prominent under tattooed skin, his hipbones and collarbones jutting out unnaturally, even the bones in his face much too prominent.

"They don't want him to gain all his weight back in fat, though, and because he's been able to eat, he's regaining his strength, so they let him walk around on his own more than they did before. They still have someone follow him with a wheelchair just in case, and I'm sure you can only imagine what came out of his mouth about that." Alex smiled fondly and shook her head. Eren, too, chuckled.

"He asked about you."

The brunet raised a brow. That was unusual. They talked on the phone often enough that they'd determined Levi never felt the need to ask about him.

"What did he say?"

"He just wanted to know how you're doing. He said you seem pretty happy on the phone, but he wanted to know for sure. I told him you're well, that you're anxious to see him again."

"Wh-what?" Eren felt his face heat up. "You told him that? Why?"

Alex laughed. "Don't you think he deserves to know?"

"I mean..." Eren cast his gaze out the window, drowning in embarrassment.

"But then, Eren," Alex said, tone serious again. He met her gaze once more. "He asked if you're happy, and I said I think so, and he said he wondered if it was because he hasn't been around."

Eren's face instantly fell, remembering one of the first phone calls with the raven and how dead he seemed. It hadn't been as bad since, but Eren knew he was still capable of that sadness...

"I see," murmured Eren, casting his gaze to the table.

"I told him that wasn't the case," Alex said. "I'm not sure if he believed me. He just said he was glad to know you're happy."

Eren forced a grin. Truth be told, he was happy...but not nearly as much as he had been with the raven by his side, even in the dark state of withdrawal. He was happy, but not in the same way. Levi still held those pieces of him, and in his way, Levi was a piece of him. He didn't feel complete with the artist so far away.

Before either of them said anything more, the waitress came back by to take their order. Eren declined getting anything, earning a subtle glare from Alex. He explained he wasn't feeling up to eating at the moment. His stomach was already full of strange butterflies and mixed anxiety as it was.

Alex ate in silence for a while and Eren left his gaze out the window at the passing cars, letting his thoughts wander.

"Dude, relax," Alex said after a while. "Your face is gonna get stuck like that."

"What? Oh." Eren suddenly realized he'd been frowning deeply and immediately relaxed his facial muscles.

"What are you so deep in thought about?"

He shook his head and she raised a brow. "Come on, it's not gonna help you to hold it inside."

Eren huffed. She had a point. It was advice he'd given Levi on multiple occasions, and he figured it might help.

"It's just...sometimes I feel guilty because I wasn't strong enough or just enough in general to save him on my own...without him needing this treatment."

Alex set her fork down and looked him straight in the eyes. "You're no doctor, Eren. By the time you walked into his life, he was going to need this treatment anyway. Don't feel guilty. You were enough to get him there...enough to make him realize his life is worth it and holds meaning. That's not something anyone else could've done, and even though he hasn't said it, and knowing him he might never, I know he's grateful for what you've done for him, and that's probably the biggest understatement I've ever said. But seriously. And he loves you. I can tell. If anyone should feel guilty, it's me. I've been around him my entire life and I was blind to the fact that any of this was happening. I was too self-absorbed...and he needed me but I wasn't there. And I can't forgive myself for that." She dropped her gaze. "Even if he can."

"What do you mean?"

"Right before he asked about you and then gave me that drawing...he forgave me. He...said that for a long time he'd been blaming me for a lot of shit in his life. Like abandoning him, and a few other things I won't go into, and that he didn't want to be carrying the burden of the grudge he held against me anymore, and he forgave me. He made it seem like it was for his benefit more than anything, of course, but only in his words, and it was probably something his therapist suggested he do. But in his eyes...I could tell he was sincere. He actually wanted to forgive me. And my god, was I happy, but then on the way back to your place, I got thinking and realized how much I don't deserve his forgiveness. I haven't done anything to repent for abandoning him and hurting him in different ways at different times." She sighed. "So like I said, he may have forgiven me...but I can't forgive myself."

"I hope you know you're wrong."

"What?"

"You have been repenting for those things. You're essentially the one paying for his treatment."

"But that's not-"

"And how often do you visit him? Every day you have off work, right? You know he doesn't have many people in his life, and you are his only family, and you take your time to keep him company. That's not abandonment. It's quite the opposite, actually. Even if you've done so in the past...you're turning it around now. Better late than never, right?"

Alex blinked at him, rendered speechless momentarily.

"I may be wrong...but I think that's at least part of why he did forgive you. He's realized that."

Slowly, Alex nodded. When the waitress came by, she asked for a to go box. She then said, "I think it's time we both stop feeling guilty."

"I concur."

The waitress reappeared with the box and Alex paid the bill. Eren hastily sucked down some of his untouched lemonade, despite the terrible bitter taste. It was rude to make Alex pay for something he wasn't even going to drink. With that, they departed the café. The entire staff chorused their farewells to the cotton candy-headed girl as they stepped past the threshold.

As he slid into the car, a thought occurred to him.

"Alex?"

"What's up?"

"Can you...tell me about Isabel?"

The seat belt slipped from Alex's fingers as she was trying to fasten it and she looked up at him, momentarily puzzled by the name. Then slowly, her features relaxed into realization.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised he told you about her."

"Yeah...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's not really my place..."

"No, it's fine. You just surprised me." She reached back for the belt again. "I haven't heard that name in years...not since I told Reiner what happened." She clicked the seat belt in place and started the engine.

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"Really, don't worry about it." She worked on maneuvering the car from the parking lot before saying anything more. "We'll take a walk, okay?"

"Sure."

Said walk took place in a nearby park with a decently sized pond, a playground where the laughter and screams of children filled the air. A wide concrete path encircled the pond and Eren followed Alex to it. They fell into step beside each other. It remained quiet between them for a while and they watched the ducks and geese dive underwater for fish. Several other people jogged or rode their bikes around the path, taking advantage of the nice weather, warmer than it'd been in months.

"Isabel was the light of all our lives from the minute she was born," Alex began. Her voice held a hint of sadness, but an edge that suggested she was about to launch into a good story. "She had such a strong personality for a four-year-old. She was stubborn as a bull but she loved to laugh and she adored animals. She actually kind of had an affinity for them. Once she got a squirrel to come up to her in the front yard and you can't imagine how upset she was when our mother chased it away. She caught an injured bird once, too, and ran right up to Levi with it, begging him to save it. He hopped right in the car without asking and rushed it to the vet, just for her." Alex shook her head, a light chuckle escaping her lips. "He got yelled at by our mother for it, but he didn't care because they'd saved the bird and made Isabel happy." Alex huffed and began kicking a stone along the path. Eren was trying to imagine it - a younger Levi with a little girl whose appearance was left solely up to his imagination rushing to the vet to save a bird he probably didn't particularly care about. Just the idea made him smile.

"Izzy was diagnosed with leukemia when she was only a year old," Alex continued, the story suddenly taking a dark turn. "It shook everyone to the bone, especially my brother. She was barely learning to speak and they told us she probably wouldn't make it past the age of three. She did, of course. She was a little fighter and we got her treated when we could, mostly on her father's insurance. But he was flaky and an alcoholic and our mom had trouble holding down a stable job, much less one with the benefit of insurance. Izzy's condition wavered. Sometimes she was bed-ridden for days and sometimes it was like she wasn't sick at all. When she turned three, we were all very tense, expecting her to go at any time, especially when she took turns for the worse.

"Still, she never let her illness bring her down or change her. God, she was _three_. But she still loved hard and she was more concerned about keeping everyone else happy. Levi especially. Their relationship was the strongest in the family. He was the one she went to with most things. If she got a cut on her knee from falling on the sidewalk, she would immediately find him and ask him to kiss it. And believe it or not, he would. If she had a nightmare, it was his bed she'd drag her blanket to crawl into, not our mom's. He would generally be the one to tuck her in at night if he was there, and if he wasn't she'd ask for him to be sent in once he got home no matter what time it was. With the exception of a few times, he always went. Watching her play or sleep or just be herself would be the only times I'd ever witness him smiling, and since she passed, I haven't seen that smile since.

"Don't get me wrong, she loved all of us...but none of us ever had the best relationship with our mom. I think Isabel would remember her most as fighting with her dad and even drinking with him, or yelling at Levi and I. Izzy herself never really got yelled at, but of course she could feel the maliciousness of our mom. I think that's part of the reason she took so strongly to my brother. He adored her from the second he laid eyes on her and he was always there to protect her and comfort her a lot more than I was. I was too busy being angry at our mom most of the time..." Regret sounded thick in Alex's tone as her words faded out. The pace had slowed considerably and she looked out across the water, grateful for her sunglasses covering the regret reflected in her eyes. She stayed quiet for a few long moments; Eren allowed himself the opportunity to let her story sink in.

Levi didn't at all seem the type to care for children and Eren was admittedly surprise he'd been so attached to his little sister. He remembered Levi's flashback of her, when he buried himself in Eren's embrace and whimpered her name until it went away...

The loss of his little sister clearly laid heavy on his heart. That was a burden Eren was certain he could not erase. He couldn't bring baby Isabel back to life and put her in Levi's loving arms again. He couldn't take that pain away. His drug could...and that was why...

"Looking back, I think my baby brother was fighting with himself," Alex continued. "He was fighting between his love for Isabel and his need to escape. I don't really know for sure, but I think her death was his breaking point. I mean...with the drugs." She shrugged. "I'm just guessing. Maybe you know better. Or maybe you can ask him someday. Just...be careful, okay? She's a very touchy subject with him."

Eren nodded. "Thank you...for enlightening me about her."

Alex nodded but did not smile. Eren didn't blame her. He could never talk about his father without sadness filling him up. Alex knew Isabel was an incredible little girl, despite having only been practically a toddler, as Eren knew his dad brought a lot of good into the world and saved countless lives. They were both amazing people, but that didn't hide or overcome the fact that both of them had departed the world in violent, terrible ways. Alex remembered the despair after the passing of her mother and little sister as Eren remembered the depression of both his mother and himself after the passing of his father. Sometimes those negative emotions took over a little too severely...

Alex didn't cry. She merely gazed at the water as they walked. It had been a few laps since she started her story, and though neither of them had anything left to say, they didn't mind.

Eren tried to remember his father better. He'd always been closer to his mom, but he couldn't deny he shared special memories with his dad, as well. He'd taught Eren how to do things, like ride a bike and tie his shoes. Simple things, but they meant a lot. He'd taught Eren how to fish, though neither of them had much luck with it. He knew most of the time Grisha took him to the pond just to spend more time with him than actually teach him to become an Olympic fisherman or something crazy like that. Grisha's forte was the medical field, something Eren's brain was too underdeveloped to understand while the man was alive. He'd made an effort to be in his son's life while he could, like he knew he wasn't going to be part of the physical world for much longer.

As Eren had gotten older, he'd realized that more and more. In his childhood, he only saw it as spending time with his dad - a normal thing any kid did - but the little gestures and efforts he put forth became clearer and clearer as he grew wiser and remembered. Eren was grateful for that time he'd gotten with his old man before his premature death...glad for having good memories of him before finding him in the bathroom that night. It gave him peace of mind to be able to remember him that way.

"We should head back," Alex said finally as they neared the parking lot.

She dropped him off at home where he thanked her and apologized again for having her talk about something so painful.

That night, he dreamt about millions of stars and wise eyes behind glasses, sitting peacefully on their hill. A while into the dream, another showed up and took his hand and suddenly he was ten years older and there was nothing more of his father next to him but a lunar flower pointing directly at the waxing moon overhead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Brother!Levi is one of my favorite things about this fic. :3
> 
> Let me know what you think, and thank you for reading! ❤


	9. •~Chapter Nine~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter, and I have no excuses for that.

***~Three Weeks Later~***

Eren was awoken by the incessant buzzing of his phone on the night table next to his bed. He fumbled to reach for it, peeping one eye open to check the caller ID.

It was Alex, and the notifications at the top told him it wasn't the first time she called. Snapping to alertness, he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I'm headed your way. Get up and get ready."

"What? Why? What's going on?"

"I'll explain when I get there."

"O-okay..."

"See you in a few."

She hung up, leaving Eren in a state of confusion and disorientation. With two other missed calls from her and a text message asking, 'You up?', it could only have to do with Levi. Not knowing whether he should be worried or what, he stumbled his way out of bed and toward the bathroom for a much-needed pee. Once done, he jumped in the shower in hopes of chasing the sleep from his body. When the doorbell rang, he was still running a towel through his hair as he made his way down the stairs to answer it. Of course, Carla made it there first and sure enough, Alex was the one on the other side of the threshold.

"Oh, hello, Alex. Come on in," invited Carla, stepping aside. Alex thanked her and stepped in, shutting the door in her wake.

"What's up?" Eren asked, throwing the towel over his shoulder.

Alex lowered her sunglasses and cast him a smile. "I have fantastic news," she said. Eren raised his brows. "Levi's being released today."

"What? Seriously?" Pure joy and mild confusion rocketed through Eren's being; he took a step toward her.

She nodded in confirmation. "Seriously."

"But...he's not supposed to get out for another couple of weeks..."

"I know, but Rose called me last night and said he's made a ridiculously fast recovery and they've decided to release him because he doesn't need the immediate care anymore. Believe me, I was shocked, too."

Eren searched her face. His skepticism wouldn't allow him to believe her completely, even though he knew she was telling the truth. It just seemed too good to be true.

"Go finish getting ready," Alex continued.

"Right..." Eren mumbled. He hurried back up the stairs as Alex and his mother broke into idle chatter while they waited for him.

He ran into a sleepy Mikasa halfway down the hall.

"What's going on? Who's here so early?" she mumbled.

"Alex," Eren answered hastily, disappearing back into his room to comb his hair and find a pair of shoes.

"Who?"

"Levi's sister. He's getting out of rehab today."

Mikasa blinked at him from the doorway. "I thought that wasn't supposed to happen for like another month..."

"We all did." He swiped his wallet and keys from his desk, along with Levi's belongings - the raven's own wallet, keys, and phone along with the baggie containing his body jewelry.

"Oh. Well...cool, I guess. I'm going back to bed..." She yawned as he walked past her and kissed her head.

"Have a nice sleep."

"Sure. Be...careful, or whatever..."

He waved over his shoulder at her and practically flew down the stairs.

"That was fast," commented Alex.

Eren merely shrugged. He was much too anxious to get out of there.

"Come back for brunch," Carla offered. "To celebrate."

"Thanks, Mom," said Eren, hugging her goodbye and turning to follow Alex out the door.

"So...they called you last night?" he was asking as Alex pulled away from the curb.

"Yeah. It was like 10:30 and Rose called to let me know they've decided to let Levi come home early because he's doing so well. She actually said they were planning on releasing him Thursday night, but his therapist required him to stay for a few days to be on the safe side."

"Do you...really think he's ready?"

"I think so," she confirmed. She'd paid him a visit not three days ago. "He's doing a lot better than he probably sounds over the phone. Just hearing him talk is one thing...but actually seeing him is a lot different. I just didn't know they let patients go before their treatment span is up."

"Neither did I."

Eren couldn't deny Levi's improvement, even if he had only been in contact with him via phone calls and hadn't actually laid eyes on him in over two months. He'd been much more animated in the past few calls. They'd taken him off the IV about a week and a half ago and he was finally able to fully digest more than one meal a day. In the course of a week, he'd gained almost ten pounds, putting him back up near a hundred. He still had a long way to go, but it was great improvement compared to how he'd still been losing weight only two weeks earlier.

Eren wasn't too clear on the emotional side. Levi left a lot of that out; the brunet knew it was because he was sparing him extra worry. Of course, Eren worried anyway. If Levi was trying to spare him concern, he knew that only meant there was bad news on the matter.

The 40-mile ride seemed to last forever to the brunet male. He couldn't recall ever being so anxious in his life. Alex had turned up the radio just before getting on the highway and that served to hold his attention for a while and keep him sane, but the longer the miles seemed to drag on, the less it helped. Finally, the small town seemingly in the middle of nowhere came into view and Eren's stomach jumped in anticipation. This was only his third trip up there and it was longer than he remembered. He couldn't imagine doing it every day he had off back and forth, but had he been allowed to visit the tattoo artist, he would've been more than ecstatic to do so.

"Do you always fidget when you're nervous?" Alex mused, lips curling into a grin.

"Yeah," Eren said, suddenly aware of his shaking leg and how he was picking at his nails. He didn't stop.

"Annnd why are you nervous?"

"More anxious than nervous," he replied. His eyes were wide and flitting in every direction out the window, waiting for the brick building to come into view. When it did, his stomach jumped again and he involuntarily bit down on his lip.

Empty stomach churning, they walked into the building. The lobby hadn't changed in the slightest and Rose even stood behind the main desk as she had the past two times Eren stepped foot in that room. She greeted them with her usual too-practiced smile.

"Levi should be out shortly," she said. "Go ahead and take a seat."

The two complied and as soon as Eren sat down, his leg started bouncing again. His hands came together and he started twiddling his thumbs, staring downward, hair concealing most of his face.

He was nervous. He was excited. He was nervously excited, or excitedly nervous. He was admittedly afraid, too. All of the needless worries his anxiety had put in his head swam forth and buzzed around his head like bees.

What if Levi wasn't the same? Of course he wasn't - he was much better. But what if he wasn't Levi? He'd be Levi...but what if this treatment had broken down the Levi Eren knew and replaced him with who Levi really was? Wouldn't that be a good thing, though? But what if this Levi was...different in a bad way? What if Eren was only in love with the Levi he knew...if he'd actually changed?

On top of that came worries for the raven himself.

What permanent damage did drug abuse cause him? Were there things he'd have to deal with for the rest of his life? What were they? Were they bearable? Treatable? Curable? How would they affect the way his life functioned?

And then the selfish questions.

What if...what if Levi no longer felt the same? What if he didn't want Eren in his life anymore? Was his 'I love you' just a spur of the moment? What if it was in a different way than Eren thought? A different way than Eren loved him? What if he came out of there...and immediately rejected Eren? All Eren ever wanted was what's best for Levi, for him to get better and to see him smile. Even so, he couldn't shake the fear that maybe Levi had changed his mind...

Eren had no answers to these questions, nor did he have time to find any or reassure himself as gentle fingers ran through the left side of his hair, pushing the stubborn strands away from his eyes. He looked up to find a man he almost didn't recognize standing before him. All at once, his fidgeting stopped and his teeth released his lip, eyes widening considerably as he took it in.

Ever so slowly, he moved to his feet, his eyes all the while searching and studying the face in front of him...the face he remembered to be pale, sickly, thin, frail. The face he remembered to bear tear streaks and sheens of sweat, to be scrunched up in pain or pressed in a scowl. He remembered bloodshot eyes nestled unnaturally deep in dark-circled sockets. The one he couldn't take his eyes off now was nowhere near any of those things. It was calm and almost glowing. It no longer held the pallid complexion, but had transformed to a stunning ivory, the tiniest hint of pink in the cheeks. Skin no longer clung desperately to bone, but rounded out against high cheekbones, a long, thin nose, and a strong jaw line. The thin lips he remembered were now fuller, pinker. The clumpy, stringy mohawk he remembered had been cut and now hung over a forehead, shiny and yet darker than he remembered.

And the eyes...they no longer held a trace of pain or red. The dark circles he recalled had faded almost completely. Looking close, he could see they weren't the slate gray he recalled, but a beautiful ashy blue-gray...a color he wanted to be able to look into forever.

Eren's hands cupped the sides of that strong jaw as he took all of this in, letting the pads of his thumbs just gently brush over soft cheeks, so much warmer than before. He didn't let his gaze falter for a second. He suddenly felt so _alive_ , as if this man suddenly radiated life himself...

Levi stared straight back into those brilliant turquoise pools his memory hadn't done justice. Eren's gaze held so much happiness, pride, and love that he felt he could drown in it. _Finally_ he'd done something right, something to bring joy to Eren rather than pain. That in itself - Eren's happiness - brought him that same fluttery feeling he'd only felt when the kid was around. But now it was real. It was no longer distorted by a monster or pain of withdrawal. He could see Eren with eyes unclouded by the nasty things he'd allowed himself to exist within for so damn long. Finally he could feel human again...because of Eren.

Suddenly, Eren placed his hand on the back of Levi's head and pulled him forward into his shoulder, embracing him tighter than he ever dared before. Eren still held the same scent, the one that was starting to fade from the hoodie Levi wore right then. He clung to the front of Eren's shirt, reveling in the feeling of being in his arms again, and shut his eyes.

"I missed you, brat," he said quietly, words muffled by Eren's shoulder.

The brunet laughed, tears of pure joy pricking at his eyes. He held on tighter. No longer did Levi feel as if he would crumble at just a little too much pressure.

"I missed you, too," he said, dipping his head and pressing his nose into Levi's dark locks. He pressed his hand to the center of Levi's back where he could feel the steady beating of his heart, so very much stronger than before.

Someone cleared their throat as if reminding the two of them they weren't alone in the room, and their heads snapped up simultaneously. Six eyes were fixed directly on them and immediately Eren felt the blood rush to his face. His hand came back to scratch the back of his neck, evidently embarrassed. The eyes belonged to Alex, Rose, and an unfamiliar tall blond male whom he hadn't even noticed entered the room.

"This must be Eren," he said, extending his hand to shake. Eren fumbled to do so, nodding. "I'm Dr. Erwin Smith," he said, "the psychologist who's been working with Levi."

Said man's scowl was back, though not as deeply as Eren remembered it.

"N-nice to meet you," Eren stammered, flustered. Levi subtly slid his fingers between Eren's and gave them a gentle squeeze.

"Nice to meet _you_ ," the male countered. "I've heard quite a bit about you. You're a brave young man for what you've done for this one." He indicated Levi with a nod of his head.

"W-well..."

"He's humble," Alex explained, grinning.

"So I see," Erwin said with a smile of his own. "I just wanted to thank you for what you've done. Many, many times addiction cases will go untreated because the addict can't see the light, and I'm sure if it weren't for you, Levi would be one of them."

Eren was speechless. Of course, he already knew he was the reason for Levi's recovery, but being thanked by someone who knew and understood worlds more about drug addiction and rehabilitation than he did was...even more humbling.

"Anyway, we'll let you be on your way. And I'll be seeing you soon, Levi."

The raven gave a curt nod, though the expression on his face was almost bored. Eren could tell he was anxious to get out of there. Minutes after, they departed.

Not an hour later, they were arriving once again in front of Eren's house. The entire ride, Eren found he had trouble taking his eyes off of Levi, who never let go of his hand.

He'd been mildly reluctant to go to brunch, his mind of course still wired to avoid most unnecessary social situations, but he needed time with Eren. Suddenly everything he'd had to endure in that damn facility seemed so much more worth it, being at the brat's side again.

The three entered the house, Eren leading the way. Soft music was playing from the TV and, sure enough, Carla was in the kitchen just getting started on cooking. Mikasa, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. She was likely still asleep.

"Mom," said the brunet from the kitchen doorway.

The woman turned from washing her hands and cast them a heartwarming smile, murmuring a greeting. She then reached out and took Levi's free hand in her cool fingers and squeezed it gently.

"It's so nice to see you again," she said.

The raven could only nod. That small, simple gesture felt so motherly to him it was almost overwhelming.

"I'm afraid I haven't even started cooking yet," she went on. "It'll be a while before it's ready."

Alex offered her hand in assistance while Eren took Levi across the kitchen to the back door. "I have something to show you," he said, sliding the glass door open and stepping onto the finished wood of the deck.

As he followed Eren across the deck and into the lush grass, Levi took in the scene of the yard. Most of it was hidden by the vines of a tall willow tree toward the south side. A privacy fence lined the border of it, different kinds of plants growing all around it. One that caught his eye was something between a bush and a vine creeping along the north side where bright red roses were beginning to bloom. He could practically smell them from where he walked, despite being halfway across the yard. Everything else was very alive, and very green, and the clear weather only added to the serene aura of the place. Only a few fluffy white clouds floated in the sky and the sun shone brightly across the garden-like yard, on anything that wasn't shaded by one of the many plants or the tree.

Eren led Levi to the far northwest corner where a tall, flourishing bush resided. It sported uniquely shaped violet flowers Levi vaguely recognized.

"This lilac bush is probably fifty years old by now," Eren said. "Which, according to my mother, is still young for one of these things. I don't really know. For the past eight years, it hasn't been blooming and my mom was afraid it was dying, even though it still had leaves on it every year. But then a couple weeks ago she was really excited 'cause it had buds on it...and now as you can see, it's in full bloom for the first time in almost a decade."

Levi gazed at the flowers for a long while, saying nothing and letting Eren's words sink in. They weren't the prettiest flowers in his opinion - he was one for roses - but the color was definitely unique and the smell was very fragrant, sweet, and inviting. He couldn't help notice the coincidental time frame, either. Eight years...

"I'm showing you this because I remember you said it was eight years ago when you first...you know..."

"Tried an opiate?" suggested the raven quietly. He caught the nod of Eren's head out of the corner of his eye. "Freaky," he murmured.

"We kinda thought it was because of my dad at first. It stopped blooming two years after he died, and when it didn't bloom for several more years, my mom concluded it was because he was gone." Eren shrugged. "Or it could just be pure coincidence. I don't know. It's just a bush."

Levi's eyes watched closely as a honeybee swarmed around the flowers in search of the perfect one to collect its pollen from.

"I'm glad your mom is happy that it came back," he said. "But I don't think it has anything to do with me. I'm still not..." His hand fluttered in front of himself, eyes dropped, unable to find the right words to say. "I never will be."

"What do you mean?"

Finally, Levi looked up to meet Eren's gaze. Surrounded by the green of the yard, the blue of his eyes was swallowed up by the emerald and his pupils were miniscule in the bright light of the sun, almost lost in the depths of iridescence.

"I'm not sure myself," he sighed.

"Are you feeling alright?" Eren asked, brows knitting together.

Levi nodded. "Much better than alright," he said, taking a subtle step closer to the taller. "Finally, right?"

The brunet's concerned frown was broken by a breathtaking smile. He nodded, and then suddenly Levi was being lifted off the ground by Eren's capable arms around his waist. He yelped in surprise, clinging to Eren's shoulders for dear life as the taller began spinning and laughing like an idiot.

"Eren-, seriously-...what the- _oof_!"

They'd landed under the long branches of the willow due to Eren tripping carelessly over his own feet. Levi's fall was broken by Eren's body beneath him, but the younger himself was not so lucky. The back of his head had smacked the ground quite hard and he was now rubbing it, face twisted up into a mask of discomfort.

"Idiot," Levi muttered.

Eren chuckled, "Sorry."

Levi rolled his eyes and pushed that stubborn strand of Eren's hair out of the way again. And suddenly before he really made any conscious decision to, he lowered his head and pressed his lips firmly to Eren's. Eren gasped ever so slightly before his instincts took over and he was kissing back, a hand sliding up to the back of Levi's neck. Both were slightly breathless by the time they broke apart.

"This okay?" Levi murmured.

"More than okay," responded Eren.

Levi bent down for one more chaste yet soft kiss before sitting up and pulling Eren along with him by the shirt.

"How's your head?"

"What? Oh, it's fine."

Levi's eyes rolled. "You really are a brat."

Eren blinked at him innocently as the artist threaded the fingers of both of his hands through Eren's. They sat cross-legged facing each other, knees touching. A warm breeze picked up, rustling the tree and lifting their hair slightly. Levi shut his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the scent of the fresh air fill his lungs. Breathing was a thousand times easier than it'd been a few months ago, or even two weeks ago. Inhaling too deeply had him expecting his lungs to burn in protest, but they didn't, and he reveled in it, grateful.

Levi let one eye peek open, followed by the other as he saw Eren's own round irises locked on his face.

"Haven't gotten over your staring problem, I see," he half-teased.

"Sorry...I just can't get over it. How much better you are, I mean." His hands squeezed simultaneously. "You're not even shaking...or cold...or pale..."

Levi's lips twitched. "It was strange for me, too, when the withdrawals stopped."

Eren nodded slightly and continued to look the raven over more. He definitely had gained weight; that much was apparent when he lifted the man, though he was still clearly underweight. He was wearing essentially the same thing he had been when they'd dropped him off at the rehabilitation center - black slip on shoes and Eren's _Supernatural_ hoodie. Instead of pajama pants, though, he sported dark gray skinny jeans that were still too loose for his bony legs, but from memory Eren knew they were tighter than they'd been, even if just a little.

"What happened to the mohawk?" he inquired, gently trapping a strand of Levi's dark hair, stray in the breeze, between his fingers.

"Grew out of it, I guess. When they figured I was safe from wanting to rip the shears out of their hands and slit my wrists with them, they let me get it cut."

Eren flinched at the 'slit my wrists' part, and Levi immediately apologized.

"That was insensitive. I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

They both clearly had quite a bit of learning and adjusting to each other to do.

And then Eren remembered something. He directed his attention to Levi's left arm and gently pulled his own left hand free.

"May I?" he asked. Levi gave a slight nod. Eren, keeping hold of the raven's hand, gently pushed the sleeve of the hoodie up to Levi's elbow and studied the now bare skin.

The scars were less prominent than he remembered, but it was because his skin had returned to a more lively shade. Many of the dark spots left from his countless injections were gone, but there were still a few needle points his eyes were able to pick out as evidence of what had been.

The word Levi had carved into himself was easily the most conspicuous there. It was still pinkish and shinier than the rest of his skin. Eren let his eyes trail over it for a long while, uncertain.

"It's ugly, I know," Levi said quietly. "You don't have to look at it."

And suddenly Eren's head was descending toward his forearm and his soft lips pressed ever so delicately to the markings. A tingle instantaneously shot up Levi's arms and his eyes widened at the sight. Eren's breath tickled his skin just before he lifted his head again.

"What...was...?" Levi was speechless.

"It's not ugly," Eren countered. "I told you you're a fighter, didn't I? And look. It's almost completely healed. And you're still here...still breathing like you said you wanted to be."

He'd done it again. Just when Levi thought he was starting to get used to the wonders of this kid he adored so much, when he thought there was no possible way Eren could surprise him anymore, he'd turned around and done something else to have Levi's stomach fluttering and his heart pounding relentlessly.

"I'm so proud of you," Eren went on.

Levi averted his eyes. "You give me too much credit."

"No," said Eren, placing the pad of his thumb against Levi's cheek so he'd meet his eyes again. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"Tch..."

At that moment Alex's voice rang out from the back door.

"Yo! Time to eat!"

"Be right there," Eren called back without taking his eyes from Levi's. "You've...been on the brink of losing your life in so many ways for a long time," he continued quietly. "I guess it's probably hard to see looking at yourself and I understand that, but one day I think you'll be able to see how strong you really are."

Levi's eyes dropped and he removed Eren's hand from his face and kept hold of it. "Maybe," he said quietly.

Eren leaned forward just enough for their foreheads to touch. "And I'll be here...while you figure it out. If...if you want me to be..."

Levi's Adam's apple bobbed. His heart was still pounding at Eren's closeness, at how intimate that moment felt...how absolutely _right_ it felt.

"I-I do," he stammered lightly. He pressed his palm to Eren's, but did not twine their fingers. "You're the reason I'm still here. I want you to stay." He swallowed hard again. "And even though I doubt I'd be much help...I wanna be here for you, too...if you want..."

Eren smiled gently and hooked his pinkie finger around Levi's and murmured, "Then it's a promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay no I really love this chapter wtf. Let me know if you love it as much as I do, or idk hated it? Lol.


	10. •~Chapter Ten~•

"It's really gone? You took care of it?"

"Every last bit," Eren promised.

Levi nodded slowly. The two stood in the hallway of Levi's apartment only moments after Eren watched him unlock the door for the first time in months. Levi stood just outside the bathroom, staring in, particularly at the cabinet doors.

"When?" he asked.

"About a month ago. The night you told me you love me, to be exact..."

Levi's shoulders visibly rose with the deep breath he sucked in. He nodded once more before pivoting around and heading into his room to dump his belongings on his unchanged bed. The blanket still held wrinkles from the last time it was inhabited - back in February before they'd left. He, like his suitcase, sat heavily on the end of his bed to lean over and rub his face. Eren hovered in the doorway, hesitating.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. It's just...weird."

"Weird how?"

"Weird being here...knowing that cabinet is empty and that suddenly my life seems to have done a 180."

Slowly, Eren made his way into the room. He was cautious, understanding that things were starting to sink in for Levi. It had been surreal to himself until Levi had kissed him under the tree. Now that Levi was home, he was so much better, that his life had changed drastically, it was no surprise that he was only beginning to realize these permanent changes and that he was likely uneasy after having been dependent on drugs for so long.

"Are you scared?" Eren asked.

"A little," Levi admitted in a huff. "Shit, I don't know."

Slowly, the brunet sunk down onto the mattress next to the raven, unsure of what to say. After a long moment of silence, he finally said, "No one can really blame you for being unsure."

Levi sighed and ran his fingers through his hair habitually only for it to flop right back over his forehead. "I don't know what I was expecting when I got out of there, honestly. Things are the same but...not."

" _You_ have changed," Eren pointed out.

"I suppose so."

Silently, Eren reached out and gave Levi's hand a gentle squeeze. Automatically, the raven's fingers wrapped around his as well. The younger could feel him shaking just slightly - not the kind you could see, only feel. He attempted to send reassurances through that contact by gently rubbing Levi's thumb with his own.

Levi gazed down at their hands. He spread his fingers out, opening Eren's as well. The sizes were a considerable difference, Eren's fingers being a good half an inch longer than his own. He slid his fingers between Eren's, noticing the contrast of their skin tones as well - the alabaster of Levi's against the olive of Eren's. They were different in so many ways, from the tone of their skin to the way they thought and their experiences. Still, holding Eren's warm, soft hand felt so incredibly right and they fit together so perfectly it was almost overwhelming.

Before he could say or do something cheesy like press his lips to the back of Eren's hand, he gently pulled away and slid to the floor, taking his bag with him and saying, "Gotta unpack."

Eren followed suit, sliding to the floor himself and crossing his legs. The first thing Levi did was pull Eren's hoodie over his head, revealing the dark red long-sleeved shirt that still hung too loosely around his skinny torso, and held it out to the other. "You can have this back," he said quietly.

Eren merely discarded it onto the bed as Levi pushed his sleeves up and unzipped his bag. There was clearly something bothering him, causing an uneasiness in the air. Eren was determined to find out what it was.

"Will you tell me about it, Levi?" he asked.

"About rehab?" questioned the man without faltering in sorting the clothes in his bag.

"Yes."

"What exactly do you want to know?"

"Was it hard?"

"Immensely."

"In...in what ways?"

Levi half shrugged. "It wasn't much different at the beginning than it was when we were here, the withdrawals. It was lonelier despite having eyes on me practically 24/7. They put me on oxygen almost immediately because my lungs are fucked up. No surprise there, though...although having to drag that thing around all the time was a nuisance." He rolled his eyes. "They took care of the physical before the mental. I can't tell you how many times I was told by how many people I'd made the decision at the right time, blah blah blah. The IV helped a lot, I'll admit. Just more scars to add to the collection."

"Huh?"

Levi held out his right hand. The back of it sported tiny bruises and a few visible needle pricks.

"When I hit the peak of my withdrawal," he continued, voice lower, "I accidentally ripped it out several times, even past all the tape they tried securing it with." He indicated markings clearly made by medical tape near the sides.

"How long did that last?" Eren asked.

"I don't really remember. It felt like an eternity." He withdrew his hand and continued sorting clothes, discarding some in a pile on the floor and folding others to neatly stash in the drawers of his dresser. He chuckled halfheartedly. "I remembered one nurse giving the order to sedate me."

"It was that bad?" asked Eren, eyes widening.

The amusement faded from Levi's face immediately. He regretted saying that. He wanted to keep the truth about the peak from Eren, knowing it would only do more harm than good to him.

"You might as well just tell me," Eren sighed.

Of course the brat could see right through him. Giving in to those turquoise eyes once again, Levi dug to the bottom of his bag and pulled out the light gray muscle shirt he'd been wearing during that time. Silently, he held it up to show Eren. It was bloodstained, wrinkled, and one of the straps was ripped straight through. He balled it up and tossed it in the trash can.

"Yeah, it was that bad," he said. Determined to leave it at that, he quickly continued. "When it was over, I met Erwin. It took him a week and a half to get me to tell him anything. It was almost infuriating how patient he was and I wanted to sock him in the face more times than I can remember. And finally I broke, because I couldn't stand him staring at me with those horrendous eyebrows anymore, waiting patiently after he asked a question I refused to answer."

Eren's own brows shot up. "You punched him?"

Again Levi's eyes rolled. "No, idiot. I started talking."

"Oh. Well, what did you tell him?"

"Not everything. You still know more than he does, and he knows that."

"Like what?" Eren was painfully curious.

"Like...about I-Izzy. I never told him about her. And about a few of the other drugs I've tried. And how my mother died."

Eren's brows furrowed. "You lied to him?"

"No. I just never told him. It was already hard enough telling him about my aunt...and when I did, his eyes lit up in realization like the freaking Da Vinci code was cracked. And then he went on a banter about how 'many addicts were sexually assaulted at a young age' and that 'I'm not alone'. Blah blah-fucking-blah." He shoved the last pair of pants into his dresser more forcefully than normal. "I don't give a shit if I'm not alone because that doesn't erase the fact that it happened to me, or that I sometimes have freaking nightmares about it." He slammed the drawer; Eren flinched. "Sorry." Eren shook his head. "He did bring one thing to light though." His voice dropped again. "I asked him why the hell it still haunted me so badly when other people seemed...better. Not okay, but better, like they were able to cope with it better. He said it was likely a difference in support after it happened...and that many people are still haunted by it the way I am. Most sexual assaults are never reported. The way my mom reacted when Alex told her was part of why I still remember it like it happened yesterday, and that I was never able to get the professional mental help I needed. There are people who have it worse than me, though...people who were assaulted when they were a lot younger and as a result, they've developed multiple personalities in order to protect themselves." His voice was barely audible now and his eyes had gone unfocused staring at the dresser. "And then he didn't say I was lucky like I expected. He said there's nothing lucky about being assaulted like that, no matter the severity and just because other people have it worse, it doesn't make it any better for me."

"How did your mom react?" Eren asked.

Levi met his eyes unstably. "She was more worried about her boyfriend's safety from the law because he was a criminal...and she just said I needed to 'man up'. She never even acknowledged me about it directly...only fought with my sister."

"O-oh my god, Levi..." Eren fumbled for his hands, taking them between his own as he had in the past. The raven was shaking harder now, pain evident all over his face and the timid way his shoulders curled forward, like he was trying to shell in, to protect himself. His hands curled into fists between Eren's and his jaw locked shut, eyes downcast.

"This is why I turned to heroin," he said, voice breaking. "Now that my blood is clean, I remember these things so much more vividly whereas when I was under the influence, they were distorted and almost surreal. Easier to bear."

"Was your mom always like that?" Eren whispered.

"Pretty much. I don't wanna say she hated me...but it was like...just the look in her eyes...it was like she thought I deserved it." His voice cracked numerous times and it was clear he was having trouble holding his composure. Eren couldn't help himself in moving his now empty bag aside and scooting closer to secure his arms around Levi's tense shoulders. The man practically melted into him, pressing his face into his shoulder.

"M-maybe she was right," he mumbled.

"No," Eren said quickly, loudly. "Don't you dare think that."

"Sorry. It's just not so easy when your own mother thought you were a piece of shit."

Eren held him tighter and began rubbing his back. "I can't say I understand, but-"

"I'm glad you don't," Levi cut in. "You of all people deserve a mother like the one you have."

"I'll share my mom."

The raven snorted. "Brat," he murmured. Eren half-grinned, happy to have lightened the mood a bit. "But thank you. Really." Levi lifted his head and ran his hand through his hair.

"Keep telling me about rehab," Eren urged. He genuinely wanted to know and understand the experience as best he could.

"There's not much left," Levi said, standing up and hoisting his bag onto the bed. Eren followed suit, taking a seat on the edge. "Somehow, things started to get better after I started talking to Dr. Eyebrows, despite being officially diagnosed with depression."

Eren knew he shouldn't have been surprised. Levi unzipped the front pocket of the bag and dug around where he pulled out four different orange prescription pill bottles. Two Eren had already seen, being for Levi's stomach - one to take before eating and one after. The third looked eerily like his own - long white capsules. Antidepressants. The fourth were unfamiliar to him. They were smaller yellowish pills.

"Stomach," Levi said, setting the two on the dresser. "Antidepressants. And for my circulatory system." When Eren frowned in confusion, Levi explained, "Side-effect of heroin is collapsed veins...and I guess my blood pressure is pretty low." He shrugged. "Get off one drug and end up on four more. How ironic," he muttered. "They tested me for a crapton of other things, too. PTSD, anxiety, even OCD. And then the physical stuff. They took at least a pint of my blood to test for pretty much every STD on the face of the planet." Eren's eyes widened again. "I never shared needles," Levi went on. "But I've been to more parties than I can remember."

Eren nodded in complete understanding. He'd only been to one party in his life and yes, it was a college party during his first semester, and of course he'd seen the movies. With that background knowledge, it was easy to see what Levi was getting at and that in mind, it wasn't much of a surprise he needed to be tested for STDs.

"The better things got, the more anxious I became to get out of there and I think that was part of the reason they let me go early. Honestly...I kinda forgot what being sober without withdrawals feels like, even with all this shit wrong with me." He gestured to the pill bottles. "I almost began to regret not going earlier."

Finally, Eren felt the opportunity to ask a question he'd been curious about the answer to for so long.

"Will you tell me why...you refused to go at first?"

Levi shifted mildly uncomfortably and began fidgeting with Eren's fingers, leaning back on the dresser. "I can't stand the thought of being touched. After what my aunt did...even the smallest forms of contact freak me out...especially in specific areas. My hips. Thighs. Waist. Sometimes my ribs. My lower back and, admittedly, my ass." He shuddered slightly. "Seems like all doctors ever want to do is put their hands on you and probe...and I just..." His sentence ended in another shudder and a shake of his head.

Eren's head mirrored him, unable to imagine the kinds of things Levi's aunt must have done to him. He wouldn't ask, of course. He didn't want to make him relive that more than he already had to.

"But you let me touch you," he pointed out, remembering the times he'd cradled the man in his arms or helped him walk with an arm around his waist. He remembered how he'd dodged Alex's slight advances and how he'd never seen the man come into contact with him but Eren himself.

"Yeah." Blue-gray eyes flickered up. "You broke a lot of my boundaries, Eren. I've always told you you're different, haven't I?"

He started to move closer, leaning down until their faces were mere inches from each other. Eren forced himself not to bite down on his lip as Levi's arms snaked their way around his neck. Instead, he stared straight into Levi's eyes. Inside those glass orbs existed galaxies of memories and emotions, an entire universe he suddenly felt the desire to learn everything about. His heart was flying in the anticipation and heat rushed to his cheeks before Levi's lips, ever so gently, connected softly with his. It was a small kiss, tentative and curious, almost even unsure, like he was wondering if what he was doing was okay. Eren brought his hands up to the sides of Levi's face, lifting his chin ever so slightly to reconnect their lips, communicating that yes, it was absolutely okay. More than okay.

Levi moved in closer, deepening their kisses and holding Eren tighter, wanting to get closer, to feel more of his warmth and protection. Their bodies were surging with pleasant heat as their damp lips moved in flawless synchronization. Eren let his hand side to the back of Levi's head, fingers tangling gently in his raven locks, pulling him so close he was nearly in his lap.

Levi was the first to break apart, though reluctantly, for some much-needed air in his suddenly aching lungs. He only moved away just enough for their lips to part and kept the rest of him close to Eren's warm body.

"Levi?" Eren whispered past his own light panting.

"Hmm?"

"What does this mean?"

The artist let his eyes flutter open and backed up enough to see the younger's face clearly. He shook his head, an indication that he himself did not know what it meant.

"All I know..." He paused to swallow and touch his forehead to Eren's, closing his eyes once more. "...is that I'm in love with you."

A prolonged moment of silence passed, Levi bracing himself internally for the rejection he feared was to come while Eren let his words sink in, trying to make coherent sense of them in the sudden whirlpool that was his mind.

It felt silly to be so dumbfounded, so surprised by Levi's confession. It wasn't out of the blue. It wasn't totally unpredicted. Eren had suspected it for a long time - since that night Levi asked if he was the reason for Eren's tears, to be exact. Thinking and worrying about whether his feelings had been requited wasn't his priority...until now. And suddenly it was hitting him like a train, realizing that _Levi had just told him he was in love with him_. His feelings were requited...maybe even more than requited.

Levi suddenly moved away, though he kept his arms around Eren's neck. His eyes were distressed, anxious.

"Say something," he practically begged. "If you don't want me, then please, just tell me and I'll get out-"

"Shh," Eren murmured, moving his hand to cup Levi's subtly flushed cheek. "Are you forgetting that I was the first one who confessed, back in January?"

Levi blinked a few times until the realization settled over, apparent in his features.

"I want you," Eren continued. "In every way. I'm in love with you, too."

The raven visibly relaxed; the distress in his eyes dissolved into mild relief and something else Eren had trouble giving a name. He leaned back in, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of Eren's nose.

"And I still think you're crazy for it," he murmured.

"Then we're both crazy," concluded Eren. He stretched up for one more soft kiss to Levi's lips. Slowly, he let his eyes travel over the raven's body thoughtfully.

"What?" Levi asked, glancing down.

"Nothing..." Eren's hands came to the front to rest on Levi's chest which he could feel rising and falling delicately with each breath. "Is it okay...if I try something?"

Levi cocked a brow. "Try...what?" he asked a bit nervously.

"I promise I won't hurt you," Eren said. "And you can tell me to stop at any time." He looked him solemnly in the eyes.

Skeptical but curious at the same time, Levi nodded once.

"Come here," Eren said, placing his hands on Levi's slender, bony hips. Immediately, the raven gasped and froze at the touch, that painful heat sizzling up behind his eyes when anyone got too close to those sensitive areas. Eren yanked his hands away. "Sorry! Sorry, oh my god. I'm so sorry."

Levi shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, taking deep breaths and reminding himself he was safe, it was only Eren, and going through the calming procedure in his mind Erwin suggested he use, though he'd never admit he needed it out loud.

"No, I'm sorry," said Levi, taking Eren's hands and placing them on his hips once more, this time more gently. "I just wasn't expecting that. You're fine."

Eren gazed up at him with that concerned crease between his brows. "Are you sure?"

Levi gave another nod. Eren took this as an invitation to proceed so, with Levi's hands still atop his own, he gently pulled the raven forward until his thighs were situated between his knees. Ever so slowly, he leaned forward and turned his head until his ear was pressed to the center of Levi's chest. There, he could hear and even feel the steady thumping of Levi's heart. He let his eyes slide shut, listening intently. It was so much steadier, so much stronger than it had been months ago. To him, it was a miraculous, melodious sound, like a song meant only for his ears. It served as a reassurance, as hope. It was life.

It took Levi a minute to realize what Eren was doing. When he did, the smallest of smiles graced his lips, dug up from somewhere deep in his subconscious. He let one hand fall on Eren's neck while the opposite fingers ran gently through his soft chocolate locks. He too, shut his eyes.

A small, quiet eternity seemed to pass before Eren lifted his head. Levi gazed tiredly down at him, that small smile still existing on his lips. Eren's stomach did a happy flop at the sight and he murmured a 'thank you'.

The raven shook his head, unable to stop the yawn and sudden fatigue that took over his body.

"Looks like someone needs a nap," Eren half-teased, grinning wide.

"Tch," mumbled Levi. "Don't treat me like I'm five."

Eren chuckled. "Still. You need some rest."

"Hmm, I guess." Levi didn't particularly have the energy to argue, so he crawled to the head of the bed and stretched out. It felt nice to finally be in his own bed again. Eren stood and flicked the light off. The sun still had yet to set so the room didn't go completely dark.

"Are you leaving?" Levi asked, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

"Not unless you want me to."

"Hmph, please. Get your big butt over here."

Eren stuck his lip out and made his way toward the raven. "What's with everyone and thinking I have a big butt?" he complained, maneuvering his way to settle in comfortably next to Levi.

"Because you do," Levi said matter-of-factly.

"Nuh uh."

Unexpectedly, Levi's hand went around and his fingers gripped Eren's left cheek, earning a surprised squeak.

"It's pretty big," Levi said.

"Hmph, whatever," the younger mumbled.

"Brat," said Levi around another yawn. It was clear he was fading fast and about to pass out at any moment, so Eren held his arms open for Levi to maneuver his way into. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to," he mumbled sleepily, tucking his head under Eren's chin, causing him to blush like crazy.

"I-I want to," he said.

"'Kay. Suit yourself."

Eren chewed absently on his lip as he brought his hand down to rest gently in the center of Levi's chest to feel his heartbeat once again. Levi blinked down at his hand for a minute before reaching up and pulling Eren's chocolate-colored head down onto his chest instead, letting him listen once more. By then, Eren's face was flaming like crazy and his own heart was flying like a hummingbird's wings. Nevertheless, he let himself listen intently for a while before an idea swam into his mind. Wordlessly, he turned onto his other side, waking Levi from the slumber he'd almost fallen into and pressed his other ear to the same spot, all the while taking Levi's fingers and pressing his palm to the center of his own chest, right above the spot where his own heartbeat could be felt. The raven's lips twitched into something of a smile; he let his other hand rest atop Eren's hair.

"Levi?" Eren asked quietly, innocently.

"Hmm?" responded the other sleepily.

"I love you."

The artist lifted his head just enough to be able to press a soft kiss to Eren's forehead, causing yet another reaction of butterflies in his stomach.

"I love you too, brat. Now let me sleep."

Eren chuckled. "Goodnight, Levi."

"'Night, Eren."

_*~Sober Journal Entry #1~*_

_Everything suddenly seems so right. It's...surreal, how suddenly my life has taken a turn for the better. Because of one force. That one stubborn, obstinate force. Eren himself._

_He's everything I've ever needed. All I've ever wanted. He's shown me the light and although I'm not forgetting what darkness felt like, nor will I ever, I've begun to realize the significance of this light...of this vigorous love I'm suddenly immersed in._

_He's so precious to me. So beautiful and strong and my god, the biggest damn brat I've ever met for making me think these disgustingly cheesy things. But I can't live without him now. Dare I say, he is my life...?_

_Feeling his heartbeat beneath my palm has been something of a clearing for my mind, has simplified my outlook on things. I just want to live. I want to breathe and draw and spend all my waking hours with those liquid eyes and velvet lips, gentle hands and smooth voice, dazzling smile and sweet scent...until I'm dragged into oblivion. Even then, I selfishly want him at my side. I need to make up for every time the pain in his eyes was caused by me, to repent and keep him happy as possible. With who I am, where I've been and what I've done, I don't know how capable I am of that...but no matter what, I swear I'll try._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it bad to be fangirling over your own writing? ._. Whoops x'D


	11. •~Chapter Eleven~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's so cheesy we gon' need some tortilla chips. Nachos, anyone?
> 
> and i'M SORRY BECAUSE I KEEP FORGETTING TO UPDATE Dx

"You're telling me...Eren did this?"

"Yup. He volunteered. Said you could re-do it if you wanted, and he'd help. But if you ask me, you should leave it as is," Reiner explained.

Levi could only shake his head slightly. He stared in awe at the back wall of the shop that before had been mostly blank, scattered randomly with other artwork. Now...the only word the raven could think of to describe it was _unique_. Very unique. Like Eren himself.

It started out dark around the edges. The darkest pieces of Levi's work that he'd left for Reiner to feature on the walls occupied the outer part of the design. Gradually, however, as one looked toward the center, it got lighter and lighter with random splotches of color from each piece scattered throughout. The overall shape was pretty random, but the gradient was actually kind of incredible. In the center stood the brightest piece of all - Levi's phoenix. The one he'd drawn for Eren during his downtime in rehab. Amongst all of the darkness, something he would now consider as bland, it was almost blinding yet it strangely fit almost perfectly.

"It took him forever to figure out what to put in the middle," Reiner went on. He stood next to Levi, hands proudly on his hips. "But then a couple weeks ago he showed up with that and it fit perfectly in the center, almost like it was made to be hung there." The blond shrugged nonchalantly. "But maybe it was just coincidence. I dunno. Pretty cool, though, huh? Kid said he's not at all an artist but I beg to differ." He shrugged again. "Anywho, back to work." He turned and headed back toward his station, leaving the raven to admire the wall on his own.

At the moment, he and Reiner were the only ones in the shop. It was before opening hours, but Reiner had announced he had a customer coming in first thing and got busy setting up his things. Levi, on the other hand, was client-free after not having been in the shop for months. The last time he'd set foot on that black and white tiled floor, Eren had confessed his feelings and asked Levi to allow his help in getting better. It was only back in January, just three months prior, but so much had changed. Suddenly Levi was not only ready to get back to work, but was eager.

With that, he tore his eyes from the wall and got to work dusting off his own supplies. His station hadn't changed since the last time he'd used it, but that had only meant it was beginning to collect dust. He dragged a finger across the wood of his small desk and let out a disgusted 'tch' at the grime that collected on the digit. He got to work, thoroughly dusting his area and everything in it. To most, it really hadn't become _that_ dirty, but to him it was absolutely uncalled for. Having grown up in several houses and apartments where the walls grayed and browned from the endless cigarette smoke from his mother and eventually himself, and dragging dusty smoke-stained furniture around wherever they went, he'd grown remarkably repulsed by dirt and clutter. For a while he hadn't cared as much, being on the verge of death for so long, but the trait had come back in full force since becoming sober.

Over a half hour passed before he was satisfied with the cleanliness of his work area and both Petra and Reiner's first clients had showed up in that time. The redhead greeted him in her general soft, friendly manner. She kept her distance from any physical contact; even she knew he didn't liked to be touched. It didn't take one long to pick up on that with him. She merely cast him a smile and told him she was happy he was back before she, too, got to work, leaving the only sounds in the shop to be the buzzing of tattoo machines. Being surrounded by the scent of green soap and the overall chill aura of the place, Levi begun to remember why he'd taken the job there in the first place, other than needing the money for food and drugs. There'd been two other shops looking to hire him at the time and both had been busier and more well-known than Reiner's rundown little hole in the wall, but that aura (and admittedly, the extra seclusion, being constantly on the lookout for police) and the friendliness of the shop was his ultimate reason for choosing this place instead of the others. Simply being around them was calming.

That in mind, Levi turned the stereo to a random station and got to work taking inventory of the supplies left in his drawers, finally ready to get back into his element.

*~Eren~*

"Hey, Eren!" came a familiar voice from behind the brunet as he sat outside a small café with a cup of coffee in front of him. He turned to find Marco, hand in hand with Jean, Christa and Armin in tow meandering in his direction.

"Hey guys," he greeted back, pulling his headphones from his ears and wrapping them around his phone as his friends gathered around the table.

"Damn, it's such a nice day," Jean said, leaning back and lacing his fingers together behind his head. "I'm glad that winter shit is over."

"Just wait until it gets hotter," said Christa. "You'll be complaining all over again."

"Nah," Jean countered. "I'm loving the sun."

"Hey babe, I'm gonna go get something to drink. Want anything?" offered Marco.

"Sure, surprise me."

"Anyone else want anything?"

The blondes shook their heads and Eren held up his half-full coffee cup. Marco said he'd be right back and disappeared into the café.

"I see you two are to the pet name stage," teased Eren, grinning at Jean.

"Yeah, so what?" mumbled the horse-face, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. "We've been going out for like four months now."

"Just an observation." Eren sipped his coffee nonchalantly to hide his grin. He was admittedly actually very happy for his friends; they'd been in an awkward stage of 'I really like you but I don't know if my life can handle a relationship on top of everything else' for quite a while and he was glad to see they'd worked things out.

"Eren, is that _hot_ coffee?" Christa piped up from across the table.

Eren's eyes dropped to his cup. "Yeah, why?"

"It's like eighty degrees out here!" she said, dramatically fanning herself with her oversized wallet. She herself sported a tank top she'd tied up to reveal her impeccably flat stomach and shorts so short they almost didn't really count as shorts. Her hair was tied up off her shoulders and she wore sunglasses.

"It's only April, Christa. If you think 76° is hot, you've got another thing coming."

"This is Christa's first spring here, remember?" Armin pointed out. "She's used to summers in the near Alaska."

At that point, Marco returned shuffling two drinks and his wallet in his hands. He managed to sit down without spilling anything and wiped the back of his hand across his forehead for dramatic effect, earning an eye roll out of everyone but Jean, who just gave him big puppy eyes.

"So," said freckle-face, "how are things in Erenland?"

"Fine."

"Oh _come on_ ," Christa said, leaning toward him. "You've gotta get out of those one word responses."

"Yeah, we hardly see you anymore. Talk," Jean added.

"Talk about what? My job? My family? Nothing's really changed..."

"You know what," retorted the female, lowering her glasses to look at him over them pointedly.

Eren blinked in confusion for a minute before realization settled in.

"You...you want me to talk about Levi?" he squeaked. Just saying the raven's name had his body reacting in funny ways.

"Bingo." Christa replaced her glasses. "We know he's been out of rehab. So...?"

Eren sent a glare in Armin's direction. "You told them?"

The blond shrunk back a little, a guilty grin playing on his lips. "Sorry."

The brunet sighed. "It's whatever."

"So, how have things been since then?" asked Jean.

"Jeez, you guys talk about him like you've met him." Eren leaned back, taking his coffee with and keeping his eyes solely on the little hole in the lid that allowed for ventilation.

"We just wanna know how he's doing," Marco piped up innocently.

"He's a lot better," Eren put simply. "He went back to work today...so there's that."

"And you two?" asked Christa. She was practically squirming for answers.

Eren sighed. "We're..." He struggled for the right way to put it.

"I think she wants to know if you two are official," Armin explained.

"I think so," Eren said quietly.

"What do you mean you _think_ so?" Christa had lowered her shades again.

"It's a lot more complicated than it seems, Christa," he said. "I mean I've been staying with him. And we talk. And we do other...couple-y things. So it feels pretty official..."

"What are you getting at?" Jean asked. He sounded almost bored.

"I'm saying it's pretty official, but I also feel like I want to do something to make it _official_ official?"

"Oh? What did you have in mind?" Christa asked.

It was Eren's turn to squirm, but his was in discomfort. He fidgeted with his coffee cup and tried desperately hard not to chomp down on his lip. His stomach was doing a strange dance and his heart had picked up the pace.

"It probably sounds stupid," he said. "But I kinda thought I should take him out...y'know, like on a d-date."

"Look at the boy blush," Marco stage-whispered to Jean. Eren automatically looked for something to chuck in his direction but having nothing but a half-full cup of warm coffee, he was forced to settle for his best death glare. Both Marco and Jean laughed, his affect surely ruined by the heat in his cheeks.

"That doesn't sound stupid," Armin promised him. Even he had somewhat of a dreamy sparkle in his eyes.

"Of course it doesn't!" Christa chimed in. "It's almost old-fashioned nowadays, what with cell phones and social networks. You should totally do it!"

"I should? Do you think he'd go for it?"

"That's your call, Eren," said Armin. "You're the only one who knows him."

"But if he likes you," added Christa, "there's no way he could say no."

"Yeah, especially to those rosy cheeks," Jean teased, reaching out to pinch said cheeks between his fingers. Eren's reflexes proved faster and he batted his hand away.

"Shut up, horseface," he muttered. "So you guys really don't think it's a ridiculous idea?"

"Absolutely not," Christa said.

"Then I guess I should figure out something we could do..." said Eren thoughtfully. He let his chin rest on the heel of his hand while he drummed the side of his cup with the opposite fingers.

"Well, what's something you both like?" asked Armin.

Eren blinked at him, suddenly dumbfounded. Truthfully, he didn't know what Levi liked to do. He knew more of the deeper stuff; he had yet to learn even the simplest of Levi's attributes.

"I...don't really know," he admitted. "Guess that's part of the reason why I wanna do this...to get to know him better. Like, the little things."

"Well, you could do something typical," Marco said. "There's always the classic dinner and a movie."

Eren rolled his eyes. "Lame. Too cliché."

"Ooh! What about an amusement park?" Christa asked excitedly. "They should be opening up now that the weather is improving. That's where I would wanna go on a first date."

"I dunno...Levi doesn't really seem like the amusement park type."

Eren tried to imagine the raven on a rollercoaster. The image his brain mustered was Levi's ever-stoic face, hair whipping through the wind and totally not amused at all. He snorted at the image.

"This is only assuming he says yes...I don't even know how I would actually bring up the idea."

"Why don't you just straight up ask him?" Jean asked, his tone suggesting he thought that was the obvious choice in the first place.

"Leave it to you to think of the direct approach," said Marco affectionately, nuzzling Jean's cheek. Said horseface smiled and nuzzled back.

"Oh my god, cut the PDA," Eren said, "Before I start gagging."

"Shut it, Jaeger," said Jean, not turning from his boyfriend. "Soon it'll be you and _us_ who'll be gagging."

"Doubt it," he muttered.

" _Anyway_ ," Christa cut back in. "Back to Eren's date issue. You could always come up with a creative way to ask him. Like, sidewalk chalk!"

"He lives in an apartment..."

"But _you_ don't."

"I'm not an artist."

Christa huffed. "I'm trying to be helpful."

"I know. I appreciate it."

"What about pick-up lines?" Jean popped in teasingly.

All eyes went to him. "What?"

"C'mon, y'know, like...the one about Tennessee."

" _Please_ , Jean. They're already practically together and you're not supposed to use pick-up lines on someone you're already with."

"Says who?"

"I don't think it's such a bad idea," said Armin. "But I think you'd need a specific pick-up line to ask for a date, y'know? And none of those sexual ones." The kid visibly shivered. "Most of those are so bad."

" _Duh_. You use a sexual pick-up line unless you're asking for sex."

Armin stuck his tongue out at Jean.

"I just don't see why he can't just straight up ask for a date," continued Jean. "I mean, that's what I did."

"And it worked," Marco pointed out.

"But Eren isn't you," Christa said. "I think he can make it sweeter."

"What? Like bake Levi a cake or something?"

"No, like-"

"Guys, guys!" Eren cut in, holding his hands out to stop their bantering. "I have an idea. I think I know how I'm gonna ask him."

"What is it?"

"Again, it's probably stupid, but just be honest with me. So, listen..."

~*~

The following Sunday, Eren put his plan into action. He'd talked to Reiner several times over the course of the past few days, looking for advice. Of course, Reiner promised to keep it a secret and even helped by consulting Alex in finding ideas on where they could go and what they could do.

Sundays, of course, the shop was closed and Levi had therapy, giving Eren his opportunity to set things up and prepare himself. As he sat in the parking lot waiting for the raven, his fingers drummed nervously on the steering wheel and, typically, he chewed on his lip.

"Hey," Levi huffed as he got into the car, looking mildly exhausted. He ran a hand through his hair and rested his head against the back of the seat.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Fine."

"How was it?"

Levi was silent for a minute as he put his seatbelt on. He didn't look at Eren when he spoke.

"I...told him about Izzy." The words were quiet, sad. Suddenly Eren seemed to forget about being nervous.

"What did he say?" he murmured.

"I didn't tell him everything...only of her existence and that she's been gone a long time. He questioned me about her, of course, but I couldn't talk. I don't know if it was because I didn't want to or if I just... _couldn't_." He shook his head and shrugged. "Otherwise it wasn't any different than normal."

Eren nodded. "Are you okay, Levi?" he asked solemnly. Finally the raven looked up and met his eyes.

"I'm not sure," he said honestly. "I think I just wanna go home."

"Okay."

As they drove toward the apartment, Levi had pulled one foot up onto the seat and wrapped his arms around his stomach, staring blankly out the window. Eren was internally conflicted about whether or not he wanted to continue with his plan or just call it off and let Levi curl up with the TV on and a cup of tea in his lap to distract him from the memories of his little sister. It seemed ideal, but another part of the brunet told him to set his plan in motion on the hopes of cheering the raven up, of getting his mind off of it that way. He hadn't completely decided by the time they approached the door marked 36.

Levi's key was poised to unlock the door when he noticed the small folded piece of paper taped just beneath the peephole. Frowning, he started to peel it off when Eren piped up, "You can just ignore that..." His hand extended to snatch the paper from Levi's fingers, but the raven held it away.

"What the hell is it?"

Eren sighed, shoulders dropping in the process. "It was supposed to be a surprise...for you...but I don't think now is really a good time if..." He let his sentence trail off, as Levi was unfolding the paper and reading what was on the inside.

_You wanna know what the best thing in my life is?_

_Read the first word again._

Levi read it several times to make sure he was seeing it correctly before he looked up at the other and raised a brow, waiting for an explanation.

"It was just..." Eren scratched the back of his neck, looking everywhere but at Levi. His cheeks began to turn that beautiful pink hue the raven was becoming so fond of as he explained, flustered. "There are more of those inside hidden throughout the apartment for you to find...and then you're supposed to arrange them by the numbers and letters on the back once you find them all for like a secret message...but...I dunno. You don't have to do it. I understand if-"

Levi took his hand to shut him up and unlocked the door. "I want to. Come on." He pulled the younger inside, eyes already searching the place for more similar pieces of paper. In just surveying it with his eyes, he could see at least three more hidden in obvious places.

"Really?" Eren asked, eyes wide and quickly filling with excitement.

"Yes, brat. Really." He kicked his shoes off and neatly hung his keys on the rack.

Excited, Eren fumbled for his phone and opened the camera. He'd promised Christa he'd get video of it to show her later. Levi shuffled into the kitchen and tore another slip off of the dishwasher.

_If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cutecumber._

Levi turned, both brows raised this time. "How did you even think of these?" His eyes lifted. "What the- are you seriously taking video of me?!"

"Yes. For memories," Eren clarified.

Gray eyes rolled. "You are lucky you are so damn cute," he muttered before continuing his little scavenger hunt.

_I find you ap **peel** ing. (He'd poorly drawn a banana.)_

_You must be a keyboard because you're just my type._

_Are you a unicorn? Because you're my fantasy. (A unicorn that looked more like a donkey with a birth defect and a horn.)_

_If people were boogers, I'd pick you first._

_Eren earned a disgusted "tch" and eye roll from that one, causing him to laugh._

_Roses are red,_

_Tomatoes are redder,_

_I think we both know_

_I like you way better._

_Are you a 90° angle? Because you're looking right. (He'd drawn a right triangle with an arrow pointing at the 90° angle.)_

_Is there a rainbow today? Because I just found my treasure. {It's you.}_

_Is that the sun coming up? Or is that just you lighting up my world?_

_Excuse me, I think you dropped something. My jaw._

The more Levi found, the more signs of mild embarrassment and bashfulness he showed. There was even a slight detection of red in his cheeks, neck, and tips of his ears.

_If I was a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you. (A very...deranged looking cat.)_

_Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back!_

Eren's smile was full on as he followed him around with his phone.

_Your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you._

After reading most of them, he'd mumble something to himself, the words 'shitty', 'adorable', and 'brat' swimming their way to Eren's ears.

_Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes..._

_I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart._

The last one was in Levi's room on his pillow. He shuffled through them, still shaking his head, the slightest of grins playing in his features.

"Did you think of all these yourself?"

"Most of them. My friend Christa and Armin helped a bit. And Jean came up with the idea of pick-up lines..."

"Typical. A nerd hanging around a bunch of other nerds," Levi muttered, heading for the door. As he passed Eren, he stood on his toes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "You said I'm supposed to arrange these?"

Eren followed him down the hall. "Yeah...there are numbers on the back that go in order to form a message."

"And you're still following me with that thing," he sighed, taking a seat at the table and making an effort to keep his eyes away from Eren's phone.

The younger sat across from him, chewing absently on his lip and watching him work on arranging the pieces of paper. He made sure to keep the camera focused solely on his hands, as well, while also kept the letters visible. When he finished arranging them, Eren held his breath.

Levi stared down at the paper for a minute and then lifted his gaze to Eren's face. The kid was clearly nervous, chewing his lip and brows pulled together, big green eyes anxious.

The words in on the table in front of him read:

**GO ON A DATE WITH ME?**

The silence between then and Levi's answer seemed endless to Eren.

Finally, he said, "Only if you promise to never upload that video anywhere." His finger pointed directly at Eren's camera.

The absolute widest of smiles spread across Eren's face, showing off all his teeth and emitting a sparkle in his eyes. It looked absolutely ridiculous.

"I promise," he said.

Levi himself smirked. "Then yes, I'll go on a date with you."

Unable to stop smiling, Eren tapped the little red square to stop the recording as Levi sat back, crossing one leg over the other and lacing his fingers together on his knee.

"When will this be taking place?"

"Tuesday," Eren said. "Reiner said you don't have any appointments so he gave me the day off...for this."

"So I take it you have a plan."

Eren nodded, maybe a little too enthusiastically. "But it's a surprise."

Gray eyes rolled in typical Levi fashion and he stood up. "You're such a brat," he mumbled, going around the table. Before Eren could even think of a response, the raven leaned down and softly pressed his lips to Eren's for a lingering kiss, more intimate than the ones they'd shared before.

"Don't forget to give that back," he murmured before turning on his heel and sauntering down the hall, leaving Eren mildly dizzy and happier than he thought possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well was that cheesy or what? xD


	12. •~Chapter Twelve~•

Eren stared at himself in the mirror, unblinking. There was no way this wasn't too much. It really wasn't _a lot_ , but probably too much for a first date, especially for someone who was going on a first date with a person he was already with.

"I think you went overboard," he said quietly, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

Sasha's hands batted his away. "Nonsense," she said. "It's not too much but it's not too little."

He sighed as Christa piped up, "I think you look great."

"Thank you, Christa," said Sasha.

Eren shook his head at himself. He'd only let the girls help him because they wouldn't stop begging, and once half an hour passed he couldn't take it anymore and broke down. Presently, he stood in front of the long bathroom mirror behind the door at home wearing what was practically a tux shirt, sleeves rolled to the elbows, and faded skinny jeans. He'd managed to talk Sasha out of doing his hair and was counting on his mom to hide at least a change of a shirt on the front seat of his car.

"Come on, guys, it's not like I'm getting married or something." He rolled his eyes.

"No, but this is your first date since _high school_."

"What does that have to do with anything?" he mumbled. Technically it was his first date ever. High school...that...didn't really count. For anything.

"Stop being a grump or you'll ruin the night. Come on, let's go downstairs."

The girls practically dragged him down the stairs by his ears. In the living room, Mikasa lounged on the couch watching TV and his mother waited with Sasha's phone.

"Are you serious?" he grumbled as she stood and snapped a picture. "You guys are seriously taking this out of proportion."

"We're serious," said Sasha and Christa in unison. Sasha took the phone and tapped the front camera icon to snap a picture of all three of them. And then several more until Eren ducked under her hand and out of the way.

"Okay, enough, enough," he grumbled.

At that moment, Sasha's phone chimed with a text message. "It's Connie, gotta go! Have fun, lover boy!" she blew him a kiss and herded Christa out the front door.

"Girls are freaking crazy," he mumbled.

Carla chuckled. "Good thing you're not going out with one then, huh?" She enfolded him in a hug. "I left the shirt on the front seat of your car as promised," she said. "Even I think this is a little too much for a first date." She tugged at his sleeve and smiled. "Even though I think you look so handsome." She reached up and ruffled his hair, earning a wild blush.

"Stop, Mom," he complained.

"Are you nervous?"

"Yes..."

"Don't be. You'll have fun."

"So you're not gonna give me one of those mom speeches about how your little boy is 'all grown up' and stuff?" he joked.

"You are grown up, but I already knew that." She winked and kissed his cheek. "Should I be expecting you home tonight?"

"Probably not. It's just, um...things are harder for Levi when he's alone, y'know..."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, dear. I know. Now go before you're late, and have fun."

"Thanks, Ma. Love you." He kissed her cheek and headed for the door. "Bye, 'Kasa!"

"Later," she called back.

Eren half-jogged to his car. Inside, he promptly changed his shirt. It wasn't that he was unappreciative of Sasha and Christa's efforts, but the dressy shirt just didn't fit him or the mood of a first date, especially for where they were going. The one he wore in place was a simple blue and green plaid button-up shirt, sleeves already rolled and buttoned at his elbows. It wasn't much of a difference from the original white he wore, but felt more casual while not being too casual at the same time.

With that, he took off toward Levi's, forcing himself not to chew his lip out of habit due to a comment by Christa on how his lips were too chapped. Instead his teeth found the inside of his cheek which would surely end up raw, but it was a better alternative to his lip...

The butterflies didn't make themselves known until he was staring at the gold numbers of 36 on a dark gray door. He knew he could've just walked in; this place felt like his home almost just as much as the house he'd come from. But this was a date and part of him wanted to be traditional, whether it was from a force within himself or compelled by Christa's gushing words about the tradition of dating. So he lifted his fist and gave the door three short knocks.

"It's open," called a deep, muffled voice from the other side.

Rolling his eyes but grinning faintly, Eren twisted the knob and stepped inside. Levi was nowhere to be seen as he pressed his back into the door to shut it, but the flood of light in the hallway from the bathroom indicated his location. Not a minute later, the light shut off and the raven stepped out, causing Eren's jaw to nearly drop open at the sight before him. Levi hadn't dressed up all that much, either, but what he did sport was a lot more than his usual long-sleeved shirt and sweats. Instead he was equipped with a white - yes, _white_ \- long-sleeved turtle neck, covering up the last of any tattoos that might be visible and gray skinny jeans that uncannily matched Eren's. On top of the white shirt was a black vest that, somehow, kept the whole thing casual. His hair was the usual, falling neatly over his forehead parted decently to the right.

"I'm starting to think your staring problem is psychological," he said, having shuffled toward Eren to grab his shoes from the entryway.

The younger forced himself to blink. "S-sorry," he mumbled. He felt the urge to scratch his neck but refrained; Christa's nagging had his mind noticing all of his habits. "Just...you...you look great," he stammered.

"No need for flattery. We're already going on a date, aren't we?" He pocketed his wallet and keys.

Eren frowned. "You could say thank you."

The raven glanced down his body. "It's nothing special," he mumbled. "So I thought it fit."

Eren reached for his hand. "It's great," he countered. "So it does fit."

"Tch. Let's just go." Once in the car he asked, "So am I allowed to know where we're going yet?"

"An arcade," answered Eren. "And then dinner."

"What? Are we five?"

"I'd say twenty and twenty-four are close enough to five," Eren said with a grin.

"Hmph. Well don't be surprised when I kick your ass at Skeeball."

"Oh? We'll see about that."

"Don't get cocky, brat."

"You, either."

"Hn, I've been to an arcade or two in my time."

"So have I."

"Then we'll see how this goes."

Very quickly, Eren learned what Levi meant about kicking his ass at Skeeball. When they showed up, Eren tried to pay but Levi bumped him out of the way with his hip, slapping down a twenty and saying, "Don't think you get to pay for everything, nerd." Four bagfuls of tokens later, they walked across the arcade, past machines with blaring music and strange robotic voices beckoning them to play and parents with their ten-year-olds, past younger teenagers looking as if they were going to break the steering wheels off the racing games and about to open fire on each other with the fake plastic guns. One woman was in the corner with an absolutely _screaming_ baby, which Eren booked it past to save his poor sensitive ear drums. In the furthest, darkest corner of the building were the Skeeball lanes and seemingly the only games in the whole place that didn't play ridiculous music.

And Eren was totally ready.

"Nerds first," said Levi, gesturing toward one of the lanes.

Childishly, Eren stuck his tongue out at the short man and slid two of his tokens into the machine. The balls rolled down the slot and he began, totally ready to show Levi up and show how much of a _nerd_ he really was. He managed mostly fifties and two hundreds but ended up with three fouls. Pretty satisfied, he tore the tickets from the front of the machine and automatically started folding them up while Levi shook his head in disapproval.

"Sloppy, sloppy," the artist muttered. He uncrossed his arms and stuck two of his own tokens in the machine next to the one Eren used.

"You think you can do better?" asked Eren, a brow raised in an obvious show that he wasn't buying it.

"I know I can. Are you doubting my skills?"

"I think you're bluffing," said Eren.

"Tell you what, brat," said Levi, reaching for the first ball. "We'll compete using the tickets. Whoever gets the most, wins. Loser buys dinner."

The brunet lifted a brow. "For Skeeball or the whole arcade?"

"Whole arcade. We play till we run out of tokens."

Grinning, Eren nodded. "You're on."

The raven clicked his tongue. "You might regret that."

"So might you."

"Hmph. Watch and learn."

With that, Levi turned to focus his attention on the game. He rolled the ball in his fingers a few times, seemingly sizing up the lane and targets before leaning down and, almost expertly, swinging his arm back and then snapping it forward, releasing the ball. Four eyes watched it roll up and fly off at the end to land directly in the 500 point hole.

For the second time that night, Eren felt the need to let his jaw drop, but this time it actually fell open with an audible _pop_.

"How did you-?"

"Shh!"

Levi kept going, easily making the balls into the slots and hitting points every time. He even managed three balls all the way up into the 1,000 point slot and never did he make a foul. Eren stood there the whole time with his mouth hanging open. Once out of balls, Levi clapped his hands together as if to dust them off for good measure and watched the machines spit out his tickets. They piled up several times on the floor before he even touched them.

"Careful, Eren. You might catch a fly," he said with a grin, lifting a finger to push Eren's jaw shut.

"How the hell...?" The brunet was at a loss for words.

"Still think I'm bluffing?" He reached for his tickets and started folding them up. When finished, he had too many to fit into his small hand.

"No..."

"Feel free to call the bet off," he said.

Eren blinked a few times before putting his game face on. "Hey, it was only one game." He gestured at the rest of the machines. "We still have a long way to go, so don't get too cocky."

The raven snorted. "We'll let the games decide, then." He stalked off in the direction of the rest of the arcade.

The next couple of hours were spent in competition between the two. They made a deal not to count or even estimate the number of their tickets until they were totally out of tokens. He wouldn't say it, but by the looks of things, Eren was 99% sure he was winning this bet despite his major loss to Skeeball. Still, he didn't much care about the bet. Even if he lost, he'd planned to pay for dinner anyway. And if he won, he planned to pay for dinner whether Levi liked it or not. He was in this to spend time with the person he loved, to get to know him better (it was remarkable how much you could learn about a person in an arcade). He wanted to make Levi happy and get him away from all the negative in his life for a while, and by the lustrous appearance of those stormy gray eyes, he could tell he was succeeding and that in itself made him happier than anything.

When their token bags were rendered empty and they each had three cups full of tickets, they started feeding them to the machines. In the end, Eren had three hundred more tickets than Levi and their total came to 2,148 altogether.

"Brat," Levi muttered, ripping the slip of paper with his total from the dispenser.

"Don't be a grump," Eren joked. "You were the one who wanted to make the bet in the first place."

"Yeah, yeah," he said, waving the paper in Eren's direction. "Here. Get yourself something nice. I'm gonna go sit down for a minute."

Eren's feeling of triumph immediately twisted to concern and he automatically began searching the raven's face. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Mhm. Just getting a little tired. I'm fine."

He wandered toward the door. He seemed okay, but Eren kept an eye on him just in case as he walked over to the ticket counter. His eyes scoured the wall filled with dozens of prizes - giant teddy bears and Despicable Me minions among other stuffed things, lava lamps and those strange lightning lamps down to the glass container with those Chinese handcuff things, candy, slinkies and sticky rubber hands. He settled for something that would use up most of the tickets and a few miscellaneous things at the end. Once done, he went in search of Levi who'd gone outside to sit on the curb. The air was beginning to cool off as the sun set, casting brilliant oranges, pinks, yellows and even purples over the clouds.

Eren sunk down next to Levi, who didn't so much as react and continued to stare up at the ever-changing golden hues.

"Y'know, it's strange," he said softly. "Right now I'd probably be sitting here with a cigarette between my fingers, either already high or wondering about my next fix...or I guess I probably wouldn't be sitting here at all. Why would a junkie come to an arcade?" He snorted an unamused laugh. "I dunno. Guess I'm just saying that a lot's changed in such a short time."

"A-are you upset about that?" Eren couldn't help but ask.

"Are you kidding?" Levi reached for his hand. "No. Not at all."

At that moment, a woman with three small children burst out of the arcade, all gushing about the prizes they got and how much fun they had, being particularly noisy. This seemed to break Levi out of his slight reverie and he tore his eyes from the sky.

"So what'd you get?"

Eren fished in his pockets, pulling out a slinky and one of the sticky rubber hands. Levi raised his brows in question.

"They were all I could afford."

"Those did _not_ cost over 2,000 tickets."

Eren grinned. "Nope. But this did." He twisted around and grabbed the big ball of fluff to set on Levi's knees. The raven stared at it in disbelief. It was a giant red... _thing_ with puny wings on either side.

"What the hell, Jaeger?"

"It's a dragon!" explained Eren, sounding much too like a little kid as he flapped one of the wings.

"And you wanted this...why?"

"For you."

Dumbfounded, Levi turned and stared at the brat next to him. "Seriously?"

Eren nodded. "I thought you'd like it better than a stuffed dog or a giant minion..."

Levi turned back to the stuffed thing. It was hideous, with giant purple eyes and its tongue sticking out. It was bigger than Levi's entire torso but admittedly soft and in the absolute strangest of ways, it reminded him of Eren himself. His face softened and he took it by the wings.

"If you don't like it, I can probably get a refund..."

"No," Levi cut in. "I like it."

"Really?" He sounded much too hopeful.

"Yes, really. Now come on," he said, standing up. "I'm starving. Let's go eat."

Eren jumped to his feet as well and they walked hand in hand to the car. Levi stuffed the dragon-thing in the back seat and when he stood to close the door, found Eren standing less than a foot away from him.

"By the way..." Simultaneously he brought his hand up to cup Levi's chin while dipping his head down, claiming Levi's lips in a tooth-curlingly sweet kiss the raven couldn't help but absolutely melt into, gripping the front of Eren's shirt and stepping closer. "That's me giving it back."

"You know, it's not very custom to kiss your date on the _first_ date...especially before the date is over," said Levi breathily.

Eren's chuckle was equally as breathy. "If you ask me, not much is custom in our relationship."

"Hm, touché, brat."

Eren winked and said, "Let's go eat."

With that, they hopped in the car. Dinner took place in a quiet, cozy little restaurant where they could easily be concealed in a large booth. They talked endlessly, sharing stories and opinions. Eren himself did most of the talking when it came to the stories, talking about his family and friends and school while Levi listened intently, soaking up every little detail. He genuinely _wanted_ to remember and know everything he possibly could about Eren. He picked up on the little things, too, like the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his mom or the ever so subtle dimple in his left cheek when his mouth moved a certain way...the way he'd sometimes shake the hair out of his eyes (particularly that one strand Levi always had the urge to move). Simple little quirks that he could feel himself falling in love with.

Eren himself didn't fail to notice that the more he talked, the less Levi did. Or maybe the less Levi talked, the more he found himself babbling. He observed, too, that Levi's eating progressively slowed down until he was merely picking at a breadstick and most of it ended up on his plate rather than in his mouth. By that time, he'd only eaten half the contents of his plate, but it was more than Eren had ever seen him consume while sober.

The waitress brought the check and Eren held his debit card out to her before she had the chance to walk away and before Levi could even pull his wallet out of his pocket as he started moving to do so.

"I'm supposed to pay, brat. I lost the bet."

"Too late. I planned on paying anyway."

To that, Levi narrowed his eyes but argued no further.

They departed after Levi'd taken his after meal medication. His slower pace and lack of speech signaled he was fading quickly. Eren couldn't help but feel guilty, feeling he'd pushed him too hard, too far, too fast.

The two made it back to the apartment in good time. Eren made it a point to walk up the stairs behind Levi, who carried the dragon under his arm, in case he lost his balance or something worse.

Once inside, he lazily kicked his shoes off and shuffled toward his room, lightly gripping Eren's hand to pull him along. He tossed the dragon onto the bed before moving to the dresser to find clean pajamas.

"Do you want me to stay?" murmured Eren. Asking this was a habit he was quickly getting into each night.

"Yes," said Levi, shoving his drawer shut with his hip. That was always his answer. With a yawn, he ran his fingers through his hair and shuffled past Eren. "I'm gonna shower real quick."

"'Kay..."

Levi disappeared into the bathroom and Eren took his opportunity at brief privacy to change into his own pajamas - a simple black T-shirt with what he called TV fuzz gray sweats that hugged his legs at the ankles. He was starting a stash of his own belongings in Levi's closet, had an extra toothbrush in the bathroom and was slowly moving things from his house to Levi's apartment. Staying with Levi was ideal, he told himself, having been the reason he was recovering from such a brutal and long addiction and the raven having trouble being by himself. Still, he had to admit internally that he loved the time he spent with him.

The second night after Levi got out of rehab, he tried sleeping on the couch. He'd been setting it up with spare pillows and blankets, totally ready to crash while Levi was in the shower when he'd appeared around the corner and asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Setting up my bed," Eren explained innocently.

"You're such a brat. Get your butt in the bedroom."

When Eren had raised his brows, Levi rolled his eyes. "Not like that, you kink. What makes you think you need to sleep in here?"

Eren had no valid answer for that and had crawled into bed alongside his black-haired artist. Ever since, it was natural that they just sleep together. It was never anything sensual for obvious reasons, but admittedly some of the best nights' sleep Eren could remember having. There was something about a warm body next to his with breath and heartbeat, even curled up in his arms or with a head on his chest that he couldn't seem to get enough of. They'd trade positions, and sometimes Levi's heartbeat was his lullaby or vice versa. It was never awkward and contrary to how one may think, it wasn't moving too fast for either of them.

_"Not much is custom in our relationship."_

It was true, and it was exciting. Eren was the spontaneous and go with the flow type, and everything felt so natural and right while with Levi. As natural as a tree growing out of the ground and as totally right as the colors of the sky. It was what he needed. It was what they both needed.

The brunet sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, mindlessly scrolling through channels on the TV as all of this rushed through his head. When he resurfaced from his daydream, he heard it. The familiar heaving and gagging noises, unmistakably coming from behind the closed door of the bathroom and suddenly, he snapped to his senses, carelessly tossing the remote aside and practically flying off the bed and across the hall.

"Levi?" he murmured, gently knocking on the door.

"I'm fine," came Levi's choked voice. "Just go-" His words got cut off by another retch and the terrible sound of throwing up. His own stomach churning, Eren tried the knob. Finding it unlocked, he cracked the door open. Sure enough, Levi leaned over the toilet, his head halfway concealed inside of it as he puked his guts up.

Eren automatically started getting a cup of water ready and then kneeled to the raven's side just as the puking came to an end and he sat up, face flushed. Soundlessly, Eren offered him the water. He swished and spat twice before downing the rest.

"You okay?"

Levi gave a nod and handed the cup back before flushing the toilet and knocking the lid closed. He gave Eren an apologetic, regretful look, to which the younger shook his head and offered a hand to help him stand up. He went to the sink and immediately started getting his toothbrush ready. Eren took the slight opportunity to look him over. He'd only had time to pull on his boxers before he puked, leaving most of his skin bare.

He was still too skinny. Eren could literally count all of his ribs and the bumps of his spine. His shoulder blades jutted out and his hipbones remained prominent, as well as his collarbone, even under the tattoos. His legs were still almost like sticks. Even so, it was so much better than last time Eren had laid eyes on his naked skin, pulling him out of the bathtub.

"Sorry for ruining the mood," mumbled Levi after he replaced his toothbrush in the holder. He met Eren's eyes in the mirror and flinched, seeing those green eyes roving over his body. "Hideous, right? You don't have to look." He reached for his clothes, suddenly feeling much too exposed, and pulled them on as quickly as possible.

"No," countered Eren. "Your improvement shows. And I like your tattoos."

"Hmph, because I'm a fighter, right?" His voice held an edge of sarcasm. "And thanks."

"Absolutely." Eren cast him a smile.

Sighing, Levi nudged him back into the hall. "Yeah. I'm tired."

"Go lay down. I'm gonna finish getting ready."

Levi complied easily, immediately laying down on his usual side of the bed. Eren made a detour trip to the kitchen to retrieve a couple granola bars and a sleeve of crackers for the raven.

"You'll need something in your system, even if it's small."

He didn't stick around to see if Levi dug into it right away, but went back to the bathroom to finish readying himself for bed - brushing his teeth, washing his face, peeing, et cetera. Upon reentering the bedroom, Levi had begun nibbling on a granola bar but held it in one hand while the back of the other was pressed to his mouth, elbows resting on his knees.

"Should I get the bucket?" offered Eren.

"Probably better..."

The brunet retrieved the bucket from under the living room table, as well as a couple bottles of water, keeping one for himself and leaving the other on the table near Levi, the bucket on the floor halfway under the bed in case Levi needed it immediately.

"Thanks," he sighed, obviously in disappointment.

"Of course." Eren flicked the light off before maneuvering up next to the raven, who discarded the remainder of his granola bar onto the table.

"How can you even stand this?" he mumbled, bringing his knees up.

"Because you're worth it," Eren put simply.

Levi's orbs, shiny from the light of the TV, darted in Eren's direction and narrowed. His lips parted like he wanted to counter that statement, but instead he relaxed and said, "Somehow that's easier to believe, coming from you."

"Good. It's true."

"Hmmm..."

"Come on, aren't you tired?" The younger leaned back into the pillows after shutting the television off, tugging Levi gently by his shoulder. The older followed suit, nestling himself among the pillows and pushing the blankets down to snake his legs beneath them. In the dark cavern of the sheets, their fingers found each other and then their bodies pressed close, foreheads touching and legs tangling together, abandoning the rest of the bed for the middle.

"By the way," Levi yawned, "Thanks for today. For showing me that I can still kick ass at Skeeball."

Eren let his eyes roll despite Levi's inability to see it. "You're more than welcome," he said. "I had fun, too."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Mhm."

"I'd never been on a date before today."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yup."

"Hmm...well, neither had I, really..."

"Tch. I don't believe that."

"Well...there was this one thing junior year in high school...but that doesn't count."

"Hn, you'll have to tell me why sometime."

"Hmm, okay."

Levi mumbled something else, but he was clearly already half asleep. Eren chuckled breathily and said, "'Night, Levi."

"I love you, Eren..."

It seemed such a contrast for his stomach to explode with butterflies next to Levi's tired body, but it did, and he smiled.

"I love you, too."

He couldn't be sure if the artist heart him or not, because his breathing had already deepened and his entire body relaxed with the sleep he finally managed to find. His soft, warm breath brushed across Eren's lips and cheeks. Strands of his cool, still wet hair was pressed to Eren's forehead and tickled him a bit, but he didn't mind. Levi smelled good; he still used the same shampoo - kind of a minty, honey-ish fragrance, mixed with the subtle scent of aftershave and some other unnamed smell that could only be Levi's own unique, natural scent. His soft fingers were warm between Eren's, too, though his knee felt a little awkward between Eren's thighs. His breathing was audible, slightly more ragged than the average person's breath.

Slowly, Eren's sensitive eyes adjusted even to the dim light of the city from outside and he was just able to make out the outline of Levi's features. He looked so immensely peaceful. It was almost humbling and one of the most beautiful sights he'd been allowed to lay eyes on.

Eren pressed a light kiss to the tip of Levi's nose and then angled his head so his lashes gave his forehead butterfly kisses as he let his eyes flutter closed for the last time that night.


	13. •~Chapter Thirteen~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I suck. I'm sorry this didn't get updated last week, and the only 'excuse' I have is because I forgot. And that keeps happening, and it's stupid, so I just broke down and put an alarm on my phone for every Saturday to remind me to update. Wtf. I know. I'm stupid. To make up for it I'll probably have the next chapter up within the next few days and yes, it will be updated next Saturday as well. I'm sorry times a million Dx

A couple weeks passed and the two got into an easy groove of life. Business in the shop picked back up almost too easily for Levi, and he was beginning to drag in clients by what seemed like the boatload. Eren worked when Reiner needed him, and Levi was almost always there at the same time, either tattooing or working on his commissions. He started to improve greatly, apparent to not only the eyes of everyone in the shop (which, on many occasions, included Alex), but people of the outside world, too, and he was starting to get booked up for the entire summer and making loads of money. They all were - even Alex, who started learning to give piercings under her fiancé's capable wing not too long after Levi got out of rehab. Eren helped each of them put together a portfolio and was unofficially 'hired' as the photographer after one of them finished a piece.

On his days off, Eren would visit his mom and continue learning to cook under her wing, or help her with yard work. He'd spend time with his sister, too, who was on summer break and when she wasn't busy volunteering or spending time with her own friends. Eren himself kept in touch with his friends, as well. The semester had ended for all of them and they had the summer off, freeing up their time a bit more.

Reiner made it a point to give Eren time off where Levi had it, too. The raven wasn't allowed to work more than twenty-five hours a week, seeing as he was still recovering and still had a long way to go. He continued therapy, of course, and on the morning of May 18th, he got the call from the rehabilitation center with the results of his bloodwork. The two were in the middle of getting ready for work when his phone rang. Eren had paced anxiously while Levi talked on the phone, easily keeping up a poker face so Eren had no clue as to whether it was good or bad news. Once he hung up, Levi had snatched his hand to stop his pacing.

"Calm down," he said.

"What did they say?" Eren asked anxiously.

"No STDs," he confirmed.

"But?" Eren asked, feeling it was needed.

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning to be checked for blood clots and such."

"What is _and such_?"

"Lung disease, liver disease, infections, et cetera."

Those words only served to amplify Eren's anxiety. Levi's soft lips on his were the sole thing that kept the full on panic attack away, something that baffled Eren. Never had anything been successful in shutting his anxiety down like that until that moment.

"How are you so calm about that?" he asked.

Levi's words, though sharp, came solemnly. "I've expected much worse consequences than what I've gotten so far, Eren. Eight years of drug abuse doesn't come without a price."

Eren swallowed hard. Levi was too right, and though he'd known it, he hated the thought of him having to deal with any type of consequence for it.

The appointment went as planned and resulted in Levi ending up with three more bottles of pills - one to help digestion, a blood-thinner to get rid of several minor clots they found, and the last for a lung disease commonly found in smokers. None of it was fatal, but to Eren it seemed everything seemed to be adding up more and more. He was afraid of what Levi's limit was and how close he might be to it.

Presently, the two were in the shop on a rainy evening - Eren working on something on the computer for Reiner and Levi in his corner concentrating on a commission. Reiner himself was pulling his coat on, getting ready to depart.

"Alright guys, don't work too hard. And don't forget to lock up. I'm outta here."

Levi didn't so much as look up while Eren said a "see ya" without taking his eyes from the screen. With a chuckle, Reiner left, leaving the shop virtually silent for a while. Eventually, Levi couldn't take the ringing in his ears any longer and went over to the stereo, inserted a CD, and pressed play, essentially drowning out the sound of the rain outside. Halfway through the first song, Eren decided his eyes burned too badly to continue staring at a screen, so he saved his work and shut the computer off to join Levi at his work station. By the third song, he noticed the order to be eerily familiar.

"Is this...the CD I gave you?"

The raven nodded. He was absently mouthing the words while he worked on shading the exquisitely detailed wolf's head he'd drawn on the page, adding even more details and bringing it to life. Eren leaned over and rested his chin on the edge of the desk, an involuntary smile playing on his lips. He didn't watch Levi's expert fingers so much as he kept his eyes on the artist's face. He had the words to the song exact and he seemed in a milder version of that reverie he went into while tattooing. Eventually, he snapped out of it and blinked at Eren.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

He cocked a brow. "Sure."

"Really. Don't let me stop you."

"It's hard to concentrate when you're staring at me like that."

"It's hard not to."

"Tch...please." He needlessly sharpened the pencil in his hand as an excuse to look away.

Eren's smile widened. "How much longer do you plan on working tonight?"

"I want to finish this."

"You shouldn't push yourself, you know."

Gray eyes rolled. "Drawing really isn't that exhausting."

"Still."

"You worry too much, brat." He went back to work as Eren watched intently through the next several songs. He sang along in his head, knowing each of them as well as Levi seemed to.

"I see you've been listening to this a lot," he commented.

"Of course I have. It was a gift. Now shh, this song is my favorite."

About halfway through said song, Levi's pencil slowed and eventually stopped to slip from his fingers. His eyes seemed to go out of focus and he stopped following the lyrics.

"What's wrong?" Eren asked, lifting his head.

"I think you're right. I should stop working for the night."

"Okay. Do you wanna go home?"

Levi met his gaze. "No...not yet." He reached for Eren's hands. "Would you mind..." He gulped, unsure.

"Would I mind...?"

His eyes then dropped. "Would you mind singing for me?" he asked quietly.

"You really don't think I sound like shit?" asked Eren.

"If I did, I wouldn't ask you," responded the raven seriously, lacing his fingers through Eren's.

"Okay," said Eren. "But then you have to sing for me, too."

"What?" Levi's head snapped up, eyes wide with surprise. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. It's only fair."

"Eren..."

"What?"

"I don't think you want to hear me sing."

"And why not?"

"Because I actually _do_ suck."

"Be fair, Levi. I don't think you do."

Thin brows lifted. "Because you haven't heard it. When you do, you'll probably wanna break up with me."

Eren snorted. "That's ridiculous. I just wanna hear you once, and then you never have to do it again."

"And if I suck, will you say so?"

"Would you want me to?"

"Yes. Wait, no. Fuck, I don't know."

Eren laughed. "So will you do it?"

Levi stopped to consider it a minute. Deciding he wanted to hear Eren more than he didn't want to sing himself, he nodded. Eren stood and went to connect his phone to the Bluetooth on the stereo. He had a particular song in mind to sing, yet another than reminded him of his raven-haired lover that hadn't made it onto the CD.

Smiling, he went back to the man and tugged at his hand. "Come on," he coaxed.

Levi stumbled out of his chair and followed Eren to the center of the shop. "What are you doing?"

"Dance with me," said Eren.

"Wh-what? Eren-"

"Don't worry, it's not like I'm gonna make you tango or anything," he said. He took Levi gently by the wrists and moved his arms around his neck. The flush in Levi's face was becoming more and more apparent, especially as Eren slowly slid his arms around the artist's slender waist, careful to never break his gaze.

"First you want me to sing, and now you want me to dance."

"Yup."

"Remember that time I called you crazy?"

"Which time?"

"Yes. And I think you're even loonier than I thought back then."

"Maybe I am, but you're just as insane if you love me."

"Guess so. Now are you going to sing or what?"

Eren reached over and tapped play on his phone. As the first notes of the song began, he started to move in small circles. It wasn't nearly a dancing song, but that didn't much matter. As the lyrics began, he rested his head against Levi's and shut his eyes, singing along softly.

_"You say things with your mouth, cobwebs and flies come out; I hear a second voice behind your tongue somehow."_

Levi was immediately captivated by Eren's smooth voice, hitting every note exact with the singer's in a smooth harmony. He focused on the vibrations he could feel through Eren's chest, pressed lightly against his own. They continued to move in circles around the floor to the beat of the music.

_"They will not take you down, they will not cast you out."_

Levi's fingers tightened into fists at those lyrics and he never let his eyes fall from Eren's face. He didn't so much as blink, and could feel the words in his soul just as the other times Eren had sung to him.

_"I'll pray that one day you see the only difference between life and dying is one is trying, that's all we're gonna do, so try to love me and I'll try to save you."_

_"Won't you stay alive? I'll take you on a ride; I will make you believe you are lovely."_

Eren's eyes opened as he sang the next part.

_"Your redemption won't grow stale; we are now just setting sail on the seas of what we fear; treason now is growing near to me..."_

The song carried out and came to a smooth end, as well as their little circular motion around the middle of the floor. Levi couldn't help but lift his head and press his lips to Eren's, lightly moving up onto his toes to better reach him, holding him tighter and pressing closer. Eren felt so warm and so safe yet so dangerous and new at the same time. He'd never let himself get so close to anyone or let anyone touch him the way he let Eren, let alone so intimately and affectionately. Love wasn't something he ever really understood. Not this kind of love, not this vigorous. It was a warm comforting glow as well as a white-hot fire. He needed Eren more than he'd ever needed anything in his life. More than his drug or food or even oxygen. And tentatively, he let Eren know that solely through the way he kissed him. Their nerves were alight with a kind of passion foreign to both of them, foreign but exciting and addicting. Levi let himself test the waters, gently slipping his tongue between Eren's lips and letting himself explore. This felt like the most natural thing in the world as Eren responded just as passionately, kissing back tenderly. Warmth pooled in his stomach and built up until it was filling him up entirely and when they finally pulled apart, it was with much reluctance and due to lack of oxygen, especially to Levi's poor diseased lungs.

No words were said, but Eren's phone continued to play. The rain had picked up with the occasional crack of thunder; though at the same volume, the music seemed to have faded to the background.

"How did I let myself fall for such a brat?" Levi breathed, eyes still closed.

"The same reason why I let myself fall for such an old man," joked Eren.

Levi kicked Eren in the shin just hard enough for him to grumble an "ow".

"I'm not old," he grumbled.

"You didn't have to kick me," Eren complained.

"Knee-jerk reaction. Sorry."

"Hmph. Well, it's your turn to sing."

Levi immediately tensed and pulled back from Eren a bit without letting go of him. "You were serious about that?"

"Of course I was." Eren gave him a dopey grin he couldn't help but find adorable as he moved back to the stereo to pause his playlist.

"I think you're going to regret this..." Levi said, crossing his arms.

"Stop trying to wiggle your way out of it." Eren's smile never faltered, nor did Levi's scowl. "You're cute when you pout like that," said the younger.

"I am _not_ cute, and I'm not pouting."

Eren chuckled. "Come pick a song."

Just like that, Levi's demeanor changed and his arms uncrossed. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shifted uncomfortably. "Eren..." he mumbled.

Said brunet's smile faltered and faded away completely. "You said you would if I did."

"I know, but..."

"I won't make you if you really don't want to," Eren said, though his voice was thick with disappointment. His lip even protruded a bit as he started to reach for the power button on the stereo. "Let's just go home, then."

Levi caught his hand just in time before his finger hit the button. "I'll do it," he said. "Just promise not to laugh."

"Why in the world would I laugh?"

"I already told you why." Levi worked on switching the input back to the CD, disconnecting the Bluetooth and handing Eren's phone back to him. He skipped ahead to track fourteen on the disc and tapped play. Though the song started out with words immediately, he did not start singing. Instead, he took Eren by the hand and moved back to the center of the room, trying to breathe deeply and calm his nerves.

"Do I really have to do this?" he mumbled, pulling Eren's forehead back down to his own and shutting his eyes.

"I said you don't."

"But you want me to." Eren said nothing. "Would it make you happy?"

"Yeah."

Levi drew in a deep, shaky breath. He was already following the song in his head and trying to build up the guts to begin aloud. It was only Eren and he'd already promised not to laugh, even in different words. He figured he didn't have much to lose...

_"I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you, but with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide."_

Levi absolutely detested the scratchiness of his voice in contrast to the song itself and immediately had the urge to stop, to shut himself up before he ruined it completely. He managed to hit the notes, but that did nothing to make up for his vocal quality.

Eren, on the other hand, was immediately soaked into Levi's unique rasp. It was unlike anything he'd ever heard before and he found himself holding Levi tighter, wanting him to sing louder. The sound had his body reacting in new ways, and his smile gently returned.

_"This is my kingdom come..."_

Once reached the chorus, Levi's nerves began to take over again and his voice broke out of tune, causing him to immediately cut off and clench his teeth, ready to apologize. Before he could, though, he felt warm fingers on his cheek and Eren's smooth voice join in.

_"When you feel my heat, look into my eyes..."_

Look Levi did, his eyes snapping open to meet Eren's bright, oceanic ones. He nodded in encouragement, urging the raven to continue. Going against his better judgment and want to curl up in a ball and disappear, he did.

_"Don't get too close, it's dark inside..."_

In some weird way, their voices seemed to melt together, blending in a unique, indescribable harmony. It wasn't near perfect, but that mattered not. In that moment, they were so in tune with each other, bound by the music and the lyrics. It felt incredible.

As the second verse came in, Eren faded out leaving Levi to solo in what he could only think to be brokenly. Still he pushed on, taking Eren's face gently between his palms.

_"Don't wanna let you down, but I am hell bound. Oh, this is all for you, don't wanna hide the truth..."_

Eren joined back in for the second chorus and Levi could feel the beginnings of tears pricking at his eyes.

When his favorite line came, he was left in a solo again. He fought against his aching lungs to sing it with all his might.

_"Your eyes, they shine so bright, I wanna save that light. I can't escape this now, unless you show me how."_

They finished the song together, both of their hands ending up twined together at their sides. When the last note sounded, Levi shut his eyes once more, feeling refreshed yet still braced himself for whatever was about to come.

No words were said. One pair of arms wrapped around the other's body, a nose buried in raven locks, the other nose buried in a clothed shoulder with fingers clinging to a ribcage.

"So are you deaf now?" Levi asked eventually.

Before Eren could chuckle his answer, a loud clap of thunder sounded right over their heads and they flinched. The lights flickered and the rain picked up.

"I think I am now," Eren said, sticking his pinkie in one ear and scratching. "But not because of your singing."

With a glance out the front windows, Levi said, "We should probably get going before a tornado hits or someshit..."

"Yeah..."

Quickly, the two worked on shutting the shop down, grabbing their own coats and counting to three to rush out into the downpour. They sloshed across the wet sidewalk to Eren's car and hopped in just before another clap of thunder hit in time with the flash of lightning, this one louder than the last and rattling the ground. Eren shuddered as he twisted the ignition. The storm was clearly right above them as they drove back to the apartment, the windshield wipers on full speed and the headlights on their brightest setting. The stairwell on the building wasn't in the greatest shape and therefore had leaks in multiple places. They jogged up as quickly as possible, almost completely soaked. Eren was halfway done kicking his shoes off when it thundered again. Being on the third floor was even less comforting and he nearly crumpled to the ground.

"Eren? What's the matter?"

"N-nothing. The...the rain is just cold. I'm f-" Lightning lit up the apartment in time with another large boom and Eren's teeth came down on his tongue.

Levi's face relaxed into complete understanding. "You're astraphobic."

"Wh-what?"

The raven rolled his eyes. "You're afraid of thunder," he clarified.

"Well...yeah. Kind of a lot, actually..."

"Brat. Come on," Levi said, taking his hand and leading him toward the bedroom. He pulled a couple towels from the linen closet in the hall and tossed one to Eren, using the other to rub swiftly through his hair. Eren tried the same, but the thunder was incessant and he ended up in a pile of nerves between the dresser and the bed. He could feel his anxiety skyrocketing and this time he was almost certain he couldn't hold back the panic attack, not with the constant booming over his head, shaking the entire building.

Levi had just sunk to his knees next to him when his phone started ringing. Shakily, he pulled it out of his pocket and checked the caller ID. It was his mom.

"Mom," he mumbled into the receiver.

"Eren, honey, are you okay?"

"I don't...I don't think so..."

"Shh, darling. Breathe." She could easily tell he was freaking out.

But he couldn't. His breath started to hitch and his muscles tensed involuntarily. More thunder, and he became too tense to hold onto the device any longer. Levi fumbled for it.

"Carla?"

"Levi? Is Eren alright?"

"Uh, no...no, not really."

He had his face buried in the towel and he was shaking incessantly. His breathing was out of control.

"He must be having a panic attack. Are you two safe?"

"Yes. We're in my apartment. But Eren's afraid of the thunder...I don't know what to do..."

"Try and keep him as calm as you can. Rub his back and remind him to breathe. Make sure he doesn't start to hyperventilate, or..."

That was when the line started to cut out and Levi only heard bits and pieces of Carla's words, none of which made any sense. He decided it was fruitless try and get a good signal and tossed the phone up onto the bed. Eren was more important, so he took what little he could understand of Carla's words and put them to use. He gathered Eren to his chest, rubbing small circles into his back the way the younger had done for him so many times and gently rocked him back and forth.

"Breathe, Eren," he said. He pried the towel from Eren's fingers, which instead found a home on Levi's ribs. The raven flinched in mild pain from the pressure but never ceased his reassurances.

"Eren, please, you have to breathe. Concentrate."

His breath sounded more liked choked hiccups at that point. Somewhere in there, he managed to mutter a "trying..."

Levi only held him tighter, rubbing his back and stroking his hair. Outside the storm seemed to be raging. Every time a new crack of thunder sounded, Eren flinched.

"Breathe, love," Levi murmured over and over, rocking him back and forth. "You're safe. Shh..."

And ever so slowly, Eren's shaking depleted to a minimum and his breathing became more controlled. The storm was clearly moving, with flashes and claps being less frequent and the rain letting up ever so slightly. By then, Eren's face was flushed and tear-streaked, his clothes wrinkled and crooked, hair completely messy.

"S-sorry," he mumbled rubbing his nose. "I forgot it could get that bad..."

"No apologies needed." Levi worked on smoothing his hair. "I wish I'd known you're so damn petrified of lightning storms."

The brunet shrugged. "Not your fault."

"Are you okay now?" Eren nodded. "Then get up. You need to get out of those wet clothes."

They worked on standing and Eren pulled his jacket off. The water had soaked all the way through his shirt, causing it to stick to his torso. Levi retrieved some pajamas from his stash of things and tossed them over. Eren disappeared into the bathroom to change while Levi did the same in the room. The usual end of the day exhaustion finally started settling in and he felt like he could melt into a puddle on the floor himself, though for a different reason. Still, he forced himself to stay awake long enough for Eren to get back, sitting cross-legged with the dragon on his lap. Eventually, Eren did appear in the doorway again looking much better than he had when he left.

"Do...do you want me to stay?" he asked as usual, though his voice was shakier, more nervous somehow.

"You're an idiot," said Levi. "Come here."

Eren shuffled into the room and crawled over to Levi, who took his hand. "Are you really okay?" he inquired, frowning.

"Yeah. Sorry you had to see me like that. Pretty gross, huh?"

"Please, Eren. You've seen me at a lot worse than that."

"Still. It's...different."

"Hardly."

Eren shrugged. His hands were still trembling and he continued to flinch at the distant thunder. Levi had never seen him so shaken up and weakened. This anxiety attack had taken a lot out of him, including some of the vibrant luster from his eyes. And Levi hated it. Hated that as strong as Eren was, as pure and beautiful as he was, that some stupid mental disorder could bring him down like that. He couldn't imagine how it must've been a decade ago or less, after he lost his father. Levi absolutely wanted to be able to reach inside of Eren and yank it out, even if it meant burdening it on himself.

"I'm glad you like this," he said, patting the top of the dragon's head, a small flicker of his usual self already finding its way back into his demeanor.

_That's my Eren_ , thought the raven.

"I think I finally thought of a name for her," he said.

"Her?"

"Mhm."

"What would that be?"

"Akane."

The brunet blinked at him stupidly. "What the heck does that mean?"

"Deep red," explained Levi. "And who says 'heck' anymore?"

"Me. It sounds...kinda...Japanese?"

"It is."

"How did you think of that? Are you Japanese or something?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. Only a quarter, though."

Eren's brows raised. This was news to him. He studied Levi's face, looking to pick out any Asian features but other than the dark hair, essentially found none.

"Was your dad Japanese?"

Levi snorted. "Hell no. No idea what he was," he muttered. "Nor do I really care."

"So then your mom...?"

The artist's features softened a bit and he stared at Akane's left eye. "She was half Japanese."

"So that means Alex, too..."

"Yes, Eren." Levi snapped in front of the brunet's face. "The lights are on but I get the feeling nobody's really home."

Eren half-laughed. "Yeah, sorry."

"Well I'm effing exhausted, too. So let's sleep."

They nestled themselves beneath the covers. Levi pulled Eren into his arms, letting his head rest on his shoulder and situating Akane comfortably among them before reaching over and switching off the light.

"Hey, Levi?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask what your mom's name was?"

Levi couldn't help but be surprised by the question and hesitated for a minute. Finally, he gave in and told him.

"Shiori."

"Hmm..." Eren yawned. "By the way, Levi? I like your voice."

"I think you're overtired."

"Why?"

"Because you're starting to say ridiculous things."

"Shut up. I'm serious. I like it."

"You're crazy."

"Just accept the compliment."

"Tch."

"Levi."

"Fine. Thank you."

Eren chuckled and felt lips in his hair. "Love you."

"Love you more, my little brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This chapter was written before the manga revealed things about Levi's mom, which is why her name is different. (And I just like the idea of Levi being Japanese idk.)
> 
> Also, the song Eren sang was originally something different, but then I discovered Twenty One Pilots and the song Lovely and it just fit the story way better, even if it doesn't quite fit the scene in the chapter. So sorry if that feels a little awkward, I just prefer it.
> 
> But this chapter is a mess, just like me lmao.


	14. •~Chapter Fourteen~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I suck and didn't post a chapter this week between this one and the last, but at least I'm not late on this update? Dx I set an alarm on my phone for every Saturday to help remind me to update. Again, many apologies~ >.

Flashes of honey auburn hair and ice-like eyes, ivory skin and long, dexterous fingers flashed behind his lids, alongside the memory of that ridiculous, dopey laugh and high-pitched male voice. His mind conjured up the vivid images and feelings that he wanted nothing more to be buried forever from the deepest parts of his memory. Long fingers prepping the poison, dilated pupils surrounded by bloodshot whites, the irises nearly lost. Hard fists he'd come into contact with many times, the very ones that forced him to learn to fight for himself. Absolutely insane nights filled with dangerous substances and wild car rides in a convertible with the top down. Blasting music and cheering voices filling the night air; dirty looks from civilians. The buzzing of a tattoo machine as he dug the needles into someone else's skin for green or powder. Parties, fights, and sex. The scent of different kinds of smoke, of body odor and whiskey. The sound of breaking glass and a car accident. His own sweaty body pressed up against another sweaty body with unattractive groans filling the air while some other kind of venom surged through his bloodstream, not allowing him to feel or think about anything but what was right in front of him, on top of him, inside of him. The wailing of police sirens and the bright red and blue lights and the burning of his thighs as he forced himself to run, run faster until he collapsed somewhere behind an old building, unsure if anyone had followed him, if any of his 'friends' were safe, or if he was entirely alone. Pain and numbness...numbness and pain...

~

"Good morning," Eren greeted cheerfully from the kitchen where he stirred up a pan full of fluffy yellow eggs and flipped crisping strips of bacon in another when he saw Levi emerge from the hallway. The raven remained dressed in his pajamas, but had pulled Eren's hoodie on and had his arms encircled around a red ball of fluff that was clearly Akane. "Hungry?"

"No." His tone was monotonous.

Levi shuffled into the living room where he all but collapsed on the couch and flipped the TV on. Immediately, Eren knew something was off. Abandoning his in-progress breakfast (but making sure to turn the burners off first), he joined Levi in the living room. The artist didn't even have his eyes on the screen, but stared blankly down at the coffee table.

"What's wrong?" asked Eren, sinking down onto the cushion next to Levi.

His eyelids fluttered and he looked up at Eren's big green orbs, filled with concern for him.

"Nothing," he mumbled. "Go ahead and eat without me."

"No...something's bothering you. I wanna help."

"It's...it's nothing. Don't worry about it..." His sentence trailed off, reminding Eren of that time on the phone while he was in rehab when he sounded so defeated and ready to give up.

"Like hell I won't worry." Eren slid his hand over to Levi's and gently wrapped his fingers around it, taking care to rub the back of it with his thumb. Levi's fingers responded automatically, gripping Eren's a little tighter than normal. "What's going on?"

Levi gave a slight shake of his head. "It was the dream I woke up from..." He pulled in a shaky breath between mildly chapped lips.

"Wanna tell me about it?"

"No. That will only make it worse."

Eren nodded, feeling helpless. He had the feeling Levi's 'dream' was more than just that. He'd had flashbacks in his sleep before, and those had taken an enormous toll on his mind and emotions. The look in his usually stormy eyes showed the same signs Eren remembered from that. Still, he wouldn't force him to talk about it if he truly didn't want to.

"Go eat," Levi said again. "Don't let me stop you."

"Okay...but I really think you should eat, too."

"Hm...yeah, alright."

"Be right back," Eren said. Before standing, he pressed a tender kiss to Levi's temple and squeezed his hand, a silent way of saying 'I'm always here for you'. He went back to the kitchen and divided the eggs and bacon onto two plates accompanied by a piece of toast each. He filled a mug of tea for Levi and a glass of milk for himself and brought everything to the living room. He retrieved Levi's meds from the bathroom and sat down to eat. Levi complied, humoring him by downing the first pill and pulling the plate into his lap. He started to poke at the eggs with his fork while Eren searched through the channels. He settled for a morning marathon of _The Fairly Odd Parents_ , more so hoping to get a sarcastic reaction out of Levi than anything else. When he didn't, he knew whatever happened in his dream had seriously impacted him.

They ate without conversation for a while. Neither paid attention to the show, but Eren pretended to. Levi eventually stopped eating altogether and just pushed the remainder of his eggs around the plate. Upon looking over, Eren found he'd eaten all of his bacon, most of his toast, and maybe half of his eggs which was more than expected.

"Done?" he asked.

"Yeah."

Eren gathered the plates back on the tray and handed Levi his tea and the second pill before making his way back to the kitchen to clean up. Levi had his face buried in the top of Akane's head when he returned. He took his place once more by the raven's side and began rubbing his back, unsure of any other way to help. Slowly, Levi leaned to the side and into Eren's warmth.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" he offered again.

"No," Levi mumbled shakily into the dragon. "I just don't know if I can."

"It's okay," Eren murmured, gently running his fingers through Levi's soft locks, smoothing them back away from his face. Levi's head ended up making a pillow of Eren's lap and he clutched Akane to his chest. He pushed himself onto his back and stared up, past Eren's face and to the ceiling.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I was hoping to do something fun with you today...but I just..." His lids slid shut and he sighed.

"It isn't your fault, Levi. It happens to me, too. I just wish I could help you."

Levi didn't respond, but his Adams apple bobbed. Eren began chewing on his lip and, thinking of nothing more to say, tried to direct his attention back to the cartoon to almost no avail. His worry for his lover overpowered his attention on anything else and he started fishing around his brain to come up with _some_ way to help the man he so deeply cared about.

"Farlan," Levi said suddenly. Eren's eyes dropped to his face.

"What?"

"His name. The...the one who took me to that party when I was sixteen. His name was Farlan."

Eren blinked in surprise. That was probably the last thing he anticipated to be blurt out.

"He's the one I dreamt about," the raven continued quietly, absently stroking Akane's wing. "The dream brought back a lot of memories I thought I'd forgotten, even sober..." His voice shook.

"Tell me about it," said Eren earnestly, moving his hand to stroke Levi's cheek softly.

"He was an idiot," Levi began. "Probably a bigger idiot than you." Eren frowned, and Levi snorted. "He was tough, though. He almost never lost a fight, except for to me a few times before we...went our separate ways after I'd learned how to fight back. I accidentally knocked him out once with a punch right to his temple." Levi sighed. "He was fucking reckless. He claimed to be a 'risk taker', but everyone who knew him knew he was an idiot who would eventually end up in jail. He did more drugs than me, but he got me out of trouble more times than I can't count, especially when I was younger. I guess we only knew each other for two years or so before-" Levi cut off abruptly. His jaw flexed and his hand came up to clutch Eren's. "We ran from the law a lot, of course," he said in a much quieter tone. "He swore so many times that if he ever ended up in prison, he'd hang himself. One night...we were at a party in this girl's backyard and it was the classic 'teenagers are being too loud too late at night so the neighbors call the cops' thing. Everybody was high and drunk and people were still naked from doing the nasty inside when the cops got there. Everyone was freaking out and we knew a shitload of us would be busted. Being the idiot he was, Farlan tried to reason with the officers, apologizing for partying so late and playing the card of 'we didn't realize what time it was'." Levi's eyes rolled. "But that was when someone opened fire. Someone from the party. I don't know why and I don't pretend to know or even wonder where they got the gun. The last thing I remember was hearing the shots and seeing the flashes from the gun, people screaming and trying to run. It all went really chaotic. But I somehow managed to escape. I ran like fucking hell and passed out behind a building somewhere and made it home the next day. The only reason I know what happened to Farlan was because of the news the next evening. They had his mugshot, and several other of the peoples' who were there. Three people died and four others were in the hospital, including one of the police officers. Alex interrogated me after the broadcast, but I lied my way out of her suspicion. My mother pretended to be oblivious to all of it. In some ways I think she knew what I was doing behind their backs...and if she did, she just didn't care." Levi's face screwed up into a mask of pain. "Or maybe she really was oblivious. After all, all she really cared about at that point was her boyfriend..." He lifted his arm to cover his eyes, attempting to hold back his tears. It was fruitless, though. After reliving painful memories and speaking about them, he couldn't outwardly hide his emotional pain and the tears began streaming over his temples, one after the other.

"Sshhh," Eren soothed, continuing to stroke his cheek, his hair, lean down and nuzzle his forehead.

"She fucking hated me," Levi muttered shakily. "And Farlan...he's got to be dead because I was the one who told him about that shitty party anyway. I just wanted to get high. And he swore to kill himself. I fucking might as well have slit his throat myself."

Levi's voice broke several times, his breathing hitching jaggedly and his fingers curling into tight fists. "I should've been the one to go...or maybe I should've gotten shot that night."

Eren absolutely couldn't stand to see Levi this way, so broken and affected by his hellish past...a past he didn't deserve to have burdening his shoulders.

"I fucking screw everything up."

"No, Levi. No. You don't. Things worked out that way for a reason."

"What reason?"

"You getting better...having a future..."

"So I get to have a future and they don't? I get the opportunity to repent from my shitty mistakes while they had to suffer, while I'm no better than any of them?"

Eren flinched and all of his stroking stopped. Noticing this, Levi lowered his arm just enough to look up at the brunet. He had his lip trapped between his teeth and his brows pulled impossibly close together.

"You deserve this," he said quietly. "Another chance at life. Because..." He struggled to find the right words. "Because maybe some shitty, idiotic brat needed you in his life...so you weren't supposed to get shot or any of that unheard of stuff you just said."

Levi blinked, face relaxing in realization. He was right. It was Eren all along. He'd done horrendous things in the past he'd never be proud of and in fact hated himself for. He'd hurt people and didn't care and was selfish and even greedy. But Eren was one person he had no desire to take anything from, had absolutely no intention of hurting despite already having done so and clearly still doing so as he learned. This brat he rested his head on was the reason all along he'd been allowed to escape, allowed to live and even recover. And he wouldn't mess that up.

"I'm sorry, Eren," he said softly, reaching up to cup his soft cheek. "You're absolutely right."

"See? You were supposed to fight. Maybe not for me...but you have changed my life. You have a lot more worth than you let yourself believe."

Those words radiated a kind of warmth throughout Levi's being. If there was one thing Eren was good at, it was bringing him to life in ways he didn't even know existed.

"Eren."

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me."

Eren stared at him for a second and then suddenly his head was descending. His lips crashed firmly into Levi's, at first startling the raven. Then, though, he was kissing back, tangling his fingers in Eren's hair and lifting his chin to better gain access to the younger's mouth. He coiled his tongue around the other's, throwing a kind of passion he hadn't ever felt before into the feverish motion of his lips.

"I love you," he breathed into the kiss. Eren could only respond by trapping his lips in several more hearty kisses which gradually softened until their lips, now considerably swollen, barely brushed.

"I love you," he finally said back. "And I'm sorry you had to go through that." He moved to press his cheek to Levi's warm forehead.

"Sometimes I wish my memories weren't so vivid," Levi said. "Because it seems to make them hurt worse." The edge of pain swam back to his voice.

"Everything's okay," promised Eren. "You can fight it."

"You and your infinite amount of faith in me..."

"Is it wrong?"

"No..." Levi lifted Eren's head to look deeply into his bright eyes. "You're the first out of many. And I think it's part of what allows me to have some kind of faith in myself, too. Helps keep me going...knowing someone does."

Eren's lips spread into a warm smile and kissed the tip of Levi's nose. "Always will," he promised.

"Hmph, you cheesy nerd."

"Yeah, yeah..." Eren trailed his lips back to Levi's for a tender kiss.

Levi sat up and turned himself to face Eren, pulling his legs up and crossing them. Eren turned, too, mirroring his actions. Akane perched between them as a place to rest their hands as their fingers laced together. Levi's features still bore melancholy and his teeth fiddled with his lip where the rings used to be.

"There's more," Eren said. "Isn't there?"

"There's a lot more I could tell you about Farlan, honestly...but I'm not gonna go into it." His brows furrowed as his fingers held tighter to Eren's hands, like he was trying to hold onto reality instead of ending up sucked into a memory. "My dream, though, wasn't a resurface of the memory when I lost him. It was something else."

"Worse?"

He shook his head. "No. But still bad, I guess."

"I'm listening." It wasn't a prompt, but a way to let the man know he could tell Eren if he wanted, but that he didn't have to.

A light sigh blew through Levi's lips and he started playing with Eren's fingers the way he always did in a state of discomfort.

"It was a couple months after I'd tried heroin for the first time. It was like one in the morning and the two of us and a bunch of other people I would've called my friends at the time were just hanging out in someone's basement on a Saturday night. Or I guess, Sunday morning. Some guy one of the people knew burst into the room with Ecstasy. We were all pretty bored and had only been smoking pot and cigarettes so we figured, hey, why the hell not, we're all damned anyway. I'll spare you the details, but the high from the weed was making us all pretty hungry so, idiotically, we got into a car and headed for a snack run. By then it was like 2 AM. I don't remember the name of the girl driving the car but she blew right through a red light. We were t-boned by a truck. Those of us who weren't too severely hurt managed to climb out and escape before authorities showed up so we wouldn't get caught for being high as we were. Farlan and I were among them. I remember he kept asking if I was okay. He said I looked pale and then I'd collapsed, but I didn't pass out. This other girl had followed us and she told him to leave me there, that they had to go, but he refused to. That was when he saw my leg. My pant leg was soaked with blood. I don't even know how it happened but I guess the impact fractured my ankle and left a huge cut across my calf. I didn't even feel it. He took me home and told my sister I'd sliced myself up trying to hop a fence but we didn't know about the fracture until the next day when she took me to the hospital. I woke up there, actually...with a concussion, two broken toes, and that fracture. I panicked, of course, thinking they were going to find out I'd been doing drugs, but they didn't. I went along with Farlan's lie about the fence thing, said I'd cut my leg open and tumbled down a hill on the other side. I'd turned into a ridiculously good liar and that was one more thing I learned from that blond freak." He chuckled dryly and shook his head back and forth several times. "He taught me a lot, but none of it was good. Guess he got me out of a lot of trouble, though, and maybe he even cared about me, the way he stayed and refused to leave. I dunno."

"Were you in love with him?" Eren found himself asking.

Levi stared at him, fingers ceasing movement. "What?"

The younger half-shrugged. "I dunno...just the way you talk about him kinda makes it seem like it."

Levi brought Eren's palms together, straying his eyes back downward. "I didn't even know what love was back then," he hushed. "Not that kind of love, anyway. I didn't until I met your nerdy ass."

Eren chuckled, moving one hand to sandwich one of Levi's between his so their skin tones made a pattern - ivory, olive, ivory, olive.

"It hurts to think about and it's impossible to escape," Levi whispered. "At least, now it is because the monster is gone."

Somehow Eren felt the need to apologize, but he wasn't sorry at all. He wasn't sorry for being the reason for Levi's recovery, wasn't sorry that he was finding new, much healthier ways to cope with the burden that was all those painful memories, to cope with his depression.

"It sounds stupid, but telling you makes it easier for some reason," Levi went on.

"Does that make me a monster, too?" Eren asked softly, mildly teasing.

Levi snorted and bumped their foreheads together. "You're too soft to be any kind of monster, dork."

Eren puffed up a bit. "Hey, I can be tough."

Levi lifted a hand to flick his nose. "Yeah right."

"Hey..." Eren complained and rubbed his nose, the beginnings of a pouting expression forming on his face. Levi removed his hand and kissed his nose to make up for it.

"I'll give you one thing, brat," he murmured, "You're a lot more addicting than the monster ever was."

Eyes widening, Eren could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks as Levi leaned in closer, tangling his arms around his neck. He could feel Levi's breath brushing over his skin and his eyelashes leaving fluttery, butterfly kisses he was so close. His heart picked up the pace in anticipation, waiting for Levi to make a move or do _something_.

"I shouldn't be burdening you with my petty shit, though," he murmured. The mood did a total 180 and Eren's eyes flew open.

"Don't worry about it. You aren't. I want to listen. I wanna know these things, especially if it helps you."

"You are too damn selfless, Eren."

"Sorry?"

"Tch."

"So do you have a scar?"

"Huh?"

"On your leg. From the accident."

"Yes and no."

A dark brow lifted in question. Levi moved Akane aside to lift his left leg and pull his pant leg up to his knee, revealing the tattoo of the indigo dragon with its wings wrapped around his calf.

"It was hideous," he explained, "So I got this to cover it up." His finger traced along the dragon's scaly back. "It was here. Not that you can really see it anymore."

Eren leaned forward and inspected it more closely, trying to pick out any type of scar tissue but unsurprisingly found none. His fingers lifted and extended toward the ink. "May I?" The raven bobbed his head in approval and Eren let his fingers trace the same path Levi's took. He compared it to an un-inked portion of his leg. The inked skin felt rougher, bumpier, indicating that there was, indeed, a scar there. While there, the brunet let himself take the opportunity to trace around the edge of the tattoo as Levi observed. His turquoise eyes were just slightly wider with fascination; he could watch as the faintest of blushes colored his smooth cheeks.

"What are you blushing for?" he mumbled.

"Nothing...um...you just..." He swallowed forcefully and started again. "You have nice legs."

"Oh jesus," muttered Levi with an eyeroll; he kept his gaze away from Eren's intentionally.

"What? You do."

"You're hopeless."

"And you're bad at accepting compliments."

Levi yanked his pant leg back down; his glare out of the corners of his eyes was instantaneous. "No I'm not."

Eren straightened his back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes you are."

The older sized the younger up for a minute, wracking his brain to fire back. Drawing a blank, he sighed. "Fine. I am. Thank you. Happy?" At Levi's attempt to be tough, Eren broke down in chortles. The sound was music to Levi's ears and that smile - lips stretched across shiny teeth, apples of cheeks bunched up and wrinkles around those eyes - lit up the entire world like fireworks going off inside Levi's soul. Still, he outwardly held his stubbornness. "You're a real shithead, y'know that?" He grabbed the kid around the neck and dug his knuckles into the top of his head. This only served to cause Eren to laugh harder and weakly attempt to bat Levi's hands away.

In the midst of their playful war, they ended up on the floor between the coffee table and the TV stand, Levi straddling Eren's waist and pinning his hands above his head.

"I win," he said triumphantly.

"Only 'cause I let you," retorted Eren childishly, sticking his tongue out.

"Whatever," Levi muttered. "I still did."

"Just shut up and kiss me already."

That wasn't a command Levi really wanted to say no to, so he lowered his head and claimed Eren's lips in a slow, loving kiss. Soon, his hands had slid up to weave with Eren's and eventually he ended up lying on top of the solid body beneath him rather than pinning it down. Their kisses gradually became more heated, more fervent, even needier.

The remainder of the day followed suit, between picking and choosing random movies and shows to watch on Netflix, deep conversations and way too many kisses to count. By midafternoon, they were stretched out on the couch watching a movie when he noticed Levi's sarcastic comments had not only slowed, but ceased altogether. He turned to find the raven, whose head rested comfortably on his shoulder, had passed out. His lips were parted just slightly and his face was totally relaxed. Some of his hair had fallen over his eye; Eren gently brushed it back and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Smiling softly, he turned his attention back to the movie and let his artist sleep; lord knew he needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idek about this chapter lmao.


	15. •~Chapter Fifteen~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has a really abrupt ending idk my bad

-A few weeks later-

"This is her house?" Levi was mumbling in disbelief as Eren pulled the car to a stop and shifted it into park.

"Uh, yeah. Christa's family is kinda rich," he said with a casual shrug.

Levi stared at the window at the mansion-like building across a totally landscaped yard - complete with a stone walkway, tall bushes, and a fountain.

"Sure you still wanna do this?" asked the brunet, noting the mild nervousness in Levi's features. He merely nodded before stepping out of the vehicle and meeting Eren on the other side, automatically taking his hand. He could already smell the smoky scent of burning wood. They were at Eren's friend Christa's for a Saturday night bonfire. The younger had said they wanted to meet Levi, and from the sound of it this entire thing was orchestrated just for just that. That wasn't something he could really say no to no matter how uneasy social situations, particularly with people he'd yet to meet, made him. That, and it seemed to make Eren happy; he was doing everything he could to keep that smile on his face, to not hurt him anymore.

"Let's go," he responded.

They were halfway up the stone pathway when the front door practically burst open to reveal a very excited looking brunette with big, happy eyes and a ponytail, followed by a much smaller blonde with innocent blue orbs.

"Eren!" exclaimed the taller female, trotting down to meet them with the blonde in tow.

"Hey, Sasha," Eren greeted with a friendly smile. He gestured to the man on his right. "This is Levi."

Levi didn't smile, but he didn't scowl either as he shook the girl's hand. She gave him a big, dopey smile and said, "I'm Sasha." She, too, gestured in the blonde's direction. "This is Christa."

Christa cast him a sweet, girlish smile but refrained from shaking his hand. She could tell he was mildly uncomfortable. "Everyone else is already out back," she articulated in a soprano that sounded more like it should've come from a little kid. "Shall we?"

Eren and Levi followed the girls into the house. It smelled of cinnamon apple, like a candle, mixed with another type of homey scent. The interior was even more impressive than the exterior with sleek wood floors, softly painted green walls, and high ceilings. From the ceilings hung chandeliers or soft gaslights, illuminating the place and making it feel more like a model home rather than an actual home. The furniture was clearly designer and the place was impeccably clean, much to Levi's pleasure and approval. The only thing that really made the place seem like an actual family lived there were the family pictures on the walls. It was so big it seemed to take a good two minutes for them to walk through just to the backyard, and Levi was sure this was only a fraction of the house.

The backyard itself, of course, was huge as well. There were decorations everywhere, landscaped neatly with rocks and a few fountains, a stone path that went around in a circle and a gazebo right in the middle. Several trees sprouted out of the ground and there was a small pond in the corner adjacent to a thriving garden. Light poles lined the walk and softly illuminated the yard. It looked more like a small park than a backyard.

Off to the left sat a chattering circle of people, comfortable in cushioned lawn chairs encircling a wood-burning fire pit that crackled and gave off the smoke he'd been smelling since stepping out of the car. Across the fire, two guys shared a chair - one with silvery hair and a long face, the other (in his lap, arm slung casually around his neck) had freckles and baby-ish features. Next to them was another masculine-looking female, her cheeks also dusted with freckles and eyes that appeared black in the firelight. On the opposite side of her was a short kid (though not as short as Levi himself) with a buzz cut, and next to him was Armin. Sasha skipped over to the empty chair between them and scooted it closer to the buzz cut, who made googly eyes at her. Levi took this all in in a split second.

"Feel free to sit anywhere," said Christa, gesturing to an abundance of different kinds of lawn chairs a ways away in the corner of the yard.

Upon sitting, it left Eren to start introductions. Starting with the one Christa joined on the swing, Eren said their names. Ymir, Marco, Jean, Connie, Sasha, and of course, Armin. They each nodded or said a soft hello. He then introduced Levi despite all of them knowing his name.

The whole thing felt suffocatingly awkward; it was just the type of situation Levi's mind screamed at him to avoid. He kept hold of Eren's hand almost like a vice, absently running his tongue along the backsides of his teeth, a habit he'd picked up from having had his tongue pierced for almost ten years. Just before it got overwhelmingly uncomfortable, Marco spoke up.

"So, Levi, you're a tattoo artist?"

The raven could only nod, meeting the kid's soft eyes from across the dwindling flames.

"How long have you been at it?" Connie asked.

"Professionally or overall?"

"Both."

"I didn't get my license to do it professionally until about four years ago. Overall...I picked it up about ten years ago."

"How'd you get into it?"

Levi swallowed moderately hard and directed his attention to the flames as he launched into the brief story of finding his grandfather's old tattoo machine among his mother's old things.

"So then you taught yourself," Marco commented.

"Not exactly." Even Eren perked a brow at him. "My uncle was a tattoo artist," he said beginning to work around the details in his mind for Eren's friends, while he internally remembered it in more detail.

_Levi, a mere fifteen years old, sat at his desk in his room, fiddling with the wires of this old, complicated machine that may has well have taken rocket science to fix for all the progress he was making with it. Even with the mild assistance of the internet (that was much too slow), he couldn't figure out which end went into which slot or the way the cables connected or even where it plugged into the wall, really. After nearly two weeks spent trying to figure it out with little progress, he was ready to give up and find something else to do with his time, like perhaps continuing to mark up his own arms with the blade he hid in-_

_A sharp knock sounded at his bedroom door and before he could ask who it was, it was opening to reveal someone he hadn't seen since he was probably still running around in pull-ups. Because of this, he didn't recognize the tall, scruffy man in the cowboy hat with wrinkled skin and cold eyes, carrying with him the scent of a pipe and must._

_"Who are you?" he asked, quickly moving to his feet and moving toward the man, suspicion rising._

_"Aw c'mon, Levi, you don't remember your own uncle?"_

_"What?"_

_"Your Uncle Kenny, idiot." Kenny had never been the most pleasant person on Earth; in fact, Levi knew he'd gotten many of his own traits from that man. "I came to see why the hell you're skipping out on your own sister's eighteenth birthday party."_

_"I'm busy," Levi retorted coldly, eyes narrowing at the man whose boots had left a trail of mud on the once clean carpet behind him. He took the knob and attempted to push the man out of his room, but to no avail. Kenny was much stronger._

_"With what?" he inquired, peering over Levi's head at his desk. He didn't wait for an answer before pushing the teenager to the side and sauntering over to the mostly broken tattoo machine, trailing mud into Levi's room as well, to which the teen gave an irritated scowl. "Where in the hells did you find this?" he asked, picking up a few of the mangled parts._

_"The garage," muttered Levi, crossing his arms. He remembered feeling annoyed that this guy, who he'd technically barely met, had barged right into his room without permission and was touching his things._

_Kenny further inspected the parts, shaking his head in disapproval. "What'd ya do to it, kid?" he scoffed. "It's all beat up...sure as hell not in the condition it was the last time I seen it."_

_"Nothing. I was fixing it. Now leave me alone so I can," he said, trying to take the supplies from Kenny's rough, calloused hands._

_The man let out a rough, sarcastic laugh. "Looks more like you were shredding it to pieces." He then started picking things apart. To Levi at the time, he was ruining weeks of hard work._

_"Stop!" he said, trying to bat Kenny's hands away. "You're gonna fuck it up!"_

_Kenny's brows shot up in surprise. "Damn, Shiori sure didn't discipline you very well if you've got that kind of vocab at your age." The kid rolled his eyes at that and Kenny continued, "I think you already almost ruined it, idiot," he mumbled, inspecting the wires. "I know what I'm doing."_

_"Oh yeah?" Levi drawled sarcastically._

_"You sure got an attitude," Kenny chuckled. His eyes started roaming around the walls, clearly taking in the art Levi had hanging around. "Tell you what, if you're that interested in fixin' this thing up, I'll help you, and I'll even teach you how to use it, if you're serious about it."_

_Levi sat back on his heels, sizing the man up suspiciously. "What's the catch?" he asked, skeptical._

_"No catch," Kenny promised. "You just have to promise to stay committed to it and actually use the skill every once in a while."_

_"And if I don't?"_

_"I'll break your thumbs beyond total repair." At first Levi thought he was joking, but looking into those hard hazel eyes, he could tell he was dead serious. "You'll be able to eat, drink, and wipe yourself after you shit, but hell if you'll ever be able to draw again." He gestured to some of the artwork. "You can refuse, a'course, but you'd be a fool to let such talent go to waste."_

_Levi had taken a minute to answer. He figured he wouldn't have any better opportunities to get that godforsaken machine fixed, and part of him yearned for a distraction from that razor. So he'd made the deal with Kenny, who wasn't the best or most patient teacher, but kept his promise to teach Levi everything he knew about tattooing. It was something Levi found he enjoyed._

_Still, it couldn't keep his crushing depression away, couldn't keep his memories at bay, nor could it distract him from drugs and Farlan, who'd walked into his life only half a year after Kenny._

_And then Kenny disappeared, leaving a note saying something along the lines of 'you know enough to do this yourself'. He left no trace other than that, and Levi had not seen him since._

Levi merely told Eren and his friends that Kenny had moved away, and he kept everything out about Farlan or anyone else in his family. Of course, the green-eyed one next to him knew there was more to it, but fortunately the rest of the group was content with the story. Impressed, even, and they asked to see some of his work. This resulted in Eren's phone being passed around the circle. Unbeknownst to Levi, he'd been keeping a digital copy of Levi's portfolio on his phone.

"Why?" Levi inquired, raising a brow at Eren, who shrugged.

"I thought it might come in handy. And it has." Typically, he answered with a smile, giving Levi that fluttery feeling he just couldn't seem to get used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk this chapter is weird, sorry


	16. •~Chapter Sixteen~•

Eren coughed as a puff of dust rained down on him from the opening in the ceiling he was pushing up. It caught him in a sneeze, too, before he could get a look at what was above the plank of wood. From below, Carla chuckled and said a _'gesundheit'_. He laughed too and uttered a thank you before pushing the plank/door the rest of the way open, this time holding his breath as more dust showered down.

It was his day off and he'd promised to help his mom clean out the attic, a place that hadn't been touched by human hands since he was ten or eleven years old.

As he peeked up into it, he almost couldn't believe his eyes. It wasn't a very big room, but it was stacked to the ceiling with boxes upon boxes that were covered by dust upon dust. He held his breath as he climbed higher on the latter, taking a look around.

"How does something that's gone untouched for so long collect this much dust?" he mumbled. The dust was already attacking his nose and he felt another sneeze building up.

"Oh, it can't be that bad," Carla said from below. In answer, he dragged his finger along the wooden floor of the attic and showed it to her. She grimaced at his now gray fingertip.

"Good thing Levi's not here to see this," he joked. "He'd probably have a cow at this mess." He laughed, trying to picture the expression of abhor that would surely plaster Levi's features at the mess Eren currently laid eyes on. The raven was currently at work, having at least five different appointments for the day on top of several other commissions he wanted to get done.

Carla began handing cleaning supplies up to Eren, who immediately started to wipe the floor down so he would have to get himself dirty with as little dust as possible. He was no clean freak like his tattooed companion, but even this amount of dust was too much for him; it would be for anyone. It was caked between the ceiling boards and clung to every flat surface in the room. There were surely rats or at least mice scurrying around in there, having bored hiding places in the walls or even the boxes. Fortunately, Eren wasn't so afraid of such critters. Spiders, on the other hand, were a much different story...

"Help me up, Eren," Carla said, beginning to ascend the ladder. The male cast the cleaning supplies aside momentarily to reach down into the opening and help his mom climb her way into the attic with him.

"I'd say I'm still pretty agile in my old age, huh?" she said, smiling.

"Please, Mom. You're not even old."

The woman chuckled and ruffled her son's hair, already collecting dust itself. "Thanks, hon," she said. She proceeded to look around, her amber eyes growing more hopeless as she took in the endless boxes caked in endless dust and the ceiling that was more so made of cobwebs than, well, ceiling. She, too, sneezed. "Guess you weren't exaggerating."

"Nope. But it's not gonna clean itself."

"Right," she said, and with that they got to work, dusting and mopping the floor until it almost shined in the overhanging light bulb that, miraculously, still worked. For a long while they didn't come upon any rats or mice, but with the droppings among the seemingly endless dust, it was apparent they were there or at least had been. No spiders, either, but the brunet was extra cautious as he dragged a broom along the ceiling to get rid of the cobwebs.

Simply dusting the place took two hours, and by the time they were ready to start going through the boxes, it was past noon. As a result, they went back downstairs to make lunch - Eren's classic peanut butter and banana sandwich (something he'd loved since he was a kid) and Carla's turkey on rye. The two elected to enjoy the nice afternoon and ate outside on the back deck.

"So how's work going?" Carla asked halfway through her sandwich.

"Fine," Eren mumbled around a bite of peanut butter and banana. "Reiner just has me filing things and taking pictures...keeping the shop clean, stuff like that," he explained after swallowing.

Carla nodded thoughtfully, gazing out across the backyard. Eventually she said, "You know, honey, you don't have to be giving me so much of your money. I get enough from social security to support Mikasa and myself now that all of those hospital bills are paid off. You should keep your money for yourself and use it for your benefit."

Eren cast his gaze away from her and sunk down in his chair a bit, abandoning what was left of his sandwich to the plate. "Like paying off those student loans that ended up being pointless?" he muttered. He'd been putting things like that to the back of his mind for a good few months, more focused on Levi's recovery and keeping himself mentally stable. But now that things had settled down and gotten into a groove, worrying about it again was inevitable.

"They weren't pointless," countered his mother. "And you don't have much to pay because the scholarships you had covered the rest. I'm saying you should start supporting yourself instead of your old mom."

Sighing, the brunet started absently playing with his hair. "I suppose."

Under the table, Carla gently squeezed his knee before finishing the rest of her iced tea and pushing away from the table. "Let's go finish the attic," she said with the obvious intention of getting Eren's mind off the money for a while.

Four hours, eleven boxes, and many nostalgic memories later, Eren's phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a message from Levi asking if he was still there. Eren responded inviting him over, though not without first consulting his mother about it, who, of course, didn't mind in the least. Mikasa contacted, too, to let them know she was going to Annie's for dinner.

"She sure spends a lot of time with that girl," Eren commented. Carla did nothing more but send him a sly, knowing smile before reaching for another box. She sliced the tape open with some scissors and flipped it open to reveal what looked like thick leather books. Though that meant nothing to Eren, her eyes lit up with delightful surprise and she reached in to gingerly pull one into her lap.

"Oh my gosh," she breathed, flipping the cover open.

"What?" asked Eren, scooting toward her to peek over and see what was inside. On the first page was elegant script that read _Mr. and Mrs. Grisha Jaeger, April 23rd, 1992._

An old photo was pinned below it, the subject being Eren's much younger, much happier looking parents on their wedding day, looking deeply into each other's eyes as if the rest of the world didn't exist to them at that moment. Eren felt a bittersweet pang at the image and spared a look at his mother's face. Her eyes reflected the bittersweet nostalgia she was surely feeling as she remembered that happier time in her life.

"I forgot these were even up here..." she murmured, fingertips gently caressing the edges of the pages that held even more memories of the sort.

Eren looked back to the box where several more almost identical photo albums rested. Gingerly, he picked one out and opened it. It didn't have any elegant script or pictures as to what it held, so he flipped a few pages in to reveal several of his baby pictures.

"Eren, darling, do me a favor and take these downstairs? I want to look at them this evening."

"A-are you sure?" he stammered, unsure himself.

She placed her hand on his arm and smiled softly. "I'll be okay," she promised. "Thank you for worrying."

Eren nodded slowly. After descending the ladder halfway, Carla handed the box down to him and he made his way toward the staircase. In all honesty he, too, was curious about the contents of the albums. He hadn't even remembered they had them, let alone so many. Admittedly he was afraid of what those memories could do to his mother psychologically. She was strong, yes. Much stronger than after his father died. But it wasn't without continuous therapy and medication, wasn't without a lot of work and help. In his mind, his mom's health was loads more important than those memories despite his curiosity.

Just as he was about to head back up the stairs, three short knocks at the door had him stopping to open it. Sure enough, Levi stood on the other side, head covered in a red beanie matching his button-up shirt and glasses slid perfectly in place. The mere sight of him had Eren's soul lighting up and an involuntary smile gracing his features.

"Hey," he said. "Come in."

"Hey, brat," Levi said, stepping in. He reached up onto his toes for a warm, chaste kiss. "What in the hell is all over your face?" he asked, brows pulling together as he gently touched Eren's cheek with his fingertips.

"What? Oh, it's probably dust." He chuckled softly. "Guess I didn't realize I had any on my face."

Levi's brows lifted as he looked the younger up and down. "Or caked onto the rest of you?"

"Huh?" Eren glanced down himself and laughed, seeing that his green olive colored shirt and jeans had collected a good amount of dust, as well as his once white socks. "Oops. Well, the attic was worse."

"Hm, you're practically a dust bunny yourself," joked Levi, amusement showing in his stormy eyes.

Smile widening, Eren reached back and gave himself bunny ears using his fingers, earning a purposeful eye-roll from his raven-haired lover. "Now all you need is a tail," he mused. "Dork."

Eren took Levi's hand and changed the subject. "How are you today?" he asked, looking for answers in Levi's eyes that he might not get in words.

Levi knew he wasn't just asking in general to make small talk. He truly wanted to know; after Eren picking up the habit to ask him on a near daily basis, he quickly learned that. In some ways, it still internally baffled him how much Eren seemed to care for him - wanting to know how he was and wanting to help if the answer was anything short of "okay". Eren, too, had easily picked up on Levi's daily struggles, how it was sometimes difficult to eat whether his stomach was acting up or his mind, how on some days his memories and emotions affected him more than others, and how his mind was still deep in the habit of thinking one injection could make all of his problems vanish...

More times than not, he'd give Eren an honest answer. Still, there were a few things he kept from him, like how sometimes he'd wake up in the middle of the night and go into the bathroom to stare under the sink, a disturbing longing looming over, or how he'd once dismantled another razor in the shower with the intention of adding marks to his arms but managed to talk himself out of it only to use it on his inner thighs several days later. He wouldn't tell Eren these things, knowing damn well it would hurt him. Some sense inside him not yet strong enough knew he should tell Eren, knew that the bright-eyed young man would only want to help and comfort him, but he couldn't. Some demon-like thing, much stronger than that sense, a thing that had long ago made a home in his soul told him he was just taking more and more from Eren without giving anything back, and told him he had nothing to offer in return, so he kept his debt as shallow as he could despite it already being halfway to hell. It was a terrible conflict; every time he looked into those absolutely genuine, pure turquoise orbs that held so much undeserving love for him, a little more light found its way in and the more he fought with himself - do I tell him or do I keep my mouth shut to spare him any more suffering?

"I'm good," he responded honestly. A rare answer for him, but he wasn't lying.

"Are you sure?" asked Eren, that adorable crease manifesting between his eyebrows as he inspected Levi's eyes further.

"Yes, Eren. I'm sure."

They remained like that for a minute, looking intently into one another's eyes, learning and observing things they never could've come across through words. Finally satisfied, Eren's smile returned and he kissed between Levi's eyebrows. "I'm glad to hear it."

"And you?" Levi inquired before Eren could turn away, as he started to.

"The same," Eren said. "And happy you're here."

"Cheesy shit," Levi mumbled, nuzzling his face into the crook of Eren's neck, automatically inhaling, looking for his normal scent but instead finding the odor of dust and faint mildew. His nose wrinkled. "You smell," he said in a tone that clearly expressed distaste.

"Thanks?" Eren chuckled. He then headed for the stairs, coaxing Levi along behind. "Come on, let's go help Mom."

Levi willingly followed, not missing the fact that Eren only said 'Mom'. Not 'my mom', but 'Mom', as if the woman was both of their mother. He couldn't deny the fuzzy feeling it gave him, distasteful as it was.

When they reached the top of the stairs, Carla was descending the latter. She, too, sported her own layer of dust - her generally dark hair more of a dark charcoal and her lavender blouse more grayish as well. The second she spotted the raven, her face panned out into a warm smile and she didn't hesitate in reaching out to embrace him around the shoulders. She, too, smelled like dust and mildew, but strangely in a more motherly way. Her embrace had Levi stiffening automatically, though more so because he wasn't used to feeling such a motherly touch, to feeling so easily accepted. Holding his breath from sheer bafflement, he lifted the hand that wasn't clinging to Eren's to return the embrace.

"It's so nice to see you again," she said, pulling back to meet his gaze. Her soft amber eyes were so inviting and homey, Levi nearly lost his balance. "How have you been?" she asked.

"O-okay," he stammered. "What about you?"

"Oh, you know, same old. I've had enough of that attic for one day, though," she said with a small chuckle. "I think it's time for a shower and some dinner." She started toward the stairs. "Mikasa should be home soon. What are you two hungry for?"

"Anything's fine, Ma," said Eren, following her with Levi in tow. "I'll fight you for the shower though," he said.

"Go ahead, hon," she said.

"Pfft, you're too easy," he said, though it was unlikely she heard because she had disappeared down the stairs whereas they had stayed at the top. He turned to the shorter male. "You mind?"

"No, I'd prefer it," said Levi, eyeing the dust all over the dopey-looking man again. "You're disgusting."

Eren chortled and stuck his tongue out. "Says you, Mr. Clean Freak," he joked.

"Hmph. Just go shower." He nudged Eren in the direction of the bathroom with his hip. "And don't forget to _scrub_ , or I'll have to go in there and do it myself."

"Whoa, slow down there." Eren held his hands up and Levi rolled his eyes, nudging him again.

"Just _go_."

Go Eren did, leaving Levi to descend the stairs and cautiously approach the kitchen where Carla had disappeared. She was shuffling through the fridge for something to scrounge up for dinner. She started pulling things out - a package of raw chicken and a few other miscellaneous things.

"How does fried chicken sound?" she asked without tearing her eyes away from the food.

"Fine," he said. "May I offer my assistance?"

"That would be appreciated, but you don't have to." She was already tearing into the package of chicken and arranging it on a plate. Levi moved to wash his hands and pitched in. Within about ten minutes, the chicken was breaded and sat sizzling in a pan of oil. Half of it was cooked by the time Eren made his reappearance (dust free and smelling sweet, much to Levi's approval) and started setting the table. Mikasa called somewhere among the cooking and serving the food - the heavenly smelling chicken with brown rice and mixed vegetables - to let them know she would be spending dinner at her friend's.

The meal was pleasant with light chatter, mostly between Eren and his mother.

"How about we look through these after dinner?" she suggested, lifting one of the photo albums out of the box that sat at the back edge of the table.

"Aw, Ma..." Eren complained.

"What's the matter? Don't you want Levi to see your baby pictures?" she joked.

"That's so cliché, Mom. Are you trying to be the embarrassing parent?"

"It's cliché for a reason," Levi interjected.

"Mhm," Carla agreed. "And there are so many memories in these pages. Don't you want to enjoy them?"

"Not if it's me, butt naked in the bathtub," he grumbled, stuffing half a piece of chicken past his lips.

"Please, Eren. It's not like I'm going to make fun of you." Levi sat back and crossed his arms.

"Hmph, that's what you say _now_ ," he muttered.

"Humor us."

"There isn't much to be embarrassed about," reasoned Carla. "You were an adorable baby."

Eren detested the heat rising to his face. He kept his eyes secured on his plate as he fiddled with his vegetables, pushing them around one edge of the plate.

"You know, either we look at them now or we'll do it without you knowing about it," Levi pointed out, voice dripping with smugness.

"Not if I hide them," Eren countered.

Levi rolled his eyes and nudged Eren's shin under the table with his shoe. "Don't be such a brat." This earned a giggle from the brunet's mother. Sighing, he let his eyes wander up to meet Levi's. And just like that, his resolve crumbled and he muttered a ' _fiiiine_...'

And so after dinner, they cleaned up the dishes and stuck them neatly in the dishwasher before sitting down, much closer together with Levi in the middle, to look through the albums. Eren knew he'd been ganged up on, but if the two most important people in his life wanted to look at his (embarrassing as hell) baby pictures and it made them happy, who was he to say no? Besides, he knew there were a lot more pictures besides the ones of him being an infant on up. Mikasa's were in there, as well as his parent's wedding and a good portion of their lives, too. In a way, he couldn't deny this would more than likely bring him and his raven-haired lover closer, sharing these precious memories with him. He became a little less bitter toward the idea and a little more eager, but he wouldn't let it show.

The first album Carla selected from the box was, of course, that which contained the photos of her wedding. It took place in what looked like a giant meadow, surrounded by flowering trees and rose bushes. The grass had been neatly mowed and the theme was simply red. Not vibrant red, but soft, welcoming red. The chairs, the table cloths, and every decoration matched the theme, as well as the rose bushes. Grisha's tie was red, as was Carla's veil and the ribbons in her hair. She looked stunning - so happy and full of life, so in love and ready to live her life with the one she'd shared the deepest parts of her soul with. In some ways, Eren felt he understood that kind of love and shared it with the one whose fingers were threaded comfortably between his right at that moment. Still, there was something about the look in Carla's golden eyes in those photos that he felt he might never understand the feeling of. That look had long since been replaced by pain, grief, and loss. For that, Eren held inevitable resentment for the man those eyes were for. Yes, he had happy memories of his father, but he could not forgive him for hurting his mother by simply being addicted to those godforsaken pills, let alone letting them take his life.

"You look more like your dad than I'd anticipated," Levi commented softly, eyes moving from a picture of Grisha to Eren himself, who shrugged.

"Eren got his eyes," Carla said. "But bigger." She chuckled. "And his hair, I suppose." She smiled fondly, though neither of the males missed the sadness in her eyes.

They continued through the photos and Carla pointed out their relatives - Grisha's parents, who were currently living in Germany, and her own. Her father had passed away from bone cancer not long after the wedding - before Eren was even born - and her mother lived in a cottage across the country. She pointed out all eight of Grisha's siblings, though she couldn't remember all of their names nor their statuses unless she was certain.

There weren't many photos between the wedding and Eren's birth, which was documented at the very end of the album by a very tired looking Carla, holding a bundle in her arms. She traded that album for the next. A copy of the same picture started that one out and was adjacent to a picture closer up where Eren's pudgy baby face could be seen. He was clearly asleep. He had a thick head of hair and ever so rosy cheeks, an image Levi gazed at for a long while, the slightest of smiles gracing his lips.

"Here we go," Eren mumbled, perching his chin on his palm, pretending to be annoyed. Levi's response was to jab an elbow in the direction of his ribs, which he promptly dodged.

Eren's delicate, happy face filled up this album more than anything else, between being fed and passed around to different arms of faces they recognized from the wedding photos. His eyes seemed to be closed in all of them until nearly the middle of the album. He rested in a baby swing, bundled up in a peach colored blanket, bright green eyes wide open and curious.

"She's right, brat. You were pretty cute," Levi teased mildly.

Gradually, the baby in the pictures became a toddler. There were pictures of his first steps, his first time feeling the grass in the backyard, his first use of a sippy cup.

"Didn't take this curious one to figure out how to take the lid off of those and dump his juice everywhere," said Carla with a laugh.

There was a picture of Eren sitting in a high chair with half a banana on the tray in front of him, green eyes inspecting it. The next portrayed his tiny, dimpled fist with the now squished banana oozing out from between his fingers. The page was a sequence of him getting banana all over his face and down his front. The last showed him smiling wide, showing off the two front teeth beginning to poke in.

"Looks like you wore more of your food than you ate," Levi snorted.

"Shut up," mumbled Eren, but not without a smile.

That album went up to his second birthday where he'd also gotten covered in ice cream cake. From then on, the time between each picture was longer, evident with Eren's growth. There was another that caught Levi's eye, but mostly because Eren tried to cover it and snatch it from the plastic it rested in when he saw it. Of course, Levi pried his hands away and held them down while he looked.

Four-ish old little Eren sat butt naked in the bathtub, a rubber duck in one hand raised high above his head while the other had come down on the water, leaving soapy droplets suspended in midair from the splash. His mouth was open in a long O shape and his foot had broken the surface of the water. He hadn't realized he was the subject of the picture until after.

"I think he was pretending the rubber duck was an alien spaceship that was crashing to Earth," explained Carla.

"Oh Jesus," Eren was muttering over and over into his hands while Levi and his mother chortled halfheartedly at the image.

"Come on, Eren, it's cute," Levi said.

"No, it's _embarrassing_."

"You're such a child." Levi sat up to peck his cheek.

"Whatever," mumbled Eren grumpily.

Eren continued to grow as the photos went on, and soon a little blond boy began appearing alongside him. He was easily recognized by his big blue eyes and round head - Armin. A photo of the two of them playing old Nintendo games together had Levi scoffing, "I bet you've been a nerd since day one."

"Those two wore that thing out from playing it so much," Carla said. "I still remember how upset they were when it finally sputtered and died."

"We beat all those games at least twice," Eren sighed, feeling the deep nostalgia.

Alongside Eren's growth was Grisha's deterioration. He appeared in less and less photos, his weight loss and the draining of his life evident in each one until he stopped appearing altogether. That left the atmosphere feeling heavy with grief. For Eren, because he'd lost his dad and parts of his mom he'd never see again. For Carla for obvious reasons. And for Levi especially, because he understood it so well. If anyone did, he knew the consequences and effects of addiction like that. He knew what it was like to fade away into it, to let his mind and body become consumed with some type of monster. The thought of it had images flashing across his thought process - of the crime scene that was under the sink, his body, his life. He found himself stuffing his hands between his thighs and fighting to reserve himself.

The last photo of Grisha was him sitting in a reclining chair holding a baby that was clearly Mikasa. That broke something inside of Levi, and before he completely broke down, he excused himself and headed outside for a breath of fresh air, hoping it would calm the spinning of his mind.

"Is he alright?" Carla whispered when she heard the front door click shut.

"I...don't know," Eren admitted.

"Hmm." Carla turned her attention back to the pictures. It was silent for a minute while Eren debated whether he should follow Levi or give him some space. "Must be Grisha," she said.

"Huh?"

She tapped the page. "His addiction," she said softly. "Seeing it has affected Levi."

Eren turned back to the image and realization hit him like a bus. Nodding slowly, he said, "I'm gonna go check on him."

He found Levi sitting on the curb at the end of the walkway, bent over with his fingers tangled through his hair, messing up the position of his beanie. He approached slowly, quietly, and then took a seat next to him, making sure to make at least some noise as not to startle him. He didn't move, and he'd removed his glasses.

"Sorry," he said after a minute. "I just needed a moment."

"It's okay," Eren said, gently beginning to rub his back. The raven leaned into the touch. "I should be the one who's sorry. I should've known that would affect you."

"No, it isn't your fault." Levi lifted his head and stared down the street.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Eren offered. Levi merely shook his head.

It was quiet for a while and Levi eventually replaced his glasses and fixed his beanie. He let his gaze travel up to the sky, alight with the last hues of the sunset.

"You really were an adorable kid, though," he said, nudging Eren again. "And that rubber duck was priceless."

"Oh man, you're still on that?"

"Please, how could I forget it? I think I'll ask your mom for a copy."

"For what? Blackmail material?!"

Levi snorted. "Yes, Eren, because after everything you've done for me, I want to blackmail you." He rubbed his face and muttered an 'idiot'.

Another long silence passed, followed by Eren asking, "Do you wanna go home?"

"No, actually..." He hesitated. "Never mind."

"Tell me," Eren pressed.

"I thought we could go back to that hill," he said. "You know, where you can see all the stars."

Suddenly, Eren was jumping up and pulling the smaller man along with him.

"Let's go," he said eagerly.

"Wait, really?"

The younger's head bobbed enthusiastically. "Come on!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late. I've been hammering away at my NaNoWriMo.


	17. •~Chapter Seventeen~•

The last of the sun's rays had just disappeared beyond the horizon as Eren pulled the car to a stop. He could still easily see the hill, fifty or so yards away. As the sunlight faded out, the Milky Way faded in. The night had left the air considerably cooler with a gentle breeze swaying the grass and kicking up an earthy scent. Eren kicked off his shoes and socks, wanting to feel the lush grass beneath his feet, between his toes. He urged Levi to do the same who complied with only minor complaints. The grass was cool and slightly damp, but felt nice after such a warm day.

Hand in hand, they climbed the hill. Very quickly, it became too dark to see much of anything. This night lacked the full moon that had provided them with light last time. Instead, it wasn't much more than a curved sliver among the stars, appearing one by one in the dusk sky. Shortly, what was not so long ago on fire from the sunset turned to a vast, dark blue velvet blanket alight with what might as well have been nebulae. Levi's memory of the last night he spent with Eren in that spot did not do what he gazed into now justice. Then, his eyes had been clouded, blurry, tainted. This view before him now was indescribable and humbling; he found he couldn't look away.

"I forgot...how..." he mumbled, shaking his head.

Eren, however, had his eyes locked solely on Levi, watching his look of wonder, the stars reflected in his glasses, as he took it all in again. His heart seemed to swell up to twice its size by simply looking at him, being in his presence.

"Lay with me," Eren found himself saying, reaching over for Levi's shoulders as he himself laid back into the grass. It tickled the back of his neck, but a pleasant warmth consumed him as Levi laid back against his chest. He brought Eren's hands to his own chest, pressing them directly over his heartbeat while he continued to gawk at the velvet sky above.

No conversation between them occurred for a long while. The only sounds were the crickets chirping nearby and an owl's hoot somewhere in the distance, just as last time. The breeze was on and off, carrying different scents with it. Eren could mostly smell Levi - his mint honey shampoo and the masculine scent of his deodorant, complimenting it nicely, mixed in with the scent that was solely Levi. He smelled good, and Eren wanted to just bury his nose in those soft dark locks and inhale him forever.

Under his palms, Levi's heart beat in that same rhythm, that same song he felt was somehow meant for him, and he smiled.

"Show me the constellations again," Levi requested in a soft voice.

And so Eren did, tracing the outline of each one he could remember and then making some up just for the fun of it, earning 'tsks' from his lover and laughing. The rumble of Eren's laugh was somehow comforting beneath Levi's head. He reached up and grabbed his hand, bringing to his lips to kiss his knuckles. He let his eyes slide shut and saw distorted after images of the sky he'd been staring at so long.

"Eren?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you miss your father?"

"Um...well, sometimes, I guess." The question had evidently taken Eren off guard. The magic of the moment suddenly shifted - not disappeared, but formed into something heavier.

"Only sometimes?"

Eren chewed his lip thoughtfully, shutting his eyes as well. "I miss who he was aside from the drugs," Eren said cautiously, fearing that anything else he might say could trigger Levi's tainted mentality again.

"Give me examples."

"Hmm. Well, he took me fishing sometimes. We never caught anything, though. He was the one who taught me how to ride a bike, and one time he took me driving in his old farming truck when we went to Germany when I was eight. He let me drive, but I almost crashed. He wasn't mad, though. He just laughed, probably because he was so scared. He wasn't as...affectionate as my mother, but he did love. He loved especially her. Like sometimes he'd be thoughtful and bring her flowers or make her breakfast in bed. When she got sick, he was always there to nurse her back to health and all of that. That's what I mean."

Levi nodded in thought as he tried to envision it. "What do you think things would be like if he were still here?"

"I-I don't know. In some ways..." He stopped to clear his throat. "In some ways I'm glad he's not."

"Why?"

"I just...I sorta resent him," he admitted quietly.

"What? Why?"

"You saw the pictures...how happy my mom was before he fell deep into addiction. How much he deteriorated. And now he's gone. And he hurt us. Her especially, and she didn't deserve that. I can't really forgive him for that."

"Then I must be no different." Levi's voice was so hushed, Eren wasn't sure he'd even heard his words correctly until he spoke again. "You shouldn't be able to forgive me, either."

Automatically, Eren's hand tightened in Levi's, the other curling into a fist on his shoulder. "It is different, Levi," he whispered.

"How? I've hurt you, too, because of the same reason."

"Because you got better," Eren countered. "You had the strength to do something my father never would've been able to do. You tried, you succeeded, and you're still trying. I don't care that I've been hurt by you because of the fact that you're still here. Right now. With me. And that you're trying. My father...he didn't try. He was weak and selfish."

"I was weak and selfish, too, you forget. And I've taken so much from you and somehow I seem to think that giving you my life will make up for that, even though it's nothing more than a shitty, torn up thing that no one should want..."

"Stop," Eren said, sitting up and taking the smaller man with him. "Stop stop stop." He held Levi's waist as tight as he dared, pressing his face into the back of his shoulder. "Please don't say things like that. I love you. And you aren't a shitty torn up thing. You're a human being and if you're selfish then I'm selfish too because I want you to stay with me. I want you and I need you and I don't...I can't..." He could feel himself beginning to lose his composure and forced himself to take a deep, cleansing breath. Levi's hand slid to his, lacing their fingers together from behind.

"You really don't think I'm unworthy, do you?" he murmured fondly, leaning back against the other.

"I've told you that before," Eren said, lifting his head to rest his chin on Levi's shoulder.

"You...you really love me." The words were tentative, unsure.

"More than I probably should at this stage in our relationship," Eren said quietly, turning and nuzzling Levi's ear.

The raven sighed lightly. "Even if I'll never be able to understand why?"

"You don't know that."

"Speaking hypothetically."

"Then yes."

"You're going to be the death of me, Eren Jaeger." He began rubbing little circles in the back of Eren's hands. "But I can't say I mind."

"Hmmm..." Eren hummed, pressing closer, his lips gently brushing the side of Levi's neck. The raven's breath hitched ever so subtly at the unexpected contact; however, he tilted his head just slightly, giving Eren more access, which he took, pressing soft, affectionate kisses to the tattooed side of Levi's neck and then trailing down to his collarbone as far as his neck would stretch. This had Levi practically melting back against Eren so that he was supporting all of his weight. He then turned his head and captured Eren's lips in a warm kiss, expecting it to be short and sweet, but Eren pressed closer, deepening it, slightly throwing the raven off guard. Still, he responded appropriately, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Eren's chocolate locks.

And suddenly Levi was full of a need, a yearning he'd never experienced before. He broke their kiss just long enough to turn and straddle Eren's waist, sliding his hands to lace together behind Eren's neck and pull him in again for another bruising kiss. Eren's sharp intake of air was a result of his surprise, a small involuntary grunt escaping his throat. Soon, he was kissing back passionately, finding a steady rhythm with Levi. Their tongues mingled and coiled around each other in an intimate yet almost playful dance.

Levi's mind was blank and at that moment, his world consisted solely of Eren. His warmth. His embrace. His scent. His soft lips and gentle hands, tracing delicately over his shoulders, down his chest and around his waist. His protection. His love. His nerves came alive like electrical wires, and he knew that clichéd 'spark' people talked about was insanely real. Real and alive inside of him, right then.

Heroin high was nothing, nor was nicotine high, or Ecstasy, or any other drug he'd ever let course through his veins. It was weak and meaningless compared to this. This was what he needed, to _feel_ like this. It was what he sought all those years ago - love, only love, the very thing he'd lacked for so long. A thing he never really received and had no idea how to give.

But with Eren, he was learning. Learning to love and understand everything it entailed. Right there, right then, Eren was truly the only thing that mattered. He was the single most precious thing to ever set foot in Levi's ever fucked up life, and he swore down to the depths of his tainted soul that he'd do absolutely everything in his power to protect him, to keep him happy. He couldn't stand to be selfish anymore.

Eren was the one to break apart the first time, leaving the sound of their breathlessness to fill the air. Levi kept his eyes closed and reached up to remove his glasses, feeling they were in the way. Eren's warm palm pressed lightly to his cheek.

"You make me so happy," he whispered.

Levi's eyes shot open. Sure enough Eren's eyes, magnificently reflecting the infinite sky above, shone with happiness and love. Levi's stomach did a strange flop at the sight and he pulled himself closer. So close that their chests were pressed together. He could think of nothing to say...

Soon, Eren's lips were back on his, this time the demeanor more curious, and Levi allowed him to explore, nibbling tenderly at his lip and then moving further.

This was different, so much more intimate than any of the past kisses they'd shared. They pressed as close as humanly possible, wrapped in each other's embrace, mouths moving in near flawless synchronization with each other. Each felt hot tingles in new places, and a yearning for more.

A low groan sounded from the back of Eren's throat as Levi tugged on his lower lip with his teeth, sucking a bit before releasing and then easily sliding his tongue back into Eren's mouth. The sound only served to heighten Levi's want, and he pushed Eren back down into the grass. Eventually, the raven's lips trailed away from the brunet's to pepper his throat with soft little pecks. Neck sensitive, Eren couldn't help but chomp down on his swollen lip to suppress his groan. He lifted his chin as much as he possibly could, giving Levi the best access. Taking it as an invitation, the older latched onto a small spot on the side of Eren's tan neck, nibbled a bit, and began to suck. Gently at first, and then with built up vigor, surely leaving a dark mark that wouldn't be gone for weeks. Upon releasing it, a tiny squeak came from Eren's lips, earning a breathy chuckle from the older male.

"Sensitive neck," he breathed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"And what about you?" Eren mused, running his fingers gently along Levi's ridiculously strong jawline.

"Hmm?"

"Is your neck sensitive?"

"That's for me to know," Levi said, pressing a quick kiss to Eren's still damp lips, "And you to find out."

With that, he sat up and found Eren's hands to twine his fingers with. The younger's lip protruded into an irresistibly adorable pout.

"Not fair," he whined.

"Oh, I think it's plenty fair," remarked the raven, smug. "Don't want to take things _too_ fast, now do we?"

Eren sighed in defeat, knowing Levi was right.

"Can't wait for my friends to see the bruise you've surely left me with, though," he said.

Smirking, Levi laid back down against Eren's chest. "Good. They'll know who you belong to."

Eren's lashes fluttered. "Y-you mean that?"

"As long as you're okay with it," Levi murmured, resting his head atop Eren's heartbeat.

"I am." His gentle fingers pulled Levi's beanie from his head and ran gently and slowly through his hair, over and over. "Tired?"

"A little..."

"Should we go?"

"Not yet."

"Okay...Levi?"

"Yes?"

"What if...what if I told you that's the first hickey I've ever received?"

"You're joking." His tone turned monotonous, making his disbelief apparent.

"Nope."

"Innocent little Eren," Levi sighed, stroking his arm. "Is it safe to assume you're still a virgin?"

Eren's cheeks immediately heated. "I'm not answering that," he muttered.

"Come on, brat. Tell me."

"Only if you tell me."

"Please, I already have."

"Huh?" Eren mumbled stupidly, thinking back. He then remembered Levi had been tested for STDs and why, and said, "Oh. Yeah."

"So?"

"No...that's not safe to assume," Eren admitted quietly, evidently embarrassed.

"Hm. So you're not so innocent after all. Just makes me think about how much I still don't know about you."

"You know a lot," Eren countered. "The important stuff, anyway."

"But I want to learn everything. Like, your favorite foods. Favorite color. Favorite...I don't know, time of day? Favorite and least favorite everything..."

"Strawberries and my mom's spaghetti. Yellow. Evening. Uhm, I hate seafood, my least favorite color is, I dunno, brown. And I'm not too fond of early mornings."

"You eat strawberries and spaghetti?"

"No, gross. Separately."

"Yellow?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's just unusual. Especially considering you don't like brown."

"Why?"

"Yellow is part of the brown family."

"And you call me a nerd..."

"I'm an _artist_ , idiot."

"Oh. Right."

One could practically feel the roll of Levi's eyes. "And nobody likes early mornings."

"Not true. Armin does."

"Armin is...Armin," Levi muttered, thinking of no good way to describe the blond mushroom.

Eren chuckled. "Yeah, Armin..."

"How did you two meet, anyway?" Levi asked, tracing light circles over Eren's inner forearm, leaving it a mess of goosebumps.

"I don't remember it exactly," Eren began. "But we were both in a grocery store with our moms when the place caught fire. My mom said they'd been standing in line waiting to check out and chatting when the alarm went off, and we were herded outside. Armin's always been kinda timid, and so he was scared - crying and snotting all over - and he grabbed my hand for comfort. That part I remember, wondering why that weird blondie was holding my hand, but I was scared enough, too, that I didn't let go. But anyway, our moms kept in touch a bit and then we ended up in the same Kindergarten class."

"A grocery store, huh?" Levi asked, amused. "Tell me more."

"About what?"

"About you, dork."

"I'm not really that interesting..."

"I beg to differ. Tell me more of your favorite things."

And so embarked a conversation, each sharing his favorite and least favorite things. Things they hated and things they admired. Levi's favorite season was fall while Eren's was spring; Levi's favorite holiday was, unsurprisingly, Halloween and Eren's Thanksgiving.

"When you have a killer cook like my mom around, you can't help but have Thanksgiving as your favorite," he'd remarked proudly.

Levi didn't really have a favorite food, but his favorite tea was mint ginseng, and he really didn't care to drink any other beverage. That was when he said he not only didn't like, but hated pizza.

"You hate _pizza_?!" exclaimed Eren, appalled. "That's...that's...un-American!"

"Tch," was Levi's ever-so-clever response.

"What if it's, like, really good, authentic _Italian_ pizza?" Eren asked.

"Like it matters where it comes from. It's all gross."

Eren could only stare at him, dumbfounded. Once he got over that, he found himself asking another question.

"What superpower would you have, if you could?"

"You mean like, Kryptonite?"

"I dunno. Doesn't matter."

"Hmm...never really thought about it."

"I would fly," Eren said.

"Hmph, that's so cliché."

"So what? Look up and tell me you wouldn't wanna be closer to that and just soar anywhere you wanted, free...not really bound by anything..."

Levi turned and gazed up at the stars. "Hmm. True. I guess I'd fly, too."

Fingers intertwined, Eren held their hands up toward the sky. Their arms were silhouetted against the vast universe.

"Have you ever been in an airplane?"

"No. When Alex and I came here, we drove. That was..." His voice dropped. "The first time I'd experienced real withdrawal."

"And she didn't suspect anything?"

"No. I told her I had the flu."

Eren squeezed Levi's bony hand. "Well you don't ever have to deal with that again," he said.

"Thank hell for that."

Eren chuckled and rolled onto his side to face the raven, who merely turned his head to meet his gaze. Something different existed in those familiar turquoise orbs that were suddenly not focused on his face anymore, but his wrist, exposed just slightly. Slowly, he raised it closer to his face and placed a tender kiss to the inside of it, just over his pulse. Levi held his breath, swallowing hard and simply watching. He was kissing right over the almost unrecognizable tattoo there, an area infested with scars.

With that, the younger let out a content sigh and moved to rest his head on Levi's chest. Neither said a word; Levi gently scratched Eren's back, his other arm beneath his own head as he stared upward Soon, he'd realized Eren had become impeccably still, his breathing much deeper, the entirety of his body relaxed. Evidently, he'd fallen into a light sleep.

"Brat," Levi murmured.

He let Eren sleep for a while, simply enjoying the moment. The simplicity of it. The easiness of it. The lightness of it. For once, instead of thinking of what he would be doing if things hadn't changed, - somewhere getting high, whether it was at home or with other junkies on whatever drug, - probably what he'd considered his monster - smoking endless cigarettes, or maybe joints, trying so hard to forget and pretend he wasn't digging his own grave - he let himself focus on solely the present. On his work, something he'd forgotten how much he enjoyed. He wasn't particularly fond of the social part of it - speaking to clients about anything but the commission - but he couldn't seem to get enough of watching a piece of artwork come to life on someone's skin by his own hands. He'd forgotten how wild his imagination could run when working on commissions and he'd found himself making several different versions of one piece even though he didn't have to, and letting the client pick their favorite. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed seeing the satisfied looks on their faces because of his work, or even bringing them to tears. Before last December, for the majority of his career as a tattoo artist (the non-professional part included), he'd worked for money, money, money, all of that being spent on food, cigarettes, and the monster. He didn't enjoy it the way he had when Kenny first taught him, or even little spaces in between. He traded tattoos for money or drugs, seeing as at the time, that was his way of life. He never appreciated the art, never appreciated his own talent. But now that his blood was (essentially) clean and despite both his mind and body being permanently damaged from deadly habits, how much he loved what he did was being brought back into the light. Work seemed to be its own kind of addiction in and of itself...

Levi thought of his sister, too. Slowly but surely, they were allowing each other back into each other's lives in a new way that was simple and easy for them. Alex was tentative and he could see her efforts not to pry too much. She was learning to back off where he needed it, and he was learning to open up where it was comfortable for him. They didn't speak regularly, but she was in the shop a lot more and, inevitably, they gradually became closer. Currently, they were more like acquaintances than anywhere near the closeness and bickering of siblings. They'd started over, and though he'd never admit it out loud, somewhere deep inside Levi was thankful. She was the only family he had left. Eren had been right when he said she was more important than it seemed because she had grown up with him and knew things about him that he probably didn't even remember. And he found that to be okay. They were okay.

Levi thought of Eren's family, too, and how in a way they'd become his family as well, and he'd become theirs. They spent at least one night or evening a week visiting them, and though they were small and Mikasa was, indeed, a little brat (and kept her mildly suspicious gaze on him almost too often for comfort), he felt welcome. He was getting used to the small affectionate gestures from Carla, as well. How she would squeeze his hand, his shoulder, his arm, or hug him almost like he was her son, too. She felt more like a mom than his own ever had, felt more like a mom than his aunt before the _thing_ happened, and he'd teared up (idiotically) more than once because of it. (In private or around Eren, of course.)

And, of course, Levi thought of his little brat, Eren Jaeger himself. His miracle. His missing pieces and the thing that saved him, made him mostly whole again, brought out this cheesy, sentimental side that likely hadn't even existed within Levi until Eren's presence and heart had planted the seed and nurtured it to sprout, even in the deathly state of withdrawal. Eren was his salvation, like some freaking angel that had been sent by the God Levi didn't believe in to heal him, to show him the light, to bring him back to life. Eren deserved to fly as he wished he could, deserved to be free and unbound by anything he didn't want to be bound by. Deserved freedom from the illnesses in his mind that had no cure. Deserved someone to love him completely and eternally and unconditionally. Levi felt he did, he could, and tried so damn hard to do so. Past his own mental demons it was hard, but he owed it to Eren if he chose to stay...if he chose to remain by Levi's side even if he couldn't understand why someone as pure as Eren could love something tainted such as himself, even if because of that darkness in his soul, he might not be able to love Eren in the way he deserved. But damn, would he try, even if it tore him apart. (Inside, he was sure Eren would never let that happen.)

Progressively, Levi's thoughts faded back to the present and he realized the moon had moved quite a ways higher than when he'd zoned out. Fumbling, he fished his phone out of his pocket, careful not to wake a soundly sleeping Eren. It was almost midnight.

"Shit," he muttered, and gently shook the brunet. "Eren." He stirred a bit, but did not wake. Levi resorted to running his fingers through Eren's immensely soft locks, pulling it away from his face. "Wake up, nerd," he murmured, slightly grinning. "Waaake uuup..." he sang brokenly.

"Hmmm...?" Eren mumbled sitting slightly up. When he realized where he was, he muttered an "oh shit."

"It's almost midnight," Levi informed him, sitting up as well.

"Ah hell," Eren mumbled, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

Assessing the situation, Levi replaced his glasses and beanie before holding his hand out to Eren. "Keys," he said.

"Wha...? No, I can drive..."

"No. You're too tired. Keys," he repeated.

"Fine, fine," Eren mumbled past a yawn and fished his keys out. Their clanking seemed cacophonous in the quiet of the night. Levi wrapped his fist around them and pushed himself to his feet before offering Eren a hand up. Hand in hand, they meandered back down the hill, slightly savoring the moment and slightly because of Eren's sleepily stumbling feet.

"Are you sure you should drive?" he asked as Levi slid into the driver's seat. "You said you were tired, too..."

"I'm more awake than you," Levi pointed out. "If I get too tired, I'll pull over."

"Promise?" Even past his sleepy, bloodshot eyes, Eren was evidently genuinely concerned. Even so, the raven couldn't help but find him almost irresistibly adorable, with a wrinkle mark on the side of his face and his hair tousled, eyes open to two different sizes. Softly smiling, Levi leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Promise," he said.

As he twisted the key, firing the car to life, he realized that word still sparked something within him. Before he could analyze it, though, he felt Eren's fingers on the back of his neck and he turned to find the other gazing happily at him.

"Wh-what?" he stammered, embarrassment rising.

"Nothing," Eren murmured. "Just...I love you. That's all."

Levi's first reaction was to scowl, tsk, and throw the car into reverse, earning a halfhearted chuckle from the younger male. Leave it to the brat to turn a simple moment cheesy...

But then he turned and gave Eren's warm lips a tender and sweet kiss.

"I love you too, ya cheesy shit," he said in the most affectionate tone he had, which was surprisingly more real than expected. Eren grinned and clicked his seatbelt into place, giving Levi the cue to take off. The brunet had fallen asleep before they'd even reached the highway again, and soon Levi found himself fading too much to be safe as well. He could probably make it back, but remembering his promise, he pulled over to the shoulder and parked. The sound of the doors locking had Eren's eyes fluttering back into view.

"Levi?" he asked. "You okay?"

"Mhmm...tired..."

"Oh."

Eren started to climb between the seats and then tugged on Levi's wrist, coaxing him back as well. Too tired to really argue, the raven complied. They managed to snuggle up and get as comfortable as possible and, paying no mind to how stiff they'd be in the morning, simultaneously fell into a soft slumber...

\---

are you guys even interested in this anymore? lmao. i hope so. this is another one of my favorite chapters, idk.

& just...10K reads, omg, I cannot get over it. ❤❤ I wish I could do something to thank all of you wonderful readers, other than saying the words 'thank you' a hundred thousand times and wearing them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late, _again_. And I just wanna thank you guys for all your wonderful comments and all the kudos, they mean more than you know! ♥


	18. •~Chapter Eighteen~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look who's on time this week! Sort of...
> 
> This chapter is...idek lmao.

Eren woke up to the incessant beeping of his phone complaining that the battery was critically low. The first thing he was aware of was the relentless stiffness of his neck, back, and legs, and then the warmth of Levi. With a grunt, he pushed himself into a semi-sitting position, waking his raven-haired companion in the process.

"What the...?" grumbled Levi, sitting up and running his fingers through his hair. "Ah shit," he muttered, reaching back to massage his own stiff neck.

The sun was barely starting to make its appearance over the eastern horizon and upon checking the time, Eren found it to only be just after five in the morning. Sighing, he plugged his phone into the car charger and worked on waking up.

"Hey," he said to Levi, who was still practically asleep.

"Hey," mumbled the other, trying to peel his sandpapery eyes open. Eren leaned over and kissed his nose.

"Go ahead and go back to sleep. I'll drive us home."

"'Kay..."

Levi's sleepy voice was husky and rough, his hair tousled and his demeanor overall super guyish in a way Eren couldn't help but find sexy. Heat shot down his spine, pooled in his stomach, snaked between his legs. Clearing his throat and trying to push any dirty thoughts that started to invade his mind away, he clambered into the front seat. Levi curled up in the back and seemed to be out within seconds. Smiling fondly, Eren started the car and maneuvered his way back to the highway. He had to stop for gas somewhere down the road where he took the time to text his mom and let her know they were okay before proceeding back toward home.

Inevitably and, as usual, his thoughts wandered while he was driving. The highway was pretty much deserted for it being so early, and he vaguely wondered where the few people he saw were going, what their lives entailed for the day among jobs and school...

He kept his eye on Levi, too, who hadn't so much as moved since the ride started.

Too easily, he became lost in his thoughts and didn't expect the warm lips being pressed to the curve of his jaw from behind. He jumped and nearly swerved out of the lane.

"Jesus, you scared me!"

A low chuckle sounded in his ear. "Too bad I'm not Jesus," Levi joked as he slipped between the seats and into the front.

"That's not safe, you know," chastised Eren.

"Tch, spare me," Levi muttered. "I see you stole my beanie," he observed, eyeing the hat nestled neatly on the crown of Eren's head, concealing his hair. The younger smiled a bit guiltily and reached up to remove it, but was stopped by Levi's fingers wrapping around his wrist. "Keep it. I like it."

"Sure?"

"Mhm. I have five more at home."

"O-okay. Thanks."

Fingers twining together, they fell into a comfortable silence that lasted the remainder of the way home. Once there, Levi was the one to pull Eren up the stairs by the hand, unlock the door, and lead him directly to the bedroom with only a quick stop to the bathroom to take missed meds. With that, they both practically collapsed on top of the covers. Eren turned his head to smile at his companion, who was already gazing serenely at him. No words were needed as they curled up together, limbs tangled and a black head tucking itself securely, familiarly beneath a strong chin, and drifted back into blissful unconsciousness.

The brunet found himself being woken up by impossibly soft lips on his face - his cheeks, his jaw, his nose, his forehead, his eyelids, his own lips. Exhaling slowly, he allowed one eye to peek open, finding a well-rested Levi hovering above him.

"Hey," he mumbled sleepily.

"Good morning," Levi cooed.

Eren let out a soft grunt as he sat up. Even after having slept in the bed - which was, admittedly much more comfortable than his own, especially with Levi there - his muscles were still cranky from being cramped in a car for several hours. He worked on stretching them out and waking himself up.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked the raven.

"Alright," Levi responded, sliding off the bed to shuffle through his drawers. "I'm gonna shower."

"'Kay."

Unexpectedly, with neatly folded clothes in his arm, the artist turned and took Eren by the chin to lean down and capture his lips in a tooth-curlingly sweet kiss. It sent butterflies throughout Eren's entire body and he squeaked in surprise at the unexpected affection. He reveled in the feeling, though, letting his lips linger on Levi's as long as he could. That was his parting exchange before stalking off across the hall and shutting the door behind him.

Smiling, Eren flopped back onto the mattress, totally on cloud 9. Being with Levi was so easy, so natural. On so many occasions he'd seen the beginnings of relationships be awkward and unsure, almost timid in a sense that neither of the people really knew what they were doing or what they _should_ do. In all honesty, he'd expected that with Levi. He'd expected to be shy and unsure, expected to embarrass himself more times than not, but the last couple of months had done well to prove him wrong. Sure, they'd had much getting used to each other to do, but never once did Eren feel awkward or embarrassed in learning what he had about the raven. In fact, it excited him more than anything.

The buzzing of his phone was what tore Eren from his thoughts and he fumbled to answer it, forgetting to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" he mumbled into the receiver.

"Hey Eren," came Sasha's cheery tone from the speaker. "Whatcha up to?"

"Nothing really. You?"

"Same. You busy Saturday afternoon? Christa and I are planning a beach party to celebrate the beginning of summer."

"It's barely June, Sash," he chuckled. "Summer doesn't start for another three weeks."

"Not technically, but so what? It'll be fun!"

"Okay, but Lake Sina is hardly a beach." When Sasha huffed through the phone, he shook his head a bit and continued, "I'm not sure. I have to ask my boss if he needs me to go in that day, and make sure I don't have anything else planned..."

"Come on, ya big butt," Sasha whined. "Everyone else is going. It won't be the same without you. And Levi's invited, too," she tacked on.

"Alright, I'll talk to him."

"Yay! Let me know ASAP! Love ya!" With that, the line went dead and Eren found himself rolling his eyes, thinking, _'That girl is too easy to please.'_

Levi meandered back into the room several minutes later running a comb through his hair. Eren moved to the end of the bed to wrap his arms around the raven's slender waist from behind and pull him into his lap, earning a surprised noise. Smiling, he pressed his face into Levi's shoulder, slowly inhaling his sweet scent.

"Hey," he mumbled almost dreamily.

"Hey..." Levi said, tone laced with mild suspicion. "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Hm, nothing." He tossed his comb onto the dresser and leaned back into Eren's embrace.

"How are you today?" Eren asked, lifting his chin to rest on Levi's shoulder.

"Alright," Levi responded. "Dreamt I had a twin."

Eren's brows raised. "A twin? Was it an evil twin?"

"Tch, no. I'd be the evil twin in this situation."

"Not true."

"Says you." Amused, Levi turned and placed a kiss on Eren's cheek. "No, my twin was a girl."

"And?" Eren prompted, curious.

"That's it. I don't remember anything else."

"What did she look like?"

"Black hair. Bored eyes. Pale skin. Huge tits."

"You paid attention to her boobs?" Eren asked, amusement bubbling up and a grin spreading out on his face.

"Of course, wouldn't you?" Levi, too, sported a grin of his own.

Eren let out a soft chuckle. "It's never something I thought about," he admitted. "I don't really like boobs, anyway."

The raven snorted and nuzzled Eren's unruly chocolate hair, letting his lungs fill with his guyish scent.

"So, um," Eren mumbled, "I have a question for you."

"Hmm?"

"How would you feel...about a trip to the beach?"

"Beach?" Levi asked, brows pulling together in confusion.

"Well, it's by a lake," Eren clarified. "So it's not technically a 'beach'."

Levi turned to straddle the younger's waist, gently trying to pat his hair down with little success. "A beach by a lake, huh?" he murmured thoughtfully. "What for, exactly?"

"Supposedly to celebrate the beginning of summer, even though June barely started," the brunet explained, again thinking of how silly Sasha's little excuse for it was.

Levi raised a brow. "I take it this wasn't your idea."

"Sasha called," Eren confirmed.

"Ah," said the raven in understanding. He'd only been among Eren's friends a few times, but had easily picked out and remembered their quirks. They were a lively bunch, he'd give them that, and not easily forgotten. "I take it you're interested in going?" he inquired.

"I wouldn't mind. I mean, if you want to..."

"Are you saying you won't go without me?"

Green eyes blinked innocently. "I dunno."

"Brat," Levi murmured affectionately before popping a kiss on Eren's forehead and standing up to finish getting dressed. "I'll go," he said. "But I won't swim."

"What, don't you like swimming?"

Wordlessly, the raven turned and pushed the sleeve of his shirt up to his elbow, revealing the markings from relentless self-abuse. "I don't think your friends would do well with these. I don't think anyone would."

Eren didn't let himself look at the scars, but kept his gaze locked with Levi's. "They won't care," he said softly. "They never did with me."

"They know you better." He slid his sleeve back into place and sunk down next to the brunet. Admittedly, he was afraid of his friends' reactions, more afraid of their judgment than he ever would've been before. That was just another thing he had to learn to get used to with being sober. Fear of judgment and rejection was just another thing his monster had kept away all those years, another inevitable human thing that had returned with sobriety. Just another thing on the long list of things he'd have to get used to...

"Does that matter?" Eren asked, automatically sliding his hand into Levi's.

"It does to me."

"Okay. Then we won't swim."

"I didn't say you couldn't swim."

"I know."

Stormy eyes rolled. "When is this happening, anyway?"

"Saturday...provided we have the day off."

"Alright."

~*~

Three days later, the two were sauntering toward the white sand, the sounds of public voices, and the clear, grayish-blue water hand in hand. The sun shone bright overhead, sending its yellowish rays to bounce off the water and warm the sand. The tide washed lazily up on shore and back in an eternal motion. Little kids who got too close shrieked as it washed over their feet and legs, turning around and sprinting toward their families. The murky scent of the air brought Eren's mind back to the last time he'd visited this 'beach' several years ago, a while after his dad passed away.

Pushing the thought aside, he pulled Levi in the direction of his friends near the south side of the sand. Their towels were laid out consecutively, though the only ones occupied were Jean's and Armin's. Before they reached them, however, an excited Marco ran up to pull a reluctant Jean by the elbow to the water. Armin sat cross-legged on his towel with his phone in his hands, texting at the speed of light. The rest of the crew was already in the water, their voices traveling across and easily recognized by Eren's ears.

"Hey, Armin," greeted Eren happily. The blond looked up and squinted past the sunlight.

"Eren, I just texted you," he said.

As if on cue, Eren's phone chimed in the side pocket of the bag he sported over his shoulder. He shuffled it out to clear the notification, said text simply inquiring where they were. Armin moved to his feet, greeting Levi as well, who simply nodded.

"You should really be wearing sunglasses, you know," Eren chided the blond, taking note of his excessive squinting.

"I know. I forgot them at home," he said with a regretful smile.

The brunet flicked him lightly on the forehead. "Dummy."

Armin laughed. "My bad," he mumbled. "Anyway, let's go swim!"

"You go ahead. We're gonna...set up our stuff," Eren said.

"Alright. Meet ya out there," he said before stripping off his tank top, carelessly tossing it onto his towel, and running out to join the others in the water.

Eren cast his gaze to Levi but could not pick up on his mood, as his face was virtually impassive and his eyes were shielded by his sunglasses.

"Come on," he coaxed, moving back a few steps to kneel down into the sand and pull their towels from the bag. They laid them out and sat down. "Sure you don't wanna swim?" he asked.

"Yes. Lakes are filthy, anyway."

Eren snorted a laugh. "Clean freak."

"Tch." The raven sent his elbow in the direction of Eren's ribs. "Nerd."

"Ow," whined Eren, rubbing his side. "Meanie."

"Maybe I should've said _brat_ ," Levi teased. "Only brats say things like 'meanie'." This earned Eren sticking his tongue out at him, and he shook his head. "And do things like that."

"You're a jerk," mumbled Eren, playfully turning his back and crossing his arms.

"And you're a dork." Levi reached over and pulled Eren back against his chest by his shoulders. He gave in with no fight and peeked above his sunglasses at his lover with that innocent look Levi couldn't really resist. With a mild chuckle, he leaned down and gave Eren a soft kiss.

"Karma's gonna bite you in the butt someday," Eren grumbled.

Levi's face instantly fell. "I know," he said quietly.

"No, that's not what I meant," Eren said hastily, reaching up to Levi's face. Before his hand made it, the raven took it to hold instead.

"I know."

"Levi..."

The artist shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He nudged the brunet in the direction of the water. "Go swim," he said. "Go have fun."

"I'm not just gonna leave you here alone," Eren countered.

"Please. I'm fine. Go spend some time with your friends. You'll just end up getting sick of me."

"Never," Eren said, holding tighter to Levi's hand. "I'm staying here."

"Eren..."

"You can't talk me out of it," he said. "Or...into it. Whichever. I'm staying."

Levi glared down at him, hoping the effect wasn't too distorted by his shades. Eren stared right back, and the raven had a fleeting image of a smaller, toddler-like version of this goofball crossing his arms and scowling stubbornly. Finally, he shook his head.

"So stubborn," he sighed, giving in.

Eren's hard stare transformed into a bright grin, serving as the ignition for the fireworks in Levi's soul. "I'm nothing if not stubborn," he said.

"You know that's not true."

"Whatever. But y'know, your legs are probably gonna get sunburned if you don't put sunscreen on..."

"Speak for yourself, Mr. No-sleeves," scoffed Levi.

Eren sat up and fished the bright yellow bottle from his bag. The next five minutes were spent rubbing the white, creamy substance over their exposed skin. Though he could reach, Eren allowed Levi's capable fingers to rub it into his shoulders and the back of his neck.

By the time they were finished, a soaked Sasha trudged over to them, Connie in tow.

"Hey guys," she greeted cheerfully, "Glad you could make it." She kneeled down to hug Eren, who stiffened a bit and just patted her back. She was too wet to hug back properly. She chatted cheerfully as she applied more sunscreen, taking turns with Connie to get their backs. She grabbed a few beach toys and headed back toward the water.

"Come swim!" she told them before splashing back out, not waiting for an answer.

"Go with them," Levi told Eren.

"No."

The raven huffed. "What was the point of coming here if you're not even going to spend time with your friends, who _invited you_?"

"They invited you too, and I already told you I'm not gonna leave you sitting here alone. I'll...I'll only go if you go, too."

"Not a chance." Levi subconsciously pulled his arms closer to his center, clearly an act of self-consciousness.

"Then I'm staying."

"And what are you going to tell them when they ask why you didn't join?"

"The truth. That I didn't want to leave you alone...because you don't like swimming." Eren knew it technically wasn't a lie. Levi didn't like swimming because he was insecure about the mess inhabiting his arms, not because he wasn't fond of swimming itself.

In truth, though, Eren was sort of the same way. He, too, was insecure about his body, but not because of his friends. They'd seen his scars before. Most of them, anyway, with the exception of Jean and Marco, who he hadn't met until college when the weather was cooling off and there had been no situation in which they would've been exposed to them. No, his fear was Levi's eyes being laid upon his own self-inflicted blemishes. What exactly he was afraid of was unclear. Was it because he feared it would trigger Levi? Or was he afraid of the raven's judgment? No, it was neither of those things. He was scared Levi's views on him would change. To him, those scars represented his own weakness. Levi saw him as strong, capable, even brave. Pure. But the scars told a different story. His sole fear was disappointing his tattooed companion. He admittedly wasn't ready to find out his reaction, especially right there on the beach under the watch of the public eye.

"Whatever, Eren," Levi sighed, taking the younger's hand. He began tracing the lines on his palm, the edges, the veins, memorizing it. Eventually, his path strayed up Eren's wrist where he let his fingers rest momentarily, feeling his pulse, before continuing toward his elbow, primarily tracing the visible veins and tendons. When he reached his elbow, he trailed back down, noting the goosebumps rising on Eren's smooth brown skin.

"Lay down," he instructed suddenly.

"What?"

"Just lay down." He released Eren's limb to shuffle through the bag, past the miscellaneous things they'd brought just in case, past his sketchbook for working on commissions or simply doodling if he got bored, and to the plastic box of pens he'd also thought to bring along.

"What are you doing?" asked Eren, peeking up at the box Levi was working on snapping open to shuffle a black pen from. He'd since laid down as asked, using the extra towel as a pillow.

"You'll see," was Levi's brief response.

With that, he got to work. He took Eren's wrist and pulled his entire arm into his lap, positioning it comfortably before uncapping the pen and connecting it to the younger's wrist. The sensation tickled as Levi simply started with lines, his fingers working slowly and precisely. Glancing back up at the raven's face, he could practically see the artistic gears turning in his head.

He decided not to watch, to see the end result when it was finished, so he let his eyes slide closed and focused on using his other senses to pick up the happenings of his surroundings. Children were constantly giggling and squealing. One, whom he thought to be a little boy, was calling for his mom to watch him. He could hear the sound of the tide washing up on shore and then retreating back out. There were the sounds of gulls and the splashes of different beach toys in the water. By the familiar laughter of his friends, he figured they were the source of all that splashing, likely having some kind of water war. A slight, warm breeze washed over his skin and brought with the scent of the concessions from up toward the parking lot - barbecue foods, he easily picked out. The scent of the water remained strong in the air, salty and kind of murky, but not too overpowering. Very faintly among the odors the breeze carried, he could pick up Levi's familiar scent, between him being so close and knowing it so well.

Lastly, he could feel the soft bumps of the sand below his back and the softness of it on his feet where they hung off the end of the towel. He felt the heat of the sun radiating down from 93 million miles away, and with no cloud cover, the warmth was almost too much. He felt Levi's warm fingers (though cool in comparison to the sun) holding his arm as the other used a pen to make lines all the way up his forearm, surely creating something of a masterpiece.

"Eren?" Levi asked softly, his lines never faltering.

"Hmm?" The brunet merely peeked one eye open to look at the raven.

"Would you ever let me tattoo you?"

Eren's other eye popped open. "Er...well...I don't know," he admitted. "I never even thought about it."

"Think about it."

"Are you saying you want to?"

Levi simply nodded as he capped the black pen and fished for another color. He slid out a dark blue and went back to his work. Still, Eren didn't look. Instead he thought, trying to picture himself with a tattoo. A permanent piece of art on his skin. Levi's art, no less. It didn't seem like such a bad idea, though he hadn't the slightest clue what he'd get. He knew people got tattoos of things that were important to them, things that meant a lot or represented parts of their lives. The most important things in Eren's life, he realized, were people. Levi. His mother. His sister. Armin. The rest of his friends. There weren't many, but he didn't need a lot. He was perfectly happy with who he had.

He spent more time mulling it over than he realized because before he knew it, Levi was saying his trademark phrase - what he told every one of his clients after completing their tattoos.

"Take a look."

Eren pushed himself into a sitting position by his elbow. Lowering his shades, he inspected his right forearm which now sported a beautiful sapphire fish. Its head was at the base of his wrist and the rest of its body snaked all the way up to his elbow. Its fins, a lighter aquamarine hue, flowed as if Eren was the water it was swimming through. His turquoise eyes stared and stared at it, barely able to believe Levi had created something so incredible in what seemed like such a short amount of time.

"It's a Koi fish," explained the raven. "In case you were wondering."

"Holy crap," were the first _ingenious_ words Eren managed to sputter.

"Tch, it's not that good."

"Shut up. It's amazing."

"Hn. Well thanks, I guess."

Smiling, Eren finally managed to tear his eyes from the artwork and leaned in for a sweet kiss to Levi's soft lips. "I love it."

"I'm glad."

Silence fell over again and Eren continued to study the fish, taking note of the detail of its scales, being in all too much awe for, in Levi's opinion, mediocre work. It was nice to see the fascination in those bright eyes, though.

Soon, Eren was taking his hand and jumping to his feet, tugging him up.

"Come on," he beckoned.

"What?" Levi mumbled standing as well. Eren instantly started dragging the raven across the sand. "Where are we going?"

"I have an idea," Eren said excitedly. He stopped at the large bucket where grass met sand. It contained a seemingly endless supply of beach toys, including buckets, shovels, pool noodles, other miscellaneous floatation devices. Eren selected two buckets, one bright red, which he placed in Levi's hands, the other a faded orange. He dropped a couple of shovels in each and, ignoring Levi's questioning gaze, took his hand and headed toward the water. He selected a spot on the sand, wet from the tide, and knelt down to dump the shovels and things from the bucket.

"What are you doing?" Levi asked.

"Building a sand castle!" Eren said, already beginning to fill his bucket with wet sand.

"Seriously? Are we five?"

"We're always five," Eren laughed. "Now help me."

Observing skeptically for a minute, Levi broke down and mimicked Eren's actions to fill his bucket. He'd never had the chance to build a sand castle when he was a kid due to his shitty family/home life, so he figured he had nothing to lose, even if it was twenty years later.

Once their buckets were packed to the brim with wet sand, Levi asked, "What now?"

With careful precision, Eren turned his bucket over and planted it on a flatter part of the ground. He started beating the top and sides, getting the sand to come off the walls of the bucket before lifting it with even more precision. Standing up from the ground was a perfectly bucket-shaped mound. Again, the raven mimicked his actions and came out with the same result right next to Eren's.

"Not fair," the brunet complained. "It took me at least three tries to get that right when I was little."

"But you were little, and I'm an artist," Levi reminded him.

For the second time that day, Eren childishly stuck his tongue out at the man, earning an eye roll.

"Sometimes I think you really are five," he muttered, but did not refrain from kissing Eren, chaste and quick.

"But you love me."

"Yeah, yeah. So what the hell do we do now?" Gray eyes eyed the mounds on the ground and green eyes followed that gaze before a snort sounded from Eren's nose.

"Those look suspiciously like boobs," he said.

"Jesus," Levi muttered. "You would think that."

"They do! We could make a mermaid."

"Boobs aren't flat on the top, idiot."

"Then we round them out."

And so commended the sculpting of a mermaid. In the middle of rounding out her 'boobs', the rest of the crew trekked over, either wrapped in towels or each other's arms.

"What are you guys doing?" came Christa's sweet soprano from the cocoon of a towel and Ymir's arms.

"Sculpting a mermaid," Eren explained. "Wanna help?"

"Looks like you're just sculpting some tits," said Connie.

"For starters, yes. We were gonna build a castle but a mermaid seemed better."

"Because they looked like boobs," Levi corrected.

"I wanna help!" Christa enthused, emerging from her cocoon to sink onto her knees next to them.

"Here, take the tit," Levi offered. "I'll work on the face."

"'Kay."

With that, they all sunk to the ground to help. Of course, having a good eye for anatomy, Levi was the one to trace the proportions for the body in the sand with a stick for the rest to follow. The sounds of digging and patting and sculpting filled the air with much concentration and idle chatter. Halfway through sculpting the top part of the tail, Sasha gasped and grabbed Eren's arm to inspect the koi fish with wide, wonder-filled eyes.

"Whoa, okay, warn a guy before you seize his arm," he said.

"Where did this come from?" she asked, admiring it and grabbing the attention of the others to do the same.

"Levi drew it."

Awed whispers sounded around the group as Eren angled his arm for everyone to admire it. Humbly, Levi continued to work on the face of the mermaid, pretending to be oblivious to the circle of people admiring his work.

"Dude, that's sick!" said Connie.

"So you weren't exaggerating when you said he's incredible," Marco said. "Wow."

Eight pairs of eyes lifted to the raven who finally looked up, feeling the pressure of being under so many stares.

"What?" he asked. Soundlessly, Sasha pointed at the fish on Eren's arm. "Oh. That. What about it?"

"Is he serious right now?" Ymir asked, brows elevated.

"He doesn't think it's that good," Eren explained.

"Damn. Then I'd like to see what he does think is good," interjected Jean, indicating that even he was impressed, which was pretty rare.

"Do you guys wanna finish this thing before the storm comes or what?" muttered the artist, turning his attention back to sculpting the mermaid's hair.

"Storm?" Christa piped up, directing her attention to the sky. Levi pointed over across the lake where a thick, dark bunch of clouds were rolling in.

"Oh crap," Connie mumbled, and their hands got back to work. In their haste to finish, it turned out pretty sloppy. The tail was more like a triangular mound of sand and the rest of the body was kind of awkwardly placed. The head, of course, including the face and hair, was practically a masterpiece having been sculpted by Levi's artistic hands.

They took endless pictures - of themselves, of each other, of the mermaid, of the fish on Eren's arm. Not once did anyone ask about why they didn't swim, nor did they say a word about Levi wearing a long-sleeved shirt in such hot weather and at the beach. Both Eren and Levi had a feeling they all just knew, but pretended they didn't notice anyway. Christa and Ymir offered to buy everyone snow cones. Only Levi and Armin declined, neither of them caring all that much for sweets.

"How can you not like sweets?" chastised Sasha, particularly to Armin who merely said, "I only like chocolate" with a shrug.

They ate their snow cones happily, enjoying the last of the sun as they watched the clouds roll in from the east. They sat on their towels, a ways away from the mermaid sculpture but did not fail to notice several people snapping their own photos of the 'masterpiece'.

When Eren finished his snow cone, Levi decided he couldn't stand the grimy stand between his fingers and toes any longer, so they elected to make the trip across a few streets by foot to find a non-port-o-potty bathroom to wash up in, but not before packing their stuff and sticking it in Levi's car just to be safe. Christa, Ymir, and Armin joined, needing to pee and not being a fan of the port-o-potties.

"You could always just use the lake," Jean joked as they were walking away, earning glares from two of them - annoyance from Ymir and disgust from Levi.

They stopped into a small convenience store with a one person family bathroom and took turns using it. Armin and the girls bought a few snacks before they left and chattered happily away while they meandered back to the beach. Eren and Levi stayed behind them, walking slower, hand in hand and enjoying the last of the sunshine. At the last second, Eren spotted an antique shop down the street a ways.

"Let's go, Levi," he said in excitement, pulling him along. "We'll catch up with you guys later," he called after the others.

Levi easily went along with him, happy to be alone again after a few hours of the exhausting chatter of his friends.

"I didn't know you were into antiques," Levi commented as Eren's pace slowed the further they got from the others.

"I'm not," Eren said, a subtle grin making itself known on his lips. "I could tell you were getting restless."

Those words had Levi stopping in his tracks. Eren turned, stepping close and meeting his eyes.

"You didn't have to leave your friends for me, Eren."

"It's okay," Eren said, smile growing. "I wanted to be alone with you."

"You're alone with me all the time," Levi scoffed.

"Yeah, but this is different." His head descended until their foreheads were pressed together. "Aren't we supposed to sneak off at least once in a situation like this?"

"Tch." Levi rolled his eyes as his arms came up around Eren's neck. "This hardly counts as 'sneaking off'," he said.

"Shut up. I'm trying to be romantic."

A snort sounded from Levi's nose. "Then shut up and kiss me," he said, tilting his head up in waiting, locking gazes with the lustrous blue-green eyes. Being so close, he could see every fiber of those irises, the deep almost sapphire blue bordering the pupils only to span out to mix with emerald, creating a vibrant turquoise to the very edges.

Softly, their lips came together for one of the sweetest kisses either of them had experienced. Eren could've sworn fireworks went off around them and felt like a huge cheeser. Fireworks were only supposed to happen in those sappy love story movies or TV shows where the couple finally had their happy ending or kissed for the first time. But this wasn't a TV show or movie, it wasn't their first kiss and happy endings were much too cliché and unrealistic. Even so, he'd be damned if he didn't hear the bursting of firework ammunition, even if it was only in his mind.

"Have I told you today..." Levi began, having barely moved away.

"Hmm?" Eren's smile returned.

"...that you're a brat."

"Hmph, I don't know."

"Well you are."

Eren let his lip protrude in a mock pout, breaking any and all contact with the raven before turning and crossing his arms over his chest, turning his nose to the darkening sky. "That's not nice," he mumbled.

"And there's the proof," Levi quipped, amused. "Come on, let's take a walk."

Again he reached for Eren's hand, who really couldn't say no. Holding hands with Levi, as well as kissing him and curling up with their bodies pressed together in one way or another, was high on his list of favorite things, somewhere among squirting the whipped cream directly into your mouth with the nozzle and petting soft puppy fur as it playfully licks your chin. If he had to admit it, Levi would be number one on his list of favorites. And number two. And three.

"Hungry?" Levi was asking as they passed a small sub shop near the center of town. The scent of bread and seasonings drifted from the slightly ajar door, causing his stomach to growl in response. "I'll take that as a yes," Levi said, already pulling him inside.

Eren ordered his food and then turned to the shorter, asking, "Aren't you gonna get anything?"

"Don't have my pills," Levi responded softly.

"You can still eat. They're just to help, you know. They're not essential."

Considering his words, Levi's eyes scanned over the menu and he broke down to buy something small. As they ate, the pitter-patter of the beginning rainstorm made itself known on the roof of the small building. Once finished, they peered out of the front window of the place. The shower was picking up steadily; they knew if it continued, there would be rivers in the gutters and litter collecting on top of drain grates.

"Should we wait or book it?" Levi asked.

Eren was silent for a minute. He gazed up at the dark sky that surely threatened thunder and lightning; just the thought had anxiety bubbling up, and those buildings seemed old and rickety. His better sense told him to get away from them.

"Book it," he concluded, taking Levi's hand so tightly his fingers were white. He placed a hand on the door, ready to shove it open and run. "Ready?" Levi merely gave a small nod before they counted to three and rushed out into the pouring water. Fortunately, it was a moderately warm rain, but they were soaked after simply running across the street. Halfway back to the car, a memory resurfaced of his mother scolding him, saying that running through the rain would only make you wetter, but he figured that didn't matter now.

Suddenly, Levi's fingers slipped from his and he stumbled forward in surprise, practically screeching to a halt to turn and find the raven bent over, a hand on his chest and panting. Eren sloshed back over to him and they moved back under an overhang that frankly did not provide much shelter from the pouring water.

"Sorry," huffed the raven. "Still too out of shape, I guess."

"No worries," Eren said, having to raise his voice over the sound of the rain. "Maybe booking it wasn't such a good idea."

Levi only nodded as he worked on catching his breath. Looking around, all cars and people had vanished from the streets to take refuge in a building. His gaze traveled to Eren, who'd kept his watchful, mildly worried gaze on Levi. His hair was soaked, dripping and matted to his skin. His trunks and shirt were soaked, the gray tank clinging closely to his body to show off all of his bumps and curves. Levi couldn't resist reaching up, pushing the hair from his face and pulling him into his arms, standing all the way up on his toes to better see the other, studying his striking features more closely. Water droplets were collecting and dripping from his long lashes, down his nose and cheeks, his lips and neck.

"What?" Eren mumbled, self-conscious.

"You're..." The raven swallowed hard, knowing his next words would seem completely out of character. But he needed to say them, needed Eren to know. "You're beautiful," he murmured.

Eren only had a second for his brows to furrow in confusion before Levi's wet lips crashed almost recklessly into his own. A surprised squeak escaped his throat, hands curling into fists on the raven's chest. He then let himself melt into the kiss, sliding his arms around Levi and pulling him closer, closing his eyes and kissing back hard.

At first, the kiss was merely a cover for the embarrassing words he'd just uttered, like he was trying to make Eren forget he said them. However, Eren was kissing him back with an immense amount of fervor - so much it would have knocked Levi right on his ass had Eren's capable arms not been locked around him - and it felt more like an emphasis on his statement, a punctuation of sorts. An exclamation mark.

And standing there sopping wet in the relentless rain, dripping endlessly, he let himself feel what he felt without question or fear. He kissed Eren like he was the only thing holding him to the earth...like it was the only thing that could possibly make him feel whole again after being torn apart so many times. He kissed greedily, but never refrained from giving all of that back, sending apologies through the movement of his fervent lips, along with so much love and compassion he thought he might explode. He loved the man standing in front of him, tangled in his arms. This living body was the most precious, most valuable thing he'd ever had the privilege of laying his tainted hands on. He would cherish the one on his lips, never take him for granted, and keep him safe no matter what it took. At that moment, there was absolutely no going back. Sure, there was a cure for drug addiction - the worst kinds and the longest lasting ones - but love? That was a hopeless, incurable addiction, and he embraced every second, every aspect of it with open arms, an open mind, and an open heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I had originally written this so that they went to an actual beach, like by the ocean & stuff, but then I remembered it snowed a lot in part one and realized how little that made sense xD
> 
> But anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter (& seriously look forward to the next one, bc it's one of my favorite ones (yes, another favorite one, I know, I'm horrible.).).


	19. •~Chapter Nineteen~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again, I know...sorry! Just expect the new chapters to be up between Saturday-Monday xD
> 
> And oh, look, another one of my favorite chapters. xD

Levi padded down the hall the next morning with the intention of waking Eren. He'd just spent half an hour in the kitchen whipping up omelets he miraculously remembered how to make and had no intention of letting them get cold due to a lazy brat. Instead of finding Eren still nestled under the covers, however, he found him to be sitting up, rubbing his face.

"Hey," he said, entering the room. "I was just coming to wake you up. Breakfast is ready."

"Hmm..." Eren mumbled, dropping his hands into his lap. "It's okay. You can go ahead and eat without me." His articulation was groggy and scratchy, lower and lazier than usual. Levi immediately knew something was up.

"What's wrong?" he asked, moving closer to the younger.

"Nothin'...just don't feel very well," he said.

The raven sunk down onto the bed, eyes narrowing and immediately studying the brunet. He looked pretty normal, aside from the grayish outline around his eyes despite having slept a good ten hours, and his usual perkiness was lacking.

"Don't feel well how?" Levi inquired, immediately believing it to be psychological, having to do with his depression.

"Well," Eren murmured, running a hand through his hair, "My throat is sore, my head is pounding, and I kinda just feel like going back to sleep."

"So it's physical," Levi said in mild relief, relaxing just slightly. Eren nodded. "Are you cold?"

"Not really."

Levi hummed thoughtfully as he maneuvered closer. "Let me see if you have a fever."

Eren put up no objections as Levi pressed his lips to Eren's forehead the way the younger had done for him so many times in the past.

"Yeah, you're a little warmer than usual," he murmured. "You up for eating anything?"

"I dunno."

"At least try. I made omelets. It might help restore some of your strength."

"Alright." Levi stood. "Do you want any help?" offered Eren.

"No. Stay here and rest." He tossed the television remote in the other's direction before disappearing back down the hall.

Meanwhile, Eren snuggled himself back under the covers, switching on the TV and surfing through the channels. He settled on some old cartoons, pretty much indifferent to what was playing. His head hurt too much to care. He'd started dozing off again until the sound of Levi shuffling trays brought him back to awareness. The raven strode into the room. He placed one of the trays on Eren's lap with a glass of milk on the table beside him before sitting down with his own food with his classic mug of tea.

"Cartoons again?" he asked, mildly amused. "Will you ever grow up?"

"No," Eren answered. He nudged the remote toward Levi. "Change it if you want."

"Nah. I actually don't mind _Tom & Jerry_."

Eren snorted a halfhearted laugh as his eyes descended to his plate where, next to his pills Levi had so thoughtfully included, a fluffy yellow omelet sat still slightly steaming, topped with cheese and green peppers. It both looked and smelled pretty damn good; on any other day, Eren would have scarfed it down without thinking. Today, though, he was afraid he didn't much have an appetite for it.

Even so, he humored Levi by taking a few bites after downing the pills. His nose (already starting to stuff up) hadn't lied to him as it tasted heavenly. He managed to eat half of it before he lost his appetite.

"Done?" Levi asked after having finished the entirety of his own.

"Yeah. Sorry. It's good, but..." He trailed off regretfully.

"Don't worry about it." Levi pressed a kiss to Eren's temple before he collected the dishes and disappeared back down the hall. Eren could hear him cleaning up in the kitchen, and then shuffling through some things after disappearing into the bathroom. He reemerged with the empty trash can from the bathroom floor filled with a box of tissues, a bottle of water, the thermometer, and the bottle of ibuprofen.

"You don't have to do all that," Eren mumbled, eyeing the objects ruefully.

"Shut up and let me take care of you," Levi said.

This earned a small grin from the younger, who willingly let Levi take his temperature more so to humor him than anything else. He really did just want to cuddle up against his lover and go back to sleep until this icky feeling subsided.

"99.3," Levi read, brows furrowing. "Not too bad..." He fished out the ibuprofen and shook two into his palm for Eren to take one by one. "Need anything else?"

"You," Eren said sleepily, pulling Levi back into the bed by his wrist. The raven complied easily, maneuvering his way back to his usual spot on the bed while refraining from letting go of Eren. He pulled the younger down into his lap, keeping him comfortably wrapped in the blankets. Eren used Levi's lap as a pillow and snuggled in close, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

"Get some rest," Levi said, gently beginning to run his fingers through Eren's soft chocolate locks. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"What will you do?" Eren mumbled, gazing up at his gray-eyed lover.

"Watch you."

Eren blinked, heat immediately filling his cheeks. "Don't," he said, squirming uncomfortably, suddenly finding it difficult to meet Levi's now amused gaze.

"Why not?"

"That's embarrassing..."

The raven snorted. "Dork," he murmured, ruffling Eren's hair. "You're sick and yet you still find it in you to wildly blush."

"What?" Eren's eyes widened to the size of the moon; his hands emerged from his nest of blankets to cover his face.

"Idiot," Levi muttered lovingly. "Just go to sleep already. You're not gonna get any better being all flustered."

"Then stop embarrassing me," grumbled the brunet, turning on his side away from Levi, burying his nose in the blankets.

"You're the one who's letting himself be embarrassed," Levi chuckled.

"Hmph, you said you were gonna watch me sleep. Not my fault."

"Oi, just go to sleep. Jeez."

Eren sighed, "Fine..." With that, he let his muscles begin to relax again while he paid vague attention to the cartoon on the screen where a gray cat was chasing a brown mouse with a baseball bat. The mouse escaped into his hole in the wall, causing the cat to smack right into said wall and fall backward, the entire front of his body flat as a pancake. Eren chuckled softly at it as Levi's fingers began running through his hair again, while his other hand occupied itself with rubbing small, soothing circles into his side. His hands were a comfort and Eren found it hard to fend off sleep to finish the remainder of the episode because of them. Before he could find out what happened, he'd dozed off to dreams about waterfalls...

Meanwhile, Levi had noted Eren's state of slumber and since changed the channel to a movie he didn't much find himself paying attention to. Strangely, he found the male in his lap to be more interesting. As usual, his face had relaxed completely, his features smoothed out in something of serenity. He always bore a more youthful appearance while asleep, with his lips always just slightly parted, the little bit of extra flesh under his skin, and his almost impossibly long eyelashes resting delicately against his cheeks. Being sick had caused his face to flush more than usual, leaving the apples of his cheeks and the tip of his nose a soft pink. Levi made a mental note to keep tabs on his temperature.

He let his eyes linger on Eren's face a long while, letting himself further memorize him - the slight inward curve of his nose; the subtle lines on his eyelids, his forehead; his lips, seemingly always just slightly chapped; the roundness of his cheeks; the size of his forehead; the curve of his jaw ending in subtly pointy ears.

Eventually Levi, too, found himself dozing off...

...only to be awoken by the sensation of a trembling boy in his lap. He blinked his eyes open, mildly disoriented for a moment when he realized Eren was whimpering in his sleep, his face no longer relaxed in the calm of slumber. Frowning, Levi attempted to calm him without waking him by rubbing his side and smoothing his hair once more. The effort was fruitless; Eren only seemed to tense more, leaving Levi with no choice but to wake him up and free him from whatever nightmare he was surely having.

"Eren," he said softly, running his thumb over his wrinkled forehead. "Hey, wake up," he said a little louder. He brunet didn't budge. "Eren." He took the younger's face between his hands, concern bubbling up when Eren remained unresponsive. "Wake up...please, love."

Suddenly, he jolted awake, drawing in a sharp intake of breath as his eyes snapped open. Levi yanked his arms away reflexively.

"Wha...?" Eren mumbled. He rubbed his forehead. "Shit."

"You alright?" Levi inquired, looking him over.

"I think so...?" His words petered off into a question. Behind his eyes, a headache worse than before was beginning to pound. "How long was I out?"

Levi glanced at the clock near the TV. "Couple hours. Were you having a nightmare?"

"I-I guess so..." Eren pushed himself up to take a few sips of water. His throat was even more sore than before and he could feel the congestion building in both his chest and sinuses.

"Wonderful," he muttered.

"What's wrong?"

"Hate being sick." He rubbed an eye with the heel of his hand.

"Don't we all?" mused Levi. "I'll make you some soup."

"You don't have to..." Eren was saying, but turned to find Levi already halfway out of the room waving absently behind him. Eren figured it couldn't hurt, but because it was summer and he was already sweating due to his fever...

Still, he didn't reject the bowl of steaming Chicken Noodle Levi placed in his lap alongside a cup of tea. In fact, he ended up finishing the entire thing.

"There's honey in the tea," Levi explained, "For your throat."

Eren smiled and leaned over to peck his cheek. "Thank you."

"Tch, I don't get a real kiss?" he scoffed.

"No way," Eren said. "I'm not getting you sick."

"Please, Eren. I'm already exposed to it anyway."

"Don't care. That just means you _might_ get sick. If I kiss you, you _will_ get sick. I'm not risking that."

Levi sent a halfhearted glare that, to Eren, was more adorable than threatening. "Is that an excuse?" he muttered.

"No. I'm thinking of you."

Levi sighed, leaning over to nuzzle his face into Eren's shoulder. "You're killing me," he grumbled.

"What's the matter, can't go a little while without my lips? Am I just that good of a kisser?"

Instinctively, Levi pinched Eren's thigh, earning a pained hiss. "Don't get cocky, brat," he quipped.

Eren chuckled lowly and finished the rest of his tea. He had to admit eating had made him feel better, but his legs were complaining from having not been used all day, on top of the fact that his bladder was _full_.

Giving Levi's hand a squeeze, he untangled himself from the blankets and moved to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Levi asked.

"Bathroom," he said.

Levi took that as an opportunity to tidy a bit - take Eren's dishes to the kitchen, rinse and stack them in the dishwasher, replace both of their cups of tea with new ones, taking care to add more honey to Eren's while keeping his own completely authentic, the way he preferred it.

They rendezvoused back in the bedroom. Eren had combed his hair and brushed his teeth, making himself appear a bit more presentable, but it was clear in his eyes how uncomfortable being sick had made him. Levi instructed him to lay back down so he could take his temperature again.

"Damn," he muttered, inspecting the screen of the thermometer.

"Hm?"

"It went up," he said. "100.4. How do you feel?"

Eren shrugged lazily. "Eh."

Levi stared at the little numbers, wracking his brain for ways to reduce Eren's fever before it got too high. Before he could think of anything, though, the brunet's warm fingers had wrapped around his wrist and were pulling him back into the bed.

"I'm fine," he said. "Just stay with me."

"Can do," Levi said, bringing Eren's head down onto his shoulder and loosely wrapping his arms around his waist while resting his chin atop his head. Eren reached over to grab Akane, absently fidgeting with her wing while Levi surfed through the channels for something to watch. He settled for a rerun of _Criminal Minds_.

"Hey, Levi?" Eren asked, turning to look up at his companion.

"Hmm?"

"I never asked how _you're_ doing today."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? No bad dreams...or flashbacks...?"

"I'm sure, Eren. Worry about yourself."

"Okay. I just have to make sure..."

"I know. Thank you for worrying." He pressed a kiss to Eren's forehead.

The brunet continued to gaze up at the raven. As his mind wandered back to the events of the previous day, his cheeks heated up and he sheepishly averted his eyes.

"You're blushing again," Levi said, a half smile gracing his features. "What for?"

"Nothing..."

"Tell me."

"Yesterday..."

"Mhm...?"

"Yesterday," he repeated in a hushed tone, "you said I was b-beautiful." He visibly swallowed hard. "Did you mean that?"

"What do you think?" Levi worked on keeping his own composure though on the inside he was still mildly embarrassed by it.

"I don't know..."

"Yes, Eren. I mean it."

Finally, the younger met the older's eyes again. "Why?"

"Huh?" Smile vanished, Levi's thin brows knitted together.

"Why did you say something that's clearly untrue?"

"Because it is true."

"Maybe to you..."

"Definitely to me," Levi corrected.

"If you say so."

Levi said nothing. There were so many things about himself that Eren loved despite his own hatred for it. He knew he wouldn't be able to convince him with just words; he'd have to make him feel it, but he didn't know how...

The rest of the day was spent doing virtually nothing. They watched several movies with Eren dozing off and on several times as his body worked to fight his illness. Eventually, they both got bored of lying around and Eren asked if they had any board games.

"Board games?" Levi asked in surprise, his bewildered expression suggesting the term seemed almost foreign to him.

"Yeah. Y'know, like Monopoly or Apples to Apples? Candy Land? Stuff like that."

"Oh. Board games," Levi said. "If we have any, they'd be in Alex's room."

Eren's eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree. The thought of seeing into Alex's room excited him for an unknown reason.

"Can we look?"

"If you want," Levi said.

"Let's go." Eren was crawling out of the bed, pulling Levi along. They wandered down the hall to the door that, nowadays, was rarely opened. In fact, it sort of blended into the wall for them because they'd been indifferent to it, never needing to go inside for any reason. Now that they had a reason, it seemed to stand out like a diamond among coals.

Levi reached for the knob, but just before he could twist it, Eren placed his hand on his arm.

"Wait," he whispered.

"What?" Levi asked.

"Will Alex be mad if we go in her room?"

The raven snorted. Eren was acting like such a little kid, like they were on a secret mission to sneak cookies from the cookie jar or someshit.

"Like she'll know."

"Shh!" Eren snapped. "She could walk in. We have to be quiet."

Suddenly, the realization of what Eren was trying to do hit Levi like a bus. He was purposefully trying to be inconspicuous, setting up the environment as if they were little kids trying to sneak cookies. He knew Alex would never know they went into her room, nor would she really care. There was almost no chance of her walking in to find them snooping around what was left of her belongings behind that door for Monopoly. He was just being playful, making it interesting. And Levi had to admit he loved the idea. Inner child brought out, he played along.

"Sorry," he whispered. Ever so slowly, he turned the knob and pushed the door open. If it squeaked, he'd stop and they'd look around as if there was someone around who could've heard them. He didn't fully open the door, but cracked it just enough for them to slip soundlessly into the room.

"Wow, so this is Alex's room?" Eren whispered, taking in his surroundings with his hands firmly planted on Levi's shoulders.

The room was small. Much smaller than Levi's. A full-sized bed was in the corner, made up perfectly. There was a night table and a dresser, a closet, and an old deep purple bass guitar in the corner. The walls sported old posters of bands or different art, though none of it Eren recognized to be Levi's. A red lava lamp stood alone on the dresser, its cord long since unplugged. The smell of the room was musty from having been untouched and unused in so long, and there was a fine layer of dust on every surface. Levi scowled at it.

"Not what you expected?" Levi whispered back.

Eren shrugged and tiptoed over to the guitar, glancing over his shoulder for good measure. He gently plucked one of the strings but heard virtually nothing.

"She plays bass?" he asked.

Levi simply nodded. "Come on, let's look for the games and get out of here."

That commenced a mini scouting of Alex's abandoned bedroom. They found the drawers to be empty, all of the contents in the closet to seemingly be old junk that only someone like Alex would keep, and the cabinet in the night stand contained nothing but-

Eren shrieked like a little girl (as well as a twenty-year-old baritone man with a cold _could_ shriek like a little girl) and stumbled backward, plowing Levi right into the far wall.

"What the hell, Eren?" Levi muttered, gently pushing him off and stepping to the side. He peered in the direction of the table for signs of what could have caused him to make that godforsaken sound. He took a tentative step forward but was seized by the wrist.

"Don't go over there!" Eren hissed, forgetting all about their little game.

"Why?"

"There's a freaking spider nest in there!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Levi muttered, staring up at Eren with an expression that mirrored exactly what he'd said. "You're afraid of something as simple as _spiders_?"

"Yes! They're creepy!"

"Oh my lord," Levi muttered with a roll of his eyes. Much to Eren's dismay, he kneeled down in front of the table to peer inside. Sure enough, a white webby clump was nestled into the upper right corner with other webs, spider among it.

"Eren, go get that box of tissues."

Eren fled the room to come back with said tissue box, staying as far away to stretch and hand it to Levi, who again rolled his eyes. He plucked a few tissues from the box and poised himself, readying to seize the arachnoid.

"Wait!" Eren said. "You're not gonna kill it, are you?"

Levi nearly fell on his ass. "Are you serious right now?"

"Well, I mean, they're freaky...but they eat other bugs, right? So we shouldn't kill them..."

"And what the hell else do you expect me to do with it?"

"Put it outside."

"There is no way I'm going to get the spider itself and the nest and put it outside without death being involved one way or another."

"Can you just get the spider, then? Just put that outside and get rid of the nest."

Levi let out a long breath. "Jesus fuck," he muttered. "He's lucky he's cute..."

Still muttering things to himself, Levi reached into the cabinet and captured the spider in his hand without killing it. He took it to the window which, by some miracle opened with ease, and released the spider onto the ledge, closing it before it could crawl back in. He turned around to find Eren practically cowering in the doorway. He moved back to the table, plucking up a few more tissues, and took the nest out, making sure to squish it hard in his fist. Eren moved out of his way quickly as he took it to the bathroom and flushed it.

"Happy?" he asked.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Tch. So do you want the board games or what?"

"Yes, please."

Levi walked over to the bed, kneeled down, and looked underneath. He slid out the only box that was underneath.

"Bingo," he said.

"You found them?" Eren asked, lighting up a bit.

"Mm-hmm." He lifted the box and nudged the brunet back into the hall. "Shut the door," he instructed. Arachnophobic at his heels, he shuffled into the living room and placed the box on the coffee table. After retrieving the dusting supplies from beneath the kitchen sink, he worked on wiping each box down, making them shine before he even thought of reading the labels.

"Clean freak," Eren teased.

"Scaredy cat," he shot back without missing a beat.

Eren stuck his tongue out; Levi shook his head. "How did I fall for such a brat?" he mused.

Eren ignored that and began looking through the selection of games. They had both Monopoly and Apples to Apples, but no Candy Land. There were a variation of others, but Eren had his heart pretty much set on Monopoly.

"Isn't this one of those games you can't really play with two people?" Levi asked.

"It's okay. We'll make it work."

So they set it up. Eren chose the little Scottie dog while Levi selected the top hat. Eren distributed the money and took charge of being the banker, being better at math than Levi. The game commenced, and despite only having two people, Eren found himself enjoying it. He bought every property he landed on, causing his stash to dwindle whereas Levi was more conservative. Eren's 'recklessness with money' as Levi so put it paid off, though, because he started bringing in money by the buttload from his scowling opponent. He built several houses and then made them hotels. Levi ended up in jail for rolling doubles too many times. He playfully accused Eren for cheating by not giving the correct change or jipping him out of money at the bank. Eventually all that seemed to keep the raven afloat was collecting $200 for passing go and he finally forfeit. Eren didn't even bother counting his money.

Once all of the game items were replaced into the box and the games organized back into the bigger box, Levi got up to scrounge for food. Eren moved up onto the couch and sneezed for probably the fifteenth time that day.

"Feeling any better?" Levi asked, rejoining him with a plate of reheated lasagna that Eren declined to share.

"No," he said quietly.

Levi frowned. "Worse?"

Eren nodded regretfully. The raven reached over and felt his forehead using the back of his hand. He still felt much too warm.

"You should probably go lay back down," he murmured. "Take some more ibuprofen. Maybe eat something."

"Not hungry..."

"Food will help. There's more soup, if you'd like."

Eren shook his head. "You eat. I'll go lay down. But come when you're done, okay?"

"Alright."

Eren stood up mid-yawn to disappear down the hall. Levi finished his food and cleaned up swiftly, eager to join Eren. The younger was curled up under the blankets, the only visible part of him being a tuft of his hair. The raven crawled in next to him. Despite his hot skin and the warm blankets, the brunet was shivering.

"Monopoly too much for you?" he joked softly.

"I think it was the spider," Eren mumbled with a small laugh.

"Nerd," Levi said lovingly, affectionately nuzzling the top of Eren's hair. "Are you really that afraid of spiders?"

"Do you think I could've faked that?" Eren asked.

"Hm, touché. Weirdo."

"You're the weirdo. Most people wouldn't have been able to nonchalantly grab a spider's nest and flush it like that."

"I think you know I'm not most people."

"Touché yourself."

"So you really won't kiss me?"

"Yes. I shouldn't even be this close to you."

"Don't you dare move."

"Hmm, too tired to move. Don't worry."

"Good." Still, Levi tightened his grip on Eren's waist for good measure. "But I still want you to kiss me."

"Do you wanna be sick?"

"Who cares if we're sick together?"

"It's not fun..."

"I've had worse."

"Hm, yeah. You're right."

"So?"

" _You_ kiss _me_ if you're so eager."

"So complicated," Levi sighed as he tilted Eren's chin up before pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his hot lips. A pleasant shiver went down both their spines; Eren smiled into the kiss.

"And now you're doomed," he hushed.

"Worth it."

Still smiling, Eren tucked his head into Levi's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Is it okay if I sleep a little?"

"You don't have to ask."

"Answer anyway."

"Of course it is."

"'Kay. Thank you. Love you."

"I love you too, shitty brat. Feel better soon."

_*~Sober Journal Entry #2~*_

_My precious, childish, willful, beautiful, bright-eyed little brat. You make me feel free...so free in fact that at times I momentarily forget my damnation. You cause me to forget that premature death by disease as consequences for reckless choices awaits me. Make me forget that I'm a weak creature who is afraid of his own memories. You make me feel alive, make me want to live and love you._

_I often wonder where I would be without you. Heaven? Doubtful. Hell? Probable. An aimlessly wandering soul? Perhaps. I'm certain death would have consumed me if not for your relentless tenaciousness._

_..._

_Strangely enough, I have dreams of the future intertwined with my nightmares of the past, and every single one includes your smiling face and bright eyes. And I want it. My god, I want it more than you could ever imagine. It almost feels as if I could reach out and touch paradise, my other hand locked around yours._

_These are probably nothing more than foolish, unreachable, unrealistic visions. By the way of the universe, there's almost no outcome that will allow me to have you forever. These diseases are stronger than I am; if nothing else, death will take me before any of that could be within reach. It knows I don't deserve you._

_And still I continue to allow myself the pleasure of these fantasies. Even if none of them may never become reality, the thought is something of a comfort. An indulgence._

_Even without the wild ideas swimming around in my mind, just waking up to your smiling face, I have found, has been enough for me. Feeling your warmth, being in your arms, simply hearing the sound of your heartbeat is all I've discovered I really need. You give me the strength I need to fight these demons, and though I know the inevitability that it'll be a losing battle, fight I will._

_You're a brat. An idiot. A nerd. But you're_ my _brat, idiot, and nerd. I truly would not trade you for a damn thing. Thank you, Eren, for staying with me as unworthy as I am._

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and guuuyyysss I won my first year of NaNoWriMo earlier today~ :D


	20. •~Chapter Twenty~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry this is so late! I've had a super busy week and kept forgetting about it, and I feel horrible. >.

102.2° peaked Eren's fever that day, leaving his body a mess of shivers from the cold contrast of the surrounding air to his skin. Levi never left his side and in fact had prepared to haul him to the hospital if his fever got any worse. It didn't, though, and eventually his temperature decreased back down to a safer range.

Levi himself, on the other hand, only ended up with slight sinus congestion and a mild headache despite having lost count of how many times he'd kissed Eren or how long he spent around the sick male.

Presently, Levi was leaving the shop after a three hour session of tattooing the outline of a fairy on a man's back. He was still mildly buzzed from his tattoo reverie, something he'd found to be stronger and more enjoyable since getting sober. He only spared the others inside - Petra, Reiner, and Alex - an absent wave over the shoulder as he stepped out into the almost searing weather to cross the parking lot and hop into his car. He reached Eren's house in no time, where his bright-eyed lover was just stepping out of his house as if he knew the raven was coming. He hugged his mother goodbye, ruffled his sister's hair, and bounded down the walk to meet Levi at the curb.

"Hey," he breathed, slipping into the passenger's seat as Levi was waving at the females on the porch before pulling away from the curb.

"Hey," he said back in a calm baritone.

"How was work?"

"Same old." He glanced over at the brunet. "I see you're not covered in dust this time."

Eren chuckled. "I made sure to wash up before you arrived."

"Good call. So how'd it go?"

"Fine," said Eren simply.

"Find any more photo albums?" Levi joked with a small smirk.

"Hmph, no. Thankfully."

The raven snickered in response.

On his day off while Levi had the one session to do, Eren went back to his mother's to help her finish clean their attic. There hadn't been much left to do, so he'd been able to finish before Levi had arrived.

"Mom sent some left over food for us," Eren said once they were back in the apartment, fishing in his bag for a large Tupperware container full of Chicken Alfredo. "Hungry?"

"Not really." Levi took the bowl and stashed it neatly in the fridge among other leftovers they had yet to consume. With that, he took Eren's hand and pulled him to his feet from the couch. "Come with me," he said. "I have something I want to show you."

Eagerly, Eren followed his companion down the hall and into the bedroom where Levi sat on the bed, crossing his legs and pulling Eren down along with him. The two assumed their usual, natural position - facing each other with legs crossed, knees touching. With that, Levi's nimble fingers began unbuttoning his shirt. Mildly confused, Eren's brows raised as he watched, admittedly a little excited.

The raven found himself involuntarily holding his breath as he bared his torso to the younger man in front of him, whose eyes roamed over it, filled with curiosity and some form of analysis. He knew his bare body wasn't a pretty sight; he was still much too skinny and although had been gaining the weight he needed in both muscle and meat, wasn't nearly pleased with the way he looked. Though Eren had seen him half naked many times prior, even when he was much worse than this, it still made him nervous, especially as he was inviting Eren to look, wanting him to see the addition to his chest.

The brunet's eyes filled with fascination and even more curiosity as he took in the sight before him. His gaze automatically landed on the ink in the dead center of Levi's chest, right above where his heart beat strong. A long minute passed as Eren studied it. It was a fairly intricate yet simple tattoo of a Japanese character. It made no sense to him but didn't fail to fascinate him. Slowly, he lifted a hand to extend toward it. His eyes flickered up to the raven's in question; when he nodded in confirmation, Eren gently traced a few of the lines, unaware of the very edges of his lips twitching into the subtlest of grins. Gently, he spread his palm out over the tattoo. It was just slightly smaller than his entire hand; beneath it, he could feel the familiar thumping of Levi's heart.

"What does it say?" he murmured after a minute without averting his eyes from his hand on Levi's chest and the way it seemed to fit there so easily and naturally, almost like a puzzle piece.

" _Tatakai_." Levi articulated the words so smoothly it suggested he was fluent in the language. Finally, Eren met his calm gray orbs.

"And that means...?" he prompted.

" _Fight_ ," he translated.

A fleeting flicker of confusion crossed Eren's features before the realization settled in.

"Oh..." he murmured in awe."Is it...what I think...?"

Levi nodded firmly. "Yes. It's what you think it means. Exactly that."

Blinking, Eren looked down at the visible ink between his fingers, remembering.

_"And now you're **fighting**...whether it's because of me or not. And you have to **fight** in order to win. There's no other way._

_"I'm not gonna let you drown. You have a chance to beat this. I know you do. You have that **fight** in your heart. I've seen it in your eyes. You just have to find it, but you don't have to be alone while you do. I'm just...trying to understand as best I can. All I want is to see you smile. Genuinely."_

_"That's what I'm saying. It's what I mean about the **fight** in you. You have it. If given a reason, you can **fight**. And you can win."_

_"You have to **fight** it. I believe in you."_

_"Now I'm certain you're gonna be okay. I was right about the **fight** in you. I'm happy that you can see it now, too."_

The brunet removed his hand from Levi's chest, only for said man to capture it in his own and press a soft kiss to his knuckles. "Do you like it?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Eren said with a nod. "I do."

"Good. I do, too."

"Who did you have do it?"

"Petra, a few weeks ago."

"Did it hurt?"

"Of course it hurt. But it's more than worth it."

Finally, a smile broke out across Eren's face, lighting up Levi's world along with it. He squeezed the raven's fingers as he continued to study the tattoo. He wanted to memorize it. He wanted to remember exactly how it looked - where the lines were, how they intersected, how they were filled in, the exact position on Levi's body.

"What's that dopey grin for, brat?" Levi asked.

"Nothing...I-I just...I feel kind of honored," he admitted sheepishly.

"Good. You should." With that, Levi reached out to wrap his free hand around the back of Eren's neck, pulling him forward and claiming his lips in an affectionate kiss. Eren leaned closer, trying to communicate his love for the man through his lips. His left hand abandoned Levi's to slide around his waist beneath the shirt that still clung to his shoulders. In the past, this would have had the raven flinching or freezing up, even pulling away. But he didn't. He only deepened the affection, snaking both arms around his neck and pulling him as close as their bodies would allow. He trusted Eren, trusted that he wouldn't hurt or judge him, trusted him to keep him safe.

And that was what had Eren pulling away, ending the kiss and bringing his hands back into his lap while biting his lip. The atmosphere took a hard left toward nervous tension.

"What's the matter?" Levi asked, studying the brunet's suddenly distressed features with a hard frown.

Eren said nothing. He gulped and reached back, gently removing Levi's arms and then taking hold of the back of his shirt. Unsteadily, he looked his companion in the eyes. "Promise you won't judge me?" he asked.

"Of course I won't. What do you mean? What are you doing?"

Drawing in a shaky breath, Eren said, "I'm being fair."

He didn't wait for a reaction as he slid his shirt over his head, tousling his hair in the process. His hands shook as he removed it completely and balled it up in his lap to grip tight while he allowed Levi to take in the mess of his torso. It was Eren's turn to hold his breath while he watched Levi's eyes travel over the planes of his upper body.

Levi could feel the uneasiness radiating off of the other as he took it all in. Eren's skin was smooth with a tan line dipping below his collarbone that was nicely prominent. He was averagely toned, the modest hint of a six pack beneath his warm brown skin. His ribs were visible, but not in a sickly manner the way Levi saw his own to be. He had a nice body, much to Levi's pleasure...

...but he hadn't been lying about bearing his own scars. A vast number of them marked up that otherwise smooth skin, particularly around his hips and ribs. They collected a bit on his stomach and the lower one looked, the more scars were to be found. They crisscrossed each other all over and bore striking resemblance to the ones on Levi's arms - horrifyingly straight and precise, some longer than others, some darker, indicating the depth when it was once a bleeding wound.

Before he knew it, Levi found his hand stretching toward Eren. He stopped abruptly to meet those large green eyes.

"May I?" he murmured.

With his lip trapped between his teeth and his brows clearly expressing his anxiety, Eren gave a curt nod.

First, Levi took the younger's hands to move his arms out of the way. He squeezed before releasing one to extend it forward once more. His fingertips barely brushed Eren's skin over the left side of his ribcage. As expected, the skin was soft yet bumpy from the blemishes that he never took his eyes off of.

"I-I know this isn't exactly fair, your tattoo being beautiful while my body is hideous, but-"

"Shh," Levi cut him off. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and waited.

Levi let his fingers trail over all of the visible markings, down to his hip, across, and gently back up. His touch left Eren's skin a mess of goosebumps as he barely brushed him with almost no contact at all.

That moment was a clearing in a sense for the raven. His eyes opened to the understanding of so many things Eren had told him in the past six months - that he was worth it; that he deserved to live and be happy; that he meant something to the world. Every time Eren said it, he never fully believed it. He'd been chained to the idea that the world would be just fine without him, and he knew it would be. Still, that didn't mean he meant absolutely nothing to anyone or anything. Even if it was just to Eren, he had worth. He'd survived his struggles for a reason - be that reason Eren, Alex, his many satisfied clients, or a combination of all three, he didn't know. Even with his demon nagging away in his mind, continuously telling him he was a useless human being, or something classified lower than that, he could believe Eren's words. The demon would always be there - the minute he let his life spiral down a path that would do permanent damage, that was inevitable - but that didn't mean he had to let it win.

And it was the same for Eren, who'd dealt with his own struggles personified right on his body, right before Levi's loving gaze. He was worth so much more than imaginable. He meant absolutely everything to Levi, and as much as he knew he probably didn't deserve it, he knew for Eren it was worth it. If it wasn't, he wouldn't have been able to build up the trust to open himself up to the raven like this and show him his deepest insecurities.

And that was what they needed. To trust each other. To love each other. Fully and completely, they needed each other.

Eren's breathing hitched lightly as Levi traced the last of his scars. He trailed his hand up to cup Eren's smooth, rosy cheek.

"You are not hideous," Levi murmured, looking deeply into those sparkling orbs. "I promised I wouldn't judge you, and I will not break that."

Eren swallowed hard, audibly. "Y-you still love me even though I look like this? Even though you've seen the awful things I've done to myself?"

"Eren." Levi looked into his eyes more seriously and sincerely than Eren had ever seen him before; he almost melted under that gaze. "Do you still love me, even though you've seen me puke my guts up, cough out a lung, and my disgusting naked body before I went to rehab?"

Eren nodded solemnly. That was one question for him that was pitifully easy to answer. "That stuff doesn't matter to me," he said.

Levi raised his brows, waiting for Eren to get it. When he did, a flurry of emotions crossed his face - mild confusion, realization, understanding, and then embarrassment. He dropped his gaze and muttered a soft "oh".

"Exactly. If anything, your scars only prove how strong you are, and you know you've told me that before."

Eren could feel the heat rising through his neck to his face; he was sure Levi could feel it beneath his palm. "Yeah, I have," he murmured. "I'm sorry. I know it's stupid...being so insecure like this when I've seen you...l-like that."

Levi shook his head. "I'm just glad you finally trust me enough for this."

Eren's head snapped up, his eyes widening. "You think I didn't trust you?" The raven half-shrugged. "No, Levi, no no no. That's not the case at all. I trust you more than anyone. I was just afraid...that maybe you would see me differently. Or that it would hurt you. Or trigger something. And I didn't want that to happen."

"Shitty brat," Levi murmured. "You're always thinking of me." He brushed his hair back gently. "But thank you."

Eren nodded; his hand came back up to rest over Levi's heart. "I love you."

"I love you, too," responded the raven, covering Eren's hand with his own and leaning in for a deep kiss. From the moment their lips collided, Eren's stomach erupted with butterflies while Levi's nerves came alive with electricity. Eventually, Eren's hand abandoned Levi's again to slide once more around his waist while the older's arms locked securely around his neck. They pressed closer and closer until Levi ended up in his companion's lap, throwing affection and intimacy into his actions, the whisper of their lips moving in perfect synchronization the only thing filling the air. As Levi's hand came up to tangle through Eren's impossibly soft chocolate locks, he nibbled on his lip, earning the quietest whimper of pleasure from the younger male. He gently coaxed his lips open to slide his tongue in between, exploring the cavern of Eren's mouth, coiling his tongue around the other's in an almost playful manner. Levi himself let out a low groan as Eren trapped his lower lip between his teeth ever so delicately, pulled a bit, and then released.

"We're gonna have to breathe sometime," he breathed, barely moving away from the raven.

"Fuck breathing," Levi growled, and with that laid back while pulling the younger with him, fervently connecting their lips again.

Humming huskily in delight, Eren pressed several more harsh, bruising kisses to Levi's lips before he trailed away, nipping delicately at his jaw, nibbling at his earlobe, trailing his lips to the raven's neck. Levi drew in a light gasp at the warmth meeting his skin as Eren's damp lips searched for his sweet spots. He reclined his head as far back into the pillows as he could, giving his lover the best access possible and nearly arching his back off of the bed as best he could. All the while he had his own lip trapped between his teeth, thoroughly enjoying Eren's kissing, nipping, nibbling, and sucking across his neck and throat, even peppering his tattoos with love bites.

Eren felt _good_. Really good, with his warm skin pressed up against Levi's, his fingers rubbing his shoulders. He was positioned between Levi's knees, who had them propped up and pressed to Eren's hips as if that would better hold him down. Curious, Eren gave a testing grind of his hips down against Levi. The raven sucked in a surprised gasp that ended in a sensual groan. He lifted his hips, trying desperately to maintain the friction against his groin. As his lips trailed to Levi's collarbone, he gave another grind, harder than the last. The two moaned in unison; Levi's nails bit into the skin of Eren's back and he could feel the front of his pants growing tighter and tighter. Eren ground down again even harder, feeling this too.

"Eren..!" he gasped, involuntarily dragging his nails toward Eren's ribs.

The younger's breaths were coming in soft pants now as he picked up something of a rhythm, sliding his fingers down to grip Levi's hips in order to better hold him.

And suddenly Eren's hands weren't his anymore. They were smaller but rougher, lighter in color with nails biting into his skin harshly enough to draw blood. Painful heat rose behind Levi's eyes and his vision blotted out momentarily. When it cleared again, his surroundings were not his bedroom and the person above him was not Eren. Instead of the deep, husky, sexy moans he was hearing a moment ago, it was a higher pitched and rough voice meeting his ears. He was being held down and violated - his muscles stretched in damn near unnatural ways, being touched ruthlessly all over, down to the most private parts of himself. The pleasure from moments ago was now pain. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Couldn't find his voice. He'd gone still and stiffened up in the way his body defaulted to when this happened. As much as he wanted to fight, to find his way out, he couldn't so much as blink.

His mind flashed in and out, back and forth between the present and the past. Both were painful and terrifying with the overwhelming urge that he was being held against his will...

"S-stop," he managed to choke out. "Eren, please...stop..."

And suddenly the red haired woman was ten feet away from him. Cold air washed over his feverish skin and he dragged in a shaky, strangled sounding breath. Gradually, his vision cleared back to the scene of his bedroom - his familiar bed under the bare skin of his back, the midday light shining in the windows, the popcorn ceiling overhead. Despite his shakiness, he swallowed hard and forced himself to prop up on an elbow.

His eyes found Eren all the way on the other side of the room, his face ridden with fear, guilt, remorse. Those bright eyes were wide and stating at Levi, shimmering with the tears constantly flooding from them. He was pressed against the dresser, gripping it so tight his fingers were white.

"I-I'm so sorry, Levi," he stammered almost hysterically. "I-I d-didn't mean to...I didn't want t-to hurt you...I-I wasn't careful...I'm...I'm sorry, s-so sorry..." A sob broke from his chest, consuming his pretty much unintelligible babbling.

Levi sat up all the way, swallowing hard. "It's okay, Eren," he said in a much scratchier baritone than anticipated.

"N-no, it's not. I-I didn't...y-you..."

A shudder snaked down Levi's spine; he pulled one arm across himself to grip the opposite shoulder. The look on Eren's face absolutely broke his heart. He _needed_ to fix this.

"Eren, please-" He lifted a shaking hand out to his lover, who unexpectedly flinched away, shaking his head.

"No, Levi. I-I should go...I should get away from you..." He snatched his shirt off of the floor and started pulling it on. "I'll be back...in a while, I think. If you don't want me to come back, just t-text me..."

And before Levi could protest, he'd disappeared down the hall. The front door opened and shut before he had time to blink, leaving the apartment in total silence.

Levi stared at nothing for a long while, his fist pressed to his churning stomach. Part of him felt the need to throw up. The rest was numb while his mind let what just happened sink in.

Slowly, he let his eyes trail down to his arms, to his scars - particularly the word on the left one.

_Monster._

Yeah, he was a monster alright. He'd hurt Eren again. The one time he thought he could make him happy, the darkness of his monstrous past resurface and ruined it. If he'd just been stronger back then, or quicker...if he hadn't been such a coward, maybe he wouldn't have had such a traumatic memory to hold him back. But he had been a coward and in the end only managed to inflict more damage on the absolute most precious, most important thing in his life. They couldn't even make love the way they wanted to, and he was solely the one to blame. He'd been a monster since birth.

And he knew he didn't deserve Eren anyway. So maybe this was good. Maybe Eren would go out there and find someone that could love him better than Levi could. He considered texting him; considered what he'd say.

_'Don't come back. Not because I don't want you, but because you deserve better than me.'_

_'I've locked the door. I don't want to hurt you anymore.'_

_'I'm sorry. I love you. But go home to your family. Your friends. Be happy. Be free.'_

Several things he could've said swarmed around in his mind, but he could not bring himself to reach for his phone, let alone type out a message and hit the send button. He wanted Eren to come back. Needed him to. Needed to fix things in person at the very least.

Eventually, he could no longer bear sitting there. He got up and shuffled into the bathroom to relieve himself, avoiding his reflection at all costs. He redressed himself and tidied up the dresser of things Eren had knocked over in his haste to get off the bed. Wiped it down for good measure. He then stuffed his headphones in his ears, plugged them in, and cranked the volume high before curling up with Akane, willing himself to sleep with his hand on his phone, just in case.

The precaution turned out to be useful because a while later its buzzing had him waking up. Immediately at full alertness, he unlocked it to read the message from Eren.

|Do you want me to come back...?|

Levi did not hesitate in his response.

|Yes. Come home.|

Blowing out a deep breath, he raked his fingers through his hair and removed his headphones to neatly coil up and place in the drawer next to the bed. He then slid out of bed and shuffled down to the living room, flipped the television on for background noise, and sauntered into the kitchen. Aware of his empty (although knotted) stomach, he pulled out the Chicken Alfredo and put part of it in a pan on the stove to heat. He made tea, too, knowing it would be useful in calming his nerves. He made enough food for two, desperately hoping Eren would be back in time to join him for dinner.

He set the table with two bowls and cups for the tea, organizing it neatly with napkins and forks. He popped some garlic bread in the oven last minute, knowing Eren was a sucker for the stuff.

The closer the food was to being ready, the more hopelessness he felt that Eren would return, at least for that night. However, he was halfway through serving the Alfredo into the first bowl when the familiar click of the knob and sound of the door opening met his ears. Stomach clenching nervously, he turned to find the brunet stepping back into the apartment. He looked better than when he'd left, though his hair was a mess and his puffy, bloodshot eyes radiated immense guilt.

He had trouble meeting the raven's eyes, so focused on kicking his shoes off and neatly stacking them in the doorway and then hanging his keys. But without anything else to distract him, he was forced to look up at his...companion...

"Hey," Levi murmured after a minute.

"H-hey," he mumbled in a voice gravelly from crying.

"Hungry?" Levi asked, holding up the pan of pasta.

Silently, Eren nodded and made his way to the table as Levi filled his bowl and served one of his favorite foods ever - garlic bread.

"Tea or milk?" Levi asked, pouring his own tea.

Noting the extra cup on the counter, Eren said, "Tea is fine. Thank you."

The two sat down to eat, an awkward kind of tension filling the air between them.

"Where did you go?" Levi asked.

"Armin's."

"Hmm. And how is he?"

"He's good."

"And your mother and sister? I forgot to ask earlier."

"They're good, too. How's Alex?"

"She's...Alex."

Eren merely nodded, slowly twirling the noodles around his fork. They both hated the small talk, hated the uneasiness. They knew they had to talk about it, but neither wanted to be the first to bring it up.

The meal was finished in silence, as well as the washing of dishes - Levi washing and Eren drying, the same way it worked with his mother.

Once all of the dishes were clean and put away, Levi said, "I'm gonna go shower." Purposefully, he stretched up onto his toes and pressed a soft kiss to Eren's cheek, a silent way of saying, _'I still love you no matter what.'_

Eren watched him disappear into the bathroom before he started scrounging up blankets and pillows. With the Afghan on the back of the couch near the door, another in the linen closet, and settling for a throw pillow, he worked on setting up his bed on the smaller of the couches. He knew he could've used the bigger, but for one he was used to the smaller and two, he wasn't a particular fan of sleeping so near the door. He shut the television off and snuggled down into his bed, trying to push aside the memory of Levi's broken pleas from beneath him...

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Sleeping?" he mumbled innocently. Sighing, Levi slid his hands into the pocket of the hoodie he sported as he stepped into the living room to take a tentative seat on the edge of the coffee table as Eren sat up, his slender fingers wrapping around the edge of the blanket he was under. Levi knew why Eren elected to use the couch as his bed instead of sleeping in the bedroom like normal, and he hated the reason.

"You're in here because of what happened earlier," he said quietly, steadily meeting Eren's teal gaze.

"I don't know..." the brunet said. As much as he wanted to, though, he couldn't tear his eyes from Levi's face.

"Are you trying to punish yourself?"

"No...I dunno..." He swallowed hard, both visibly and audibly, and watched as Levi stood and moved to the couch with him, crossing his legs and facing him directly. The brunet wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, to take his hand or even pull him into his arms, his lap, but refrained. After what happened earlier, he feared that any contact would only do harm in one form or another. He instead gripped the blanket tighter.

"What happened wasn't your fault, you know. Why are you doing this?" asked the raven, eyes narrowing to search Eren's for answers.

"I...I should've known, Levi. I should have been more careful. But I let my stupid desires take over and it did nothing but bring more harm to you. I should've been mindful..." His sentence trailed off and he bit his lip out of habit.

"Eren, honestly, you can't go blaming yourself every time something like this happens." The younger remained quiet. A long moment of silence passed, ending when Levi blew out a long breath. "So that's it? Now you're not going to touch me? Not even hold my hand?"

Still, Eren said nothing. Remained still. With the memory of Levi's pleas for him to stop so fresh in his head, he couldn't bring himself to make contact with Levi, almost like he was afraid he might crumble at the slightest gust of air. His mind fought between the fragile Levi he remembered from months ago and the stronger one he knew now. That afternoon had been a reminder that he was still fragile, still broken in so many ways that Eren was afraid he couldn't fix, or even sew up.

Levi's face fell into his hand. He pinched the bridge of his nose, head shaking back and forth ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry, Eren...I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you want," he murmured in a much quieter tone.

"So now _you're_ the one blaming himself?"

"Fuck, Eren, how can I not? Maybe if _I_ had been more careful, or if I'd just fought harder back then, or told somebody..." His voice cracked at the very end, again reminding Eren of his inner brokenness. Reminding him of how scarred he was because of wounds that were never treated, never even bandaged.

And suddenly Eren realized this was a wound that was still bleeding, ten years later. The memory of that woman doing detestable, unforgivable things to him had never been patched up; the skin had never grown back. It had merely been covered up by a dirty cloth - the drugs - and now that the cloth was gone, it was left to bleed again. And a person could only lose so much blood.

Pressing his lips tightly together, Eren reached out with hesitance and gently took Levis fingers in his hand. As he had from the beginning, he wanted to be the thing to help Levi get through things like this. Wanted to support him while he found himself again. Just because they'd found a normal routine, found a comfortable way of life didn't mean Levi didn't struggle on a daily basis. He'd made a promise - a pinkie swear, at that - to be there for the man he loved. And he would be, even if he was afraid.

The sensation of Eren's fingers was enough to get Levi to look back up while wrapping his whole hand around Eren's, holding tight. He could feel himself trembling internally, but spoke anyway.

"I thought I was ready...but to be honest with you, I've never had sex without being under the influence of _some_ drug. I thought I could do it, but now I get that the drugs were the reason I was able to do it before. And now that I actually _want_ it...now that I've found someone I love to want in that way...hell, I'm sorry." The shakiness snaked into his voice and his breath.

"But it's not your fault. I'm the one who took it too far without thinking..." Eren retorted softly.

"So you're sleeping on the couch as a result?"

"I could go home, if...if you want me to..."

"God, no Eren. No. That's not what I want. At all. I only want you to go if _you_ want to." To make a point, he tightened his fingers further.

Eren's gaze drifted down to their hands. "I don't. I just don't wanna hurt you again."

"It was a _mistake_ , Eren. An _accident_. I know you didn't mean to do it."

"So then...you forgive me?"

"Do you need me to say it?"

The brunet gave a small nod.

"Yes, Eren. I forgive you."

"Are you okay, though?" He searched Levi's eyes for his answer.

"I've been better," said the raven honestly. "But I've been worse. And it was worse when you were gone."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. Come here."

Levi pulled on Eren's hand, coaxing him to move closer before he leaned forward himself and slid his arms around Eren's ribs, pressing his face into his warm neck and inhaling slowly. In turn, Eren's arms wrapped around his shoulders and he rocked back and forth gently.

"Levi?"

"Hmm?"

"If...if we're ever in a situation like that again and it gets to be too much...I mean, if I hurt you or I go too far, I want you to tell me right away. And I promise to be more careful."

"Hn, you say 'if' like it might not happen again."

Eren's lashes fluttered. "Are you saying you want it to?"

Levi lifted his head, studying Eren's soft features for a moment. "Yeah, I'd like it to. Without the shitty flashback, of course. I was...enjoying myself," he admitted a bit sheepishly.

Eren let out a soft chuckle. "I was, too."

"I'm just not sure of my limits. I didn't expect it, and then suddenly you were touching my hips and it hit me like a fucking train."

Eren nodded slowly in consideration. "Touching you there triggered the memory," he said quietly.

"I suppose so."

"Maybe..."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe slowly, we can change that?" His face twisted up in a strange manner that made him look constipated. "Or maybe not. I don't know."

"We can try," Levi said.

"D-do you want to?"

The raven nodded. "If you do, I'm willing."

"I do."

"Alright. Then we'll work on it."

"Okay. But like I said..."

"Mm-hmm. So, you still wanna sleep on the couch?"

"Um..."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Just come on, brat. Let's go watch a movie or something." Levi stood and pulled the younger along with.

"Wait, I should put these blankets back first."

"Later."

The brunet stopped short, causing the smaller of the two to turn and raise a thin brow in question.

"Are you feeling okay?" Eren asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"It's not like you to let me leave a mess."

"Tch, please. It's not that messy, and I'm not as big of a so-called clean freak as you think." He yanked his hand again and headed toward the bedroom.

Eren laughed. "Come on, Levi. You're a huge clean freak."

"Watch it, brat."

Eren giggled softly as he went to shuffle out a pair of pajamas. Out of habit, he started for the bathroom to change before he realized that was no longer necessary; Levi had seen his scars and after that conversation, he felt more comfortable changing in front of his companion. He stood in the corner of the room, pulling his short over his head to replace it with muscle shirt and then kick his jeans off to replace them with sweats. He felt eyes on him the whole time and was desperate to hide his mild embarrassment, so made the excuse to brush his teeth and disappeared into the bathroom. Upon returning, he found Levi lounging back against his many pillows with the TV remote in his hand, flipping through movie channels. For once, Eren didn't feel the need to ask if he wanted him to stay; he'd already said he wanted him to come back, and that was enough. So he ventured over to the bed and crawled in next to Levi without touching him.

"Don't be a brat," Levi muttered, automatically moving toward him and leaning against his side.

Smiling, Eren slid his arms around Levi's ribs and pulled him close, burying his nose in those damp black locks. He remained gentle, still mildly timid because of earlier events, but it was hard not to take Levi into his arms, to keep him close. Sometimes he was afraid Levi might drift away, like a sandal being lost in the current of a stream and someone running after it, trying to catch up and snatch it but being too slow and thus, losing one half of the pair of shoes forever.

It felt so silly to be comparing his relationship to a pair of shoes and that whole 'other half' thing that sappy lovers always rambled on about. Still, it was undeniable that the two needed to find each other. They had both needed someone when they found each other, had both been struggling to keep their heads above the water. And by some force of the universe or God or fate or whatever one wanted to call it, they crossed paths. And now they were walking side by side, hand in hand. It wasn't skipping merrily off into the sunset with 'happily ever after' because they both still struggled. The difference was each other. They had each other, and in the strangest of ways, that made things that much more bearable, with something real and warm to hold onto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheesy-ass ending. Sorry. ^~^;;


	21. •~Chapter Twenty One~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at this consistent updating thing, if you hadn't noticed... /.\

"What the hell are you so deep in thought about?" Levi was asking, peering up at his lover through narrow eyes. Eren was gazing absently off into space, chewing on his lip.

"Huh?" he mumbled stupidly. "Oh. Nothing."

"Hmm, sure."

Eren's smile returned and he bent down to place a chaste kiss on Levi's waiting lips. The raven reached up and held his head down longer, dragging out the kiss as long as he possibly could before Eren broke away with a breathy chuckle.

"So greedy," he teased lightly.

"Shut up," grumbled the raven, kissing him once more, this time quickly. He then slithered out of Eren's grasp and tossed him the television remote. "Pick a movie."

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere." He moved to the end of the bed to pull something from the dresser and then slip his hoodie over his head, revealing he hadn't worn anything beneath it. With the quick second he had, Eren studied the tattoos on Levi's back, ones he knew about but hadn't really _looked_ at until that moment.

"Levi?"

"Yes?"

"Will you...tell me about your tattoos?"

The raven turned halfway through pulling on a T-shirt. "What about them?"

Eren shrugged. "I wanna know the stories behind them all. I mean, if you're willing to tell me."

Levi seemed to consider it for a second before he pulled the t-shirt back off and crawled back up toward the brunet. "Alright," he said. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Hmm, start with the first one you got."

Levi's eyes descended to his right wrist to the faded, gnarled line stretching across his veins and tendons. Eren's eyes followed.

"I got this when I was fifteen," Levi murmured. "I don't think I have to tell you what it means."

With a feather light touch, Eren traced along the line using the very tip of his finger. He stopped before it flat-lined to press his palm to Levi's.

"Did you do it yourself?"

"No. I hadn't figured out the old tattoo machine yet. I had a...friend-" He used the word tentatively "-whose brother gave tattoos."

"Hmm."

"Besides, I'm not left handed."

"Oh. Right."

"I did do this one myself, though..." He gathered his pant leg all the way up to his thigh, revealing a very intricate pattern of swirls and designs. It stretched from his hip all the way to just a few inches above his knee, and was colorless and lacked any shade. It consisted of only lines, and yet in just those simple markings was a kind of vibe that was undeniably Levi.

"Whoa," Eren breathed in awe, leaning down to study the piece more closely. There were the tiniest of details hidden throughout the work. Some of the swirly lines shaped into different things - leaves, a pair of eyes, a skull. "When did you do this?"

"I was twenty-two, high on something I don't care to name. I started doodling with a pen and decided to finish it with some real ink. When I woke up the next morning, I had almost no memory of doing it, and I didn't remember the pain."

Eren's brows furrowed. He couldn't imagine what Levi must've had coursing through his bloodstream that was potent enough to erase his memory of the pain of a tattoo. Part of him wanted to know, but a stronger part convinced him ignorance was bliss, so he didn't ask.

"Is this the only one you did yourself?"

"Yes."

"Can I touch?"

The raven nodded. Eren let his fingers trail over the ink. His nerves could barely pick out the bumps of it as he allowed his fingers to trace the lines, noting the goosebumps rising on his skin. He made sure to keep his contact as light, remembering his thighs were one of Levi's sensitive areas. Eventually, Levi took his hand to lace his fingers through, drawing it away from his thigh and pulling his pant leg back into place.

"That's incredible," Eren stated.

"Eh," Levi muttered. "It's really nothing special."

"Please," Eren responded, rolling his eyes a split second before he realized he'd just picked up on Levi's habits. "You're amazing. I don't know why you think you're so mediocre."

"Hn, if you say so."

"I do." Eren punctuated his words with a soft kiss to the tip of Levi's nose. He then tapped the raven's left side, the one sporting the gnarled, dead-looking tree. "Tell me about this one."

Levi twisted a bit to look at it himself. It wasn't one he looked at all that often, even in the mirror, despite it likely being the biggest of the nine he had.

"It's pretty simple," he said. "It's not all symbolic and meaningful. I sat down one day and started drawing, and it happened, and I decided I'd get it tattooed." He half-shrugged. "It did start out as a skeleton, though..."

Eren blinked stupidly. "How do you get a tree from a skeleton?"

The faintest of grins graced Levi's lips. He tugged on Eren's hand. "Come on, I want to show you something."

"Huh?"

"Just come."

He led the brunet into the bathroom, flipped the light on and shut the door. He faced the mirror behind it - long since replaced from his having broken it - holding his arm out of the way of the tattoo. Eren stared at him, evidently confused.

"There's a skeleton in it," he explained. "Look." He made sure Eren was watching before he traced the outlines of what looked to the brunet to be a dancing skeletal figure. His finger seemed to work magic as he pointed it out - the skull up near his armpit, the ribs on his own ribs, the pelvis following along and the legs, down to his hip where the toes blended in with the roots of the tree. One arm was lifted, following the curves of his body back around toward his shoulder blade. The other arm was more above its head, giving it the illusion of dancing. The most striking part about the piece, however, was how said skeleton blended completely into the tree. Unless you knew it was there, it was impossible to pick out.

"You're the only person to know about this," Levi said quietly. "I never told a soul that skeleton is there. And I hadn't planned to."

The younger tore his eyes from the tattoo to meet the older's eyes, which were already peering up at him.

"Why did you show me, then?"

"Tch." The raven dropped his arm back to his side. "As if that isn't obvious."

Eren's lips spread into a warm smile. "Thank you," he murmured.

"Hmph, whatever," Levi mumbled, quickly turning around to hide the blush rising to his cheeks. He reopened the door and strolled back into his bedroom with Eren in tow.

"When did you get that one?" Eren asked as they got comfortable again.

"My 22nd birthday. It was a birthday slash Christmas present."

"From who?"

"Let's just say I hung out with a lot of people with the same habits as me. We'll leave it at that."

Eren nodded. He could respect that.

Desperate to move on, the raven swiveled to the left to give Eren a better view of his right shoulder, where the upper part of his arm sported another piece. "This one has a story, though."

Eren directed his attention to it. It was the one that looked to him like overlapping wings - one dark and filled in, the other just outlines. "What is it?" he asked. This time he didn't ask as he lifted a finger to gently trace the art, memorizing it as he had with the others.

"I have...dreams," Levi began, a bit hesitantly. "I've had them for as long as I can remember. They're not all that frequent, but are easily the most vivid of any dreams I've had. Sometimes more vivid than real life." His voice took on a distant undertone; Eren could watch as his stormy eyes faded out of focus while his mind recounted said dreams. "They're...about humanity living behind giant walls that protect us from these giant man-eating creatures. And there's a military force who are responsible for fighting off these creatures...but so far it's a losing battle. And I guess I'm supposed to be the strongest soldier in that corps." He snorted humorlessly. "Ironic, huh? And somehow every time we go outside to fight more of the giants, so many people die. Ruthlessly. Somehow I always manage to make it back alive, as ridiculous is that is.

"People I know show up in these dreams, too, and most of them die...especially if I've actually lost them. Farlan. My mother and my aunt. A few other...'friends'. Some deaths are random, like Petra's. Reiner's shown up. Even my damn psychologist, who somehow ended up the commander of the entire regiment." He rolled his eyes. "Alex has been in a few. A few other family members." His voice dropped even further, causing Eren to have to strain to hear him. "Most of them have died. And I've seen them all firsthand. And what's strange is that once they've perished, they don't show up again, almost like it's some story taking place in another dimension or universe or something. I don't know." He shook himself and let his eyes come back to the focus of the room, to the lustrous gaze of Eren, who listened attentively. "The...the tattoo is the symbol they wear on their backs," he explained. "They're called the Wings of Freedom, representing how humanity wants to be free from the threat. How I have wanted to be free from my memories. I...I guess those walls represent the drugs and the man-eating monsters represent everyone I've been afraid of hurting me and everyone who has. It almost feels like they're always trying to get to me and end up just killing anyone who gets in their way. But still, I make it back alive."

At this point, Eren was gently running his fingers up and down Levi's arm, having noted his shaking and uneasiness from these dreams.

"I got this tattoo because I wanted to be free. From those people, from the drugs...both? I'm not sure. But the longer I live, the more I understand that I can never fully be free from either of those things."

"You can still live, though. You can still be free...while living with those things."

Levi couldn't meet Eren's eyes. Instead he focused on playing with the brunet's fingers. "And that's what leads me to your involvement in those dreams," he murmured. "You showed up and changed everything in there, just like you changed everything out here. You showed up as a naïve little kid with fire in your eyes, absolutely determined to eradicate those giants. And you came with the ability to turn into one of them yourself, but you stayed on our side and you fought them. And suddenly the odds were in our favor for the first time. You're determined in the dreams like you're determined in real life to save me...or whatever it is you're fighting for."

"You," Eren confirmed with a smile. "Duh."

The raven shook his head, something of his own smile manifesting on his face. "You're absolutely hopeless, kid. Never change."

Eren's smile only widened and he left a sloppy kiss on Levi's temple, earning a disgusted look and for his own saliva to be wiped back onto the back of his hand as Levi held it up to wipe it off.

"Anyway, it's all just one big metaphor. I don't know why I have those dreams. They could just be coincidence."

"I think it's interesting," Eren said. "But...what about your roses?" He gently used his fingers to turn Levi's head back toward the right to get a better view of said rose tattoo.

"Yeah, I suppose those have a story, too..." Levi positioned himself to directly face the brunet. "Count them," he instructed.

Eren raised a questioning brow but did it anyway. "Five," he said.

Levi started counting off on his fingers. "My mother, Farlan, Kenny, Hanji, Isabel." His voice cracked on the last name; he held his fingers up, five in total. "One rose for each important person in my life that I've lost."

"H-Hanji...?" Eren asked, the unfamiliar name stumbling off of his tongue. "You never told me about that person."

"I know. I never had any reason to until now."

"Who were they...?"

"Another friend." This time, the hesitation and tentativeness wasn't present when he said 'friend'. "Probably the person who knew me best before you came along. Another druggie...who was much crazier about that shit than anyone I've ever met, even myself. And that's why they're gone. Because of drugs. Because of an overdose." Levi's tone was monotonous. He stared blankly at Eren's chest, remembering the crazed eyes behind those thick lenses and the hysterical laughter, the disturbing amount of scientific formulas pouring out of that giant mouth that he would never in a million years understand.

"I met them because they wanted a tattoo. They didn't have any money but offered up an ounce of weed and enough acid for one hit. When I saw the tattoo design, I almost didn't do it, and I'm still not really sure what compelled me to. But I did it. Never did I think someone like Hanji would want a tattoo of their family crest, but I guess stranger things have happened." When Eren gave him a questioning look, he explained, "Hanji ran away from their family when they were seventeen. And I guess what's also weird is that they preferred to be called by their last name." Levi shook his head. "I never pretended to understand anything that lunatic ever did."

"What do you mean?"

"They were this... _obsessive_ chemistry geek. I mean, I'm 99% sure that was the only thing on their mind almost 24/7. I'll spare you the details, but they created different formulas of chemicals and shit to make new drugs and test them out. And in the end, that was what killed them. They..." He cleared his throat. "They died of accidental overdose the day after they gave me a drawing. And I was the one to find them." He visibly shuddered, his fingers involuntarily clamping around Eren's. Of course, he could still remember what they'd looked like in death - the crazed smile somehow still plastered on their lifeless face, their eyes wide open and staring at nothing, their broken glasses...

Eren automatically felt the tension and began rubbing his hands between his own in an attempt at comfort.

"Sorry," Levi muttered. Eren simply kissed his forehead.

"What was the drawing?" he asked.

"You want to know?"

Eren nodded. Slowly, reluctantly, he slid his hands from between Eren's and turned around so his back was facing the brunet instead. It sported the last two tattoos on Levi's body - one of a quote between his shoulder blades and the other of a fairy. It seemed strange for Levi to have a tattoo of a _fairy_ , but he did, and there it was.

It wasn't your typical fairy, flying and surrounded by magic and unicorns or however one imagined fairies. It held a defensive stance - its arms wrapped over its torso, one leg up. It stood on its toe with black ripples at the base, like it was standing in black water. Its face was almost angry, half of it covered by a curtain of fiery red hair. The striking part were the colors, though. Its skin was a vibrant shade of lavender while the wings were even brighter, a mixture of blues and greens. The wings were ripped, bearing multiple holes and tatters. Eren could easily tell why Levi sported this tattoo...could tell what it meant to him in more ways than one, and could see why he related to it.

"Hanji wasn't an artist to save their life. It was the drugs that allowed her to draw that. And I can't imagine what the hell she concocted to make them suddenly be able to do something like that."

"How old were you?" was Eren's simple question.

"Nineteen for the fairy, twenty for the roses."

Eren nodded, still inspecting the art. His eyes trailed up to the quote between his shoulder blades. Gently underlining it, he asked, "And what about this?"

"That one's...for Izzy," he said quietly. "Her favorite song. I know it's cheesy. A lot of people have those lyrics. But they meant something more to me."

Eren was nodding slowly as he read the quote over and over, taking in the detail of the intricate writing.

_"I hope you had the time of your life."_

Apart from the television cranked to a background noise volume, a long silence passed. Eren was at a loss for what to say. He knew the song. He could hear it in his head. And from what little he knew about the raven's little sister from Alex, he could make the connection.

Suddenly Eren was aware of Levi's trembling. He silently reached out and took hold of the raven's timid shoulders, causing the smaller man to lean back into the touch and reach up for his hand. Eren leaned back against the headboard, keeping Levi between his legs and in his arms. Sighing heavily, the older ran his fingers through his hair.

"I've really fucked up, haven't I?" he muttered, shutting his tired eyes.

"No."

"Hmm."

Eren left a soft kiss atop his black locks. He reached for the remote and turned the volume on the TV up, resting his chin on Levi's head and tracing absent, lazy circles on his arms while he let his mind get mesmerized by the movie playing. Levi pretended to pay attention, but instead his mind was wandering off...

He was remembering the faces of the people he used to care for. Isabel was the first. And then Hanji. Farlan. Kenny. Even his mother. People who were long, long gone. In a way he felt like it was punishment, those people being ripped away from him. He felt that he wasn't deserving of them, never had been and never would be. And that was why they were gone, leaving him alone.

And then he turned around and wanted to forget. Not them, but the pain. He wanted to erase the agony their deaths and disappearances from his life that had been inflicted upon him. Injection after injection, it had worked. Now that the venom was gone, the pain was back. Despite the years between then and now, the pain was still fresh because he'd been hiding from it for so long. The only thing keeping his feet on the ground was the bright-eyed kid behind him, whom he was finding happiness in. He found happiness in his work, too, and even just starting to see the beauty in the world around him, but he couldn't help but wonder how many numbered days he had until those things were ripped away, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is kinda shitty but oh well, lol. (Be prepared for feels in the next chapter, too. ;) )


	22. •~Chapter Twenty Two~•

"So...I should tell you that Alex is coming early tomorrow morning to move out the rest of her stuff," Levi was telling Eren on a Saturday night a few weeks later. They were lying across one of the couches with soft music playing, Levi resting on Eren's chest with his eyes not so much on the brunet's face as they were on his neck, inspecting the dark love marks he'd been making only moments ago. They were both void of shirts and had been 'working on it' as they said they would. This time had gone a lot farther than the past couple of times. Levi was learning his limits and expanding them at the same time; Eren was careful as ever, always afraid he was hurting or triggering him. Still, he could see the improvement. Slowly but surely, Levi was breaking himself free of those traumatic memories of his aunt, whether he realized it or not. Nothing made Eren happier than knowing he could help with that.

"How early?" he asked, absently tracing random lines on Levi's bare back. He was still in a pool of bliss from the sensation of Levi's warm mouth teasing and nibbling at the sensitive skin of his neck, from his fingers seeking out the sensitive areas on his body and toying with them. His jeans were still unzipped from it.

"Eight."

The brunet sighed in disappointment. "Too early," he grumbled.

"Hmph, don't be a brat," Levi murmured, kissing his jaw.

"But I like to sleep in on my days off."

"Tch, it's not like the shop opens early, idiot." Eren playfully stuck his tongue out at Levi, who raised a brow. "Careful. One day you'll get that thing bitten off."

Eren's face twisted into a look of disgust; Levi chuckled as he buried his face in the crook of his neck.

"Eight is still too early," Eren grumbled.

"Is someone grumpy when he doesn't get enough sleep?" Levi teased.

"Shut up," Eren muttered.

Alex showed up at 8 AM sharp the next morning, waking both the males up prematurely and earning grumpy retorts from both of them.

"So I'm leaving the bed and the dresser," she announced once they were dressed and ready, but still somewhat irritable, especially Eren. "And I need to sort everything in the closet and under the bed..."

"At least let me eat breakfast first," Eren grumbled.

"Hey, it's not my fault you didn't wake up in time." She sauntered into the room and pulled the closet door open to peer inside at the dusty boxes and what looked like junk to anybody but Alex herself. "On second thought, go ahead and go eat. I can sort this stuff myself. But I will need help carrying what's left down to the car."

Eren practically fled to the kitchen and began scouting around. He smiled in delight upon finding an unopened box of Pop Tarts in the cabinet next to the fridge. Just as he started to peel it open, a pale hand snatched them from him.

"Hey!" he complained.

"I swear, Eren, you are _such_ a child." Levi replaced the blue box on the shelf and went to the fridge, a pouting Eren watching him. "How about some _real_ breakfast, no?"

"Pop Tarts are real."

"Tch. Just get me a mixing bowl, will you?"

Sighing, Eren reached above the fridge for said bowl. He also fished out a pan, knowing Levi was going to make omelets by the ingredients he'd fished from the fridge. He watched Levi's lithe, expert fingers crack eight eggs into the bowl and discard the shells in the trash. He mixed them quickly, his hands damn near a blur yet not spilling a drop. He then removed the vegetables from their produce bags and handed the green bell pepper to Eren.

"Can I trust you to cut this up?"

Eren took the veggie and stared at it a minute before shrugging. "I guess I can give it a shot."

Levi placed a cutting board and knife in front of him as he instructed the brunet to wash his hands and the pepper, which he did before remembering seeing his mom cut up the very same kinds of peppers several times prior. It wasn't something she'd gotten around to teaching him while Levi was in rehab, but he figured there wasn't much to it. Levi worked on the onions and tomatoes; they cut in silence for a while, the only sounds being the muffled bangs of Alex pulling boxes from her closet and the slicing of knives on the cutting board. Once finished, Levi surveyed Eren's work. Much to Eren's pride, he deemed it satisfactory and told him to stir the pieces into the egg mix. He dumped the onions in as he did so, making the mixture an interesting array of green, red, and purplish-red. Despite the gooey raw egg-ness of it, Eren had to admit it already looked pretty good and his stomach growled for the umpteenth time that morning.

Levi was just about to pour the mixture in one of the buttered pans before he sighed.

"What?"

"Go ask Alex if she wants food," he muttered.

"Aye aye," Eren said, earning an amused eye roll from his companion before tiptoeing in the direction of Alex's room. She was sorting through one of the boxes, discarding the items into two other boxes, one of them marked trash.

"Hey," Eren said.

"What's up?" she asked without so much as sparing him a glance.

"Want food?"

"No, thanks. I ate before I came."

"Ya sure? Levi's making omelets."

"I'm sure."

"Okaayyy," he sang before shuffling back into the kitchen where, typically, Levi was working on brewing tea. "Negative," he said.

Nodding once, Levi finished readying the tea and resumed the eggs, pouring half into one pan and the other half into the other. Eren retrieved dishes and silverware to set the table with. Once done, he felt he could do nothing more than watch as Levi cooked the omelets, putting turkey and cheese inside, seasoning them with garlic and oregano, folding them and sprinkling cheese and the last little bit of green pepper on top. Eren's stomach was practically turning in circles by the time he was finished.

"What are you, a dog?" the raven joked.

"What?"

"You're practically drooling," he mused, lips twitching into a smirk.

"Oops," Eren chuckled.

Tsking, Levi strolled over to the table to serve the omelets onto the plates. Normally, Eren would've thought it strange that they didn't have any sides, like potatoes or sausage, but Levi's omelets were so fluffy and satisfying that such things were unneeded.

They poured the tea and sat down to eat, Eren digging into the steaming fluffiness right away. Levi snickered as he watched the brunet stuff his face like a child and then recoil as his tongue made contact with the hot food, hissing at the pain.

"Idiot," chastised the older. "Let me demonstrate." He cut into the corner of the omelet and stabbed it. Holding it up, steam curled away from it; he blew on it a few times, his cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk's in a way Eren couldn't help but find kind of adorable, and then stuck the food into his mouth. "It's called patience," he stated once swallowed, feeling like he was talking to a little kid rather than his boyfriend.

"Yeah, yeah," Eren grumbled. Still, he mimicked Levi's actions on his next bite and once flavor registered more than heat, his face relaxed into an expression of bliss. Levi's cooking - his omelets especially - never failed to make Eren's mouth water.

They were only about halfway through their meal when Alex appeared from the hallway shuffling a box in her arms and a grin on her dark lips.

"You guys are not going to believe what I found," she said slyly, making her way over to the table and setting said box into one of the chairs. Levi eyed its contents suspiciously while Eren leaned over to get a better look. It contained what dubiously resembled photo albums.

"Are those...?" Eren began.

"Photo albums? You bet your booty they are." Still grinning, she slid one out and replaced the box with her butt on the chair.

"I thought you threw those away," said Levi. He was holding onto his fork much tighter.

"I'm not gonna throw away memories," the female retorted. Levi flinched, but only Eren saw it. "Look at them with me," she said.

"I'll pass," the raven mumbled, reaching for his tea.

Alex's voice dipped, too, when she spoke. "I don't we didn't have the best upbringing, but I'm sure there are some good memories in here. You _know_ it wasn't all bad."

Hesitation remained in Levi's demeanor and his eyes trailed back to the white book. Many of the things he wanted to avoid were likely represented in those pages. Part of him was curious while the other wanted to set a fire and use those books as fuel.

"I doubt Eren wants to see them," he said in excuse.

Alex's chocolate eyes traveled to the brunet. "Do you?" she asked.

"I don't mind," Eren said with a shrug. "But only if Levi's okay with it." He kept his eyes on the raven.

"If that's what you want, then fine," he said quietly, avoiding the eyes of the other two in the room and sipping casually at his tea. He figured it was only fair; he'd seen Eren's early family pictures. If the brat wanted to see his, he wasn't going to stop him.

Once they finished breakfast, they crowded around the table - Eren in the middle with Levi on his left, Alex on his right, and the photo album on the table in front of them. Levi clutched at Eren's hand; the brunet could easily sense the distressed vibes, even if they hadn't been touching. He kept up a constant rhythm of rubbing his thumb as silent reassurances that, so far, had no effect at all.

Alex flipped open the cover of the album. Eren expected to see something like the ones of his family, but instead the pictures started right away. Of course, it wasn't of a wedding. Their mother had never been married, but she was in the first picture at the top left. She looked extremely tired, her long dark hair falling around a shoulder in waves. Immediately, Eren saw the resemblance from both of her children he knew - Levi especially. He had her eyes, her skin, and her hair whereas she could better be seen in the shape of Alex's face and the way she carried herself. The reason for the evident exhaustion was because of her belly ballooning out in front of her. Even so, she had the tiniest of smiles on her face as she gazed down at the balloon, gently cradling it between her hands. Eren wondered if it was Alex or Levi she was pregnant with...until he looked to the next picture where a little girl about the age of three was curled up with a teddy bear, asleep. Underneath in neat handwriting it simply said Alex's name.

"Wow," Alex breathed. "I forgot how pretty Mom was."

Levi said nothing. His demeanor didn't change and he couldn't seem to take his eyes from the page. His eyes showed his sadness, though; Eren squeezed his hand.

The next page held several pictures of an absolutely _tiny_ baby. Typically, his eyes were closed and he barely had any hair. He looked extremely fragile, even in the arms of his mother in a hospital room. Through her evident tears, she was smiling down at him.

"You were _so small_ ," Eren breathed, leaning closer.

"Premature babies tend to be small," Levi said quietly.

Eren's head whipped around. "Premature?"

The raven nodded once, unsteadily meeting his eyes. "Any baby born before 37 weeks is considered preterm," he explained. Eren nodded; he knew that much. "I was born at 35 weeks." He pointed below the photograph where, in the same handwriting as before, it said his name and the words _'3 lbs, 11 oz'_.

"Wow," Eren breathed in mild disbelief. He stared and stared at the picture. He was in awe because he didn't think it was possible for babies to be that tiny, and because of the loving look on his mother's face. " _Three pounds_..."

Alex chuckled. "Yeah, but Levi's always been small."

The raven's death glare in her direction was instantaneous. Like before, though, she brushed him off with a laugh. They turned their attention back to the pictures. There were more of Alex and Levi themselves than their mother. As the pictures went on, they grew. Levi went from being tiny and fragile to a healthy toddler. Alex could be seen more than once in fashionable dresses and playing - very sloppily - with makeup, even at the age of six, seven, eight. These photos portrayed what looked like a normal family to anyone who didn't know better. But these were only photos - many of them having been staged and taken when times were happy, or seemingly so. No one took pictures of the bad moments, the harsh and unforgivable events occurring when the camera was off. The events of their mother slowly turning angrier, even more violent as time went on. In the pictures, she looked okay. She even seemed to care more than Levi had let on in his stories of the past, but it was empty love. Eren could see that in her eyes that bore uncanny, almost scary resemblance to Levi's. She aged quickly, too, due to the cigarettes dangling from her fingers in almost every photo harboring her presence. By age six or so, Levi's hair had grown out to a dark mop with strands covering his face and parts of it reaching past his shoulders. And then suddenly it was gone, cut into an average boy's hairstyle and kept that way until he reached his early teens. The photos were starting to become fewer and further between until Shiori was beginning to sport another baby bump.

Levi's fingers tightened with almost all of his strength around Eren's. In fear. In anticipation. In pain and loss. Eren gently removed his hand and slid his arm around his waist, holding him close and knowing this would be hard for him.

"You can go," he whispered into his ear so softly Alex had no chance of hearing.

Levi simply shook his head. Something inside of him compelled him to stay. He wanted to remember Isabel's face, wanted to be sure his memory served him correctly. Wanted to remember her when she was happy. He hoped, perhaps, this might give him some peace of mind about what happened.

The next page portrayed another abundance of newborn pictures. A little girl wrapped in a lime green blanket with the tiniest amount of red hair, and big round, rosy cheeks. Her eyes, too, were closed, but she looked immensely peaceful resting in her mother's arms, in Alex's, in other family members' that had their names written below the pictures.

Levi didn't appear for several pages aside from one photo in someone's living room. The subject of the photo was not him, but Alex and her boyfriend at the time with baby Isabel between them. The raven sat in the corner of the couch wearing a hoodie, his feet up on the cushion and staring blankly at his knees. He looked...vacant. Defeated. _Depressed_. Eren felt his heart shatter.

He identified with that pain so well. He knew how it felt to be so hopeless and unmotivated to do a damn thing. He detested the fact that Levi ever had to feel that way.

The pictures continued with Shiori looking a little filled with life because of her new daughter and the man who'd abruptly started to appear with the same color red hair as the child's. On a following page were two pictures that had the brunet stricken with absolute awe.

The first was Levi sitting on the same couch as before, but this time he was closer to the edge with a baby supported on his thighs, her head resting delicately in his hands. He stared down at her with his own kind of awe frozen on his face, but Eren was no fool to the love and adoration shining in his stormy eyes. He looked much more alive than in past photos as he gazed into her baby face. It had Eren's stomach erupting with butterflies.

The second was of the baby herself, gazing right back up at him with her sparkling hazel-green eyes. She was smiling, her expression almost mirroring his when it came to that love and adoration despite being an infant. She had a tuft of red hair on her head and her cheeks still flamed the same pink they had in earlier photos closer to her birth.

"First time he held her," Alex said, a sad smile on her painted lips, in her brown eyes. "And he didn't wanna let go of her, either."

Eren turned to the raven for confirmation or denial. He gave neither as he moved his eyes from the page to Eren's. Instead, he gently pecked his lips, and suddenly a memory resurfaced.

_"I loved her so much. It's stupid, but in a way you remind me of her. And maybe that's why I let you in."_

Eren squeezed him lightly and kissed him once more, giving him an inevitable look of sympathy. The raven shook his head just slightly, an indication that he didn't want that sympathy, but Eren couldn't help it. It was evident in simple pictures that he and Isabel had a strong relationship very early on, but it was only to be ripped away from him. How could he _not_ hold compassion for this man he loved so dearly?

"Izzy liked him, too," Alex said to break the silence that had gotten uncomfortable for her. She felt out of place next to them; she could see how strong they were bonded and in a way felt she was intruding. Her words drew the males' attention back to the photos. "I've told you that, though." She cast Eren a small smile, which he returned.

"You have?" Levi asked, a brow lifted.

"A little bit," she said. "But he asked."

Gray eyes shifted to green ones, the other brow following suit of the first. "Did you?"

"Well, yeah," Eren mumbled, automatically reaching back to rub the back of his neck, eyes dropping to his knees.

The raven nodded slowly before looking back at the photographs. Even seeing Izzy as a baby had a world of memories resurfacing from the muck in his mind from the drugs. They were clearer than ever; he could see her brightly smiling face with all her baby teeth, and even with the gap in them when she lost one of the front ones. He could see her crazy, fiery red hair that was almost impossible to tame unless pulled to pigtails. He could see her sparkling, hazel-green baby eyes and hear her animated laughter. In a way it lifted him up, remembering how absolutely happy, energetic, and even feisty she was before she passed. In others it had his heart sinking into his stomach, knowing her life was ended much, much too soon and that she'd been living with a disease she likely wouldn't have survived anyway. These feelings conflicted within his soul and caused a tornado of emotion he couldn't hide from. Outwardly, he forced himself to remain stoic as Alex continued to move through the photo albums and show Isabel's development. She had more baby pictures than Alex and Levi combined, which was more of a blessing than anything. If they couldn't have the girl herself, at least they could cherish her memory...

There were pictures of her first steps down the driveway, both of her arms up gripping the fingers of two unknown people. By the pair of legs on the right - thin and covered in black skinny jeans - Eren could only assume Levi was one of them. He was present in many of her pictures - pushing her on the swings, playing with toys with her, walking around with her on a trip to the zoo. His happiness because of her was clear as day; he even bore smiles in a few - usually the ones in which he didn't know they were the subject of the photo. The love in his eyes for the little girl was almost unfathomable to Eren, knowing what he did about that part of Levi's life.

His deterioration was clear, though, too. Slowly, his eyes became more and more lifeless. More depressed. More consumed by his demons. Physically, he became paler. When it was clearly summer - the other subjects in the photos wearing summer clothes like shorts and tank tops - he was wearing long sleeves. Eren knew the reason all too well, and his heart squeezed painfully, just knowing. He wished he could've been there for Levi back then, before his life had spiraled into a mess of drugs and mental illnesses. Before he got so bad that he nearly lost his life...more than once.

Alex continued to make comments, but she kept the subject away from her brother. But that was all Eren could pay attention to, aside from the little girl he so adored growing up.

Near the end of the last album was a picture that hit home in both the raven and the brunet. It was of Levi, of course, and he was lying across a couch asleep. He looked peaceful as he usually did when sleeping, his hair covering half of his face. He had to be sixteen or seventeen, because the girl lying across his chest, snuggled under a blanket and asleep herself, was two or three. Eren could picture the scene in motion - the steady rising and falling of Levi's chest, carrying the little girl in an up and down motion, the soft sounds of his breathing he knew so well, perhaps the quiet buzz of a TV on in the background.

And suddenly Levi was standing up. Drawing his hand from Eren's, he mumbled an "excuse me" before turning and striding quickly down the hall, out of sight. There was the sound of the bathroom door shutting and locking, and then silence. Eren didn't even really have time to blink.

"This is hard for him," Alex said softly. The crinkle of plastic suggested she turned the page. Eren slowly made himself turn around. "And I can't blame him," she went on. "Maybe it was a mistake to bring these out here."

Eren shook his head. "No, it wasn't. I've enjoyed them. Levi...he has trouble coping with his memories because he blocked them out so long. I think the drugs just made it that much harder, in the end. And with his state of mind, even after rehab, it's hard for him to see the happiness in these pictures as much as he may want to."

Alex looked at him, nodding thoughtfully. "I'm glad he has you to understand that about him." She gestured at the photo album swiftly. "There are a lot of memories these pictures hold that I'd forgotten all about. I assume it's the same for him..."

Eren nodded as well. "He's not good at coping with bad memories."

"So I've noticed."

The brunet turned to look back down the hall. "I think I'm gonna go talk to him," he murmured as he pushed himself to his feet. Alex said nothing as he followed Levi's recent path to the bathroom. Sure enough, the door was shut tight with the light streaming beneath it. He hesitantly tapped it twice with a knuckle.

"Levi?"

"I'm fine," came his shaky answer after a couple quiet seconds.

"No you're not," Eren said matter-of-factly. The raven remained silent. "Open the door," the brunet coaxed gently. "I wanna help you."

"You can't." This time, his words were muffled by more than the door. Eren reached up, skimmed the doorframe for the key, and poised it to unlock.

"Let me try," he reasoned.

"Go away."

"Levi, please."

Again, the artist gave no response. Concluding he wasn't going to open the door, Eren swiftly stuck the key in and twisted. It unlocked with a soft click and he turned the knob, easing the door open. It squeaked a bit as he poked his head in, eyes in search of his companion.

Levi sat on the floor next to the bathtub, leaning against it with his knees up and his fingers tangled tightly through his hair. His face wasn't visible, and his shaking was evident. Quietly slowly, Eren approached, making sure to keep the door mostly closed.

"Need to talk?" he murmured.

"I told you to go away."

"I'm not gonna leave you alone, Levi. I'm not gonna leave you to face this by yourself. I've told you that a hundred times."

Gradually, Levi lifted his head. He hadn't been crying, but the pain and distress in his eyes was clearer than it'd been in months. It reminded Eren of the way he looked before rehab and he felt a twinge in his heart. He knelt down in front of the raven and offered his hand. Levi stared at it a moment before giving in, needing Eren's touch. He slipped his fingers between the younger's and automatically moved closer to the warmth, the familiarity, the thing he loved most now that everything else was gone. Eren didn't feel the need to say anything as he wrapped Levi in his secure embrace, rubbing his back and gently rocking him from side to side. Levi let himself be comforted, let himself soak in Eren's tenderness. While the memories of his mother and baby sister's bluish corpses were suddenly front and center in his mind, knowing that little girl could've lived and brought more light, life, and happiness to the world, knowing it was his mother's fault for being so damn selfish and hungry for revenge...it all hurt more than ever, and he had no escape. He had no monster to invade him, mind and body alike, to numb that pain and make the memory surreal.

But he had Eren. And Eren wasn't an escape or even a coping method, really. He was steady like a rock and comforting like a lit fireplace in the dead of winter. He was a relentless storm, always managing to stir up some new feeling and adventure in Levi's otherwise dull and, to him, meaningless existence. He was as loud and constant as thunder and lightning while as serene and soothing as spring rain. But he was so much more than feeble comparisons to natural occurrences. To Levi, he was Eren. And there was nothing that could possibly describe or compare to Eren. Everything in him needed the bright-eyed brunet.

"I remembered something," he said quietly. He sat in Eren's lap, using his strong shoulder as a headrest.

"Hmm?"

"My mother...she wanted revenge. Looking at those pictures reminded me. I'm...not entirely sure what for. But I remember her saying she wanted revenge for something Isabel's father did, and that she was gonna get it, even if it meant life or death. I don't know what he did, but it was enough to cause her to drive into that river. Enough to take my little sister with her. She probably thought...that...killing his daughter along with herself would make him feel like shit. Or worse."

Eren was struck with absolute shock and rendered speechless.

"She cared more about him than Isabel or anyone, really. When she said it...I brushed it off. I was too obsessed with drugs and partying and shit by then to think anything of it. A few weeks later, they were gone."

Eren was shaking his head back and forth over and over. "I can't believe..." He was stunned. A woman taking her own life just to get revenge. A woman taking away the life of _her own daughter_ to put someone else in pain. It was absolutely unfathomable.

"I could be wrong," Levi went on. "Maybe it really was an accident. But..." He couldn't speak any longer. His voice shook with the rest of him, and everything in him told him to blame himself. It was his fault he was more immersed in partying and getting high than his own family, apart from that little girl. He was the one who didn't do or say anything about her threat, and he was the only one who'd known about it. If he'd taken her more seriously...maybe that little girl would be alive. It was his fault, and he knew it.

His shaky hand rose to his face and he dug his nails into his skin. The sting was nothing. The ripping sensation was nothing as he raked them downward. Before he made it to his chin, a steady hand grabbed his wrist and pulled it away. Tears pricked at his eyes but he didn't want to cry. Eren's soft 'shh' brought him to the realization that he was anyway.

"Fuck," he muttered, hastily using his free hand to wipe at the moisture on his cheeks. He started to curl in on himself, even in the cocoon of Eren's embrace. It was a reflexive action, like he was trying to protect himself even though the source of his pain resided within his own mind.

"Y-you can go," he mumbled, starting to maneuver his way out of Eren's lap. He knew he needed him, but he still couldn't stand the thought of hurting him or bringing him down. Things were starting to get bad again, and if Eren...

"Nope," Eren said, interrupting his thoughts and holding him tighter to his chest. "You know I'm not gonna do that."

"Idiot..."

Eren shook his head and pressed his nose into the dark locks atop Levi's head. "Yeah, yeah. You tell me that all the time."

Still, the raven couldn't help but cuddle closer. "I wouldn't if it wasn't true," he pointed out quietly.

"You have a right to be upset, you know," Eren murmured.

"It's still pathetic."

"Can I tell you something?"

"I suppose."

"I love you."

He knew the words shouldn't have come as a surprise. Nonetheless, a fluttery feeling inside of him accompanied the pain and loosened him up a little, just by three simple words everyone had said to someone at some point. But it was Eren saying them, and that made a world of difference.

"I love you, too, shithead."

"Hey, that's not very nice," Eren mumbled in a pretend pout. Unsurprisingly, upon looking up Levi found his lip to be protruding the slightest bit. He rolled his eyes and stretched his neck up for a soft, short kiss, a silent way of saying thank you because he'd never been good at expressing gratitude aloud.

The sound of Alex shuffling things around in her room again brought them back to the present and task at hand. The raven released a soft sigh; as much as he'd rather go back to bed and turn on a movie with Eren there to distract his thoughts, he knew his sister wouldn't let him hear the end of it if he flaked out on her.

"Come on," he mumbled, reluctantly pulling himself to his feet directly from his nest of limbs that was Eren's embrace. "She's gonna have a bitch fit if we don't help her like we said we would." He offered the brunet a hand and helped him to his feet.

Eren made no move toward the door. Instead, he threaded his arms around the raven's slender waist and held fast, burying his face into his steady shoulder and altering his breathing to match Levi's.

"What's wrong?" the raven mumbled as the heat of a blush crept toward his ears.

"Nothing," Eren mumbled back. "I thought you needed a hug."

Levi snorted. "Dork." Still, he reached up and locked his elbows around Eren's neck, allowing himself to lean against Eren and sigh in mild content. His memories were still on the surface and remained more vivid than ever, but with Eren he was learning to cope. He would be okay.

A soft gasp sounded from Levi's lips as he felt Eren's own press ever so tenderly to the side of his neck unexpectedly. Eren's grasp on him tightened and he was pulled closer with Eren's lips never disconnecting from his skin. He could feel the younger's warm breath tickling his skin and his thumbs rubbing gentle circles into his back. His lips trailed away from the now damp spot to the other side, leaving a path of affection in its wake until his mouth met Levi's. His kiss wasn't hot and fervent as the raven expected (and, admittedly, sort of longed for), but tender and loving. Sweet and slow. Almost nurturing.

"What are you doing, brat...?" the shorter male breathed into it.

"Taking care of you," the taller breathed back before capturing another kiss - a little bit harder, but so absolutely sweet and loving, Levi literally felt his knees go weak and if not for Eren's strong arms around him, would've sunk back onto the floor.

"Are you okay?" Eren asked worriedly, helping Levi over to sit on the toilet lid.

Levi was shaking his head with a small grin on his face. "You'll be the death of me, Eren Jaeger."

The brunet blinked down at him, evidently confused.

"Nerd," Levi muttered. He reached up and seized the front of Eren's shirt to practically yank him back down and crush their lips together again. A surprised squeak sounded from Eren's throat, but in no time he was kissing back. Even in control, Levi didn't let it get too heated as much as he may have liked to. He let it play out naturally, smoothly, and eventually they broke apart breathlessly.

~*~

Later that night, long after they'd helped Alex carry what felt like an endless amount of boxes down to her car where she oh-so strategically placed them to all fit in the trunk, the two were once again lying across the couch with a random movie on that neither of them were paying attention to, as usual.

"How does it feel to have a sister who's getting married in a month?" Eren was asking while fiddling with the buttons on Levi's shirt that had long since come undone.

"It wouldn't be so weird if she wasn't getting married to my boss," Levi muttered.

Eren chuckled. Alex had told them the exact date, location, time, and attire before she left. It was going to be formal - meaning suits and dresses and ties and flowers, the whole nine yards.

"We'll have to go shopping," Eren said, to which Levi wrinkled his nose. He tried to picture Levi in a suit - black, of course, tailored exactly for his body, maybe wearing his glasses and his hair slicked back. It wasn't a bad image. He grinned and looked back up at his lover, spreading his hands out across his chest, looking him over for a long moment.

"What the hell are you grinning like an idiot for?" Levi muttered, narrowing his eyes in suspicion as he watched bright green eyes travel over his face.

"You," responded Eren simply.

"Me?"

"Yes." If possible, his smile widened; Levi didn't really expect his next words. "You're _healthy_ now. I know it sounds cheesy but it's like I'm falling in love with you all over again. And I'm so proud of you." He punctuated his sentence by nuzzling Levi's ear. It wasn't exactly what he'd meant to say; he was still thinking more about Levi in a tux than anything. But it was still so incredibly true.

"You're such a sap," Levi muttered, squeezing Eren's waist.

"But I'm _your_ sap. And you love me."

"Yes, brat, I do." When Eren lifted his head, he was still beaming. "You're gonna get stuck like that, you know."

"Shut up," he half-laughed. "You just make me so happy."

Levi's mask of mild, pretend annoyance completely softened out, his eyes flicked back and forth between Eren's. He, too, was filled with more happiness than he thought possible for his tainted soul. As much as he thought he wasn't really deserving, Eren was. And he was glad he could be the thing to make this nerdy little sap happy. _His_ nerdy little sap. For now, at least...


	23. •~Chapter Twenty Three~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of almost-smut warning? Idk haha that's not the part of this chapter I'm excited about. Enjoy~

Carrying the scent of shampoo and aftershave, Eren flopped across Levi's lap as he was staring blankly at the TV, surprising him.

"Hey," he said with an amused smile at the startled expression on Levi's face.

"Ass," Levi muttered.

The brunet chuckled. "Sorry. How are you today?"

"I'm alright," Levi said mildly as he began to softly run his fingers through Eren's damp locks that had yet to be combed. He avoided his gaze, though, giving him away.

"Don't lie," Eren murmured, reaching up to cup his cheek and get him to look at him. "What's up?"

"Nothing." He automatically leaned his head into the touch and closed his eyes, the only other alternative to looking at his companion who seemed to so easily see right through him.

"Levi..."

"Leave it alone, Eren," he quipped in a harsher tone that intended. He felt the younger flinch and his hand fell away from Levi's face, causing him to reopen his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood to talk about it."

"Okay," Eren mumbled, sitting up. "I'm sorry for being pushy."

"It's fine." He leaned in for a quick kiss. "Hungry?"

"Sure."

"Pancakes sound good?"

"Alright."

Grateful for a distraction, Levi stood and strode into the kitchen while Eren disappeared down the hall to comb his hair. When he returned, Levi was already halfway through mixing pancake batter. Silently, Eren put forth his effort - retrieving a skillet and cooking oil, a whisk and the syrup before setting the table. They ate in the comfort of their silence and went back to the TV once done. Eren flipped lazily through the channels, leaning back against the raven's knees while said man played absently with his hair. Eventually, Eren found he was just pushing the button in a slow rhythm and not paying attention to any of the channels flicking by. His mind was instead with Levi and how distant he'd seemed in the past couple of weeks - since looking at those photos, Eren couldn't help but notice. He'd been more lost in thought and smiled a lot less. Eren did what he could, but Levi would only talk so much, rendering the brunet helpless.

"Y'know what, Levi?" he said suddenly, reclining his head to see Levi's blank face.

"Hm?"

"We should go on a date."

That struck something; his eyes lit up a bit. "A date?"

"Yeah. I mean, why not? Today is boring. We're off work. We've only technically been on one date. We should go."

"And do what?"

"I dunno. Anything. Let's be spontaneous."

A thin brow elevated. "Spontaneous, huh?"

Excitedly, Eren sat up and spun around, nodding. "Yeah! We can just...drive around until we find something to do. Or we can just go eat and take a walk. Go shopping, or..." His sentence petered off as the possibilities flew through his head and he smiled brightly.

"Hmm. Alright, a spontaneous date it is," Levi concluded.

"Really?" He brightened further, nearly blindingly.

"Sure, if you want."

"I do! Come on, let's get ready!"

And suddenly Levi was being pulled off the couch and dragged down the hall toward the bedroom. Eren was so giddy that the air around him was practically rippling with excitement. He never stopped smiling as he ruffled through his clothes, chattering away about what they could do, where they could go. Levi found himself playing along easily despite not much feeling up for a date...or anything, really. His mind had been on the downhill slope for days, causing him to lose motivation in a lot of things. He'd even had to postpone some tattoo appointments because he was coherent enough to know he shouldn't be doing things as permanent as tattooing people while in that kind of mood. He knew Eren noticed it, but he couldn't talk about it as much as he may have wanted to lay it all out on the table.

But Eren's vibes were _loud_ , and he'd never been able to say no to something that would make his bubbly companion happy, nor could he say no to that smile. Inside, he thought maybe this would be a good thing. A date with his lover. It could get his mind off of things. So he went.

They drove around aimlessly for a good hour when Eren decided he was hungry again and pulled into an _Old Chicago_. Levi stared at him like he was nuts.

"What?" he asked.

"Pizza, Eren? Really?"

"They have more than just pizza," he explained. "Like..." He couldn't think of anything right off, so he sent the raven an apologetic smile and reached over to restart the car.

"No," Levi said, catching his wrist. "It's fine. Let's go." He clicked the button on his seatbelt and opened the door simultaneously.

"You sure?"

"Yep. Come on."

They went inside hand in hand, not surprisingly earning a flurry of different looks, from disgusted glares to friendly smiles and everything in between. The hostess greeted them nonchalantly, seated them, and walked away like she was absolutely bored with her job.

Eren's eyes perused the menu hungrily, looking almost like he was about ready to stuff the thing in his mouth instead of waiting for real food. Levi watched in amusement as he drummed his fingers on the back of it, chewing his lip and frowning the tiniest bit while he thoroughly inspected it. It wasn't until he'd decided what to order when he realized Levi was grinning at him.

"Wh-what?" he mumbled, self-conscious.

"You."

"What about me?"

"You're adorable," stated the raven as he casually lifted his own menu and pretended to read it.

"No I'm not," Eren huffed. Like a child, he actually crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. He glowered in Levi's direction, who shook his head in amusement.

"Sure. Okay. You're not. But you're a brat."

Eren's jaw had just popped open to make a retort when the waiter walked over, introduced himself, and took their drink orders. In the course of the time they were there, Eren stuffed an entire personal pizza into himself while Levi picked meticulously at a bowl of pasta. He continued to tease Eren - about his eating habits and then the vibrant, absolutely beautiful flush in his cheeks when he was flustered about it. They left the restaurant with the rosy hue still coloring his cheeks.

"Now where to?" Levi asked as they were pulling out of the parking lot.

Eren hummed thoughtfully, his eyes scanning over their surroundings as he drove. A few blocks south, he spotted a tall Dairy Queen sign and grinned, automatically heading in that direction without saying a word.

"Seriously, brat? Aren't you full enough already?"

"You can never be too full for ice cream," Eren enthused. "Come on!"

Thoroughly convinced Eren had a hollow leg to store all this food in, Levi followed him into the building that smelled too sweet and sticky for his tastes. He'd never been too awfully fond of sweets with small exceptions here and there. He humored Eren - who bought a large vanilla cone - by ordering a strawberry banana smoothie. It seemed refreshing on a hot day, anyway.

Levi automatically went back toward the car upon leaving but was yanked to the side by his arm.

"What?"

"Let's take a walk," Eren said. "It's only half a block to the park. We can walk around the lake."

Wordlessly, Levi followed along. They strolled casually down a back road bordered by forest on one side and houses on the other. It was made of dirt, one end right behind Dairy Queen and the other leading somewhere he couldn't yet see. The trees provided a lot of shade, protecting their vulnerable cold treats from the relentless sun. They cast off a scent, too, that smelled so earthy and natural, and they knew that only feet away could be deer or chipmunks, squirrels and skunks. Most animals would be too afraid to confront them, though, and Levi didn't blame them. Humans were the most monstrous beings there were in his mind.

The dirt road forked at the end - to the right was a small empty parking lot and to the left a short bridge over a nearly dry stream. The boards creaked in protest as they walked over it, giving away its age. On the other side, a cement path began, leading the way toward a lake and then curving off to go all the way around it. It was a reasonably small lake that gave off a murky scent. Ducks and geese floated lazily across the surface, telling that the water was inhabited with fish. Every once in a while, one of the birds would dive in with its rear end in the air in attempt to catch one, but not once were they seen flying away with any kind of prey.

Trees lined the path not far off and behind them were more houses toward the west. To the east, the trees continued into the forest, fenced off with chicken wire and signs of warning to keep civilians out. A playground sat to the northwest where squealing and chattering of children could be heard. A few people were jogging or biking around the lake, others walking. Several piers reached out into the water, some inhabited with people sunbathing or surrounded by a few daring people in the water. The day was still. Any breeze was warm and the only thing protecting them from the intense ultraviolet light was the occasional fluffy cloud floating in front of the sun.

"Talk about something," Levi said eventually. To Eren, his voice was a nice compliment to the surrounding serenity. He finished the last of his ice cream, stole a quick sip from Levi's smoothie, and looked up at the trees as they sauntered slowly along. Eventually, he got a couple feet ahead of his companion, walking with his fingers laced behind his head.

"There's this person," he began slowly. "They're someone I think about a lot. Every day, actually." He paused, putting his words together in his head before continuing. "They have an effect on me...more than I'd like to admit, actually. I look forward to seeing them...and I've never been more grateful to have anyone in my life than I am for them. I..." He chuckled. "I guess I would say I have...sort of a...crush on them." He was smiling up at the trees. "Maybe I even love them." He laughed softly to himself, shaking his head at how absolutely cheesy that sounded. He'd gone almost a dozen feet ahead before he realized the raven was no longer behind him. He turned around, dropping his arms and momentarily panicking before he caught sight of the man. He'd stopped several feet back, his own arms at his sides, shoulders drooped, fingertips barely holding onto his cup. His eyes were downcast, and he looked melancholy.

"Hey," Eren murmured, quickly striding back to him. "Don't be silly," he said, smile returning a bit. "Don't you know I'm talking about you?"

The raven's head shot up. "Shit," he muttered. "I'm an idiot." His free hand rose to rub his face. Eren pulled it away and hooked their pinkies together.

"Nah," he said. "I probably would've thought you were talking about someone else, too."

They continued their walk. Levi found a trashcan and tossed his cup away. "What do you mean you _might_ love them?" he asked, brow raised as he gently bumped Eren's hip with his.

"Oh, I dunno," mused the brunet. "Love is weird. But...I do."

"Hmph, you better, idiot."

Eren laughed and started pulling Levi along quicker to one of the piers. It was void of people, so he kicked his shoes off and padded down it to the end. Levi joined soon after.

"Wanna swim?" Eren asked.

"In that murky water?" asked the raven, eyeing it. "Not really."

"Come on, Mr. Clean. Get dirty for once."

Levi raised his brows. "You want _dirty_ , huh?" A sly grin crept onto his face.

"Hey, hey! Not in public! Be civilized!"

Levi snorted and rolled his eyes. "Do you expect me to swim in my clothes?"

"Levi!" he gasped. "You're so naughty!"

"Oh, please, brat. You know that's not what I meant. Quit being a kink."

"You started it," Eren teased, bumping hips again.

"Tch."

"Well, I'm gonna swim." He was already pulling his shirt over his head, revealing his subtly toned torso and tan lines. He rolled his jeans up to his knees. "You gonna join?"

Levi continued to eye the water. He knew it couldn't hurt - the fish wouldn't come near them and he could always shower later, wash his clothes. What worried him was all the people around. He still detested his body...to skinny, despite working out a bit here and there, eating pretty much sufficiently, and throwing up less and less. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good, either.

Eren edged toward the end of the pier. "I'm gonna go in without you..." he said threateningly, playfully.

Levi caught sight of all of his scars. Anyone would know what they came from. Still, he stood there half naked and not batting an eyelash at anyone who might see and judge.

Deciding he wanted to have fun with Eren more than he cared what people thought, he mimicked the younger's actions by stripping himself of his shirt and anything in his pockets and rolling his pant legs up.

Smiling wildly, Eren turned and seized him by his thighs, lifting him up and holding him over his shoulder. A loud, surprised yelp sounded from Levi's mouth. "Eren, what the hell are-" He was unable to finish his sentence, as Eren was leaping off of the end of the pier and submerging them into the gray waters with a loud splash. His limbs flailed around once he was let go of as he searched for the surface. The water was much deeper than anticipated, and it felt like forever before he managed to find the light of the sun shining through the waves to break the surface and suck in a lungful of much needed air.

" _Shit_ ," he hissed on the exhale. Eren was only a few feet away, panting himself while he worked on pushing his hair out of his face. Levi did the same, growling, " _You little brat_."

Eren was momentarily rendered fearful until he saw the playfulness in Levi's demeanor as he crept in his direction, a menacing smile spreading across his face.

"Crap!" Eren squeaked. He turned and started swimming in an attempt to escape Levi's wrath, but the raven was faster. He slinked through the water like he was part fish and grabbed hold of Eren's frantically kicking foot.

"Oh, no, shithead, you are not getting away with this," he said.

At that point, Eren knew his only option was to fight back, so he turned and belted, "Bring it, shorty!"

And thus commenced an all-out water war - splashing and dunking, diving under and trying to dodge each other's attacks. In the end, Eren was crowned victor because Levi's tired lungs could no longer stand the abuse. It didn't feel very triumphant, though, because Levi ended up coughing so hard that he could no longer keep himself afloat. Eren caught him quickly and lifted him back onto the pier.

"You alright?" asked the younger, concerned as he held onto the edge of the pier to stay afloat.

"Yeah," Levi muttered. "That shit sucks."

"I can imagine." He managed to pull himself out of the water and flop down onto his back next to Levi, his own chest rising and falling as he caught his breath. "Sorry for pushing you."

"You didn't." Levi laid back as well, turning his head toward the other. Eren did the same and smiled.

"It was fun, though."

"Hmm..." The raven moved in just enough to gently peck his lover's lips. "You smell like lake scum," he said, wrinkling his nose in mild disgust.

"So do you."

"Then I think that calls for a shower."

"Agreed."

With that, they sat up, gathered their things, and made their way back to the car still dripping wet, where Eren produced two towels from the trunk. They dried off as best they could before getting back in the car and making the journey back to the apartment. Once there, Levi took Eren by the hand and led him directly to the bathroom. It wasn't until he shut the door and started unbuttoning his wet jeans that it hit Eren.

"Y-you meant...shower together?" he asked in a much higher pitched voice.

"I said _a_ shower, didn't I?" said the raven, a sly smirk manifesting on his face.

Eren swallowed hard and reached back to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, yeah..."

"Unless you're uncomfortable with that." By then, Levi was down to just his boxers that stuck to his thighs from being so wet. Eren's eyes roved over his body and he gulped. Levi might as well have been naked for all the 'coverage' that feeble piece of cloth gave him. He could see pretty much _everything_.

"No, I'm okay with it," he found himself saying.

"I hoped you'd say that..." Levi stalked toward him and immediately reached up for a deep kiss. His hands worked on undoing Eren's jeans as he pressed closer, deepening the kiss and slipping his tongue between Eren's lips. Flustered, Eren could think of nothing do but follow Levi's completely dominant lead and hold his waist. He broke away just long enough to practically yank both Eren's pants and boxers to his ankles simultaneously before ascending once more, pressing soft kisses up Eren's torso until he reached his lips once more. Each time Levi's lips made contact with his skin, he felt surges of heat that, shamefully, shot directly between his legs. Before it got too far, he gently pushed the raven away.

"Not fair," he muttered, tugging at the elastic still hugging his hips. Levi let him pull them down enough until they simply fell so he could step out of them.

"We reek," he scoffed and tugged Eren over to the shower to start it.

Eren could feel himself becoming giddier as he watched Levi fiddle with the knobs until he was satisfied with the amount of steam rising from the tub and they stepped in. He gnawed on the inside of his cheek, internally wondering how far this was going to go, but knowing that neither of them were ready to go all the way yet. Levi's memories still held too much power over him and Eren simply wasn't ready. Not yet.

"Let me wash your hair," Levi said, already creating a small pool of shampoo in the center of his palm. Complying, Eren leaned down a bit so the raven could more easily reach him, earning a scowl and chuckling himself. Levi's fingers massaged the sudsy substance through his hair, getting it a lot more thoroughly than Eren thought he ever really did himself. Levi's fingers felt nice; pleasant goosebumps rose all down his back.

"Rinse," he instructed after a moment of this. Eren stood up straight again and looked down at his shorter companion, who was gazing intently up at him. He had just finished rinsing the soap from his head when a pair of slender arms were thrown around his neck and a pair of soft, wet lips crashed into his. It took all his effort not to smile into the kiss and kiss back accordingly, pulling Levi closer by sliding his arms around his waist.

"I love you, brat," whispered the raven into the kiss.

The brunet responded with a low hum and deepened the kiss, so much so that no more talking could occur. The scene gradually became more heated as their kisses became more urgent, more full of need. Eventually, Levi's mouth abandoned Eren's to pepper his jaw with soft nips, to trail down his throat and leave his marks. By then, he knew where Eren's sensitive spots were and made his way there, earning gasps and soft whimpers of pleasure from the taller male. He didn't allow himself to stop, enjoying the small sounds and wanting more, wanting them louder. He trailed a hand down Eren's chest and found his surprisingly perky nipple to run his thumb gently over teasingly. When Eren's breathing hitched, his lips spread into a smile against his collarbone and he rolled the bud between his fingers a bit.

"O-oh my god," the brunet mumbled, reclining his head as if that would hide his ridiculously flaming face from Levi.

"What?" the older snickered. "You enjoying this?"

"You're _embarrassing_ me," grumbled Eren, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Oh?" He chuckled lowly, trailing his fingers further south, causing Eren to bite down on his lip. "Would you like me to stop?"

"Mnph...no..."

With a breathy laugh, Levi reached up with the opposite hand to pull Eren's face back down to his to kiss him again.

"I thought not," he whispered huskily into his ear before nipping at his earlobe.

"You're mean," grumbled Eren.

"Hmph. Let's finish the shower and get the hell out of here." He punctuated his sentence with a final kiss before moving back to retrieve the shampoo again. The rest of the shower went quickly, both eager to get out and pick up where they left off. They barely bothered to dress into anything but boxers when they got into the bedroom. Eren had sat down to comb through his hair near the head of the bed when Levi was crawling toward him and climbing right into his lap, straddling his waist and sliding his hands around to the back of Eren's neck.

The kissing came easily, naturally - tongues fighting continuously for dominance. Unwilling to accept his loss, Eren broke from his mouth to mimic his actions from the shower, lowering his head to pamper the warm, supple skin of his neck and throat with love bites - sucking, nibbling, surely leaving marks he hoped wouldn't be gone for a while. He wanted people to know who this one belonged to.

"You a-ass..." muttered the raven, practically melting by Eren's touch. He hated losing, but it wasn't a loss that went unrewarded. And eventually he couldn't help bucking his hips towards Eren's, in great need of friction. Eren groaned against his skin and bit down gently on his shoulder.

"Don't act like you don't enjoy it," Eren said huskily.

"Shut up..." He bucked again and ground down, enjoying the feeling of Eren's groin continuously growing harder. Eventually, Eren had to lean back against the headboard as Levi's fingers roamed over his skin - his ribs, his stomach, teasing his nipples a bit, massaging his hips, hooking a finger beneath the elastic of his boxers.

"How..." He visibly swallowed hard, his eyes down on his hands. "How far do you want to go?" he asked softly.

"Don't make yourself uncomfortable," Eren responded, equally as soft.

The raven shook his head, kissed his lips one last time before pressing his face into the crook of his neck, bucking his hips a few more times in testing, biting back his groans. Eren tried desperately not to hold him too tight, but when Levi's hand palmed his hardening length through the fabric concealing it, his hands involuntarily tightened on the raven's hips, causing him to gasp and draw away a bit. He immediately released, reverting to rubbing Levi's sides soothingly. Levi had to get used to those kinds of things, and this was the only way how.

He reached back and stopped Eren's hands on his hips once more.

"You can touch me," he panted. "It's okay..."

Eren let his hands rest there for a minute, keeping his eyes solely on the raven's face. His brows were furrowed tightly; Eren could feel his hands starting to shake atop his own.

"Hey...don't force yourself. It's okay," he murmured, rubbing small circles into his skin with his thumbs.

"I know. I just...I refuse to let her haunt me anymore. I refuse to let those memories take control and keep me from you. I want to fight this."

Eren nodded and leaned in to kiss him softly. "I know you're not ready to go all the way yet," he murmured. "And honestly...neither am I."

The raven nodded a bit, resting his forehead to Eren's with his eyes closed. "I'm...honestly relieved to hear you say that," he mumbled almost incoherently. "I was trying...for you. Because I thought you wanted to."

"Wait, what?" He gently nudged Levi away. "Look at me." Gray eyes slid open for Eren to search, frowning deeply. "You were making yourself uncomfortable just to please me?"

"A bit," the raven admitted.

"You don't have to do that, Levi. I'm okay. I can wait. I don't want it if it's not going to be good for you, too. I want us both to be ready when it comes to it. Understand?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "But I wish we could be ready now, because now we have these needless fucking boners and nothing to do with them."

Eren laughed and buried his face into the raven's shoulder to muffle it. Levi found himself chuckling as well, reaching up to run his fingers through Eren's chocolate locks as he had that morning. Eventually, their laughter calmed down and they laid down, Levi making a pillow of Eren's bare chest and tangling their legs together. He listened to the other's heartbeat for a long while, feeling his fingers run gently up and down his back.

"Eren...?" he asked after a while.

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes. Of course I do. Why?"

"Remind me why again."

"Levi..."

"Actually, never mind. I don't need to know why. I just need to know that you do."

"Are you feeling alright?"

"More or less."

"Okay...well, do...do you love me?"

"More than anything."

A silent moment.

"Eren?"

"Hm?"

"Sing."

Without hesitation, Eren softly started to put together a melody that had been stuck in his head - something simple as a song that had played on the radio on the way back home, but it clearly comforted Levi. And soon, he'd fallen asleep.


	24. •~Chapter Twenty Four~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hands out band-aids and tissues in advance*

Eren hummed softly, absently to himself as he carted two handfuls of groceries up the stairs to the apartment. He fumbled to unlock and open the door and shuffled over to the table and dumped the bags on top of it. He began sorting through them and putting things away, mostly oblivious to the silence filling the rest of the apartment. When the bags were empty, he bundled them all up inside of one, tied it, and tossed it in a bucket near the wall for later recycling. He then ventured down the hall in search of his raven-haired companion, humming since ceased. Levi had declined joining him in grocery shopping, saying he had commissions he desperately needed to work on. He found the living room, bathroom, and bedroom void of any life. With the beginnings of worry building up in his chest, he checked the last place there was - Alex's old room/the extra room/the room they planned to turn into a study but not yet had the means to do so. The door was shut as normal, but upon peeking his head in, found the raven to be sitting in the dead center of Alex's old bed. His sketchbook was abandoned to lay in front of him, the pencil laying in the center. His arms were wrapped around himself and he stared down at the deep purple duvet cover, rocking back and forth in the tiniest of motions.

"Levi?" murmured Eren, stepping into the room.

Levi met his eyes very unsteadily. "Oh, you're back," he mumbled.

"Yeah..." Eren moved further into the room, closer to the man who suddenly looked so broken it was almost like they'd been thrust back in time to his withdrawals, to when his demons dug further in and nestled themselves comfortably in the deepest recesses of his mind. "What's wrong?" he asked cautiously, making it to the end of the bed.

"Just about everything at this point," came the raven's hushed answer.

"What do you-" His words were cut short when he caught sight of the unfinished drawing. "Isabel."

Levi visibly flinched at the sound of the name. He'd started drawing her, though hadn't meant to. It started out as another face for a commission he was supposed to tattoo the next day, but his hand had just started seemingly moving on its own and when he looked again, it was Isabel's face he saw instead of the one in the description, now lying on the floor across the room from a gust of wind when he'd tossed the sketchbook down. Seeing that face on the page in front of him done by his own hand had broken something of an emotional dam inside of him, one that had been building up for the entire past decade. It was being pushed on from behind - recounting some of the stories from which his tattoos came, particularly the quote on his back; looking at all those pictures featuring so many of the memories he thought he wanted to forget by poisoning his blood that in the end would destroy him in worse ways. The dam completely burst, and Isabel herself was the first one through.

Eren could see this, plain as day. He knew what it was like all too well, so he sunk down onto the mattress in front of the man and gently rubbed his knees.

"Will you tell me about her, Levi? Tell me what she was like, who she was? Please?" He knew if he could get Levi to let it all out, he'd feel lighter. Freer. Less burdened.

"Everything I've done to keep those painful memories out has been in vain," Levi muttered, squeezing his eyes shut. "The guilt is heavier now than ever."

"Guilt?"

"I was too stupid to take my damned mother seriously when she said she'd get her petty revenge for some asshole she valued more than her own family. I was petty because I cared about drugs more than my own damn family. She's to blame, but so am I. And if I wasn't such an idiot, my sister might still be alive...or at least would have experienced a less violent death."

Eren was nodding intently. Not once did he or would he take his eyes from Levi's face.

"But do you really think you could've stopped her?" he asked softly. "Do you think you could've talked her out of driving into that river...from taking Isabel with?"

"I...didn't even know she meant to take Izzy with..."

"Exactly. You didn't know, and you couldn't have known. Blaming yourself forever isn't going to fix it. It's just gonna make you feel like shit for the rest of your life unless you allow yourself to let go of the guilt."

Levi shook his head. The guilt clearly wasn't going to go down easy.

"Let me ask you this...do you think Isabel would blame you?"

Levi's eyes shot open to meet Eren's, already looking deeply into him with their sincere beauty.

"No, I guess not."

"And do you think she'd want you sitting around blaming yourself for something you never would've been able to control?"

Another memory flew forward.

_"Why you sad, bro?"_

_Levi hadn't replied, just pulled the little girl into his lap and hugged her tight. She'd giggled a little._

_"It's okay to be sad for a little while, but then you gotta kick the sad monster's butt and be happy! Okay?!"_

_"...yeah, Izzy. Okay..."_

His hands came forward to clamp around Eren's.

"No," he repeated. "Still...it feels like..."

"It'll take a while for you to be able to stop blaming yourself completely. But you can...if you continue to remember that."

Levi released a long breath through his nose, trying to calm himself. "So you wanna know about her, huh?"

Eren nodded. "I do."

"Alright..." Levi maneuvered himself to be leaning against Eren's side, using his shoulder to rest his head on and began playing with his fingers. "I don't know what my sister told you, but one of my strongest memories of her was how energetic and strong she was, despite being sick. She was almost constantly playing and running around and sometimes it was like she was a normal, healthy little kid. And she was...in every way excluding the cancer. She loved animals. Got a squirrel to come right up to her in the front yard once." Eren nodded, remembering Alex telling him about that. "She always begged to go to the pet store or an animal shelter, and every time one of us broke down to take her, strictly telling her there was no way we could adopt a pet, she'd beg anyway. It was like she was part puppy, with all the energy and her ridiculous puppy dog eyes. And, inevitably, we ended up with a pet dog...just months before she was gone. I don't even remember its name."

"What happened to it?" Eren asked, frowning in hopes that it wasn't abandoned.

"Alex and I let one of our neighbors adopt it about a week after the...accident. Not only were we really not up for caring for it, but knowing it was her dog made it that much more painful. But don't worry...it went to a good home. Good family."

Eren relaxed. "Good."

"Hmph, I like dogs too much to neglect or abuse one."

This made Eren smile. "Me, too. Maybe we should get one," he joked.

The raven snorted. "Maybe."

"Anyway..."

"She used to call me 'bro.' Or, rather, 'bwo' because like a typical little kid, she had a hard time pronouncing her R's. To this day I'm not sure where she got the nickname. Maybe from Alex calling me 'little bro' all the time." He rolled his eyes. "Even though I constantly told her to stop."

"I think it's cute," countered Eren.

"Me being called 'little bro'? Please."

"No, no. Isabel's nickname."

"Oh. Yeah. I suppose so. And I let her have her way with it."

The brunet chuckled. "Sounds like she was pretty spoiled," he teased softheartedly.

"In some ways. But when a little kid is dealing with cancer...you can't help but give them what they want, not knowing when they might suddenly be gone because of it. Especially when she couldn't be treated because her parents spent all the money that didn't go toward essential expenses on cigarettes and alcohol."

"Is that why she took to you so well?" Eren asked softly.

"Hmm, maybe. Or maybe it was me who took to her. I wanted to protect her from the things I was put through as a child. A cycle of boyfriends that almost always ended in brutal arguments, having to scrounge for our own food because my mom was either too drunk or not even home to feed us. Alex...she holds a grudge like no other. While I was trying to protect our little sister, she was fighting with our mom or her boyfriend or threatening to move out. Shit like that. So I'd tuck Izzy into bed most nights, and half the time I'd wake up to her in my bed instead for various reasons. A nightmare. Scared of the monsters in her closet. Scared of simply being alone. And when I asked her why she didn't ever sneak into our mom's room, she told me she didn't like the smell of beer and that she'd just make her go back to her room. I never asked again, and I started hating the person that was supposedly supposed to love me unconditionally because I was her son even more than I did. Eventually I stopped talking to her altogether." He sighed. "As a result, I was home a lot less. I partied more, or just left to get high...but still, most nights I found my way back to that godforsaken house just for that little girl. I could not have cared less about any other soul living there...even myself at some points.

"In the weirdest ways, she understood me. She saw right through me...right through my facade to keep everyone else thinking I was fine so I wouldn't be either questioned or yelled at. She didn't question much...but she always tried her best to make me happy. She was freaking four. But that didn't matter.

"And...once...she saw my scars. It was an accident. I never meant for her to have to see that. And somehow it was like she knew what they were from. She didn't ask why...she just asked that I not hurt myself anymore. And I tried...I tried so hard to keep that promise to her. But I've failed so many times. Every time I took the blade to my skin I remembered her big eyes looking up at me when she asked me not to do it anymore." He shook himself, grasping Eren's fingers tighter. Desperate to move away from that, he continued.

"I toyed with the idea of escaping with her - packing up essential things, taking her, and booking it. I wanted to get her away from that environment...but I knew I wouldn't be much better for her...doing drugs and either spending most of the money I made on them or tattooing illegally to trade. I wouldn't have been able to support us, I was too selfish to give her to a foster home, and I probably would've been caught, charged for kidnapping and then charged again with drug abuse. I guess the idea kept me going, though, for a little while. I fought with myself, too...between her and the drugs. And I thought I could balance them out, that I wouldn't let addiction get the better of me so I could still be a decent brother for her. Of course, even if she hadn't passed away, that wouldn't have worked...so sometimes I think maybe it was better in the end, what happened...so she'd never have to know me as her brother the drug addict...her brother who betrayed her for something fake because he was afraid of himself. Her brother who was weak."

By then, Levi was shaking with anger and regret, his fists clamped tightly on Eren's thigh while all of these things swirled around relentlessly inside of him.

"Shh," Eren hushed, massaging his fists in an attempt to loosen them. "You can't change the past, Levi. The best you can do is try and learn from it, and then try and move on."

Levi let the warmth of Eren's soft hands soothe him and allowed his fists to relax.

"Are you saying you have no regrets?" he asked quietly.

The question took Eren off guard; his massaging faltered. Not missing this, Levi tilted his head up, brow raised, to see his face.

"No," the brunet answered finally. "Not by a long shot. I have a lot. But I'm learning, too...and when you let go of even the smallest things, it helps."

Levi had no response, so he simply hummed in thought, pushing his fingers in between Eren's.

"Are you okay now?" asked the brunet. "I mean a little, at least?"

"Yeah. It gets easier when you're around. I've told you that."

Eren grinned and nodded, remembering.

"I promised, remember?" He hooked their pinkies together, just like he had when they made their promise under the weeping willow in Eren's backyard the day Levi got out of rehab. He would always be glad he could make things more bearable for Levi, even if he didn't fully understand why or how.

Levi, too, nodded in remembering.

Without thinking, the younger leaned down to place a soft, lingering kiss on Levi's lips. The raven hummed softly, contently, and leaned in closer for better access. The exchange remained soft and affectionate, but had Levi's heart fluttering like the wings of a butterfly and his soul soaring along with it.

"Hungry?" Eren asked after breaking apart. "I bought the ingredients to make Lo Mein."

"You actually know how to make that stuff?"

"Well, no. But I figure between your cooking skills and my mom's recipe..."

Grinning a bit, Levi stood and led Eren along to the kitchen where they started fishing the ingredients out of the fridge and required cookware out of the cabinets. Levi seemed a natural as he followed the instructions given on a half sheet of paper written in Carla's neat script. He followed them to a T, and soon the kitchen was full of the same scent Eren knew so well from the times she'd made it, almost like she was there doing it herself.

"How do you do that?" he mused in awe, watching as Levi expertly sautéed the vegetables while making sure to keep a good eye on the noodles as they cooked.

The older shrugged casually. "It's not that hard."

"Says you. I would be on my way to burning everything by now."

Levi simply half grinned, amused at Eren's amount of awe in something that had been so simple for him for a long time.

~*~

After dinner, they settled down on the couch for a general night of channel surfing that would more than likely end up in making out, deep conversation, or both as per usual.

"Do you ever get bored of this?" Eren was asking after he'd gotten comfortable in Levi's lap, half laying, half sitting on the bigger of the two couches.

"Not at all."

"Why?"

"Because after years of shit, it's nice to settle down normally like this." That earned a smile and a soft kiss. "But, Eren..." His eyes dropped in embarrassment for what he was about to say. "I want to thank you. For being here through all my shit...and putting up with it. I know it fucking sucks."

"It doesn't," Eren murmured affectionately nuzzling his face into Levi's neck. "I want to be here for you."

"Still...I think it's time I started repaying you." His fingers began their usual fidgeting through Eren's soft locks, but were stopped short by the younger sitting up and looking him directly in the face. His eyes rolled.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you don't owe me anything?"

Levi's eyes mirrored the action and he gently flicked Eren's forehead. "As many times as you want to lie to yourself."

The younger sighed. "What if I told you I don't want anything from you? What if I said I just want you, and that I don't really care about anything else?"

Gray eyes flicked back up. "I'd say you're lying."

Eren blinked, blatantly astonished. "What? Seriously?" He shook his head hard, hair flying. "No, that's ridiculous. You're being ridiculous."

Levi's brows shot up. "I'm being ridiculous? Eren, you've given me so much...sacrificed important parts of your life for a shitty thing like me and you don't want anything in return? That's ridiculous."

Eren's brows furrowed heavily. He could feel the subtle heat of anger growing in his chest; he backed away from the raven a bit. "Because you can't even see what you have already given me! You act like I've sacrificed my entire life for you, and you hate yourself for it when you shouldn't," he retorted in a harder tone than intended.

Levi drew away, breaking all contact, and crossed his arms over his chest. "I didn't realize my own self-loathing was such a nuisance to you," he muttered, looking away once more.

Appalled, Eren jumped to his feet. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. After everything they'd been through, after what happened earlier that day, Levi should know...

"It's not!" he blurted. "That isn't what I meant!" He was on the verge of yelling, his voice growing increasingly louder, and he couldn't stop it, as much as the good sense inside of him was telling him to. "You just have this horrible habit of talking so terribly of yourself and it only makes everything worse than it already is!"

Levi threw his arms up. "Well fuck, Jaeger, sorry my mental illnesses are so much stronger than me. Might as we'll let them take another bite." Levi stood as well, turning his back and pacing over toward the kitchen. Anger was bubbling up inside of him, too. Eren was being an insufferable, shitty little brat. He wasn't about to take this.

"Oh, so now you're gonna play that card, huh?" Eren muttered, shaking his head.

"What card, Eren?!" Levi spat back, leaning toward the brunet. He ground his teeth together in irritation.

"The guilt card! Like you wanna make me feel guilty because I can't help you as much as you need!"

"God, no. You're taking it all the wrong way, shithead. I can't ask you to help me, just like I can't fucking help what's in my head. The only thing I can control is how I try and protect myself from it!" Venom seeped into his tone, its target being Eren directly. "You have no idea how hard it is when it gets bad for me, brat, because I think of shooting up every five goddamn minutes! It's the only way I have to cope."

Eren snorted sarcastically. "You sure have a strange way of coping..."

"Like that's my fucking fault?! You think I want to hate myself so much? You think I want to continuously hurt you and bring you down? Because I'll tell you something - I don't. I really fucking don't. I have no other way. So...whatever." He turned again, this time toward the hallway. Arms crossed, his fists were trembling with anger. The urge to hit something was overwhelming. Of all people, he thought Eren understood. Yet there he stood, staring him down with his bright green eyes hard with frustration and accusation. It was suddenly like Eren didn't understand a thing, so suddenly like to him, all Levi was was a burden. At least, that's what his mind wanted him to believe. So he did.

"Levi--"

"No. Just fucking forget it, Eren. Forget it..." His fists were shaking now, his stomach churning in an acidic way. The pent up anger had his head spinning the tiniest bit, and he was almost sure he'd be seeing that Lo Mein again here soon.

A window of silence followed. Neither said anything. The television had been muted. Tension was thick in the air.

Eren could practically see the anger and misunderstood betrayal radiating off of him. He hadn't meant to say those things, hadn't meant to make it seem like Levi was a burden to him. But he couldn't shake the anger and frustration due to Levi thinking he owed him. To him, that truly was ridiculous, even in their situation.

With a deep, silent breath, he mustered up his voice and said the only thing he could think of.

"Do...do you want me to stay?" The question was barely audible, but had no trouble reaching the artist's ears in the otherwise silent apartment.

"No," muttered the raven flatly.

That was all it took for Eren to press his lips together, swipe his shoes from the floor, twist the knob, and escape out into the breezy night air.

Levi flinched as the door slammed shut. "You'd be better off leaving here anyway..." he whispered to himself.

Eren flew down the stairs, traitorous tears already forming in his eyes. Relentless wind whipped him around when he exited the stairwell. He strode quickly to his car. Fortunately, his keys were still in his pocket from earlier, so he yanked them out, jammed his finger into the button to unlock it, and practically ripped the door from its hinges as he yanked it open. He tossed his shoes across to the passenger's seat and slid inside, slamming the door behind him. He let himself fume for several minutes until the anger dissipated completely. He hadn't been mad at Levi or because of anything he said. He'd been mad at himself for letting reckless words fly off his tongue to cause the raven to react that way.

And when the anger was gone, it was replaced with regret and remorse and a terrible ache of guilt settling into his chest. He leaned forward and let his forehead thud into the steering wheel, feeling endlessly idiotic and hopelessly wishing he could go back and change things.

They'd had their fair share of arguments in the past. Arguing and fighting came with relationships, no matter what kind. He and Levi would, on occasion, argue about trivial things and had easily made up or gotten over it afterwards. Yelling was almost never involved, nor was that kind of acidic anger. It had never gotten so bad that Levi would tell him he didn't want him to stay...

That was how he knew he'd crossed some line he hadn't even known existed until that evening. He'd let his stupid anger get the better of him and sitting there, he couldn't even remember why he got angry in the first place. Whatever it was, he knew it was absolutely nothing worth losing Levi over. He knew the raven was still mad, though. He'd told him to leave...not in so many words, but he had. With his harsh tone of voice, Eren could feel he'd been absolutely serious. And he didn't know how to fix it. Didn't know how long Levi would stay angry for, and didn't know how much it might take to earn Levi's forgiveness. A lot, he figured, knowing he had trust issues and was used to being left and betrayed.

Eren didn't want that. He didn't want to leave Levi. He cared about him. Trusted him. Loved him, more than absolutely anything and everything. If there was one thing he was absolutely certain of, it was that. And he knew he had to fight for the man. It took everything he had not to charge right back up those stairs and beg for forgiveness, tell him he'd been stupid (because he knew he had) and promise, swear it wouldn't happen again.

But damn, that sounded like something out of a stupid chick flick, and this was more serious than that. He didn't charge right back up the stairs because Levi, more than likely, needed time. Going back up there would only make things worse. He might end up getting mad all over again and fucking things up even more. That was the last thing he wanted.

More than anything, he hated how stupid he felt. He knew Levi was sensitive, that saying shit like, "You're trying to make me feel guilty" and "Your hating yourself so much only makes things worse" and "You have a strange way of coping" were the dumbest things he could've let spew from his mouth.

"No wonder he got mad and said no," Eren muttered to himself. "I would get mad and say no, too."

He smacked the steering wheel weakly. He didn't want to cry or think about how much it hurt to be fighting with the most important person in his life. Didn't want to think about how, because of the fragile points in Levi's mind, he could have fucked everything up because of one stupid sentence.

Inevitably, the tears started flowing and he pulled his feet up onto the seat to hide his face in them.

 _I should go home,_ he thought. _He doesn't want me here._

 _You_ are _home, idiot,_ another sense whispered from the back of his mind.

He was still mustering up the courage to stick his key in the ignition, start the car, and drive back to his mom's place when he felt his phone buzz on his ass. Fumbling for it, he figured it was just a text from his mom asking how the Lo Mein turned out, or one of his friends just to say hey or to make plans, so he was mildly surprised to see it was Levi's name that had lit up the little device.

He hastily wiped his face with the heel of his hand and unlocked it. The message was a simple two words.

|I'm sorry.|

Yes, a simple two words...but two words that were enough for him to get out of the car, lock it up, and trudge back up the stairs to the shiny gold 36. He pondered on whether he should knock or not, and remembering that Levi had already told him no, raised a fist to tap his knuckles against the hard gray of the door. Only seconds passed before it swung open to reveal a very scowling Levi, having clearly expected someone else. His features immediately relaxed upon seeing who it really was, but then his eyes dropped to his feet.

"H-hey," Eren hushed hesitantly.

Levi nodded his head back, indicating Eren come in, and stepped aside. He let the door click softly shut behind him, never taking his eyes from Levi's wounded features. An awkward silence fell over.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Eren murmured finally, fidgeting with his keys.

"I yelled at you. Of course I do."

"It's no big deal..."

"Yes, it is a big deal, Eren." A deep frown settled in. Their gazes met. "I shouldn't have snapped like that. Truly, I am sorry."

Eren nodded slowly, taking it in. "I guess...you were kind of harsh," he admitted. "But it wasn't like I didn't deserve it. I was out of line. I know you have sensitive areas, and I was idiotic to attack you like that."

"I think we both overreacted. I just have to wonder...what built up to it? I don't know about you, but I didn't see this coming."

Eren shook his head. "I didn't, either."

"I need to know, Eren..." He swallowed hard. "And honestly."

"...need to know...what?" asked the brunet hesitantly. He was afraid to know.

"I need to know if I'm really a burden to you...in any way, even if just a little."

The taller had to resist grabbing the shorter by his shoulders and pulling him into his arms, holding fast and swearing by everything in him that he wasn't.

But they still hadn't completely made up. He couldn't do that. Not yet. So he settled for looking as deeply and sincerely into Levi's gray gaze as he could.

"You're not a burden to me in any way whatsoever. If you were, I wouldn't stick around. I...I promised that I'd be here for you, and I will. Because I want to be, as long as you want me to be. I feel like shit for making you feel that way. I'm sorry. Really."

Levi let loose a shaky breath. "Okay. I forgive you." Eren visibly relaxed. "But can you say the same for me? Can you forgive me?"

Eren's hand automatically extended toward the raven before he remembered and instead pressed it against his stomach. "Yes, absolutely."

Levi shook his head at how eagerly Eren uttered the words. He didn't feel deserving of them, but he supposed that's what Eren had meant by not being able to change the past, needing to learn from it and then let go so he could be at peace from it...even when it came to things in the more immediate past.

Letting go of his guilt for his little sister wasn't going to be easy, even though talking about her and sharing her memory with Eren was so much easier than he'd expected. Still, every time he remembered her smiling, dimpled face, the regret came back full-blown and his demons told him he could've been the reason that smile still physically existed. He'd have to fight them. He'd live up to the word tattooed right over his heart. He'd fight, no matter what it took if it meant staying alive, staying sane, and staying by Eren's side. This detox would likely be harder than the one he went through before, getting off the drugs. Maybe even more painful. But if he could endure that, he could endure this, too.

"Can...I hug you?" Eren asked quietly, shuffling his feet in a flustered manner.

Levi rolled his eyes halfheartedly. "Brat. You don't have to ask."

He was then engulfed by Eren's embrace, by his warmth and his sweet scent. By his comfort and safety. He returned the embrace with all his might, pressing close.

"So...do you want me to stay?" Eren asked again.

"Yes," Levi responded with firm meaning. Standing there in his arms, all anger having flowed down the river, long gone, he regretted ever saying no to Eren in the first place.


	25. •~Chapter Twenty Five~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hands out wine and miralax to go with the cheese*

"She's kidding. This is a joke, right?"

"What do you mean? I think you look great."

"Tch."

The brunet beamed from behind him, his teeth shining in the reflection of the mirror. The raven bore a hardened scowl, both at his own reflection and the brat behind him. He didn't look ' _great_ ', he looked ridiculous. Day already going downhill, he wanted nothing more than to go back to bed.

"C'mon, Levi. You only have to wear it for a few hours, and then you can burn it or whatever," Eren reasoned. "You know it'll make her happy to see you in it."

"Whatever," he muttered. "Just do my hair."

Still smiling happily, Eren centered himself behind the shorter man and took the bottle of gel from the counter. He popped it open and squeezed the gooey substance into his palm to spread it between his hands and then reach around to the front of Levi's head, working it into his hair by tugging it back and slicking it down. He was careful to follow the edge of his undercut to make it look neat and precise. The entire time, Levi's scowl never faded or faltered.

Chuckling, Eren said, "Your face is gonna get stuck like that."

"Good," muttered the raven.

"Awh, come on," Eren said, sliding his gooey hands around Levi's waist to reach the sink and wash them. Levi pressed back against him. "You should be happy today. Your sister's getting married."

"Yeah, I think I'd be a lot more enthusiastic if I didn't have to walk her down the damn aisle..." He seized the bottle of gel from the counter for a distraction, pretending to read the ingredients as if it would make the flush in his cheeks subside.

"Shouldn't that make you more excited?" Eren lowered his head to rest his chin on Levi's shoulder, squeezing his waist gently.

"Why should it?"

"Stop being so pessimistic," Eren murmured, nuzzling into his roses. "You're the only blood-related family she has left...so it makes sense for you to do it."

"Sure." He set the bottle back down and lifted his gaze back to their reflection.

He remembered Alex asking him to do it. She'd showed up to the apartment out of the blue one afternoon, saying she had business to take care of, requested that she speak to him alone, and sat him down in the living room.

_"I have a big favor to ask of you," she began._

_Levi narrowed his eyes in further suspicion than he'd already been feeling. "What?"_

_"Before I ask, I just want you to know you can say no. We can find someone else to do it."_

_"Out with it, Alex."_

_"I want you to walk me down the aisle when I get married."_

_He'd stared at her for a second as if she'd just spoken pig Latin or Dutch or something._

_"Seriously? Why me?"_

_"Because you're my family. My brother. And since our parents are evidently out of the question, I thought you should do it. Like I said, you can say no. It's probably not your most ideal thing to do, and I wouldn't blame you or be mad, I was just hoping-"_

_"Yeah, I'll do it," he cut in. Whether it was to shut her up or because he actually wanted to do it, he didn't know at the moment._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"I wouldn't ask again if I were you. I might change my answer."_

After that, she'd smiled and hugged him and asked to see what he planned to wear, which an all-too eager Eren fished out of their closet and let her see. She voiced her approval and then dragged him down to the leasing office to change the name on their lease to his, taking hers off altogether. He'd been the one paying rent, anyway, and all it took was to sign some papers to get it turned over into his name.

"You'll be fine," Eren said, pulling his thoughts back to the present.

"And then my boss will also be my brother in-law." He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"Be happy for them."

"I am. It's just...weird."

"It's gonna be fine," Eren said again. He backed up just enough to turn Levi around and look at him closely. Despite his seemingly permanently etched scowl, he was absolutely striking. Though they wore the same thing, Eren felt Levi pulled it off much better. The outfit was simple - a white tux shirt covered by a shiny dark gray vest, black slacks and shoes, complete with a lavender tie. The only obvious difference was that Eren's sleeves were rolled up and neatly buttoned at his elbows, whereas Levi kept his buttoned down at his wrists. It fit him perfectly, gracefully defining the subtle curve of his waist, his hips, shoulders, and back.

"What are you staring at, brat?" he scoffed, perching a hand sassily on his hip.

"You," Eren said shamelessly. A dark brow rose in question. "You look...great. Amazing, actually."

"Oh Jesus," he muttered. His hand automatically rose to run through his hair but immediately dropped back to his side when he felt the hard texture of the gel.

"I'm serious," Eren continued. He took the raven by the shoulders and directed him toward the long mirror hung behind the door so he could get a better look. His gray orbs roved up and down over his own body, but to him it didn't look like much more than a ridiculous monkey costume. He simply shrugged.

"You look better," he said quietly.

"How 'bout we call it even," Eren suggested.

Levi nodded once before he was suddenly spun around again and trapped in Eren's strong arms. A smooth tan face hovered just inches above him, eyes sparkling and lips curved upward. He felt the electricity down to his very fingertips and willingly let Eren lean in for a soft kiss. On a wedding day, it only seemed appropriate for his arms to snake up around his shoulders, to reach up on tiptoes to deepen the kiss.

"We...should probably get going," Eren breathed after a few minutes.

"Can we not?"

"Nope."

"I didn't think that would work."

Eren placed one last, bittersweet kiss on Levi's lips before tugging him along out of the bathroom. He replaced the gel into the hall closet and strolled to the living room to retrieve his keys and wallet before they headed out the door.

The wedding was to be held in a large orchard southwest of town. It was grown specifically for such purposes - weddings, parties, reunions, et cetera. Eren had never been that way before, but as they ate up the road going down the highway, the scenery got increasingly rural with small buildings here and there - just little rundown shops and such with farms and ranches scattered here and there. Eventually, the organized abundance of trees came into view. The GPS directed him to an exit that was almost completely concealed by tall grass, and as soon as they were off the highway, the roads were all dirt or gravel. He hated the sound the pebbles made as they jumped up from beneath the tires, crackling against the bottom and sides of the car.

"Ready?" Eren asked once they'd pulled into the parking lot and he'd shut the engine off.

Levi peered out the windshield. Straight ahead of them was clearly where the ceremony would be taking place. There were several tall canopies, all various shades of violet, with long tables and chairs lined beneath them. Further away was a white gazebo. From so far away, it was difficult to see any sort of detail, but just laying eyes on the little (or, not so little, really) set up had Levi's heart racing and his stomach churning.

"Uh, no," he mumbled almost incoherently.

"What?" Eren asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing. Let's just go."

He pushed the door open and placed a tentative foot on the gravel surface of the parking lot. It crunched beneath his weight as he swung the door shut.

Eren noted the apprehension on his face as he strolled around the car. He was absently chewing on his lip with his eyes still trained in the direction of all the canopies.

"You can tell her you changed your mind, you know," he said softly, taking his hand and squeezing it.

"And have her hate me forever? I'd rather not. Let's just go."

They started toward the gazebo on a stone path leading through the grass, between and under the trees. They gave off the fresh scent of fruit - peaches, plums, oranges, apples. The path was covered in shade from the late morning sun and the sky carried fluffy white clouds. Birds chirped from within the branches while bees and other insects buzzed around searching for pollen or a place to nest. It was all very serene; the perfect day for a wedding. Leave it to Alex to choose a day like this, even if it was unintentional.

Eren couldn't help but find it funny, Levi's view on his sister. He seemed to go back and forth with his opinion of her. One moment, he was complaining about her, saying she was pushy and nosey, and the next he was worried she would hate him if he backed out of his 'favor'. Since she'd asked him, he'd been outwardly indifferent to agreeing to do it; it was only that morning when he'd begun showing his distress about it. Levi didn't deal well with crowds, let alone their attention on him. Being right next to the bride, who was sure to look stunning, that would be inevitable. Of course, Eren had the utmost faith in him; really, there wasn't anything he could get wrong. Wasn't anything he had to do or say besides walk with his sister on his arm, hand her off to Reiner, and then sit down. Worst case, he'd trip and fall on his face, and he was no klutz. Eren had the feeling his thoughts were more nerve-wracking than the thing itself.

They strolled up to the ceremony area where several people were bustling around, working on clipping table cloths to the tables, decorating them with sparkles and sequins, those little white bottles of bubbles, and fake flowers. The canopies were attached with pastel helium balloons sticking straight up due to the lack of breeze. To the right was a small cabin-like building. The stone path leading up toward the gazebo was lined with little sun and moon LED garden lights with ever-changing colors. The gazebo itself was painted a glowing white with vines lining up and wrapped around it, various kinds of flowers growing on them. The whole concept was fancy, but not overwhelmingly so. There was purple, purple, purple.

"My sister clearly had the biggest influence in decorating this whole clusterfuck," Levi muttered so quietly that only Eren could hear.

"All the purple?" Eren asked with a chuckle.

Levi nodded once, and suddenly a loud, shrill voice was calling in a singsong manner, "Alex, your brother's here!"

"Oh shit," Levi muttered, instinctively moving closer to Eren, eyes darting back and forth as the eyes of several people around lifted to look around. One very blonde woman smiled and made her way over to them.

"Don't mind Marceline, she's a little too excited today." She offered Levi her hand. "I'm Christine, Reiner's mom. It's nice to finally meet you."

"Yeah, you too," Levi said, shaking her hand almost hesitantly.

The woman offered Eren her hand, as well, and looking down at her it was easy to see her resemblance to her much larger son, aside from the size, of course. She had the same eyes, same hair-color, same general face shape, though more feminine of course. She wore a light green hat and a short dress to match that hugged her larger frame a little too tightly.

"Eren," he said, nodding.

"Ah, yes, I've heard of you," said the woman casually. She was just about to say something else when Alex's small frame burst from inside the cabin wearing nothing but a bathrobe.

"Hey, baby bro," she said, trotting down the stairs of the porch to stride across the grass, directly to them. She smiled upon seeing her brother's attire. "I knew you'd look handsome in that." The raven rolled his eyes, muttering a soft "tch". "Are you still up for-"

"I told you not to ask me twice," he intervened.

She held her hands up, palms out in surrender. "Got it. Anyway, they're almost done setting up, and I have to go get ready. Christine here will fetch you when it's time, alright?"

Levi nodded a bit wearily but dodged her move to pinch his cheek, which she clicked her tongue at before winking at Eren and disappeared back inside and the other woman went back to helping with decorations.

"She's lively as ever," Eren said. "I thought she'd be all nerves."

"Trust me, she's very sure of herself," Levi sighed. "Alex isn't the type to get nervous...for anything."

"I can see that."

The two sauntered away from the growing abundance of people. More and more people continually showed up, some outgoing enough to approach and introduce themselves to Eren and Levi, who hovered around the edge of the trees. Most of them were Reiner's family, others his friends, others Alex's friends. Two familiar figures stepped out of the same car - one much too tall and the other sporting a bright red tuft of braided hair on the side of her head. They, of course, approached and greeted them - Petra being especially friendly in her short gray dress, Bertolt looking all too uncomfortable in his tuxedo as if he was the one who was getting married. A live band was playing up near the gazebo and people were picking things off a large food table set out by caterers.

Too soon in Levi's eyes, Reiner's mom was approaching with a smile plastered on her chubby face. His heart kicked up and he swallowed hard with a bone-crushing grip on Eren's hand.

"If you could come with me now please, sir," she said.

He reached up for one last kiss from Eren before she led him around the back of the cabin to a door leading directly into the kitchen. His sister stood inside, looking almost like a completely different person than she had just hours earlier.

She greeted him with a smile. "Hey, you ready?"

"Shouldn't I be asking that of you?"

She chuckled. "I've been ready for today for months." She turned and swiped something off the island. "This is for you."

Before Levi could question it, she reached out to pin a fake yet delicate rose to the right side of his vest. She adjusted it a little before nodding in approval.

"It suits you, just like I thought."

Meanwhile, Eren found his seat near the edge of the ceremony area, near the seat with a piece of paper with Levi's name in elegant script. The music began and the chatter died down, all heads craning around toward the back of the little venue in waiting. It seemed to Eren that a small eternity passed before a very boisterous looking Reiner emerged from the trees, his much smaller mother on his arm. He was smiling blindingly, his blond hair standing up and slicked back in a wave. He didn't wear the standard black tuxedo as expected, but a light gray that almost appeared baby blue and a deep purple bowtie. The tattoos of his neck peeked out just above his collar, and he held his chin high in pride. Eren almost snorted in amusement at the sight.

They strolled up toward the gazebo to the beat of the music, and once he'd climbed the stairs toward a chubby man in his own suit, holding a book and a grin that reminded Eren of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. With a kiss to the cheek and a loving squeeze, Christine left him under the shade of the gazebo and went back to her own reserved chair.

Again, heads craned around like owls. An even longer small eternity passed before _finally_ Alex made her grand appearance from around the cabin. Small noises went around the groups, from gasps to hums of awe. Of course, she was _all_ dressed up in a flowing dress, the silky, sequined fabric the lightest shades of purple, the veil concealing her obviously beaming face in a silvery white. She cradled a bouquet with a variation of flowers in her right arm. As a bride should be, she was stunning.

Nonetheless, Eren only had eyes for the dark-haired man by her side. It seemed silly - it was Alex's day, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen the raven only ten minutes earlier. But at that moment, that didn't really matter. He could tell Levi was a bit tense and he kept his stare straight ahead unwaveringly, meticulously avoiding the eyes of the audience. His face remained a perfect stoic mask - one that he'd had practiced and perfected over years.

Eren's heart swelled at the sight of him - in pride and in love. It was absolutely the cheesiest thing, and he loved it.

Soon, they made it to the gazebo and Levi handed Alex off to Reiner, who barely spared the raven a glance as his narrow blue eyes were glazing over his bride.

Levi quietly made his way back to Eren's side, shrunk down onto his chair like his legs were too unsteady to hold him any longer, and immediately grasped Eren's hand. The brunet could feel him shaking - he wasn't doing well with such a crowd - so he lifted his hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles softly, sending him a warm smile.

The ceremony continued - the chubby man reading from his book, his deep voice ringing out over the audience and through the trees, silencing birds and even the breeze. It was the standard procedure without much of the religious aspects, and while Eren's eyes watched, he was paying more attention to Levi. His shaking had died down and he could hear his soft, steady breathing, being so close and so familiar. His thumb ran in small, lazy circles over Eren's thumb, his feet were crossed at the ankles, and his eyes remained downcast at the grass.

The whole thing was over in less than ten minutes - they said their vows, said 'I do', and kissed, erupting cheers from the audience which both the males flinched at the sound of.

The reception started almost immediately after. Alex was whisked away by her bridesmaids to change clothes and the rest of the group pitched in to help move the tables around the border of the venue to create something of a dance floor under the canopies. By then, dusk was settling over and lights around the orchard flickered on one by one. Many of the trees were decorated with twinkling LED lights, giving the place an appropriate romantic feel to it.

The band continued to play, and Eren watched Reiner make the rounds to his family and friends, greeting them and making jokes. His booming laughter could be heard across probably the entire orchard. Eventually, he got around to them for a light conversation while people were standing around talking, dancing, eating, drinking.

"Come on," Eren said with an enthusiastic smile, taking Levi by the hand and pulling him toward the dance floor once Reiner had moved on.

"Where are we going?" inquired the other.

"To dance!"

Levi stopped dead in his tracks, his hand slipping from Eren's and causing the younger to turn around, frowning in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"I'm a terrible dancer. You know this."

The brunet's grin returned full on. "You're not that bad. Besides, like I said last time, it's not like I'm gonna make you tango or anything."

Levi hesitated, eyeing the floor filled with people dancing in lazy circles to the song played by the band - whether they were in couples or groups. Alex and Reiner were still making the rounds and talking the night away, though now they were together, arms linked.

"Please?" Eren half-begged, giving Levi his puppy dog eyes.

"Tch, don't be such a brat." Still, he gave in to those brightly sparkling irises and took Eren's warm hand again, allowing himself to be pulled toward the dancing people and into the crowd. Almost as soon as they reached a good spot with enough room, the song playing came to a close and another, much slower one began with a piano riff to start.

Levi narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the taller. "Did you plan this or something?" he grumbled.

"No," Eren said innocently. "I swear."

A sigh sounded from Levi's lips as he reached up to lace his fingers together on the back of Eren's neck. Eren's arms slid comfortingly around his waist, pulling him closer and gazing down at him with a grin playing on his lips. His eyes reflected the lights in the trees, almost overwhelmingly captivating.

"Hmph," muttered the raven, averting his eyes and internally trying to fend off the unmistakable heat rising to his ears. His heart was pounding relentlessly against his ribs; his stomach was filled with butterflies. The intimacy of the moment was near suffocating, with his body pressed up against Eren's, the soft notes of the song dancing in the cool night air around them. The lights. The wedding. In his mind, it was puke-worthy.

"What?" Eren murmured.

He simply shook his head, and their circular dance began at the same time the singer's voice rang out atop the accompaniment. Levi found himself holding his breath; he was too nervous to look Eren in the eyes.

_"All along it was a fever; a cold sweat, hot-headed believer..."_

Levi's flustered state had Eren's smile widening to a seemingly infinite degree despite the soreness beginning to settle into the muscles of his cheeks. Of course, he didn't miss the ever so faint blush coloring the tips of Levi's ears and cheeks. He, too, was filled with butterflies as they danced in a small circle, in their own little bubble of space and time, surrounded by nothing but each other and the music.

_"Round and around and around we go...oh, now, tell me now, tell me now you know..._

_Not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way you move makes me feel like I can't live without you; it takes me all the way._

_I want you to stay..."_

Slowly releasing the breath he'd been holding onto seemingly forever, Levi allowed his head to rest on Eren's shoulder and his eyes to close. He let the taller lead their little circular motion that, to him, couldn't even really be considered dancing. He was comfortable with it, though. It was easy. Calming. In Eren's arms, he felt safe. Loved. _Happy_. It seemed silly to feel so smitten this far into their relationship, but he was. They both were.

_"Oh, the reason I hold on...'cause I need this hole gone..."_

They held a little tighter. Loved a little harder.

_"I want you to stay..."_

The song faded to a soft close, as did their little circular dance. They'd spun their way toward the edge of the dance floor near the trees, where Levi allowed himself a soft, content sigh, never letting go of his taller companion.

"Feelin' okay?" murmured the brunet.

"Yeah. You?"

"I'm great."

"Good."

"You ready to go home yet?"

"Yeah. I'm friggen tired..."

"Alright. Let's go, then."

"Wait." Levi lifted his head and, reaching up on his tiptoes, pressed his lips tenderly to Eren's, who smiled lightly into the kiss before returning it, sliding his hands up the contours of Levi's frame to reach the sides of his face, cupping it gently.

At that point, Levi didn't care who was watching or what they thought. He was mildly aware of the other people, but he and Eren remained in their own little bubble of each other; the rest of the world didn't matter much to him.

When he reluctantly pulled away, his eyes fluttered open. "Alright," he sighed. "Let's go."

"Wanna say bye to your sister first?"

The raven swiveled his head back toward the crowd that was slowly beginning to disperse. Alex and Reiner were somewhere across the grass - the only visible thing being Reiner's blond head sticking out over everyone else. By his motions, it was clear they were dancing.

"She's busy," he said. "Let's just go."

Eren nodded and slid his hand into Levi's. They made their way around the crowd toward the path leading to the parking lot. Just before they abandoned the shelter of the canopies, he glanced back one last time. From across the way, his eyes locked with Reiner's, who gave him a small salute and caused a shorter, pinker head to rotate in their direction. Her hand lifted up to give a small wave. In return, Eren cast a smile and his own short wave before turning back toward the direction he was walking.

"What?" Levi muttered, turning around himself to see what Eren had been looking at. He, too, automatically spotted his sister and new brother in-law in the crowd, still gazing in their direction. So subtly he might've missed it, Alex signed _thank you_ in ASL, a sign they'd learned a long time ago. He simply nodded once and turned back around.

"What was that?" Eren asked in a whisper.

"She was thanking me," he answered simply.

They made it back to the car a minute later, where in the front seat, Levi all but collapsed from fatigue.

"Didn't know a wedding could tire me out so much," he mumbled tiredly, reaching up to push the few loose strands of hair back. They stuck for a moment before flopping right back over his forehead.

"We'll be home soon," Eren promised. "And you can sleep on the way."

Sleep on the way Levi did; he was out before the tires had even reached pavement again. Eren kept a fond eye on him as he made the drive away from the orchard toward home.

"Hey," he whispered to the older male once back in the parking lot of the apartment complex. Levi didn't so much as stir. "Leeviii," he sang quietly in amusement as he nudged the other's shoulder.

"Hmmn..." grumbled the raven tiredly.

"Wake up, dork," Eren said louder, nudging him again.

"Hnm...brat..." His eyes fluttered open halfway to the dim overhead dome light of the car. It took a second for his surroundings to register, and he sighed, carelessly running his fingers over his hardened gelled hair.

"Come on," coaxed the younger. "The faster we get up the stairs, the sooner you can be in bed."

"Yeah, yeah..."

Eren pushed his door open and stepped out onto the pavement. He was already on the sidewalk when he realized Levi hadn't even moved to take his seatbelt off. He strolled over to the passenger side door and pulled it open, bending down.

"You coming or what?"

"Carry me," Levi mumbled, lazily clicking his seatbelt off and letting it retract back in with a thud.

Eren chuckled. "Alright. C'mon, ya big baby," he joked.

"Watch your mouth, nerd."

Still laughing, Eren turned and let Levi lock his arms around his shoulders from behind and climb on his back. He held him by the legs, carrying him piggyback style and shut the door with his foot. With that, he headed toward the stairs.

"Hm, you smell good, Eren," Levi grumbled groggily.

"Were you drinking when I wasn't looking?" Eren asked with an amused snort.

"Hmph, no. Just accept the compliment."

"Well thanks," Eren said with an eye roll, smile never faltering as he lugged the man up the stairs. "Good thing I'm so strong," he said jokingly, "or we'd never make it up these stairs."

"Tch, are you calling me fat?"

"Oh yeah," he drawled sarcastically. "You're the fattest person I know."

"Watch it, shithead."

A few jokes and many chuckles later, they reached the door. Eren fumbled to unlock it while continuing to balance Levi on his back before stepping into the apartment. Once the door was shut, Levi hopped off of Eren's back and yawned.

"Bed time," Eren said, still grinning.

"Hell no. Shower first. I want this gel off of my head." He took the brunet by the hand and towed him toward the bathroom. "What's with that cheeky grin?" he muttered.

"Nothing," Eren responded. "Just...you."

Levi sighed, fumbling to undo the buttons on his vest. "What about me?"

"You're adorable," he said, moving in to help with the unbuttoning.

"What?" Levi puffed up a bit, the beginnings of a scowl manifesting. "No I'm not."

Eren laughed softly, leaning down to nuzzle into Levi's cheek. "Yes you are."

"Hmph." He seized Eren by the front of his shirt and pulled him down to whisper in his ear. "I'm not adorable," he hissed, "I'm manly as hell."

This erupted a series of giggles from the younger man, which earned a roll of the eyes from the older.

"You're hopeless," he mumbled as he shook off both the vest and the tux shirt at the same time.

"You love me," Eren said with a toothy grin.

Levi's fingers found the buttons on Eren's shirt as he stared up at him, an eyebrow slightly cocked and lips slightly pursed. "I won't deny that," he said. He tugged on the bottom of the cloth. "Off," he muttered before stepping out of his pants and moving to turn the shower on. Eren finished undressing himself before tiptoeing up behind the raven and, in one motion, took hold of both sides of Levi's ass as he leaned over and gave a gentle squeeze. Gasping in surprise, Levi sent a halfhearted glare over his shoulder.

"You're such an ass," he muttered.

" _Ass_ , huh?" Eren chortled.

"What is _with_ you today?"

"Nothing," Eren sang. He stepped into the tub and easily pulled his shorter companion in as well by the waist. "I'm happy."

"Strange kind of happy..." Levi removed Eren's arm from his waist as he stepped under the streaming water to begin scrubbing the gel from his hair.

"Does it bother you?"

"Hmm, no..."

"Good."

They took turns shampooing each other's' hair and washing their backs with soft kisses and affectionate gestures in between.

"So you really think I'm adorable, huh?" Levi asked as he leaned against the tiled wall, Eren behind him gently massaging his shoulders.

"Mm-hmm. Very."

"Tch. Why?"

"'Cause. I dunno. You just are."

"It's not because I'm _short_ -" he uttered the words through his teeth "-is it?"

Eren laughed softly. "That might be part of it..."

"Hmph. Maybe you're just a giant."

"Ha! Good one. Midget."

The raven turned, eyebrows raised playfully. "What was that, brat?"

"Nothing."

"You are exhausting me."

"Then let's get out of here and go to bed."

"Fine by me." He bent down just long enough to twist the faucet knobs, stopping the flow of water, and reached up to push the shower curtain aside. Once dried off, they journeyed across the hall to each dress into nothing but boxers, toss their dirty clothes into the hamper, and finish getting ready for bed. Levi had already quickly combed his hair, brushed his teeth, and taken his pills and sat on his side of the bed, eyes hooded in clear exhaustion as he waited for Eren to join him. The brunet combed his hair into place and proceeded to crawl over to his companion, placing the red dragon in his lap.

"Hey," he said, smirking.

"What?" Levi complained grumpily.

"Did you know...?" A thin brow lifted just slightly, and at the last second, Eren changed his remark from "I love you" to a joke he remembered Jean telling a few weeks ago.

"Did you know you can't say the word 'happiness' without saying 'penis'?"

At first Levi's expression was blank, like he didn't understand it for a second. And then he was laughing. Really _laughing_. All of his teeth showed as he leaned over with his chortles. This were so much more than mildly amused snorts and chuckles, more than the tiny smirks and grins Eren had managed to tug out of him. It was true laughter - the kind that made your stomach tense and your ribs ache in a good way. The kind that had your eyes squeezing shut with tears oozing between the lids.

It was a glorious sound to Eren's ears. He'd wanted to get Levi to laugh like this since the day they met months ago and had tried several times. He hadn't even meant to do it this time, and he knew it was partially because Levi's still recovering body was overtired from a long day, but it was still laughter. Still a complete breakthrough for him.

So he found himself laughing along with the raven - not so much because of the joke as because of the happiness of hearing that sound. Levi had bent all the way over into his lap, squishing Akane beneath his weight as his laughter died down gradually. Eren wrapped his arms around the man and laid them down among the pillows.

"I swear, Eren..." breathed the artist, an amused sparkle still in his eye.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Thank you for that."

"Anytime."

The raven reached up for one last kiss that said 'I love you' and 'goodnight' all in one.


	26. •~Chapter Twenty Six~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I realize I am a terrible, horrible, untrustworthy, flaky person because I missed 3(?) weeks of updates for you guys and I'm so mad at myself for it, and I won't blame you guys if you chew me out in the comments.  
> The lame excuse I have is that I started college two weeks ago and that's been taking up quite a bit of my time and attention and I kept completely spacing out updates. I'm so, so, so fucking sorry even though I know that doesn't make up for it. Dx Hopefully this chapter does, 'cause there's...sort-of smut in it, haha...  
> I'll try to have the next one or two chapters out sooner than what should be normal to make up for my flakiness. Dx

The familiar sound of a phone ringing accompanied the buzzing of a tattoo machine. Levi glanced up from his work to see Eren behind the desk fumbling to answer it, frowning as his eyes clearly scanned the caller ID of his cell phone.

"Hey, Mom," he mumbled into the receiver as he stood and strode swiftly toward the door to push it open and head outside. The only thing Levi's ears picked up before it swung shut was "What's wrong?"

Despite mild concern, he continued his work, though out of the corner of his eye could see the brunet pacing on the sidewalk outside. Not a minute later, he'd hung up and poked his head back in.

"Levi?" his voice was mildly strained, but only to Levi's ears because they knew it so well. He looked back up; Eren motioned him over.

"Would you mind excusing me for a second?" Levi asked the client he'd been working on.

"Of course not," she said with a smile. He quickly set his things down and peeled his gloves off as he stood up. He strode over toward the brunet, who nodded for him to join him outside.

"What's the matter?"

"That was my mom...she said there's kind of a family emergency."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah...she just sounded sad. Kind of distressed. But she didn't tell me what was happening so I...I think I need to go, if that's okay with you."

Levi was already nodding and fishing in his pocket for his car keys. "It's fine. Go." He dangled the keys in front of Eren, who wrapped his hand around them.

"Will you be okay here alone for a while?"

"I've been here alone a lot. I'm fine. Go take care of things."

Eren nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Don't rush, and be careful."

Eren nodded slowly; the distress was showing clearer and clearer in his features.

"I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you, too, Eren. Now go."

Again the brunet nodded and leaned down for a quick kiss before he backed up toward the car and jumped in. Levi didn't wait to watch him drive away and turned on his heel to reenter the shop. Apologizing to his client, he pulled his gloves back on and got back to work. Throughout the rest of this work, the part of his mind not preoccupied by the art itself was constantly on Eren, wondering what could be wrong, what could have happened for his mother to ask him to leave work early. He hadn't had all that much to do aside from filing and taking pictures as normal, especially considering Reiner was off with Alex on their honeymoon and had been for a few days. Even so, his mom never called him at work and Levi couldn't help but worry.

He got through another two tattoos and was working on another commission from that morning before Eren made his reappearance. The sound of the door opening was what caught Levi's attention; he immediately set his pencil down and strode across the floor to the other.

"How'd it go?" he asked softly, noting the frown still plastered on Eren's face and the sadness pooling in his generally bright green orbs.

He shook his head slowly and took Levi by the hand, leading him back to where he was so they could sit. Before saying a word, he lowered the music volume with the remote.

"I've told you that I have family in Germany, right? My dad's family." Levi confirmed. "They called this morning because my grandfather passed away last night.

A frown of his own became known on Levi's face, solely in sympathy. His heart wrenched a bit at the sad sight of Eren's eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "Were you close to him?"

"Not all _that_ close," answered Eren with a sigh. "But I remember him being a lively, happy person from when we visited when I was little." He shrugged. "Plus, having a death in the family is never easy."

Levi hummed in agreement, knowing all too well what it was like, but having no idea as to what to say. He was never good at trying to comfort people in situations like this; he could barely comfort and find peace for himself. He was afraid he'd only make things worse.

"I was gone so long," Eren continued, "because we had to buy plane tickets."

"To...to Germany?" The question came out shaky; the raven immediately internally slapped himself for it.

"Mhm. For the funeral. But...I'm not really sure I want to go. Or if I should."

"Why not?"

"I don't wanna leave you alone," he said, finally meeting Levi's eyes for the first time since returning.

"You...don't have to worry about me, Eren. This is your family. You should go."

"But you're my family too."

Though he didn't let it physically show, those words struck a chord inside the raven. He let himself smile gently, a curve scarcely even noticeable.

"I'll be fine," he murmured. "I really think you should go. And they want you to, right? And so does your mom. You don't have to stay away from them just because of me."

"I know..."

"Eren." His voice hardened considerably. "I've taken you from your family before, and I don't want to do that again. Just go."

"Are you sure?"

Levi nodded solemnly. It was easy for him to see Eren wanted to go. And he needed to. He needed to support his family and be a part of it. Even if he felt that way for Levi, too, he wasn't the only one. Levi'd had him for months already. It was time he did something for and with people he was actually related to. Levi knew he'd be fine. Or thought so, anyway.

"Okay," breathed the brunet. "Sorry about all this."

"How long will you be gone, anyway?" he asked, brushing off the needless apology. He turned back to his work and continued sketching the pair of wings from his resource leaning against the wall, adding a few tweaks to make them appear more realistic and 3-dimensional as requested by the customer.

"A little over a week, I think. I dunno. We didn't buy returning tickets yet."

Levi simply nodded again. A week. He could handle that. The thought of being without his love was a bit unnerving, but he had to be less reliant on Eren. Needed to be more independent. If anything, for him, it could be a test or building up of strength, to see how he'd do on his own for a while. Other than the death in Eren's family, he could think of nothing negative about the situation.

"I can try and come back early, though...if you want me to."

"How many times am I gonna have to tell you to stay with your family?" he muttered. "I'll be _fine_. I'm not a baby. I'm not even an addict anymore."

"I know...I just worry."

"And I appreciate that. If anything, this can prove why you shouldn't so much."

"Okay...but..."

"Hmm?"

"You know we can't really talk much aside from text messaging while I'm there, right? Long distance rates and stuff..."

"Not hearing your voice might suck, but we'll get by. No?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

Levi again set his pencil down to face the other, looking him over closely.

"Wh-what?" he mumbled, a bit flustered.

"Why does it seem like you're more upset about leaving me than a death in the family?"

"I don't know..." Eren squirmed a bit, eyes fixed on the floor. "I'm just gonna miss you...I guess..."

Admittedly, it was amusing seeing Eren so flustered in admitting that. Levi rolled his chair toward him and, before he had time to react, took a fist full of the front of his shirt and pulled him forward, smashing their mouths together in a bruising kiss. The younger squeaked in surprise, his hands flying up in disorientation as Levi attempted to get a response out of him. Heart suddenly beating wildly with butterflies in his stomach, Eren started kissing back, following Levi's lead. It was a bit messy and awkward at first due to his bemusement, but they soon found a steady pattern with each other and pressed as close as the chairs they sat in allowed. Eren let his arms move around Levi's neck and his hands tangle in his hair, never wanting to break apart as Levi's expert mouth moved in time with his own. Inevitably still, their lips parted audibly, both rendered breathless from such long affection.

"When do you leave?" Levi breathed.

"Tomorrow night," Eren whispered back ruefully.

"Hmm...we'll have to do something before you go."

"I'd like that," Eren said, finally cracking a small smile, immediately envisioning them out on another date - going on a walk or out to eat, or simply lying around in pajamas while pigging out with a random movie but not paying attention to it because they were too busy with each other to care about it. The little fantasy had his smile widening. Maybe, he thought, he could get Levi to sing for him again just once before he was across the world for a week.

"Can we go home now?" he found himself asking.

"Can I finish this first?" Levi turned, indicating the unfinished outline he'd been working on.

"Only if you promise to hurry."

"Can't rush perfection, Eren," he teased with a wink, following up with, "I'll try."

Eren turned the music back up and, as he had many times before rested his chin on the shelf-like thing acting as Levi's desk to watch his expert fingers create a masterpiece with something as simple as a pencil and a piece of paper. He worked on each individual feather with precision while still giving the wings a nice, flowing curve to match the contours of someone's back - someone he figured to be female by the way they curved in and then back out like the flow of a waist and hips, a curve most males lacked. By simply watching the raven draw as much as he did, he could pick out little anatomical things like that. It was fascinating to see a piece of art come to life by his hand, whether it was on paper or skin. He was still the only one Levi allowed to observe his tattooing process. His fingers were impeccably precise with the machine - more so than Petra's or even Reiner's, who he'd seen do multiple pieces themselves. They were good. Really good. But Levi remained undeniably superior. It was no surprise to him how many clients he had walk in daily and, so far, was booked up all the way to the end of October, of course having days off among the hours he had planned permanently embedding his art onto someone's body. For therapy. For doctor's appointments. For simply resting. He'd stretched his time wisely - tattooing and working on commissions while still having plenty of times to continue recuperating from such brutal addiction, and for alone time with Eren.

Eren, too, worked easily with his schedule, between working, spending time with his family and friends, and spending time with Levi who, evidently, filled up most of that free time. Sometimes he thought it might be unhealthy, spending so much time with him and getting so used to his presence. He'd convinced himself it wasn't though; it wasn't like he'd abandoned everyone else in his life for the man. He felt well. Balanced.

"Okay, I've had enough of this," Levi was muttering a while later. He'd completely sketched the wings and cleaned it all up. "My eyes are starting to burn..." He lifted his glasses to rub his eyes, sighing heavily, roughly.

Eren automatically began stashing away his supplies in his storage sleeve thingy.

"You'd better do that right or I'll make you redo the whole thing," the raven cautioned, eyeing the way Eren was swiftly sliding his pencils into the slots.

"I think I have it down," he responded. "I've seen you do it enough times."

"We'll see..." Levi crossed his arms and observed. Eren's nimble fingers finished in no time and let him look it over. "Impressive," he mumbled thoughtfully. He rolled it up himself and fastened it, closed his sketchbook, and slid the items into his small black tote bag. Eren worked on shutting off the stereo, making sure the back lights were off and the computer was shut down. He shut the main lights off before holding the door open for Levi and then shut and locked it. Normal procedure.

Levi quickly slipped his keys from Eren's pocket before he knew it and strode to the driver's side of the car.

"What are you doing?"

"My car, I drive," remarked Levi with a sly smirk.

They made it back to the apartment in almost record time; Levi had always been a fast driver and to Eren it was no surprise he'd had his license taken away for as long as he did. Inside, they kicked their shoes off and cuddled up on the couch with bowls of leftover chilli and a rerun of _Supernatural_. Eren had to explain things to Levi as the episode went on and he made his usual sarcastic comments until Eren broke down and opened Netflix to start the series from the first episode.

"What are you doing?"

"Just shut up and watch," Eren said. This earned a scowl, which he easily ignored.

He cleaned the dishes and left Levi on the couch to start the episode, listening in from the kitchen. He'd seen the beginning of the series so many times he practically had it memorized.

_"Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days."_

_"Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole."_

_"Saving people, hunting things. The family business."_

Once back in the living room, he laid in Levi's lap and stared at the ceiling. As much as he wanted to watch the show, he found his thoughts instead wandered across the world to his family - his _dad's_ side, no less. He hadn't seen them since before he died. They'd talked, of course, on occasion between phone calls and holiday cards. Other than that, there was no contact. He barely remembered their faces. Barely remembered the farm his grandparents lived on, where his dad grew up. He could, however, remember the heavenly scent of fresh baked cherry pie by his grandmother and the strong aroma of his grandfather's pipe, almost constantly between his lips.

He wondered if that was what killed him, or if it was something else. Surely the smoking played a part in his heart failure.

He truly had been a lively man. He loved the outdoors, loved animals and taking care of them. He loved his wife and he loved his son. Eren remembered that he'd loved Carla, too, and Eren himself. He looked out for the people he cared for more than himself. He'd had rough, stubby hands and thin gray hair. He, too, had the same greenish blue eyes Grisha inherited and then passed down to Eren. And Eren realized he'd been much more like his grandfather than his memory served, and less like his own father.

And now he was gone...

"Hey, what's the matter?" Levi was asking, gently touching a damp spot on Eren's cheek with the tip of his finger.

"What? Oh, nothing. I'm just...thinking about my grandfather."

"I see. You're more upset about his passing than you let on."

"I dunno..." The brunet shrugged and wiped the heel of his hand over his cheeks.

"It's okay, Eren. I understand."

"Yeah..." he sighed, turning his head to press his forehead to Levis right hip. "I haven't seen him in years, though. Feels like I don't have any right to be sad."

"Of course you do, idiot." Levi gently flicked the side of his head. "What kind of notion is that?"

Eren shrugged once more, eyes slipping closed. "I just don't want to leave so soon..."

"What time do you go?"

"Almost midnight...'cause Germany's all the way in Europe...and time zones and stuff..."

Levi nodded thoughtfully. "We'll do something fun tomorrow, then."

"Okay. But I'll have to go home and pack and whatnot."

"Mhmm. Now let's go to bed. I'm tired."

"Me too." Eren sat up with a grunt and yawned while Levi worked on shutting off the TV. They shuffled down the hall and got ready. Before Eren could even think of asking if Levi wanted him to stay, he pulled him down onto the bed by the wrist and threw the covers over them, snuggling into the younger's warmth. With one last yawn, Eren reached back to flick the light off and snuggled in for dreams about talking sheep.

The next morning, Levi awoke with the knowledge that he'd be essentially alone for a week first on his mind. His eyes fluttered open to the warm, filtered stream of morning sunlight through the curtains. He rolled his head to the left to find Eren still sleeping soundly next to him. His cheek was sunken into and squished up against the pillow, giving him a much more boyish appearance. As usual, one of his legs stuck out from underneath the blankets.

Levi had noticed this habit early on in their relationship - in his sleep, he would kick the sheets out from being tucked beneath the mattress just to let half of his foot sick out. As a result, he'd stopped tucking them in when he made the bed.

As he let his eyes roam over the brat, he found himself cracking a smile. He rolled toward him and lifted his hand to ever so gently trace the outline of his features with the very tip of his finger. Slowly, Eren's lashes fluttered open to reveal his shiny green irises.

"Hey," Levi murmured, withdrawing his hand.

"Mmm...hey," Eren mumbled in his husky, sleepy guy voice.

"Sleep well?"

"Mm-hmmm..." he groaned as he rolled onto his back, stretching out his limbs. "Dreamt about talking sheep."

The raven propped himself up on an elbow, cocking a brow. "Talking sheep? What did they say?"

Eren chuckled. "I don't remember. But it was weird."

"Sounds like it."

Huffing, Eren pushed himself into a sitting position, running his hand through his hair and yawning. Stretched some more, then swung his feet over the side of the bed.

"Gotta pee," he mumbled as he shuffled his way toward the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Levi decided to get up and stretch his own muscles. He shuffled down the hall himself, aware of the rumbling of his stomach, just as Eren emerged from the bathroom.

"Hungry?" he asked, pulling the younger in the direction of the kitchen.

"Very."

"Omelets? Pancakes? What are you in the mood for?"

"Hmm...I think I just want some cereal."

Snorting, Levi moved to the fridge. "You're such a little kid."

"Hey, adults can eat cereal," Eren retorted. He was already into the cabinets shuffling through the cereal boxes. He settled for Froot Loops and pulled down a bowl. "Want some?" he asked a tea-making Levi, who turned and eyed the colorful box in contemplation.

"Why not?" he said, giving in to Eren's youthful gaze. This earned a smile as Eren reached up for another bowl and filled them with colorful O's. They sat at the table to pour the milk and eat; Eren's features portrayed pure bliss as he delved into the first bite, earning a chuckle and a shake of the head from Levi. Though he had to admit, as soon as he took his own bite, the fruity, sugary flavor was a nice indulgence for once.

Three bowl fulls later, Eren sat back and patted his stomach, declaring he was full.

"So what do you wanna do today?" inquired Levi, absently stirring his second cup of tea.

"Hmm...I think I'm okay with staying here...watching some Supernatural...I mean, if you are."

"Fine with me."

They cleaned up quickly - washed the dishes and put the cereal 'ingredients' away - and Eren pulled Levi by the hand back into the bedroom. He sat between Levi's legs at the head of the bed and shuffled through Netflix to find his show. As he watched, Levi absently fiddled with Eren's hair, noting how he quoted some of the lines spot on.

"You're such a nerd," he mumbled lovingly, popping a kiss on the top of Eren's chocolate locks.

"Thanks." He tilted his head back and sent Levi a half grin. "Hey."

"What?"

"I never got my morning kiss," Eren said with a mock pout.

"I think I can fix that..." The raven leaned down and delicately placed his lips upon Eren's. The younger reached up and held Levi's head down a bit longer, deepening the kiss as much as he possibly could from his position. Deciding it wasn't enough, he sat up and turned to face the raven, capturing his lips again and again. Levi hummed against him, entangling his arms around the other's neck. His tongue flicked out, seeking entrance, which Eren granted easily. They kissed slowly for a while, experimenting a bit. Eren's hands ran softly up Levi's sides to grip his ribs a little rougher than usual. Levi only pulled him closer, pressing his back into the pillows and hooking a leg around one of Eren's.

They broke apart, the sounds of their breathlessness filling the air. Eren's eyes remained closed while Levi allowed his to peek open in a hooded gaze.

"Eren," he breathed.

"Hmm?"

He lifted his head a bit, positioning his lips next to the shell of the younger's ear.

"I want you," he whispered into it.

The brunet pushed him back to look him in the eyes. "Are you sure?" he murmured.

"Yes. If you are."

Eren nodded slowly. "A-are you sure you're ready...?"

"I'll be okay," promised the raven. "I want this before you go."

"O-okay..." Eren swallowed hard, stomach filled with nervous—but excited—butterflies. He couldn't help but search the raven's eyes for any hint of doubt or uneasiness about the situation. When he found none, he leaned a bit closer again with his lip trapped lightly between his teeth, pressing their foreheads together. The brunet could feel Levi's soft, warm breath brushing lightly across his lips, his cheeks. Ever so slowly the distance between their lips closed into what could just barely be considered a kiss. Gradually, they became deeper, more affectionate, closer until their chests pressed against each other, tangled in each other's arms.

Clothes were carelessly discarded and strewn, the cotton sheets of the bed wrinkled and bunched beneath them while the rest of the bed was thrown into disarray. The sounds of breathlessness filled the otherwise quiet air, names and the occasional "I love you" laced within. Moans of pleasure spilled from damp lips, the making of passion and love creating a mess of the physical while scars of the spiritual were mended.

Levi had never felt more whole than he did then. Had never felt so alive and immensely _in love_. Drugs, parties, and anything else he'd spiraled himself down into for so many years was nothing compared to this. It was feeble. Tainted. This...Eren...it was all pure, healthy, and happy. This kind of vigorous love and such raw emotion was what he'd always needed.

Above him, mixed with the heat, sweat, and breathlessness, Eren was as gentle as Levi needed and as rough as he wanted. If ever he began to tense or freeze up, the brunet would slow his motions, rub his sides, stroke his cheek, neck, shoulders, kiss his forehead and remind him everything was okay. His vision was blurred by tears while his body was wracked with a great pleasure he'd never before known.

Nirvana was reached and heartbeats synchronized as each reached his breaking point in the other's arms. A natural high.

Eren all but collapsed on top of Levi, barely able to hold himself up by his elbows as breaths huffed in and out of his lungs. The raven brushed a hand across the side of his face, smoothing back some of the hair, damp with sweat and sticking to his skin.

"You alright?" he breathed. Eren could only nod. "C'mere..." Levi pulled Eren's head down to his shoulder, continuously pushing his hair away from his face. Eren used the last of his energy to roll off of his lover and settle against his side, an arm resting across Levi's waist.

"You feelin' okay?" Eren asked once he'd regained (mostly) regular breathing.

"Better than okay," Levi responded. He pressed a kiss to Eren's shiny forehead.

"Hmm, same..."

They let themselves rest against each other, simply reveling in each other's' presence and the love pooling around them. As Levi kept his fingers entwined through Eren's hair, his other hand tracing gently up and down his spine, he felt the beginnings of a smile forming on his face. It was genuine. Sincere. He gazed up at the ceiling, allowing this vigorous happiness sink in despite the fatigue.

"What are you smiling about?" Eren asked softly, stroking his stomach.

"Hm. Just this. You. This must be what happiness feels like..."

Eren chuckled and nuzzled into his shoulder, smiling himself. "Yeah," he agreed, "It is."

"You're a brat...but you make me feel like this." He shook his head. "Are you some kind of wizard?"

The brunet gasped playfully. "How'd you find out my secret?"

"Your dick told me."

"Damn. Can't trust it with anything."

Levi softly flicked his forehead. "Dork."

"Mhm...you don't let me forget it..." His sentence petered out into a wide yawn. "Mind if I sleep?"

"Not at all." He replaced his flick with another light kiss.

"Mmkay...I love you."

"I love you, too, Eren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it feels like this fic is nearing it's end, it is. But not to fret - there's still a few more ups and downs on this rollercoaster before it comes to a close.  
> And again, I'm so so so sorry about the delay >.


	27. •~Chapter Twenty Seven~•

Levi couldn't recall a time where he ever uttered the words 'I love you' to someone and meant it with every inch of his being. Really, he couldn't remember ever really saying them to anyone. If he had, it was when he was very young. He'd probably said it to his mother, even his sister because that was just what you did. It was normal, and he would have been much too young to understand not loving your family, to understand that just because they were your family didn't necessarily mean they deserved your love or that you deserved theirs.

Anyone else he might have said it to would have been his baby sister...but by the time she was born, his heart was already tainted and that kind of affection wasn't something he was capable of.

Every time he allowed those words to roll off his tongue, they felt strange. Not bad. Just strange. They sounded almost wrong in his voice, yet every time he said them they left a warm tingle in their wake. They were just words. They shouldn't make him feel the way they did, but they did.

After the events of that morning, they seemed weak and feeble and didn't hold nearly enough power for how he truly felt about the boy sleeping soundly on his chest and in his arms, with his deep breathing and steady heartbeat. He'd been the first between them to say it; every time he said it since he meant it with every atom of his being.

Eren hadn't so much as changed him as he'd brought parts of him to the surface. Parts that had been buried so deep by bad memories, drugs, and hatred. Being around someone so full of life was bound to have an effect on him...yet he'd had no idea it would be so profound.

~*~

Slowly, the raven untangled himself from the brunet, mindful not to wake him from his evidently deep slumber. He covered him up with the afghan at the end of the bed that had slid halfway off before standing up and stretching, wincing as his muscles protested against the soreness. His thighs in particular ached from having been stretched out more than they were used to. His ass was in no complete comfort, either, but with the pool of bliss he was floating in, it was more than worth it.

He started picking things up and tidying them, tossing their clothes in the laundry basket and shutting the television off. He then selected clothes at random and strode across the hall for a shower.

Back in the room, Eren was just waking back up, sitting up with his arms stretched wide and his mouth wide open in a yawn.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Levi said with a chuckle, crawling over to him.

"Heyyy." He dragged out the word and smiled into it. "How long was I out?"

"Mm, like half an hour. How you feelin'?"

"Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?" Levi rolled his eyes. "I'm...great." Eren smiled. "Sore."

Levi cracked a smirk of his own. "Me too." He reached up, pushing Eren's hair from his face again. "You need a shower," he said, wrinkling his nose.

"Hmph, _you_ need a shower."

Levi leaned over and shook his wet hair in front of Eren's face in response.

"You mean you showered without me?" Eren pretend complained, sticking his lip out.

"Tch. Don't be a baby. Can't you shower by yourself for once?"

"But it's not as easy to get my baaack..." he whined, leaning over to lean his head heavily against Levi's shoulder.

"You're such a brat," Levi muttered.

Eren chuckled and snaked his arms around the other's waist loosely as he pressed his lips to his tattooed collarbone. "You know I'm joking, love," he purred.

"T-tch..." Levi's eyes rolled up to the ceiling, feeling the unmistakable heat of a blush creeping up his neck at the pet name. "Anyway, if you can man up and go shower...I might consider giving you a massage."

"Oh? That sounds nice."

"Then go." He nudged the brunet.

"Kiss me first."

"So needy..." Levi tilted Eren's chin up and leaned forward, but not so much to kiss him immediately. He gazed down at his lips, Eren's breath tickling his own, before he gently captured them in one of the absolute most intimate gestures he'd been able to make between them - right up there with sex itself. His lips lingered for a long, tooth-rotteningly sweet moment, rendering Eren dizzy when he finally pulled away.

"Whoa..." he breathed, turquoise eyes fluttering open.

Levi hummed in content and skimmed his thumb lightly across his lips, following through to brush and cup his cheek. Eren leaned forward just enough to rest their foreheads together. He took Levi's free hand and brought it to his lips, gently pressing soft kisses to his knuckles. He slid his hand around Levi's waist and laid back again, pulling him along. The older started pampering his face with his own soft kisses, skimming his lips over his jawline, his cheeks, over his forehead, his brow, down his nose and gently across his eyelids, leaving his lips for last. His fingers followed, wanting to capture every detail of his face and memorize it.

"I thought you wanted me to take a shower..."

"I do."

Eren chuckled through his nose, running his hands up and down the curves of Levi's bare back. "Sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Are you gonna let me up?"

"Guess I'm gonna have to..."

"Well..."

Levi sighed lightly and left a butterfly kiss on Eren's cheek before sitting back up and moving over to let him stand. The blankets fell away from his hips as he moved to his feet, revealing the naked planes of his skin - his back, curving down at his hips and around at his ass, forming down into his strong legs.

But that wasn't what caught Levi's attention. As soon as he'd started toward the door, saying a soft "be right back," Levi grabbed his wrist to stop him and stood up himself, inspecting the red lines trailing down the skin of Eren's otherwise flawless back. A few scabs dashed down where blood had been drawn.

"What is it?" he asked, craning his neck around. Levi's fingers trailed over the lines, frowning.

"Didn't realize I scratched you so hard," he murmured. "I drew blood. Does it hurt?"

"Stings a little...but my muscles are sorer than anything."

Levi nodded thoughtfully. "Hot shower should help. Sorry."

Eren grinned widely. "Worth it."

"Hmph. Go shower."

"Are you okay, though? I mean...from..."

"Mhmm. Go on. I'm gonna clean up."

"'Kay." Eren didn't bother selecting anything to wear before he strode across the hall and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Levi alone in the silence of his room. He started tidying - straightening the bed and wiping things down for good measure. He wandered to the kitchen and scrounged for a box of crackers to nibble on while he checked his phone and turned the television back on, sitting cross-legged in the center of the bed. He tried not to think of how Eren would be leaving in less than twelve hours. Tried not to think of how his sister was still all the way in Hawaii and how he'd be essentially completely alone for a week. Tried not to think of how uneasy that made him feel.

Eventually he managed to distract himself with the television and before he knew it, Eren was striding back in the room with his hair wet and shiny and a towel wrapped snug around his hips. His fresh shower scent wafted over to Levi's nose and his eyes strayed from the TV to the brunet's face. He quickly combed through his hair and dressed into a pair of sweats, sighing as he plopped down onto the bed.

"What's up?" asked the raven.

"I should start packing..." Eren mumbled glumly.

"In half an hour."

"Huh?"

Levi stood up and pointed at the bed. "Lay down on your stomach," he instructed.

Eren easily complied with a knowing grin, crawling up to the head of the bed and stretching out his limbs. Levi followed, tossing his leg over to straddle him, essentially using his butt as a cushion.

"Good thing your ass is so firm," he joked, rocking back and forth a bit.

"Shut up," Eren grumbled.

"Just don't fart on me."

"Don't tempt me," Eren scoffed, squeezing his knee.

"You're hopeless," sighed the raven. With that, he got to work. He used his long, slender, lithe fingers to massage over Eren's back, starting at the top near his neck with the pads of his thumbs and his knuckles. He moved outward toward the other's shoulders and worked his way down. Eren winced in pain from the pressure every so often, but was otherwise a puddle beneath his capable hands with his eyes half-lidded and his breathing deep. Levi was careful to avoid the cuts and made a note to keep his fingernails trimmed shorter more often.

"Where is it the sorest?" he asked without falter.

"Lower back," Eren mumbled into the pillows. "And my hips."

Levi nodded, working his way toward those areas. Eren sighed in content, enjoying the warmth of his lover's presence and the sensation of his massaging fingers, letting him relax and helping him forget he'd be halfway across the world in less than a day. Levi, too, reveled in the moment, though he was all too aware of Eren's having to leave soon.

"Levi?" Eren murmured after a few moments of silence.

"Hm?"

"Who...?" Eren hesitated, swallowing reasonably hard. He wasn't sure if this was a question he had the right to ask.

"Who...?" Levi prompted.

Eren huffed and decided he was too curious not to ask.

"Who was your first time with?" he squeaked.

"Do you really wanna know that?" Levi asked with the beginnings of a smirk tugging on his lips.

"Yes...but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"You'll probably look at me differently when I do tell you," Levi said. "Or maybe not believe me. That's why I asked."

"I won't, and I will. Tell me."

"It was with Farlan."

Eren's brows knitted together as he remembered the stories Levi had told about Farlan, who he'd been to Levi. The one who introduced him to drugs in the first place. The one who'd vowed to kill himself if he was ever caught by the law. The one who, to Eren, was faceless.

He often wondered if Farlan had saved Levi more than he'd hurt him...even though the way he saved him was so immensely harmful to Levi. Still, what would Levi had done had he been left alone with his depression, trauma and terrible memories? Would that have made it worse? Would he even still be alive? Eren knew things could be a lot different if he'd never approached Levi all those years ago. But would they be better or worse?

Something inside of Eren nagged at him and wanted to hate Farlan for showing Levi to drugs and causing him to spiral down that path he almost didn't return from...but in the end, he did get better instead of losing his life, and Eren would take an alive, even drugged Levi over no Levi any day.

"Don't believe me, huh?" Levi asked.

"No, I do. But why would I look at you differently? And why did you think I wouldn't believe you?"

"Because of what you know of him. Because of who he was to me...the influence he had in my life."

"That doesn't make me look at you differently, Levi. At least, not in the way you think."

"Then in what way?"

"I...don't know. I guess I just didn't see that coming."

"I see."

"So...how old were you?"

"Seventeen, believe it or not. It was right after I dropped out of high school."

"And..." Eren's voice dropped. "...you were high, right?"

"Higher than a kite," Levi said, equally as soft.

"On what?"

"I don't think you want to know."

"I do."

"If you're sure."

"I am. Out with it."

"Cocaine."

Eren flinched despite having braced himself. That wasn't one Levi had ever told him he'd done before, but he knew he still shouldn't have been surprised.

"It was the first and only time I ever tried it," he continued. "I know that doesn't make it any better. Maybe that's what I thought would cause you to see me differently."

"No," Eren murmured. "It doesn't. I still don't think your past defines who you are right now." He gently tapped Levi's knee, motioning for him to move so he could flip over onto his back and then pull the raven back onto him. He reached up and placed his palm over his heart, right over the tattoo forever marking his skin. "And I don't think you got this tattoo for nothing. You could've done any kind of drug in the world or...I dunno...sucked anybody's dick and I'd still see you the same way."

Levi gently slid his hand over Eren's, holding it more securely to his chest. "Blinded by love, I see," he whispered.

"Maybe. Or maybe I just don't want to judge you for your mistakes. Either way, I mean it."

Before Levi ended up crying like an idiot, he laid down across Eren's chest and pressed his face into the crook of his neck, closing his eyes and inhaling slowly.

"I wish it was you," he said, "I wish it had been today."

"You mean...the first time you had sex? You wish it was with me?"

"Yes. All the people I banged back then..." He breathed a sarcastic laugh. "All those one night stands...and the random people I brought home. Stupid. That all meant nothing to me. I just wanted to get high and get off. I didn't think about the deeper meaning. Didn't care. Or maybe I didn't realize it had one. But now I know, and I feel like an idiot for all those times I let myself lay down with someone I barely even knew in the past."

"So you regret it."

"Yes," Levi said in a small voice.

"But...the past is the past, Levi. You can't change it. You can just learn and move on. Haven't I said that before?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you have."

"So then...try not to worry about it so much."

"I don't regret it as much now...because...of you. In some ways this morning was like the first time because I didn't have some kind of poison running through my veins. And...it was better than I remembered it to be."

"I'm just that good, huh?" Eren said, grinning.

"Tch." Levi smacked his chest. "Don't get cocky."

The brunet chuckled. "It's okay. I know what you mean."

"Good. So then what about you?"

"M-me?"

"No, idiot, the other person in the room I just had sex with."

"Oh...um..." Blood rose to his cheeks. "What about me?"

"Your first time, shithead. Keep up."

"Oh. That. You...you want to know about that?"

"It's only fair. And you said you'd tell me, no? Spill."

"Right...um, well, I was a junior in high school...and that was one of the years I was most depressed." His voice dropped to nothing more than just above a whisper, eyes glued to the ceiling. Levi's fingers began tracing lines over his stomach as he listened. "And uhm, there was this girl. Long story short, I needed someone. And she needed someone. So we decided to be that person for each other. And there was a time I only ever really talked to her, except for my mom and Mikasa and Armin on occasion. We got really, really close...and I really liked her, but I don't think we were ever officially together. And then one day we were at my house. Alone. I don't remember where my mom was...but it just sort of happened. I later realized I didn't have the feelings for her I thought I did. And the feeling was mutual. We stopped talking, and when high school ended I never saw her again."

"I see. So it was with a girl."

"Well, yes and no." Levi looked up, brow raised in confusion. "She was a transgender girl. Physically male, but not so much...spiritually. But I didn't know it until after we did it. I...kinda found her crying in my bathroom after I woke up and she said she was afraid because she knew she was a female inside but she was afraid I'd see her differently because of everything that happened. Kinda like you. But I didn't, of course."

"But you never dated her?"

"No. I mean, we kinda tried after it happened, but it didn't feel right to either of us."

"And she's the only one you ever had sex with."

"Yes. Until this morning, anyway."

"Obviously. So what was her name?"

"Her legal birth name was Jack, but she preferred to be called Willow."

"And do you miss her?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Curious."

Eren simply hummed and silence followed. Levi's fingers continued to trace lines on Eren's torso - the shallow bumps defining his modest muscular frame, across each of his ribs and down his chest several times before he simply lazily traced invisible lines and then came to a slow stop, spreading his fingers over the younger's heartbeat to feel it thumping steadily underneath it.

Eren decided it was his turn to trace, and picked up said hand to trace over the lines of his palm with his pinkie, trailing down to his wrist where the scars began. Besides those markings, there wasn't much else to trace and he allowed his finger to run over the bumpy surface of Levi's ivory skin. Surprisingly, Levi let him, simply watching.

"I've been wondering something," the raven murmured.

"What is it?"

"What would you have done if the withdrawals had taken my life?"

Eren tensed ever so slightly, but Levi was close enough to feel it. He tilted his head up to see Eren's face. The brunet did not return the gaze; he purposely kept his eyes on the ceiling. The simple word 'withdrawal' had the unpleasant memories of his sickly, dying Levi buried in it. It made his chest tight, and he didn't like to think about it.

"What do you mean?" he asked finally.

"Where would you have gone? What would you have done with your life?"

"I...I'm not really sure," he mumbled. "I wouldn't have been able to handle it well."

"You would've moved on though."

"No." Eren shook his head back and forth several times. He hated the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "No, I don't think I would've been able to. I think about my depression over that month after Christmas, and I can't imagine it getting worse than that. A-and if you were g-gone, I know it would've. I-I don't think I could handle that..." Eren swallowed considerably hard in an attempt to get rid of the lump forming in his throat. His hand had clasped tightly around Levi's fingers.

"It's okay, Eren. I understand. I'm sorry I asked."

"It's fine...it's just difficult to think about." His fingers relaxed a bit and he went back to his gentle tracing over Levi's forearm until he came to the letters, still so distinct after several months of having been carved there. From his own experiences, Eren knew they'd never fade completely. Levi could live to be a little, wrinkled old man and the scars would surely remain, even if they were faint. The cuts that had created them were deep enough, destructive enough. Eren would know - he'd treated them himself. The only way they wouldn't be visible was to cover them up, and the man who bore them was very careful to keep them that way...

"I have a question," he said suddenly.

"Ask."

"Would you ever cover these up?" His fingers ghosted over the letters. "Like, tattoo over them?"

Levi's eyes lowered to the markings. He studied them for a moment. "What would I cover them with?"

"Butterflies," Eren blurted jokingly, the word having spontaneously popping into his head. "Or something else. I don't know. I'm not creative."

The raven hummed thoughtfully, taking in the mess of his arm for a moment before he suddenly sat up.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Levi simply held up a finger before scooting to the end of the bed and leaning over, reaching for one of the drawers to fish for an assortment of gel pens. They were clearly used very little and the package sported the entire rainbow and more. He moved back to Eren's side, who propped himself up on an elbow, and unbuttoned the plastic case. It looked like something a little kid might use; Eren couldn't help being amused at the fact that Levi had it, artist or not.

He slid out a dark green pen and uncapped it. Placing the cap at the top of the pen, he positioned his forearm in his lap and didn't hesitate placing the tip to his canvas, creating curved lines near his wrist at the end of the word. It took Eren an admittedly good few minutes before he realized the shape was a butterfly.

Levi flew through different pen colors - sticking mostly to blues and greens. Several butterflies ended up scattering up his forearm, each fashioning different patterns but staying within the same area of the color wheel. For simple, quick doodles, they were exceptionally drawn, though for Levi that was no surprise.

"I was joking about the butterflies, you know," Eren hushed as he was finishing up the last hues of the fifth butterfly nearest his inner elbow.

"I know."

"Then why...?"

"I liked the idea."

Eren leaned against Levi's back, resting his chin on his shoulder and gazing down at the art. Strangely, the insects didn't look out of place on his skin despite being out of Levi's usual style.

Suddenly, Levi was lurching forward, stuffing the assortment of pens back into the drawer, and standing up.

"Let's go," he said.

"What? Go where?"

"The shop." He shut the drawer with his knee and headed toward the bedroom door.

"For what?" Eren was scrambling to follow him, yanking a random shirt from the drawers and fumbling to put it on.

"I'm gonna tattoo this," Levi explained, already in the living room picking up his shoes.

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yes, Eren. Seriously." He slipped the shoes on and took his keys from the hook.

The brunet didn't have much to say to that. If Levi wanted to tattoo the butterflies, he wasn't going to argue. In fact, he was kind of giddy - for one because Levi had been so serious about a suggestion he was joking about and two because he'd get to watch the process of a tattoo again. To him, it was a fascinating thing to witness.

They arrived at the shop not fifteen minutes later. Inside, it was no surprise to find Petra and Bertholdt working on things of their own, nor was it for Petra to question why they were there on their day off. Levi left Eren to answer as he strode swiftly to his little corner of the place and sit, spinning toward his desk and pulling things out to get ready.

Eren pulled up his usual chair at the end of the desk and propped his chin up on the heel of his hand as Levi opened to a clean page of a small tablet with a pencil in hand. He smoothed it out and, using the doodles on his arm as a reference, got to work redrawing the colorful insects on paper. This time, he gave them much more detail and made them look more realistic.

It was a peaceful, calming process for the both of them; Eren's lightly hooded lids watching Levi's expert fingers use a pencil to create yet another masterpiece with the soft music and buzzing of two other tattoo machines filling the shop with very little chatter. He was in the middle of coloring the first one before Eren's internal alarm clock went off and he checked the time.

"Five o'clock," he sighed. "I need to go pack..."

Levi nodded absently, finishing with the colored pencil he used before neatly stashing it away and beginning to put his things away.

"I can finish these tomorrow," he murmured.

They stated their farewells to Petra and Bertholdt before departing the shop. The sun had already sunk most of the way below the horizon, leaving the sky a hazy gray-blue with very little clouds in sight. A light, early September breeze blew gently past, carrying with it the scent of coffee from the cafe next door. They slid into Levi's car and headed back toward the apartment.

"How long will your flight be?" Levi inquired.

"Twelve hours," Eren sighed. He was definitely not looking forward to being cramped on a plane with a bunch of other people for twelve hours.

"Do you have a ride to the airport?"

"I...have no idea."

"I'll take you."

"You don't have to-"

"It's fine. I want to."

"O-okay. Thank you."

Once in the apartment, Eren pulled out his bag and began packing some things into it, sighing absently as Levi watched and assisted.

They left shortly after he finished packing for his mother's house, who'd stated she only planned to get a cab to the airport and thanked Levi endlessly for his offer, which she took up. Mikasa didn't seem all that thrilled about it, but she didn't say a word.

The airport was bustling with people as always. Several cars were lined up and people retrieved their luggage from the insides. Others were hugging their friends and loved ones goodbye. Levi pulled up to the curb beneath one of the many signs stating the name of their airline and shifted the car into park. They, too, retrieved their things from the trunk of the car. Levi shut the door and stepped up onto the curb behind the brunet, heart rate escalated in nervous anticipation for sending him off.

Carla was first, though. With her warm, motherly smile, she set her suitcase on the ground and moved in to hug him softly, thanking him and saying goodbye. Mikasa merely waved before she and Carla headed for the door with Eren calling after that he'd join them momentarily.

And then Levi was being completely engulfed in Eren's embrace, surrounded by his warmth and familiar scent. He returned the gesture, locking his arms around Eren's waist and holding as tightly as he could for as long as he could.

"Will you be okay?" Eren murmured.

The raven gave a small nod. He knew things would be lonely, but he'd be alright, he thought...

"I'll text you as much as I can," Eren promised. "And you can always call Armin."

Levi rolled his eyes half-heartedly. "I think I'll be okay," he said. He liked Armin - he was a nice kid - but he didn't know him well enough to be calling him if he got lonely. Talk about awkward.

"I know. I just worry." The brunet pulled back to look Levi in the eyes. "Promise you'll be okay." He wasn't demanding, but requesting. He knew Levi was strong and could handle himself, but his anxiety required that extra reassurance.

"Yeah, I promise," Levi murmured. "Now you need to go..."

"Just...one more thing."

Eren's hand lifted, his fingertips gently brushing Levi's cheek before he leaned in and softly pressed a kiss to his waiting lips. Levi paid no mind to the abundance of people around or the watching eyes of the public as he reached up to Eren's neck to kiss him deeper, longer, with more passion and love for just one last time before he'd be without his beloved for almost two weeks. It was pathetic, he knew, being so uneasy about the loneliness and not having Eren's bright eyes to wake up to, but he couldn't help it. He soaked himself in the feeling of Eren's embrace one last time, stowing it away in his memory as best he could. Little did either of them know, it wasn't enough...


	28. •~Chapter Twenty Eight~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*

The flight was as long and dreadful as Eren expected. Having bought the tickets at the last minute, their seats were scattered throughout the plane. He sat nearer to the front, his mom was somewhere near the wing, and Mikasa was just a few rows back from that. The flight was full, and Eren ended up cramped in between two other people. On his left was a mean-looking old man who smelled of something his mind couldn't even put a name to (though it was somewhere along the lines of cigarettes, whiskey, and urine). To his right was a mother with a baby who couldn't be older than six months. At the moment, the child slept, but he knew as soon as the plane was off the ground it would wake up screaming from the pressure and pain in its ears. He tried to be friendly, casting halfhearted smiles and keeping himself wedged between the armrests, but the old man ignored him. The woman did smile back and even greeted him, but the words flying out of her mouth were incomprehensible German, which told him she knew little to no English. He was the exact opposite.

_'Looks like I won't be making any friends on this flight...'_

Twelve hours seemed more like three days. He couldn't see out the window because the man either blocked it or left the shade down. He fell asleep somewhere around the four hour mark, and hadn't stopped snoring for at least three. The baby had woken up and screamed bloody murder, but thankfully its mother managed to calm it down with a soft German lullaby before proceeding to feed it. The whole time she suckled on the nipple of her bottle, her big, brown eyes gazed curiously at Eren, who couldn't help but gaze back and smile a bit.

The mother noticed and articulated, "Sie heißt Amelia."

Eren nodded. He understood that much.

Eventually, the baby fell back asleep and Eren let his thoughts wander. First, they went back home to Levi. He knew that for this entire trip he'd have that worry in the back of his mind for the man. He didn't do well with being left alone and Eren was afraid of the decisions he might make if things got too lonely for him. He'd asked Armin to keep an eye out for him, though, whenever he had time. All he could do was hope for the best.

His thoughts then moved forward to Germany. To the half of his family he had little contact with in the past ten years. To the people he was admittedly afraid to face again after all this time.

He didn't remember their names or faces, really. Didn't remember his relation to any of them - cousins, uncles, aunts, second cousins, in-laws. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to act around them - what was acceptable and what wasn't.

Eren had loved his grandfather and was truthfully sad he was gone, but if he could've had his way, he would have stayed home. He was doing this for his mother and those people he didn't remember more than for himself. He didn't need the closure or peace of mind as much as them, if at all.

~*~

Eren and his family had settled into his great aunt's enormous home and seemingly since the minute they arrived, he hadn't stopped meeting and remeeting people. Everyone knew English; it was a language most Germans learned from their early years in primary school and on, and he was immensely grateful for that. It took him no time at all to get used to the thick accents and simply from being there, the little amount of the language he'd learned from his father and trips when he was younger started to resurface.

They were all very gracious to his mother, saying they knew how close she'd been to Eren's grandfather and how much she loved Grisha. Eren could see the pain in her eyes from simply talking about it, from these people bringing up memories of him. They didn't know better, though, whereas he and Mikasa did. She managed to hide her sadness well enough from them, but of course the brunet saw right through her and took every chance he got to comfort her.

He kept in touch as best he could with Levi, too, though with the time difference and both of them being busy - Eren helping with funeral plans or meeting yet another new member of his family and Levi working - there wasn't much communication to speak of. Inevitably, he worried. Simple text messages here and there weren't nearly enough for him to know how his tattoo artist was really doing, and though he was still hoping for the best he couldn't help the concern.

~*~

The funeral took place exactly a week into the trip on a Saturday afternoon. A thick cloud of gloom hung in the air around the church where it was to be held; even the weather was ominous and overcast. It looked as if it would start pouring any second. Thankfully the service was held inside.

The pews were _filled_ with family members and friends; Eren never realized how big his family was until the service began and everyone started filing onto the benches.

Everyone wore black, as typical for a funeral. It was closed-casket with the more immediate members of the deceased nearest the black case containing the body - his wife, two of Eren's uncles, and an adopted niece he'd supposedly been very close to.

Eren felt out of place for the entire thing. So many of these people had come to mourn the loss of this man who they loved and missed so much more than he ever did or had the chance to. He felt for Mikasa, too, because she had never met him or any of these people before, nor was she blood related to any of them. She kept her hands folded neatly on the skirt of her dress and her eyes on her shoes, staying very still.

The majority of the service was in German, with the more important parts vaguely translated into English. For the most part, they had no idea what was happening until everyone was standing up and the bald pastor man was inviting everyone up to say their respects.

"You don't have to go up," Carla whispered to her children. "They'll understand if you're uncomfortable."

The relief on Mikasa's face was clearer than a sunny day. She and Eren elected to hang back toward the front door as people lined up. Chatter filled the air along with the sounds of people crying and blowing their noses. Eren kept his eyes on his mom just in case.

She was halfway to the casket when he became vaguely aware of the buzzing coming from his pocket. Frowning a bit, he fumbled to slide his phone discreetly out of his pocket to check the caller ID of the incoming call. Armin's smiling face took up most of the screen, accompanied by the answer and ignore keys and a notification of two missed calls. Frowning, he backed toward the door, telling Mikasa to wait there, and tapped the green button while retreating out into the humid, cool air.

"Hey, Armin," he said, voice edgy with mild suspicion.

"Eren." The blond sounded distressed and very serious.

"What's up?"

"First, where are you?"

"In front of the church..."

"Is the service over?"

"Yes. Why?"

"And are you alone?"

"Yes, Armin. What are you getting at? What is it?"

"It's..." Armin's deep breath was audible through the phone. Eren could almost feel his hesitation, and he wanted to be able to reach through the phone, shake his best friend, and demand an answer.

"It's what?" he pressed, heartbeat quickening.

"It's Levi," the blond said softly, but very seriously. Eren stopped dead in his tracks down the sidewalk.

"Wh-what about him?" he stammered. His stomach was lurching, heart racing and hoping to _god_ it wasn't what he thought it was...

"He's...he's in the hospital, Eren."

Eren could feel his knees giving out. He didn't want to believe it. Of course he didn't.

His next words came out slow and emphasized.

"What, do, you, mean, he's, in, the, hospital?"

"I'm sorry, Eren." By saying Eren's name at the end of all of his statements it was as if he was trying to seem more sincere, more sympathetic.

"B-but what happened?" Eren's hands shook; it took everything he had to keep hold of his phone.

"He relapsed, and...and he's in a coma. Because he..." The blond huffed, evidently having trouble getting the words put. "Because he overdosed."

And at that moment Eren swore he felt his heart stop and drop right into the pits of his stomach. His knees gave out, and, fortunately, there just so happened to be the edge of a concrete border for a garden behind him to catch him so he didn't fall right on his ass.

This couldn't be happening. Armin was just...messing around. He had to be. Levi was probably fine. He was asleep. Or working. Or...didn't he have a therapy appointment that morning? He was there, or at the very least getting ready for it. He had to be. _Had to be._

But Eren knew he wasn't. He could feel it, even from across the world. He knew Armin wouldn't joke about this. No one in their right mind would, and in his right mind Armin definitely was. And he wouldn't sacrifice the money to make a long distance call if it wasn't something important...like Levi...being in the hospital...after a relapse and overdose...

"Eren? Are you there?"

"I-I'm here..."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "You needed to know."

"Y-yeah." He swallowed hard. The panic was rising steadily. "I just...I don't know what to do, Armin. I-I'm halfway across the world...I can't just...I don't..."

"I think you need to find a way back, Eren, and soon. His condition is pretty unstable...I don't want you to be so far away if-"

"Please don't say it," Eren begged. By then, his face was buried in his free hand and his entire body was trembling.

"Alright. But really, I don't mean you should leave your family, but I think Levi needs you more."

"Right. I'll...I'll figure something out. Thank you, Armin."

"Of course."

"Can I just ask...one more favor?"

"Yes."

"Just...stay with him as much as you can until I get there. Please. In case he wakes up or...or..."

"I understand. I'll do what I can and keep you updated."

"Thanks, Armin..."

"Bye, Eren. See you soon."

"Yeah."

The line clicked, signifying the end of the call. Eren's shaky fingers placed his phone on the concrete beside him and he worked on reserving himself.

This whole thing was completely out of the blue in his eyes. He knew Levi wasn't good with being so alone, with both of the people he was closest to so far away and not really having anyone else, and he knew it was going to be hard on him. But still, Levi had been doing so well...he didn't expect a relapse, much less one that would put him in a _coma_...

"Eren, dear, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

The brunet looked up to find his mother striding quickly toward him. He couldn't form the words before she reached him, pulling a tissue from her purse and dabbing his cheeks with it to dry the tears he hadn't been fully conscious of.

"Mikasa said you left to take a phone call. Who was it, hon?" She sat down, her concerned amber eyes searching his green ones for answers.

"Armin," he mumbled. "It was Armin."

"What did he say? Is he alright?"

"Yeah. Armin's okay. But I can't...say the same for L-Levi..."

The woman's frown deepened. "What happened?" She rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

"He's in the hospital, Mom," Eren mumbled. His vision blurred and swam as more tears pooled on his lower lids. "He r-relapsed. And overdosed..."

"Oh my goodness..." Carla moved closer, sliding her arm around the back of Eren's shoulders. He leaned into her embrace, emotions tipped over the edge and he couldn't hold them back.

"I don't understand why," he mumbled brokenly. "And I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Armin said I should go back...and I want to, but..."

"Go," she was saying suddenly, moving back and holding her son by the shoulders. His damp eyes narrowed in confusion. She nodded. "Go, Eren. It's okay. He needs you a lot more than we do."

"B-but-"

She shook her head again, stopping him. "We both know you'd much rather be there with him. I promise it's okay. Go back to your aunt's house and change your ticket to the earliest flight you can get back. You'll have to pay a change fee, but you know it's worth it." She fished in her purse for the keys to the rental car. "You know the way back, don't you?"

He nodded, using his sleeve to wipe his face before taking the keys from her.

"Be careful," she told him. "Keep me updated as much as you can."

"I will," he promised. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, hon. It's not your fault." She smoothed his hair, sending him a warm smile. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Mom. And tell Mikasa what's going on."

"I will. Now go."

With one final nod and sparing a squeeze for his mother, Eren swiftly stood, grabbing his phone. He jogged to the rental car, all the while trying to keep the tears away, the images of Levi lying in a sterile white environment and memories of his broken self during withdrawal. Trying to keep away the memories of his father when he'd overdosed...

He was grateful for the distraction of driving. Usually it made him think even more, but with having to drive on the opposite side of the road and follow different laws than he was used to, he was forced to focus on the road more so than his thoughts.

The plane ticket was fairly easy to exchange, and he considered himself lucky for finding the last seat on a flight taking off later that evening right to the city he needed to go to. So said the site, the seat had just opened up and he grabbed it immediately. It took a large chunk from his savings, but at that point he couldn't have cared less about how much money he had. He needed to get back to America and back to Levi as soon as he possibly could.

Eren caught a cab to the airport not an hour later after hastily repacking his things. Traffic wasn't exactly in his favor on a Saturday afternoon in busy Berlin, and he found himself bouncing his leg and nibbling his thumbnail while he waited for it to clear up. The airport, too, was a mess of busy travelers trying to find their gates and shuffling lazily through security.

Almost three hours on the dot after Armin's call, Eren hastily boarded his flight. He earned several dirty looks from his fellow passengers as he merely stuffed his luggage into the overhead compartment. He didn't know why he was still rushing so much; he knew his own hastiness would not make the plane take off faster and get him back to Levi any sooner.

As he settled himself into his seat, he took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. His heart was racing, anxiety bubbling up and causing his hands to tremble just slightly. As he waited for the flight to finish boarding and the attendants and pilot give their announcements, all the thoughts he hadn't had time for before surfaced.

Levi.

He'd done the very thing Eren had feared from the minute he confessed his addiction to Eren last December...the very thing he feared, even though only a little, for ten months. The very thing his father had done ten years ago that had taken his life.

Levi was alive. Even without Armin telling him, that was something Eren could be certain of. His heart was still beating...but at what cost? Was he only being kept alive by machine? Was his life at risk? How much of one drug could induce a coma in someone? How much did Levi have to poison himself with to do this? Had it been a deadly amount?

And the biggest question of all...

Did he do it intentionally and try to end his own life?

Eren's hands balled into fists in his lap as he stared out the window at the ground. The plane was moving, headed toward the runway for takeoff. Now was not the time to have a full-blown panic attack, even though he could feel it coming. He had to fight it.

_Fight it..._

Had Levi stopped fighting...?

Eren detested not knowing. A large part of him knew that Levi wouldn't stop fighting, wouldn't want to give in to his weaknesses so easily, even willingly. He wouldn't. He'd found reasons to live, to keep moving and breathing. Struggle was inevitable, but Eren had seen the resolve in his eyes more than once. It was rare, but it existed. And he'd promised to keep breathing for Eren, hadn't he...?

That was where the doubt laid. Yes, he had promised. But he'd also broken promises in the past. Even if it was a result of his depression, he had gone against his word in the past. That was a fact Eren couldn't ignore.

So he began to wonder and doubt. Wondered if Levi never really cared about him at all. Doubt that he did, that maybe he had just been using him as a pillar to hold onto for a little longer. For what, who knew? Sex, maybe. It was essentially the last thing they did before he left. An excuse? Phantom love? Something to replace his family? Or to replace his drug?

None of it added up. Eren knew this was just the beasts of his anxiety talking to him, the demons of his depression. Down to his very soul he knew Levi loved him and that all of those things were preposterous.

However, sometimes those beasts were stronger than the reason from one's soul, and as soon as the seatbelt light was turned off, Eren was the first to unbuckle and squeeze out into the aisle to book it to the bathroom. As soon as the door latched behind him, his anxiety engulfed him and had him sinking to the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees and rocking back and forth. He sobbed uncontrollably into his legs, trying as best he could to muffle the sounds in the material of his dress pants he wore to the funeral and hadn't bothered to change out of in his haste to the airport. His whole frame shook almost violently.

He dragged out every second he could in that tiny space trying to calm himself down before a knock sounded at the door.

"Just a sec," he mumbled. He pulled himself to his feet and reserved himself as best he could, attempting to put his disheveled hair mostly back in place and wiping away every trace of his tears with a paper towel. There was nothing he could do about his puffy, reddened eyes, so he unlatched the door and stepped out, keeping his gaze away from the person waiting and doing his best to hide his face from them with his hair.

He went back to his seat and was just putting his seat belt back on when the woman next to him turned her wise, sky blue eyes on him.

"You don't seem to be having the best day," she said quietly, knowingly in a German accent.

"Uhm..." He swallowed hard, trying to make the thickness of his voice subside. "Well, no, I'm not," he said with the smallest of forced smiles.

"May I ask why?"

Eren blinked at her. Wasn't every day a random stranger asked what was wrong, and if they did it was more for good gossip and pure curiosity than anything. This woman, though, with her friendly, wrinkled smile, long gray hair and liquid blue eyes seemed more genuinely concerned.

"My, um..." Eren cleared his throat. "My...boyfriend is in the hospital," he told her.

"I'm so sorry, dear." She placed her rough, wrinkled hand atop his. His first internal reaction was to withdraw his own, but elected to be polite and leave it there. "I know that's rough. You must remember that this has happened for a reason, though. In the end, you'll be led down a path that will take you somewhere better even if it's painful at first."

"Y-yeah..." Eren had nothing more to say to that. Half of her words made no sense past his clouded mind.

"I will pray for you, son," she said.

"Th-thank you..."

She nodded, squeezing his hand with a smile before releasing it and proceeding to bow her head and fold her hands in front of her.

Eren watched her for a good, long minute before averting his eyes back to the window where below him, he could see nothing but clouds they were passing below.

He'd never been religious even though, after his father died, his mother delved into it for what he thought to be comfort. He had the mindset that, if any kind of god existed, it wouldn't have taken his father from him and caused him and his mother to experience such depression. He couldn't believe a god would be so cruel and, therefore, ceased to believe in any such thing.

That had been in the mind of a depressed, grieving ten-year-old, and he since hadn't started believing in any such thing. Religion made no sense to him - hundreds of millions of people worshipping something they could never be absolutely sure existed until death and thinking these entities were all-powerful beings that, despite their pleas for help and guidance, rarely - if ever - delivered. Eren wasn't one to judge, but he wouldn't follow them senselessly.

So he let the woman pray for him and Levi. He allowed him to be thankful for her thoughtfulness, but nothing more. He was desperate, but not in such a way that would make him think maybe her praying would help him or cause any higher power to aid him. What would happen would happen, and there was no getting around it. He would have to face it head on, even if it came to the worst-case scenario.

~*~

The plane landed a painful eleven hours and fifty-three minutes after taking off. To Eren, it was the absolute longest, most agonizing near twelve hours of his life, not knowing what was going on back on the ground at home. Not knowing if Levi was okay or not. Simply not knowing.

As soon as he was off the plane, his phone was to his ear making a call to Armin, all the while dragging his belongings down the busy corridors of the airport and not bothering to excuse himself when he bumped into anyone or got in their way. He remained oblivious to their annoyed glances and glares.

"You're on the ground?" Armin answered.

"Yes. Headed toward the pickup terminal."

"Okay. I'm almost there."

"Got it."

He stuffed his phone back in his pocket as he followed the signs toward baggage claim that he knew would lead him to where he needed to go and find Armin. He made it there before his blond friend showed up, constantly checking his phone and down the road in the direction he knew his friend would be coming from.

The time on his phone when Armin pulled up to the curb was 8:26. He tossed his luggage in the backseat before hopping in the front. Armin took off only a second later.

"Hey," mumbled the brunet, running a tired hand through his hair.

"Hey," Armin replied. "Are you alright?"

"No."

"I understand."

"How...how is he?"

"He woke up from his coma a few hours ago, but he isn't very responsive. His condition is mostly stable...but the doctors have yet to be able to do any tests to find permanent damage."

Eren nodded slowly, fingers drumming impatiently on his thighs as they waited in traffic.

"Tell me what happened," he said.

"I'm not entirely sure, Eren."

"From your perspective, then."

"I had a small hunch, I guess you could say. I called him twice and with no answer, I decided to head over there. The door was unlocked, so I walked in and he was right there in the middle of the floor face down. I called an ambulance and he's been at the hospital ever since. The paramedics told me what happened, and that's when I knew I had to call you."

"When was this?" Eren murmured.

"Last night. I had to find the money to make the long distance call."

"What time?"

"About nine-thirty when I went over there."

Eren was nodding slowly, feeling his stomach churning and like he was about to throw up. He forced it down, though, working on calming himself as he watched the road go by.

"Eren, you need to know...he had to have his lungs flushed of fluid and his stomach pumped. They said his organs don't completely function properly, but that they'd probably been that way for a while. A couple months, at least."

"Y-yeah, they have...I just...I didn't know it was that bad..."

"Looks like he didn't, either."

Eren drew in a shaky breath. His hands shook mercilessly, his heart pounded in his chest and caused his head to throb relentlessly. He already had a headache from the plane ride; the anxiety was doing no good for that.

Eventually, they made it to the hospital. As they neared the front entrance, all the haste Eren had been feeling before vanished. His stomach was clenched nervously as he stepped onto the tiled floor, the normal smells of a hospital filling his nose. Armin remained right next to him and close, noting how pale and uneasy he looked.

The receptionist behind the front desk recognized the blond male and, giving Eren a once-over, nodded in realization. She'd been told who he was and warned he was coming. She stood from her chair and walked toward them, heels clicking on the linoleum.

"It's technically after visiting hours," she said, nodding toward the clock in the waiting room reading 9:05. "But I think I can make an exception."

"Thank you," Armin said, casting her a smile. She didn't return it.

"Follow me," she said.

"Do you want me to go with?" Armin whispered to the brunet.

"No...I want to see him alone."

With that, he followed the path of the receptionist down a couple of hallways and into an elevator that took them up two floors, and then down two more corridors and into an area marked "INTENSIVE CARE UNIT".

"He's right in here," she said, gesturing to a door marked with a number Eren didn't bother to read. "I can probably give you about twenty minutes."

"Okay. That's fine. Thank you."

The steadiness of his voice surprised him. The lady nodded, wished him luck, and walked away.

He waited until he could no longer hear the clicking of her heels before he faced the door. Holding his breath, he placed his hand on the knob and did his best to prepare himself for what he was about to see.


	29. •~Chapter Twenty Nine~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again! But are you really surprised anymore? xD

Eren didn't know what he was expecting upon walking into that hospital room. Didn't know if he expected to see Levi as he'd been in his state of withdrawal - pale skin, darkened eyes, much too skinny, overall sickly looking. Didn't know if he expected him to resemble a corpse without any signs of life except maybe the machinery keeping his vitals working.

Because he didn't look like either of those things.

He looked like _Levi_ , like the man Eren had known and loved dearly for the past six months. As he laid there between the white sheets, impeccably still aside from the light movement of his chest as he carried oxygen in and out fed by the cannula tucked under his nose, he seemed asleep. He bore the same calm, serene expression Eren had the privilege to wake up to every morning and watch manifest again every night. How absolutely normal he looked was unnerving to the brunet. He'd relapsed. Overdosed. Put himself into a coma for almost two days. Yet he physically showed no signs of this.

Eren's knees shook beneath him as he entered the room, letting the edge of the thick wooden door slide from his fingers and click shut. He slowly approached the unconscious man, mind blank without ever taking his eyes from his face. His insides felt like they were vibrating with all of the emotions storming inside of him.

He reached the chair next to the bed just in time for his knees to give out the same way they had the moment he heard the news of what happened. For several long moments, he was frozen where he sat despite wanting so desperately to reach out and touch him - take his hand or smooth his hair or _something_.

Eren wondered if this had erased all of the progress he'd made in the past seven months. He couldn't help but feel it had; he could get addicted so easily again...provided he pulled out of this. Whether Eren believed he could or not was a major conflict in his mind. One hand, he'd been so strong in the past and it was absurd to think that something like this would be his demise. On the other, an overdose on heroin was major and very serious; Levi's body was already so fragile...

Head reclined, Eren managed to lift his hand and wrap his shaking fingers around Levi's still ones. He watched his tears fall and stain the sheet with dark little circles. His teeth rocked together as he fought to keep his hysteria under control.

Suddenly, he felt the gentlest of fingers in his hair and heard an even softer voice saying, "Stupid brat..."

Eren's head snapped up instantly, simultaneous with a gasp being sucked between his lips. Sure enough, Levi's eyes were open - although heavily so - and gazing up at him with his arm reaching across his torso, gently caressing the side of Eren's face.

"Don't waste your tears on something hopeless like me," he murmured, barely above a whisper. His thumb caught a few of the tears escaping down Eren's rosy cheeks. His heart squeezed at the desperate sight of his love crying for him. Again.

"Y-you're awake," Eren breathed. The raven said nothing. "How do you feel?"

"I'm okay," he said quietly. "But you're not. I've gone and hurt you again." He sighed. "Hopeless..."

"You're not hopeless," the brunet whispered brokenly. He reached up with his own free hand and took Levi's from his face, sniffling. "I was scared. So scared..."

"I know, love. I'm sorry." The raven's eyes slid closed once more.

"I don't get it, Levi..." His voice rose, raspy and thick with tears. "I don't understand why you would...do this. Do...do the past seven months mean nothing to you?" Eren's voice cracked, his eyes searching Levi's face in an almost frantic manner, absolutely desperate for answers.

"No, Eren. They mean absolutely everything to me."

"Then why...?!" Eren could feel himself on the brink of hysteria; his voice did nothing to hide that. Noticing, Levi's shiny gray orbs reappeared.

"Now that you're here...I don't know why. I don't have an answer for you and I can't tell you what I was thinking. There isn't a damn thing I could say to make it okay, though. I know that. And you're free to leave."

"N-no. I'm not going anywhere. I promised I wouldn't abandon you. I won't break that promise."

Levi visibly flinched; he immediately looked away. "You insist on keeping such a detrimental promise when I've broken so many to you? You insist on staying even though I've torn you apart worlds more than I've done any good for you?"

"You know you're wrong, Levi. You know that's not true."

"You know, Eren..." He once again met the eyes of the brunet from the corners of his own. "Sometimes it's better to break a promise if it's better for your own well-being. There's no use wasting your time on someone who's going to continue to hurt you no matter how much you believe in them."

"Stop, Levi, please," begged the brunet, holding tighter to both of his hands. "You're not bad for me. I know you're not trying to hurt me. You're just...complicated. And...and so am I. It's okay."

Levi was prepared to argue, but with seeing the silent plea and desperateness in Eren's swimming turquoise orbs, he gave in.

"If you're sure."

"I am."

Levi could still never fully understand Eren's unwavering devotion to keep his promise or his seemingly infinite, indestructible love for him. His eyes narrowed, looking over the younger as his foggy, mildly aching head tried to comprehend it.

That was when he noticed the brunet's attire - a nice dress shirt covered in a black vest with black pants. He'd clearly rushed out of the funeral just to come back, to be at Levi's side. The guilt multiplied, but he wouldn't say anything.

Instead, he murmured, "You look nice."

Eren glanced down his own body. "Funeral clothes? Yeah, sure, thanks," he mumbled sarcastically.

"You do."

The brunet half-shrugged. He glanced up at the clock, noting the minute hand being dangerously close to the 5 and knowing his time was almost up.

"My time's almost up," he said, though his hands tightened around the raven's further.

"Where are you planning to go?"

"I...don't know. I hadn't thought of that yet. My family is still in Germany, so..."

"Stay in the apartment. You still have the spare key, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Then you have a place to go."

The brunet merely nodded. As exhausted as he was and as much as curling up in that big, familiar bed sounded like heaven, he was hesitant to leave Levi. Though he didn't seem as bad as expected, the raven had a brave, stoic mask perfectly practiced and easy to put in place. Even Eren was still attempting to learn how to see through it, and that was no easy task. At that very moment he was trying to look beyond it, to see the pain or weakness Levi was surely attempting to cover up as to not worry him, something he did often.

"I'll be fine, Eren." Levi removed a hand from the brunet's to brush that stubborn strand back, gray eyes flitting back and forth between Eren's liquid green ones.

Eren internally cursed himself. Unlike Levi, Eren didn't have any kind of mask or means of hiding his emotions from his face.

"Go home. Get some rest. Don't worry so much, or you'll get wrinkles."

Eren managed a half hearted snort. "Can't have that, huh?"

"Absolutely not."

Eren rose to his feet, although reluctantly, and leaned down toward the other's face. Levi gazed right back up at him, eyes searching Eren's to again memorize them as he leaned closer and closer. Eventually, their lips came together in one of the most emotion-filled, tenderhearted kisses. Levi could feel the emotion down to his very soul; his free hand came up to caress Eren's smooth cheek ever so delicately. The sound of their lips parting was nearly inaudible.

"I love you," whispered the younger, "so much."

A lump formed in Levi's throat. Past it, he managed a soft, "I love you, too."

Eren kissed him once more, this time even softer. It reflected his words and amplified them tenfold.

"I'll be back tomorrow," he promised. "Get some sleep. I know you need it."

Levi could only nod. He didn't trust his voice with the growing lump in his throat from knowing he didn't deserve Eren's love, or even his presence.

Eren left one last kiss on Levi's forehead before striding slowly toward the door. Just before he could twist the knob and pull it open, Levi spoke up.

"Eren." The brunet turned, and suddenly Levi could no longer meet his gaze. "I know this means nothing, I just have to say it. I'm sorry."

The corner of Eren's lips curved up a bit to form a small half smile that didn't nearly reach his eyes. He nodded slightly once before pulling the door open and stepping through it, leaving Levi to be consumed by the heavy burden that was his guilt.

Eren met Armin in the lobby/waiting area of the hospital. The blond stood upon seeing his friend returning and immediately took note of his distressed demeanor.

"Are you alright, Eren?" he asked.

The brunet forced a smile. "I'm okay," he responded. "It's just hard, y'know?"

Armin could only nod. Really, he didn't know all that well. Being aromantic, he didn't experience the kinds of feelings his best friend bore at this moment for someone he loved in such a way. All he could do was sympathize. He did understand that Levi was more important to Eren than anyone, and he'd known that feeling before with his family.

"So um, would you mind taking me back to Levi's apartment?" Eren asked.

"Not at all, but are you sure you wouldn't rather stay at my house? You're more than welcome."

Eren followed the blond out of the building, calling back an absent thanks to the receptionist woman who'd bent the rules for them.

"That's okay," he said. "I wouldn't wanna be a burden."

"You wouldn't be," Armin assured him, pressing the button to unlock his mom's minivan.

"Thanks, Armin. I just...kinda wanna be alone right now."

Armin gave Eren a knowing _look_. He knew how Eren was when he got into moods like these, and being alone wasn't the best thing for him. The brunet brushed it off, though.

"I'll be fine," he said. The words were empty.

"I'll trust your judgment, Eren, but if you start to get...you know...call me. Even if it's late."

Eren nodded, giving him another doll-like smile. Empty and emotionless. It was on his face but not in his heart.

"So...was he awake?" Armin asked as he drove down the road toward Levi's apartment.

"He wasn't when I got there, but he woke up while I was with him."

"How is he?"

"Okay, I think. It's so hard to tell sometimes...but I don't think he was in pain or anything."

"I see."

Armin didn't want to pry any further, so the rest of the ride was silent. He pulled up behind the row of cars to let Eren out at the stairwell leading to apartment number 36 and stopped, waited for Eren to retrieve his things from the trunk, and walk back to the window.

"Thank you, Armin. For everything. I...I hate to say it, but if it weren't for you I don't think he'd still be..."

"No need to say it," the blond cut in. "Get some rest. I'll talk to you later."

"Right. Okay. Bye, Armin."

Eren backed away from the car. Armin waited only a minute and watched him reach the stairs before taking off, thinking about how, while Eren was in a depressed mood, his best friend seemed more like a stranger.

Eren trudged to the top of the stairs, dragging his things behind him. He reached the familiar door and fished out his keys, unfortunately buried at the bottom of his clothes while he thought about how damn unfortunate this night was turning out to be. He shoved the key into the slot and twisted, using his ankle to pull the bag in and bumped the door shut with his hip.

Once the door was shut, dead silence fell over. The interior of the apartment was exactly as he'd remembered it. Of course it was. It had only been about a week. But suddenly even all of the tiniest aspects of it screamed Levi, from the impeccable cleanliness to the guyish yet floral scent. From the position of the furniture to the warmth of the air. From the popcorn ceiling to the stains of blood leading down the hall. It was all there, those little details Eren's mind subconsciously picked up, like the little hole on the wood of the table and the scratches of the granite countertop in the kitchen. The piece of tile missing in the corner and the cracked covering of the light hanging above the table. The worn, faded color of the couches and the off center window next to the TV, among many other things. With these things, it was home. Not because Eren was used to being there or because he spent more time there than he did his legal address anymore, but because it was so Levi. Levi was home, and though said man wasn't there, this place was just enough to get him through the night knowing Levi could be gone right then.

Eren didn't force himself to ignore the spot on the ground Armin described he'd found the man lying. Instead he stared at it for a long while as if he'd be able to see it himself. He wasn't, of course, but he was glad.

Eren shuffled further into the apartment, mindful to take his shoes off before doing so, remembering Levi was such a stickler for it. He dragged his bag to the bedroom and hefted it onto the bed after flicking the light on. Unsurprisingly, the bed was completely made up and everything was organized, in its place as always. Indolently, he unizipped the suitcase and found his pajamas, pulled them on after undressing himself from the funeral attire, and stashed the bag near the corner. He decided against taking a shower, being too tired and knowing he could just do it before he went to see Levi in the morning.

He started crawling to the head of the bed when he spotted Levi's cell phone on the night stand on his side of the bed, evidently untouched for days - probably since before he'd overdosed. He lifted the device from the table and pressed the button. It lit to life, but showed very little battery remaining. There were the two missed calls from Armin and only one text message.

From: My Nerd♡ @ 9:49 PM

|Hey. Reminder that I miss and love you. I'll be home soon. Wait for me~|

It was from Eren himself, right before he'd gone to the funeral. That told him his message had been just a few minutes too late. Had he been maybe ten minutes earlier, this might have been prevented. Levi might be okay, lying in his own bed instead of the one in the hospital. Eren could've stopped it, if only he had known.

At that moment, all of his emotions spilled over and his hands began shaking again, his eyes filling with tears that wet his lashes and left cool trails down his hot cheeks. He fumbled to plug Levi's phone in before curling up under the covers, surrounded by Levi's scent and curled up around Akane. He hugged her tightly, shaking and sobbing into the soft fake fur of her head. That night, he let his tears be his lullaby.


	30. •~Chapter Thirty~•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All We Are by OneRepublic will milk the feels of this chapter, trust me ;)

Listen to that ^^^ while you read; it'll milk out all the feels, I promise.

Also. Last chapter before the epilogue.

\---

Levi was released from the hospital a little over a week later. The doctors kept him for so long for tests and making sure his body was capable of functioning on its own after such a detrimental accident.

An accident. It had been an accident, Levi told Eren the second day he visited. He hadn't meant to overdose, but he had been looking for a fix.

"I'd been struggling for a while, Eren," he said softly, never looking at the brunet directly as his fingers fidgeted in his lap. "I mean, more than normal. But I didn't want to worry you, so I hid it. I thought I could fight it, but then you left and I was too weak. So I ended up doing the stupidest possible thing, but that shouldn't surprise you." He punctuated the words with a dry laugh, but Eren wasn't amused in the slightest.

Eren visited him every day for as long as he possibly could before he was kicked out, either by one of the nurses bugging him about visiting hours being over or Levi telling him he should go, that he should have better things to do than wait around a hospital all day. Eren never did. He could've gone to work, but Petra and Bertholdt said they were fine running the place until Reiner returned. He could've made plans with his friends, but he knew he'd just be a downer. His depression was starting to get the better of him again, but of course this wasn't something that got past the raven.

Alex wasn't notified of the news right away per Levi's request. He'd already ruined Eren's time with his family, already burdened Armin with finding him that night. He refused to ruin his sister's honeymoon, too. To him, it wasn't much. He wasn't anything worth racing home for, and if he'd been awake to have it his way, he would have told Eren to stay in Germany with his family for the duration of his trip.

Levi didn't allow himself to apologize to his younger companion anymore. The words "I'm sorry" were damn near meaningless and he couldn't ask Eren's forgiveness. Not this time. He didn't deserve it. He'd broken such a huge promise and he felt it was only a matter of time before Eren realized how absurd it was to stay with him.

And so on the rainy morning he was released from the hospital room, he made the decision to take this particular matter into his own hands.

Eren walked beside the man as he was wheeled toward the door. He slung his jacket around his shoulders in preparation for walking out into the end of summer, beginning of autumn rain. It was his favorite kind of weather, just cool enough to need a jacket, fresh and breezy, but not quite on the winter side yet. Sweater weather.

"Have a nice day," the nurse who escorted them out said before reentering the building. The two stood under the long overhang for a moment until the doors slid shut again.

"Ready to go?" Eren asked.

Levi gave a stiff nod. Eren so desperately wanted to hold his hand as they journeyed through the wet weather across the parking lot to his car, but with Levi's hands tucked neatly into the pockets of his vest, he got the inkling the feeling wasn't mutual. This wasn't the first time Levi had done something of the sort in the past week. He'd rarely even touched Eren, and if he had it was with reluctance, with hesitance. It was almost like he felt his touch alone would hurt Eren, but the brunet never brought it up. He in fact pretended not to notice, though the weight of it laid heavy in his chest.

Levi hadn't been so talkative, either. Any conversation was started by Eren, and with Levi's lack of input, ended fairly quickly. The younger wanted to pretend it was all in his mind and was trying to convince himself things were normal between them and that they'd return to the way they were once Levi was home again.

But he knew it was all talk and completely empty. That's why Levi's next words didn't come as much of a shock as they might've had things been normal.

"Eren, we need to talk."

The brunet gulped. They'd reached the car; Levi was tugging on his sleeve to pull him away from the driver's side door and toward the trees lining the sidewalk.

"O-okay," Eren murmured.

He followed the short man to the moderate protection of the tree nearest the car. For a long moment, Levi faced the road, away from Eren and not allowing him to see his face.

"So...talk?" Eren prompted. His stomach churned almost painfully; his heart pounded in nervous anticipation.

"Yeah..." The raven turned. His eyes, so much stormier than the storm above, lifted to Eren's, whose orbs were a bright contrast to the ominous demeanor of the storm and the yellowing of the leaves above them.

"Look," he began, voice just loud enough to reach Eren's ears over the sound of the rain. "I don't know how to do this properly. I don't even know if there is a proper way to do it. So I'm just going to say it." His next words came in such a way without any means of interruption. "I can't bear to hurt you anymore, Eren. I'm so tired of seeing so much pain in your eyes because of me. Every goddamn time I turn around, I've done something idiotic and selfish to hurt you again and I'm doing nothing but holding you back. You have so much potential that staying with something like me has held you away from and I can't stand to do that anymore. So I'm going to let you go. Go back to school, back to your family, your friends. Be happy. Let yourself breathe and live. Find something you love...and someday you'll find _someone_ you can love and who can love you completely without any setbacks or excuses. It's the least you deserve. Maybe someday you'll be able to forget about me, and you can be happy as possible. It's all I've ever wanted for you, and I've learned that I can't give that to you. So I want you to go find someone or something else that can."

Eren's heart was a hummingbird's wings, adrenaline and fear and pain and denial chasing the blood in his veins like a dog pursuing a cat. At his sides, his hands shook vigorously in tight fists. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg Levi not to do this, tell him how wrong he was and plead for him to change his mind. Even so, he could only muster up three broken words.

"You're leaving me..."

The raven didn't miss a single beat. "Don't look at it that way. I'm merely freeing you."

 _No!_ Eren's mind screamed. _No! You can't call this freedom when I haven't even been trapped! How can you think this is will help me?! How can you not love me anymore...?_

"Look...I know things haven't been easy..." he mumbled, fumbling internally for the right words while on the very edge of an anxiety attack. He was forcing back his tears. "I know I'm not the best person to be with. I-I've been trying, though...and...and I know you struggle, too...a-and I'm sorry if I haven't been good enough in trying to help you. B-but I can try harder, Levi. I can! I...I don't want...to..." He trailed off, voice much too shaky to go on without sounding unintelligible.

"You think I'm doing this because you aren't good enough?" Levi murmured. "Did you not just hear a word I said?" Eren couldn't respond. "I'm always going to be too fucked up to be worthy of loving you in the way you deserve."

"You're wrong," Eren mumbled. He forced himself to speak past his borderline violently shaking voice. "You can't think you're fucked up without thinking I am, too. If you are, then I have to be, too, or neither of us are. Because we love each other. Be-because we work together and understand each other. If...having mental issues and a shitty past makes a person fucked up, then I'm no exception."

"But you've never hurt anyone, Eren. Not like the way I have. Not in the ways or as bad as I've hurt you."

"But I know it's not on purpose, Levi! When...when you overdosed, were you deliberately thinking of bringing me pain? Or any other time you relapsed, or broke a promise? Was that your intention behind all of it? Were you...I don't know...trying to get off by hurting yourself because you knew it would hurt me, too?" His voice rose with every word, but that did not stop its tremulousness.

Finally, the ravens eyes dropped, his hardened manner faltered a bit, but just enough. "No. But I was being selfish."

"You should know by now that I don't care about that, Levi. I told you I knew this wasn't going to be easy from the very beginning, but I was willing to try and I couldn't abandon you. Wouldn't. Won't. I know what it's like to have a voice in your head telling you what all of your flaws are and telling you that you don't mean a damn thing to the world." The first tears spilled over, inevitably, but he fought past them. "I know what it's like to be weak and unable to fight them even if you know logically what you're doing is ridiculous. I-I know it isn't your fault, Levi, and that you can't always be on the winning side of the battle. It would be different if you were doing these things on purpose...but I know you're not."

Blue-gray eyes narrowed, peering up from under thick dark lashes. "How can you be sure I'm not?"

"Because I know you. I know who you are without those demons influencing you, a-and I know you wouldn't be standing here trying to break up with me for my own good if you were intentionally trying to hurt yourself to hurt me."

Levi was rendered speechless. He stared at Eren with his mouth hanging open idiotically, eyes wide. He withdrew his hands from the protection of his pockets as if he was going to move forward, but his feet remained firmly planted in the grass.

Eren used his speechlessness as an opportunity and continued. "When I look at you, Levi, I don't see a monster or someone who's fucked up and trying to hurt someone intentionally. I don't see whoever you may see in the mirror. I just see Levi. I see _you_. I see the person I've been in love with since last freaking December and...and I see the person I wanna share the rest of my life with."

Just like that, Levi's resolve crumbled to nothing more than dust to blow away in the breeze picking back up. In less than three strides, he was directly in front of the brunet, throwing his arms around his neck and kissing him so hard they staggered a bit, caught by the trunk of the tree. A mixture of tears and rain dripping down the warm skin of his face, Eren enfolded Levi into his embrace tighter and more intimate than ever before, feeling his warmth and the curves of his body fitting neatly against his own. They kissed vigorously, fervently, passionately, refusing to part for several long, intimate moments.

No words were needed as they finally pulled apart, though only by the contact of their lips. Their faces remained close, arms remained locked around each other as the rain picked up and found its way through the leaves of the trees, also dancing toward the ground every so often. Cars passed on the nearby road and they were vaguely aware of the occasional footsteps and voices in the direction of the parking lot, but paid all of those things no mind, simply reveling in each other for as long as they dared to stand out in the rain.

Eren was the one to make the decision to move.

"We should get in the car before we get sick," he murmured.

Levi merely nodded in agreement. Hand in hand, they squished through the wet grass back to the car.

"Eren," Levi murmured once inside, reaching across to smooth the brunet's damp hair from his cheek. Said man turned in question. "I know things aren't easy. I just...I don't want you to think for a second that I don't love you."

Eren took Levi's hand, removed it from his face, and placed a tender kiss on his knuckles before running his thumb soothingly across them. "The same goes for you," he said.

Their hands never parted on the entire drive back to the apartment complex. They remained locked together, resting on the center console. Even as Eren parked and shut the engine off, they didn't release their grip.

The brunet turned, studying his companion closely for a moment before leaning across to capture his lips in a warm yet chaste kiss. Their foreheads rested together as he spoke.

"You can go, Levi. I swear I'm not trying to chain you down. If...if you don't wanna be with me..."

"Don't be such a brat, Eren. I thought I made it clear that I _want_ to be with you."

"Okay..."

"I wanna stay with you. But there is...something else." He swallowed forcefully, drawing back and finding Eren's gaze again.

"Something else?" inquired the brunet, frown manifesting too easily.

Levi nodded slowly, his thumb picking up something of a pattern on the back of Eren's as he explained.

"The other day after you left for the night, the doctors gave me some news. And it wasn't good news." Eren tensed ever so slightly, his teeth automatically choosing part of his cheek to bite down on as he braced himself for said news. "They told me this overdose caused a disease," the raven continued, "specifically a blood disease that has no cure. There's treatment, of course...but even so, it's cut somewhere between 15 and 20 years off my already shortened lifespan."

"What? No," Eren said suddenly, snapping back and shaking his head fiercely in denial. "No, no, no..."

"I'm sorry, love. But you needed to know."

"But...why...?"

"Eren, I need you to know that the odds of me making it past or even to the age of fifty are very slim. So you need to make a decision."

"What do you mean? What decision?" Eren was frantic, eyes flitting back and forth between Levi's like he was trying to find the answers quicker.

"You need to decide if you're absolutely sure you want to stay with me. Because it won't be easy, and there's no doubt that you'll outlive me by a long shot. It's...it's up to you if you wanna deal with that or not, and I won't blame you or be angry if you don't."

Eren continued to shake his head. This wasn't something he'd expected, though now that he knew it, it seemed stupid not to have expected _some_ type of repercussions. Relapse and overdose wouldn't come without a price, and he knew that, he just didn't want it or what it meant to be true.

But as he stared into the eyes of the person he loved more than absolutely anything, his resolve was final.

"There's no decision, Levi. I already know my answer. I want to stay with you."

An expression of relief crossed Levi's eyes fleetingly before he nodded. He leaned toward the brunet to place a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Fifteen to twenty years, huh?" murmured Eren a bit thoughtfully.

"Yes. Maybe more, depending."

Levi watched as Eren's features twisted up a bit, his lips pursing and his eyebrows pulling together while his eyes themselves went out of focus momentarily. He could practically see the gears turning in his head and figured there may as well have been steam coming out of his ears.

"What the hell are you thinking about so hard, nerd?"

"You're..." Eren came back into focus. "...going to think I'm crazy."

The artist snorted mildly. "I already do. Tell me anyway."

"I was thinking..." Eren huffed. "We should get married," he blurted. A rosy hue immediately dusted his cheeks and snaked up to the tips of his ears. He leaned away, keeping his eyes down and biting his lip.

Levi was taken aback by the sudden suggestion. He blinked stupidly at the other while his mind attempted to process it. A fleeting image of them in tuxedos, surrounded by bright red roses and holding hands passed in his mind, causing a great eruption of butterflies.

"Are you serious?" he asked softly.

Eren gave a hesitant nod. "I want to," he mumbled. "If you do. I...I want to give you the full experience, even if we have to deal with those other things. I want to make you happy."

Suddenly, Eren found himself being flicked on the forehead.

"Oww," he grumbled, using his free hand to rub the assaulted area. "What was that for?"

"Idiot. You _do_ make me happy."

Eren's blush brightened; he covered his face as best he could with the one hand in total embarrassment. Levi found himself grinning just slightly at the flustered, adorable sight of this kid he loved. He reached out to pry his hand from his face, memorizing that beautiful rosy glow. He used the pads of his fingers to trace it, smile growing more than he'd ever consciously allow.

"So it was a dumb idea then, huh?" Eren whispered.

"I didn't say that."

"But you didn't say it wasn't."

"It wasn't."

"Then...you want to?"

"Yes, Eren. I want to."

"But?"

Levi's hand stopped short, cupping the other's chin. "But I want to do it the right way."

"Huh? What right way?"

The raven chuckled. "I'm going to be proper about it, and I'm going to ask for your mother's blessing first."

Despite Levi's hand beneath his chin, Eren's jaw literally dropped in shock. That didn't sound like Levi at all; he was never one to be traditional. This sudden - although small - change took Eren aback, though he had to admit he liked it. Liked the idea of Levi asking his mother for her blessing and being so proper. His shock quickly morphed into a full-on thousand watt smile.

"Should we go right now?" he asked, already beginning to turn to start the car again. Levi snatched his hand.

"Whoa, slow down, Eren. We have time. It's not like I'm going to be gone in a week. I need time to prepare."

"Oh. Right."

"Besides, there's something I want to show you."

As Eren cocked a questioning brow, Levi was already on the move to roll his left sleeve up. Eren immediately understood, especially as the colors and intricate, smooth lines came into view. He pulled his sleeve all the way to his elbow and held the limb out, letting the brunet get a good, long look at the new, still healing tattoo on his forearm.

Butterflies, as he'd worked on the morning before Eren departed the United States, danced up the surface of his skin along the letters of his scars. They were brilliant hues of blues, greens, turquoises, teals, and other colors of the sort. They each had a unique shape and design to them. They were surrounded by soft swirls of the same colors and were striking against the ivory shade of Levi's skin.

You could still see them, of course - the scars beneath the insects. The way they danced and fluttered up his arm, even in motionless ink, did not completely conceal the near fatal markings he'd inflicted upon himself all those moons ago. And that wasn't his intention, to cover them up completely. He still wanted to be able to see them, to know that he'd been through hell and the truth behind the origin of said markings. But the butterflies represented life, represented the choices he made to get better, and in a way they represented Eren. Not because of his relationship and his undying, unconditional love for the brat. But because Eren was the very reason his heart was still beating. He'd made that clear hundreds of times before, and he would continue to repeat it until his voice was hoarse or gone completely. Even if one day their relationship came to an end, it would still be Eren who showed him the light. That was something that would never change - nor would the scars or the tattoo. Both were physical reminders that he'd been shot down and beaten by life, but had still managed to pull himself back up. It was disgustingly cliché, but damn, was he proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter before the epilogue.


	31. •~Epilogue~•

"You ready?" stage-whispered the brunet to the raven. The two stood at the end of the sidewalk to the house of Eren's legal address, hand in hand. It had been nearly two months since Levi's overdose and since Eren made his proposal, though unofficially. Inside the house, they knew Carla awaited, oblivious as to what was about to happen.

Levi simply dipped his head in response. As they sauntered toward the front door, he couldn't help but think, _ready or not, here it goes_. There was really no backing out at that point...not that he would.

Carla opened the door just as Eren raised his hand to knock, greeting them with her motherly smile and warm honey eyes.

"You don't have to knock at your own house, silly," she chastised jokingly, reaching up to ruffle her son's already tousled hair. "Come on in."

The two took the invitation graciously, making sure to remove their shoes and shut the door in their wake before moving too far into the home. Despite having grown up in that house, Eren couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic being inside of it. He spent little time there anymore, and after today, things would change on an even more drastic level.

"I've prepared lunch," Carla said, "so I hope you're hungry."

"Thanks," Eren said, already making the decision to eat before Levi could protest. They sat down to home cooked garlic and butter pasta, one of Eren's favorites, and settled in to normal, idle chatter as they ate. Despite Eren's ever growing nervousness, Carla remained oblivious to anything out of the ordinary...

...until she was invited into the living room by Levi himself, stating they had a few important things concerning her.

"You first," he murmured to Eren. They'd taken their places on the couch while Carla resided in the recliner, gazing expectantly at them.

Feeling both giddy and as if he were about to vomit, Eren lowered himself to the floor and moved over in front of his mom. She raised her eyebrows at him, smiling lightly.

"I hope you don't kill me for this," he joked halfheartedly before scooting around on his butt and reaching back to pull his shirt over his head. The woman watched in curiosity until she saw it - the colorful, evidently new tattoo between her son's shoulder blades.

The design was a complete circle. On the left, the sun, its rays dancing away from it toward his left shoulder. On the right, a crescent moon, gently caressing the right half of the sun. Their colors, vibrant and almost life like - oranges, yellows, and subtle reds for the sun; various shades of blue for the moon - merged together almost right down the center with the tips of the moon sharing the hues of the sun and the part of the sun cradled by the moon sharing the colors of the celestial body. It was fairly simple yet very unique, and very striking.

Carla's amber eyes closely studied the exquisite artwork forever embedded on Eren's skin. It was a long while before she said anything.

"Why on earth would I want to kill you for adding something so beautiful to your body?" she inquired, reaching out to squeeze the man's shoulders lovingly.

"You like it?" Eren asked hopefully, peeking over his shoulder at her.

"Of course I do. Besides, even if I didn't, you're a man who can make his own choices. You don't need approval from anyone, even your old mom."

"Hmph, you're far from old, Mom." The brunet stood and squeezed his mother around the shoulders. Smiling proudly, she squeezed back before he crossed the room, simultaneously pulling his shirt back over his head, and took his place next to his shorter companion once more, hand automatically sliding into Levi's to squeeze.

"Your turn," he whispered, grinning a bit despite his nervousness seemingly _for_ the raven.

Levi visibly drew in a deep breath in preparation as he met Carla's eyes. The woman waited patiently, her hands folded neatly in her lap as she sensed the mild uneasiness radiating from the man, though she was still unaware of what he was about to ask her.

Surprising himself a bit, his voice rang steadily as he began speaking.

"There's something important I have to ask you," he said, addressing the woman, "if you'll allow me."

"Of course. Go right ahead."

With one last deep breath, he began.

"I'm not normally a person of tradition, but when your life is cut considerably short by bad decisions and foolish mistakes, it can snap things into perspective." He allowed a short pause to swallow. "Eren...he's saved me in more ways than I can keep track of anymore and I love him dearly. Though I know I don't deserve him, somehow he loves me too, and he's decided to put up with whatever crap will inevitably come our way in the future. There's absolutely no way I can repay the enormous debt I owe him, but that doesn't mean I won't try." Another pause. "I've...never been good at this whole formality thing, so apologies in advance for this piss-poor attempt." Levi willfully kept his eyes on Carla's and, focusing on the warmth of Eren's hand in his and how much he loved the bright eyed one at his side, let the words roll right off of his tongue.

"Carla, if you will, grant me the incredible blessing of marrying your son."

The woman's eyes were glossy with moisture before he'd even finished the question; despite this, she smiled, looking back and forth between her son and the one he loved with a great kind of bittersweet happiness in her heart. While she had expected this sometime in the future, she didn't foresee it coming so soon, nor did she anticipate being asked.

"Mom, are you okay?" Eren asked, leaning forward a bit.

"Yes," she breathed, leaning forward to snatch a tissue from the coffee table to catch her tears with. "I'm fine. I'm happy."

Eren managed to relax a bit, his own smile starting to reflect hers minus the tears. They waited a few moments for her to recollect herself; once she was finished, she met the raven's eyes again, a bit more seriously this time.

"Levi, I know you love my son. That much you don't have to tell me...nor do you have to tell me you've both been through so much in your lives. And I know he loves you, too. The last thing I want to do is sit here and give you a lecture about the commitment of marriage, especially because I'm sure you already understand that. There's nothing I can say to you, though as much as I'd like to be able to, that will prepare you for this journey. You'll have to learn by experience. I just want you to remember to love and trust each other, because again, as I'm sure you know, it isn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows." This cracked smiles from both the men on the couch. "That said, I'm going to trust your judgement that you're ready for this commitment." This was directed more toward Eren. He gave her a small nod; she could see the stubborn set of his jaw and the solid determination in his eyes, so much like his father's. With that, she relaxed again, turning her attention back toward Levi. "You have my blessing."

Confetti didn't fly and cheers didn't erupt, but many hugs were shared, accompanied by more tears, mostly from Carla. Eren hugged her tightly for a long while, knowing he'd feel his own kind of bittersweet happiness once he let go. She, too, still held it inside of her - so immensely happy her son had found someone to love, who loved him, to make him happy; yet sad in ways because he clearly wasn't her little boy anymore...wasn't the same person she'd watched grow up and raised. At the same time, he wasn't the same person she'd watched fall into depression for so long. He was a man, and he'd found happiness.

They departed not long after 'thank you's and 'I love you's and Carla promising to help with anything they needed.

As they strolled down the front sidewalk toward Eren's car, Levi couldn't help think about how much had changed in less than a year. Not ten months ago, he'd been alone and struggling, unspokenly waiting for the day of his demise but convincing himself he was too weak to bring it upon himself. And then this stubborn, adorable, bright-eyed brat walked in and totally and completely changed everything, from the condition of his life to his very perception on the world.

It was still a daily struggle. Very rarely did a day go by where he didn't think of shooting up, or have some kind of reminder of his hellish past - be it his aunt, his little sister, any of the people he lost, or the shitty things in between. Pain was inevitable. Truth was inevitable, and with the truth would come pain more times than desired. Still, it was bearable. Levi had fought so hard and won the better, bigger parts of his battle. Of course, he was still fighting, but there was almost no doubt in his mind that he would survive, that he would win against his demons nine times out of ten.

And it was because of Eren. When everything came right down to it in the end, Levi had to make a decision - between the monster that had infected his life for a hellish, long eight years or this lovable, beautiful, dorky nerd he adored so much. The demons might've been strong and nearly overpowering at times, but Levi had already made his decision.

It was Eren.

It would always be Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, was that a cliche anime-like ending or what? But if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have kept it that way.
> 
> Yes, this is _technically_ the end of the story. That probably makes me sadder than it does you; I've had so much fun with this fic and interacting with you guys and all that jazz. BUT! Good news! I'm working on bonus chapters! They're still in production/beta but they're a definite thing. I'm not yet sure if I'll post them here or if I'll strictly keep them on wattpad; if I do that, I'll definitely link you guys to it (and as far as I know you don't have to have an account to read things on wattpad, but you do if you want to vote or comment on anything).
> 
> I'm always open to requests and whatnot, and I'll still be working on my other fics c:
> 
> Also, I posted [Fun Facts and Trivia](https://www.wattpad.com/298375511-crack-of-sunlight-ereri-riren-fun-facts-trivia)  
> and [visuals of Alex](https://www.wattpad.com/347692365-crack-of-sunlight-ereri-riren-alex) on Wattpad, if you wanna check that out~
> 
> Lastly, thank you guys for all the love on this - I've received so many wonderful comments and even some messages about this fic and ugh, I've said this before but I never imagined it'd get as popular as it is now.
> 
> Thanks so much, lovelies~♥


	32. Bonus Chapters!

Heyy, I just wanted to let you guys know that the bonus chapters I mentioned in a previous part for this fic have been posted over on wattpad! You can find them [here](https://www.wattpad.com/story/105188594-swing-life-away)! Thank you all so much, and have a wonderful day! ♥


End file.
